Why Don't I Like Girls Anymore?

35

Tuesday 15th April

9a.m.

Jay was home again really late last night.

He was still fast asleep when I woke up at seven thirty, looking tired and almost ill. There were dark circles under his eyes and he seemed so small and fragile, lying halfway under the covers.

I took my school uniform into the bathroom, not wanting to risk getting changed in front of him.

I think it's better that he stays out god-knows-where all night because it means less chance of him being awake when I am and he'll be out by the time I get home.

It makes it easier for me to avoid him.

Now I'm in tutor and the bell's about to go.

Talk to you in break probably...

11:15a.m.

It's inexplicably lonely when I don't have Julian to talk to anymore.

It's not that he's ignoring me, it's just that he's being too polite, too civil to be my Julian.

It's like he's been replaced with some poor resemblance of him, something like a robot.

Conversation is now kept to small talk and it's killing me.

I want Julian back the way he was.

I guess I don't deserve that anymore.

1:30p.m.

With nowhere else to go, I'm in the manga crew's lunch room again.

It's an unused classroom that they've unofficially made their own.

I need decent conversation, seeming as I don't have Julian to talk to anymore.

Losing my best friend has begun to take its toll.

But I guess it's got beyond the point that we could be just friends again: now it's all or nothing.

If I choose him we'll be a couple again and if I don't...

I really don't expect him to be just friends with me again. It would hurt too much for him to just be friends with someone who rejected him.

It just won't be the same anymore whichever decision I make, that much I know.

2:15p.m.

I'm so bored that I've resorted to doing homework earlier than I need to.

The manga crew did ask me to go to the cinema with them again and I accepted.

Anything to get out of Jay's way.

Chloe is reading as per usual, but this time she doesn't seem so uptight and shy. For once the emotion is showing on her face as she reads. Surprise, humoured, happy, upset...

She doesn't care what I think of her anymore, she's not so guarded. I think that's a good thing.

Well, I better get this maths out of the way before the bell rings...

5p.m.

Jay's still in the house. What joy.

Mum insisted that he stayed for dinner.

I'm going to the cinema after dinner, hopefully Jay will be going out too.

6:15p.m.

Oh god.

I'm taking Jay with me. To the cinema. Where my friends will be.

My mum brought it up over dinner.

"Simon, if you're going to the cinema you should take Jay. He's our guest here, you should show some courtesy."

Oh, so I should show some courtesy?

He was the one who came onto me.

I didn't say this for fear of death via embarrassment, but I didn't think it fair all the same.

All I did was give in eventually, not wanting to be awkward about it in front of mum and Katie.

It seems that Jay was destined to meet the manga crew.

I'm sure they'll like him.

In fact, Jess and Jade will probably be all over him.

Chloe will either avoid him or tolerate him.

Clara? Who knows.

It's the bus trip alone with him there and back that's scaring me.

I don't want to have to be alone with him.

Anyway, to getting the first bus journey out of the way.

6:30p.m.

What luck!

The bus was really full when we got on and there was only three seats left all far away from each-other. I got the one up at the back of the bus so I was efficiently distanced from Jay.

This gives me time to vent into my diary.

It's the only person I can talk to anymore, even if it isn't truly a person. I like to think it listens to me somewhat.

The bus is pulling up to the cinema, I wish I could make a dash for it and leave Jay on the bus, but that would be leaning from cowardice to outright cruelty.

I may as well get off slowly and let him follow me.

I can see the others outside of the cinema, waiting for me and my unexpected guest.

All... five of them?

Why is Julian at the cinema?!

Nobody told me he was going!

I can sense that something awkward and excruciating is about to happen...
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry for its shortness :/

I'm starting 36 right after posting this :)