Why Don't I Like Girls Anymore?

10p.m.

Well, the cinema trip was awkward to say the least.

(If you can't tell... that was a massive understatement.)

I was more than tempted to ditch Jay at that point, but he had seen the cinema sign and was already getting off the bus by himself. I had no choice but to follow.

Jay waited for me by the bus stop, staring at me unashamedly.

He was acting as if nothing had even happened.

In fact, he hadn't been acting embarrassed at all since the whole incident last night.

Anyway, he waited until I had caught up and then we set off over the road to the cinema together.

He walked slowly, giving me plenty of time to walk over to everyone first with him trailing behind. I think he didn't want to be seen before me.

Julian saw me first and a smile lit up his face, but the with the sight of Jay it peeled away to a look of confusion and suspicion.

He hadn't seen Jay up until now.

But he could tell it was Jay, I just knew it by the expression on his face.

The others had never met Jay either.

"Erm... everyone... this is Jay, my step-brother." I said slowly, putting emphasis on 'step-brother.'

"Hi." Jay waved self-consciously at all of my friends who were either staring at him or, in Julian's case, looking away from him determinedly.

Clara decided to take control of the situation.

"Hey Jay, didn't know you were coming but it's a nice surprise. I'm Clara, this is Chloe, this Is Jade..." Everyone reacted respectively to their name being called, all except for Julian. He was already walking to the cinema, not bothering to wait for us.

Jess followed him like a puppy and eventually the rest of us trailed after. Jay kept to the back, where Clara had officially taken over looking after him.

I'm lucky to know practical-minded people like Clara.

I was left with Jade and Chloe which I didn't mind at all.

It almost struck me as funny that none of them knew about the relationship drama going on right under their noses.

Also that none of the girls in the group had anything to do with it.

At the time I was too terrified to think of anything as funny.

Buying tickets and food went quite smoothly, everyone sticking to their comfortable groups: Julian and Jess, Clara and Jay and then me, Jade and Chloe left over.

I've never seen Julian look so despondent before.

The one time I saw him looking at Jay his fists were clenched and the anger was evident on his face, yet he said and did nothing towards Jay.

From the look on his face, it must have been using up all of his self-restraint.

Jess was puzzled by his bad mood too, forever trying and failing to cheer him up with endless pathetic jokes and obvious compliments.

I hated seeing Julian like that, anything but happy.

It was all my fault too.

Jay wasn't looking much happier, but Jay rarely looks that happy.

This time he seemed more desolate than usual though, making a serious effort not to make any kind of contact with Julian. I think anyone would behave like that if they'd seen Julian looking so angry.

He was still talking though, making polite conversation with Clara and now Jade, who had left me and Chloe. She was obviously interested in the good looking step-brother.

After a while the theatre we were going to sit in opened and we all went in to sit down.

I was hoping to bag a seat between two of the girls, but I could see it would be more complicated than that.

Julian had gone to the bathroom, which meant he would be sitting on the end.

And who was sitting two seats away from the end?

Jay.

Which meant I would have to sit in-between them.

I dawdled at the door, not knowing what to do; not wanting to accept the situation I had landed myself in.

Clara waved at me.

"Aren't you going to sit down?"

Not wanting to look like I was completely thick, I sat down next to Jay and our hands accidentally touched. I pulled my arm away like it had been hit by lightening.

One simple touch made me feel like I had been hit by lightening.

Julian then came into the theatre and stopped dead, in the exact spot that I had, when he realised where he had to sit.

He regained his cool a lot more quickly than I had and sat down.

I didn't know how to act, what to say, how to breathe.

I didn't want to pay attention to one of them and not the other.

The situation was way too delicate for me to try and resolve without messing up and breaking it.

So we all sat there, silently, the tension edible.

We sat through the adverts and previews, through the movie and until the credits.

I hardly moved a muscle for two hours.

Needless to say, when I got up I felt pretty numb. My legs had fallen asleep and my muscles were aching when I finally moved them.

Then I got a bit dizzy and, clumsy person that I am, I nearly fell over.

Fortunately there were cinema seats in front of me to grab onto.

Unfortunately both Julian and Jay made a grab for me at the same time, both trying to come to my rescue.

I felt Julian's arms around my stomach and Jay's around my waist.

All four arms stayed there, even when I had gotten up and was clearly fine.

I kept looking from Julian to Jay and back again like I was watching the tensest tennis match of my life.

Neither of them wanted to let me go, they were both standing their ground.

Their eyes were locked and their faces mutually murderous, their arms tight around me.

If they were two lions fighting over a piece of meat I would have been ripped to shreds by now.

The girls watched on, everyone but Clara completely confused as to what was going on.

Clara simply turned around (she had been sitting the other side of Jay) and ushered them out of the other side of the cinema. She sensed that I didn't want witnesses to this.

I simply stood there, squashed between them, fireworks of fear going off in my head and fireworks of something completely different going off in my body...

"What do you think you're doing?" Julian was the first to speak, his voice injected with venom and hostility.

"I was helping him up." Jay's voice was just as vicious, though I could sense the anxiety slightly behind it. He obviously wasn't comfortable with the situation at all.

"Well, get off, I'm the one who helps him up." Julian snapped back, a deeper meaning evident behind his words. He was addressing himself as my boyfriend, something Jay wasn't.

"Oh, and you're doing a great job of it." Jay answered, his voice low and angry.

I wanted out and quickly.

It was a crying shame that Clara, the natural pacifier, was out of sight at that point. She was probably keeping the others occupied so they weren't tempted to interrupt us.

I was surprised that they were both acting this way.

Julian was far too laid back a person to act this way, but I guess this was an unusual situation so he wasn't acting like himself.

Jay didn't seem like the confrontational type either but, now I think about how he was when I first met him, I'm not all that surprised. I just hadn't seen that fighting side of him for such a long time, he had been acting so defeated until then.

The tension was no longer just edible, I was chocking on it.

The arms were wrapping tighter around me, boa constrictors not wanting to let go of their newfound pray.

I just stood there, my head lowered, listening to them argue over me.

"I'm doing a better job of it than you ever could." Julian snapped and Jay scoffed.

"You already had him, yet you're losing him now. It's obvious who he wants more." Jay's final words were practically whispered, but said with the most venom.

I felt Julian's muscles seize with anger, but he didn't say anything back.

Instead he let go, arms brushing against me, and stormed out.

Jay didn't let go and when I looked at him he was smiling at me.

He thought he had won.

Then I wanted him to realize that it wasn't his choice, it was mine.

I had a right to choose myself.

I quickly brought my own arms up over his and pushed him away.

I too, stormed out, Jay following me anxiously.

Julian had already left by the time I was out of the theatre and Jay caught up with me.

"He didn't even bother to stick around." He said, victory lacing his voice like cyanide.

The girls were still there, all peering at us, and I didn't have any desire to chat to them anymore.

I just said my goodbyes on the way out, Jay still following me.

This couldn't have gone worse.

Julian was even more mad at me and Jay was sure that I was his.

Jay said nothing on the bus trip back (we sat next to each-other unfortunately because the bus was practically empty) but I could sense the arrogant superiority still emanating from his every pore.

When we got to our stop he suddenly turned back to his secretive, shy self.

"I'm not going home just yet. I need to go somewhere." he said before walking off.

I was glad to be shot of him, even if I did watch his back until he had completely disappeared into the night.

Mum didn't ask any questions when I got back in (my face must have looked murderous too at that point.)

I hope that Jay just doesn't come back now.

Everything would be much less complicated.

This doesn't stop me wondering where he goes until late into the night.

Has he found some kind of club to get into?

A druggies circle?

Some other guy he's pining after?

Who knows.

I'm just going to go to bed.

This has all tired me out more than you could believe.