And I Would Walk Five-Hundred Miles

I flicked on the lights of the flat when we entered. Micah closed the door behind him as I flung myself onto the couch. A few silent moments passed as I laid unmoving.

“Do you plan on moving from there any time soon?” Micah asked.

“Nuh-uh,” I replied and twisted my body to face the back of the couch. I heard him softly chuckle and my legs were lifted up. I felt the other end of the couch sag down and my legs came into contact with his lap. Then I heard the sound of the television slowly crescendo into mindless babble about the history of the computer, and ever so slowly, I felt myself fall into a deep slumber.

*

I felt myself flying in the dark, surrounded by a pleasant musky scent: Micah’s scent. I wasn’t flying for too long; I made contact with softness again. I felt warmth envelop me. He held me tenderly and kissed my cheek, and as quickly as it had begun, it ended.

*

I was walking through the crowded streets of my old home town. I looked to my left to see Micah looking at me smiling. He walked up and started to speak, placing a hand on my shoulder, but I couldn’t hear him. Then I felt my fingers twining with someone else’s. I looked to my right to see Dan. He smiled and leaned in, kissing me on the lips so gently. I felt my heart flutter madly and electricity bolt through my nervous system.
I felt like I had never felt before. Was I in…no. There is no possibility of that. I turned to Micah and gave him a questioning glance, but he just smiled, taking his hand off my shoulder, and placing my free hand into Dan’s other hand. He just smiled, and…

***

The smell of pancakes wafted through the air, waking me, and my stomach, up. Then warmth. Sweet warmth came over me making me smile automatically.

“Lydia, wake up. It’s breakfast time.”

I groan and blindly move my face around until I find the crook of his neck, and situate my head there.

“Come on, Lydia,” He shook my body slightly, “Get up, love.”

I shook my head, and he chuckled softly. All of the sudden, my head fell from its position as he got up from the bed. I instantly curled back up with the pillow I had been holding earlier; well that was the plan anyways.

I felt my body being scooped up and I felt pressure on my abdomen. I opened my eyes to see I was being carried to the kitchen. The cold was annoying, and I shivered against his bony shoulder. Finally, I was set down in my chair, a steaming plate of pancakes in front of me. I ate slowly, savoring each bite. Silence passed as we ate. The only noise was that of forks and knives hitting their plates. Once I was done eating, I went straight to take a shower.

The feeling of water cascading down my skin was amazing, and it woke me up completely.
Once I was done with my shower, I toweled off, got dressed, and threw my wet hair into a pony tail. I walked out of the bathroom and quickly put on my shoes. Micah was already dressed, so I grabbed the house keys, and we were headed to the door when Micah said, “Dan called. He said for both of us to bring a change of clothes.”

I pointed to the clothes I had on.

“No, he said another one. He didn’t explain why, but yeah.”

I sighed and picked up a random t-shirt and a jacket. I shoved it into my bag along with Micah’s other shirt. Then we went off to the theatre.

***

The show turned out to be a hit. The audience was laughing insanely all though the show. The kiss was the most intense yet. It almost got a little bit too hot for the audience. But I could feel myself wanting to get carried away. I’m not completely sure if my dream had anything to do with it, but it might have helped. We had to do four curtain calls. Dan and I got a standing ovation, and I could hear Micah cheer me on the entire time. Once we got to finally change our clothes, things got interesting…

As I pulled my pants up, a knock came at my door. I buttoned my pants and pulled up the zipper. With one last look in the mirror, I opened up the door.

“Lydia,” Dan said almost breathless.

“Daniel,” I responded back.

“You were amazing,” he said with this goofy grin that made the ends of my mouth dart upward.

“Right back at you, love. You were phenomenal,” I said feeling suddenly very self conscious.

His smile suddenly changed though, and he said in a more serious tone, “Lydia, I’ve been meaning to ask you something… Would you mind if I came in?”

I looked back into my dressing room and figured it wouldn’t do much harm.

“Sure.” And with that I opened up the door, letting him in.

“Lydia, about yesterday-”

“It’s okay.”

He looked up and said, “No, it is not. I really want to respect you.” He paused for a moment, looking at me up and down. Then he inhaled deeply and after a pause, he said, “I want to respect your feelings for Micah and that situation. I know you love him. But you’re just so beautiful; it’s difficult for me to keep control.”

I smiled, rolling my eyes. “How many girls have you used that on?” I muttered under my breath.

“Absolutely zero. I know those rubbish tabloids print things about me loving groupies and all the attention, and I do like that women find me attractive. But, Lydia,” he paused. I stared at him and said, “But what?”

“You are the one I find the most attractive.” And with that, Daniel Radcliffe took my face into his hands and pressed his soft lips onto my own. Within seconds, he had me clutched to his body, as if I were magnetized. We were kissing, but this time, despite everything I had gone through with Micah, I wanted to kiss him. I felt no remorse at all. I didn’t feel guilty that I was kissing this man I had met days ago in my dressing room. I wanted the chemistry and the attraction. I had never felt like that before. Every nerve in my body was on fire, and I could picture the cliché fireworks in my mind. For some reason, this kiss was different from every kiss Dan had given me prior to this.

We broke apart, and he quickly said, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. Here I am apologizing for yesterday, and I go and do it again.”

“Daniel, it’s-,” I inhaled deeply, contemplating if I was actually going to admit it was something I enjoyed. I said, “-it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I know how you feel about Micah, but it’s so hard for me to put my feelings aside.”

“Dan,” I sighed, “I honestly don’t know what I want. Here I am convinced that I’m in love with Micah, that he and I are destined to be with each other and in love. Then I have you, and honestly Daniel, your kisses are,” I paused for a second.

“Are…?”

“The most amazing kisses I have ever experienced in my lifetime. They make me feel like I’ve never felt before. Dan, I want so badly to know who I’m meant for, but I don’t know.” And my eyes started to tear up. “And now, I’m crying again. Great.”

Surprisingly enough, he cracked a smile and wiped away my tears with a delicate touch. He wrapped his arms around my body and brushed his lips on mine, giving me goose bumps. He started to laugh and hugged me tightly.

“I give you goose bumps, eh?” he asked with a devious smile. I nodded weakly. The pressure on my body let go, but with his arms still about me, he breathed into my ear, “I know you’re not sure what you want right now, but when you do decide, whatever you decide, I’ll be here waiting for you.” Then he tilted my chin up, and he kissed me softly, sending the charges through my veins. He released me and walked to the door.

“I will see you tomorrow at the premiere, love. Goodbye.”

And with a quick peck on my lips, he left, taking a piece of my heart with him….

How the hell was I going to explain that to Micah?

Micah….

I collected my things and headed out the door of the dressing room. I rushed to the stage to see him standing there with a bouquet of roses in his hands. The theatre was empty except for us.

“Lydia, you were breathtaking,” he said smiling. He scooped me into a hug, and tightly squeezed my body.

I felt dirty.

I weakly smiled and said, “Thank you,” accepting the roses from him.

Then he did the unthinkable.

He just looked at me, and his demeanor changed. Gone was the sweet high school boy I knew. In his place was someone else.

He took the roses and my bag from my hands and threw it on the floor of the empty wing. He looked at me for a second, put his hands on either side of my face, and pulled me towards him.

And our lips, Micah and my lips, connected in that dark, cold wing.

And I felt... nothing.

There were no cliché fireworks. There was no choir of cherubs singing, “Hallelujah!” There was no magic.

But I went with it.

I deepened the kiss, hoping, maybe, that I would get a bit more into it. And eventually, I started to enjoy it, or at least I tried. Hell, I had been waiting for this moment for nine years, right?

But I knew in my heart I couldn’t, so I pushed myself away, pulled the house keys out of my pocket, put them in Micah’s hand while he looked at me with this bewildered face, picked up the bag leaving the roses on the floor.

And I ran.