And I Would Walk Five-Hundred Miles

One thing that I believe everyone- or at least everyone who has had a best friend of the opposite sex whom they’ve ever been attracted to- will agree with me on is that whenever you’re in that person’s arms, no matter how long you’ve been separated, it will feel as if the world has somehow righted itself for the brief moment you’re there.

Being in Micah’s arms feels like that.

We stood at the terminal, for God knows how long, just holding each other. Something overcame me, and I couldn’t stop whispering, “I love you,” “I love you so much,” “I missed you insanely,” over and over in his ear. Tears were streaming from my eyes. I was so overwhelmed. Every touch felt strange. My skin felt hypersensitive. He smelled amazing, deliciously musky: his scent.

The final time we were just about to break apart, he placed his lips delicately just under my ear, kissed it and then brushed his lips on my ear as he muttered, “Don’t ever leave me.”

Any innocent bystander would think we were a loving couple who had been separated, not just best friends.

But we are just best friends, and that’s the sad fact of life.

We started to walk to baggage claim, arms hooked together, while he told me about his flight over. The movies were okay, the food was decent, and he got some sleep, so he was pleasantly surprised. He was smiling brightly as he got his luggage, and when he hailed the taxi, I thought his smile was going to rip his face apart.

“Why are you so happy?” I laughed.

He shrugged, smiling that infectious smile of his.

“I’m just happy to see you again.”

I smiled and shook my head. He seemed to get friendlier with every time we saw each other. I felt myself swell with happiness.

Like I had aforementioned, we had been through a lot in the time between his last visit and now. Let’s just say that those months prior to his visit weren’t so nice….

***

“I’m back with Bella again.”

I felt my heart fall seventeen stories and swallowed a forced gulp. Impossible. Why on God’s green earth would he go back to a girl who ripped him apart, made him angry, and cheated on him? Why would he go back and put himself in a situation he knew would make him miserable? Why would he endure her constant bitching, her bipolar manner, her mind games, and her incessant use of his hard earned money?

He’d put up with it because you said no to him when he visited.

“Lydia? Are you still on the line?”

“Oh,” I said, snapping back into reality, “Yeah, I’m here. I’m just a little-”

“Shocked?”

“No. I’m just-”

“Surprised?”

“That’s the same thing. I’m-”

“Then what?”

“Will you let me finish?” I sighed, with a hint of annoyance in my voice. “I’m just… upset.”

There was a pause on the other line until he said with an air of guilt in his voice, “Why are you upset?”

I sighed once more and quietly muttered, “She’s hurt you so many times before, Micah. All she does is play with your mind. You know I’m telling you the truth. You’ve been on and off with her for so long now. You’re always miserable with her, and then you come to me complaining that she’s not worth it. Then why do you put up with it, Micah? Why do you deal with her? You know she doesn’t love you. She says it, but she doesn’t mean it, at least not the way it really should be meant.”

There was silence on the other line until I barely heard him say, “I know.”

I was slightly surprised by his admission but said, “Then?”

“I don’t know, Lydia. Listen, I have to go. Bella’s calling me.”

That last sentence had a hint of sorrow, annoyance, and guilt running through it. He knew I was right.

I sighed and said, “Goodnight, Micah. Take care. You know you have me if you ever need me.”

“I know, Lydia. I know it’s not nighttime over here, but Goodnight and sweet dreams. Take care… I love you.”

“I love you so much, Micah. Bye.”

“Goodbye.”

And with that, he hung up.

*

“Dan kind of asked me to be his girlfriend…”

Dead silence was all that was heard for several moments until…

“What…?”

“Dan asked me to be his girlfriend, Micah.”

“No, I heard that, I’m just…”

“Shocked?” I finished the sentence for him.

“No, I’m not shocked. I knew he liked you ever since he met you. I’m just surprised it- I mean, any man is stupid not to see what an amazing girl you are. I’m just surprised it took him this long to see that.”

Part of me wanted to grab him and shake him. What did he mean by, “Any man is stupid not to see what an amazing girl you are”? Why hadn’t he already realized that fact yet?

Isn’t it enough proof to you now that he has?

Bullshit. Then why didn’t he ask me out a long time ago if I’m so damn amazing?

Maybe he didn’t want to ruin the friendship.

Oh, and being with Bella wasn’t straining the relationship as of right now?

“Lydia, are you still there?”

I snapped back into reality, “Yeah, yeah…”

“So… Dan? Of all people, a celebrity…”

“That’s not why I’m with him, Micah.”

“Then why?”

“Because…”

“Because what, Lydia? Don’t you realize you will be followed by paparazzi? Fan girls will hate you.”

“I don’t care what fan girls think…”

“You will have no privacy, Lydia.”

“I doubt it will be that bad, Micah. Besides, I really do like him.”

“It’s lust, Lydia.”

“Oh, that’s rich, considering that’s exactly what your and Bella’s relationship revolves around.”

“Please, let’s not start with that, Lyd. I really am not in the mood to talk about her.”

“She cheats on you constantly, Micah. You are always complaining about her being a whore. She brings negative attention to you. Everyone and their mother knows about your relationship due to myspace and facebook!”

“The subject is closed,” he growled through obviously gritted teeth. “Why do you want to date him, Lydia? Of all people, why him?”

“Micah, maybe it’s because he’s actually a good person who seems to care about me more that most guys ever have.”

I could tell he was taken aback by my accusation and then challenged me, growling out, “That’s funny. I can come up with a couple of other guys that care about you.”

“Really? Please, tell me. Enlighten me,” I said, letting sarcasm seethe through every vitriolic word I spoke.

“Let’s see, you’re father-”

“Family doesn’t count.”

“Okay then, Greg-"

“He cares about my business for his store, and sure we hang out occasionally, but he’s an acquaintance!”

“Fine. There’s Derek.”

“My ex? Ha! Derek hated me after I broke up with him.”

“That’s because he cared.”

“If he cared so much, he should have left me alone.”

“There’s me!”

There was a pause. Neither of us spoke.

“That’s different,” I breathed.

“Is it, Lydia? Is it so monumentally different? I care about you. I love you-”

“As a friend,” I cut him short.

There was another pause. Until I quietly muttered, “I just called you to let you know that I am now with someone I’ve longed to be with, and here you are, criticizing me for it.”

“God almighty, Lydia Fassbender, he can never love you as much as you need to be loved!”

“Then who can, Micah Leon? Who can?”

He sighed.

“It’s getting late, and Dan and I are going out tonight. I’m sorry things worked out this way, but I’m happy. And I thought you of all people would understand that. I have to go. Goodbye.”

“I love you, Lydia. Goodbye.”

I stared at my phone as I hung up.

What was that supposed to mean?

The next day, he called me.

“I ended it.”

“Wow,” I said, at a loss for words.

“Yeah.”

“Did she cheat on you again?” I said, figuring, like always, that was the reason why he ended it.

“No, I told myself I couldn’t keep kidding myself. I was with her for comfort. I never loved her.”
This did fully shock me. Comfort? How comforting was she in the first place?

“Wow,” I repeated, “Well, I guess congratulations are in order. The sheep escaped the wolf after all.”

He chuckled slightly and said, “I’m no sleep. That’s a pussy animal.”

“My point exactly,” I giggled.

“Hey! You shut the hell up.”

“I Love you,” I chuckled out, realizing that what I had just said was ridiculously impulsive.

“I love you, too,” he softly and slowly breathed out, a smile tainting his tone.

*

Dan and I had been on the rocks for about a month when he broke the news to me that he thought that maybe we weren’t just cut out for each other.

“Ah, Lydia, my love, this has long been coming, hasn’t it?”

I was silent. It had been coming. I could see it. It wasn’t that Daniel wasn’t a good boyfriend. God, no. That man was so attentive, so affectionate. He knew when to give me space; he knew just how to kiss me to drive me mad. He knew how to please me. Our conversations lacked, though. We had a connection, but it wasn’t deep. It was almost like a casual friendship, but with a title and heated make-out sessions included. I sighed and looked at him and nodded. He stepped close to me and pulled me into his arms, hugging me.

“It’s for the best, love,” he said.

I sighed and could feel a tear slide down my cheek. It was for the best. Who were we to kid ourselves and make this out to be more than it really was?

“For what it’s worth, Dan, you were the best boyfriend I’ve ever had,” I sighed.

He smiled softly and said, “Lydia, I can never love you as much as you deserve to be loved. There’s someone out there who loves you more than fathomable. You deserve him. You deserve the best.”

I smiled a sad smile and nodded. I knew he was talking about… him.

“Lydia, you have to make amends with Micah. He really does care about you.”

“You broke up with me over Micah?” I said, almost taken aback and certainly hurt.

“Lydia, he could love in ways that I could never comprehend. I wish I could speak about you with as much reverence as he does… Lydia, he’s your soul mate.”

When Micah found out, he comforted me as I cried and told him that I would never find the right guy. He was surprisingly kind and said Dan had done the right thing by not leading me along. He also said that if he were there, he would give me the biggest hug ever and not to worry too much: he would be coming to visit soon enough. I left out the soul mate part. I didn’t think that would help me.

***

I hugged him, breathing in every molecule of his cologne. When the taxi stopped at my flat, he was happy to see almost nothing had changed about my Warhol-y living room. As he unpacked his suitcase, he tossed me a turquoise box wrapped in a white bow.

“Tiffany?” I exclaimed, knowing how expensive their jewelry was.

He smiled, lifting himself from the suitcase, and said, “Happy Birthday, Lydia.” He pulled me into another embrace, kissing my forehead.

“Micah, this must have been so much money! I can’t accept this,” I said, handing it back to him.

“No, I want you to have it. Open it. I want to see if you like it.”

“But-”

“No buts. I don’t mind spending the money on you. It’s not every day you turn 22.”

“But-”

“Open it.”

I reluctantly opened the box to find a long, white gold chain with a diamond hanging from it. I gasped, “Micah, this is stunning, but I really can’t accept it. This must have cost you over two thousand dollars!”

He smiled and took it from the box. He placed the box on the coffee table and spun me around to hook it around my neck. I tried to keep him from clasping it onto my neck, pleading him to take it back. He chucked and pushed my arms down, all from behind me, and then did something completely out of left field.

He hugged me from behind, sending my heart into a frenzy, only to drag his nose up the back of my neck to the hollow of my ear. He lingered there and kissed it. I shivered as he said, “I will spend as much money on you as I please, when I please. I wanted this to be the best birthday you’ve ever had. I will make it that way if you let me.”

I stood there stiff as a board and then after some time nodded.

“Good girl,” he said as he spun me around. “Now, I actually have to meet Dan for something.”

Yeah, ironically enough, those two were best of friends now. Dan and Micah had bonded and actually talked a lot, so I guess it worked out to my advantage that they all got along. Considering now Dan and I were close friends, I guess it just worked out better that way.

“Okay, I said. Tell him I say hello. Just don’t make it too long.”

He smiled at that and I quietly continued, “I want to get to spend some time with you.”

He pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek as he walked out the door calling, “We’ll have plenty of time, love.”