And I Would Walk Five-Hundred Miles

We got bus passes and went to the museum. We saw so many interesting artifacts, ones that I had seen a few times before, but seeing it with Micah restored the novelty of it all. We saw mummies, artifacts from Aztec digs, Japanese Buddha statues, crystal skulls, and a bunch of other interesting things. After we finished at the museum, we went to eat fish and chips at a local restaurant. Right as we were paying, my cell phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Lydia,” came Mr. Holloway’s voice on the other line, “I’m ever so sorry to be bothering you on your holiday, but I was wondering if you could stop by the theatre.”

“Is there anything wrong?” I asked because, honestly, I was sick of the desperate attempts of the leads Cheryl and Austin to croak out the notes of “Horse-Ridden Love”. Quite frankly, they sucked. They were pretty good stage actors, but they couldn’t sing their way out of a cardboard box.

“Yes, Cheryl and Austin just left the country.”

“What?!?!” I almost choked on the ice cube I had been chewing on.

“Yes, they just left to get married in Las Vegas.”

“Vegas? But why the bloody hell would they do that? Opening night is two days away!”

“Exactly, I need you to come by and watch us perform with the understudies. I need your opinion, and your boyfriend can come too.”

“Mr. Holloway, he’s-”

“I’ll see you in 15 minutes.”

“Yes, Mr. Holloway,” I said, and my defeated voice got Micah’s attention. I hung up the phone and he said, “Please don’t tell me that was work,” as he got the receipt and change and started to get up.

“Fine, then just come with me,” I said as he grabbed my hand to help me out of the booth we had been sitting in. We walked hand-in-hand down the street as I dragged him to the theatre district. Luckily, it wasn’t too far from the museum, so it wasn’t a long trek. As we walked down the streets, Micah’s hand just got tighter around mine. Finally, after about ten minutes of walking, I waltzed through the stage door, Micah in hand.

“Lydia, we’re changing! Do you mind?”

“Sorry, Suzette,” I said over my shoulder as I walked Micah out on stage.

“Lydia,” I heard Mr. Holloway call from the house, “stay there. I want you to say the line ‘Alan, I’m ready; are you?’ It’s the second act. I need you to show you understudy for Jill how it’s done. Whenever you’re ready, go, but don’t move until then. That goes for both or you. And you, mate of Lydia, come to the house and sit next to me.”

With that, Micah spastically darted from my side and leapt off the stage.

“Ready? Scene!”

“Okay,” I said. I couldn’t see Mr. Holloway at all. The lights were dark, and I couldn’t see past the edge of the stage. When I looked out onto the stage, I saw a boy in one of the body suits we had made for the play. They were actually quite funny if I do say so myself because I came up with the idea: nude body suits with hard black felt sewn over breast and genitals that say “censored” on the front, and a smiley face over the butts. Leave it to my imagination to make body suits that much funnier. I cracked up slightly at the sight of the smiley face, but I quickly regained my composure and said nervously, “Alan… I’m ready.” I paused for some effect and continued, stepping from my spot and wrapping my arms around me as if I was nude, cold, and in a noisy stable. “Are you?”

“I-I don’t-,” he paused, and I stepped a few more paces forward. I felt my breath get haggard because I knew I’d know his voice anywhere. It was the voice of an actor I had dreamt of meeting, and seducing, when I got older, but at that moment, I was concentrating on not barfing from nervousness because I knew I’d have to do something in the next few minutes.

Why oh why this scene, Holloway? Why?

“Yes, I’m ready.” His voice snapped me back into reality, and I stepped forward some more. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him to me. As soon as I saw him, my heart stopped pounding and I got into the zone. I was Jill, and he was Alan. And Micah, you ask? Micah was not there anymore. It was just me and Daniel Radcliffe out on that stage. I took his face in my hands and gently caressed the sides of his face, and he wrapped his arms around me nervously.

“Are you sure?” I asked pressing myself closer to him as I imagined Jill would.

“Yes, positive.” And with that, he separated from me and led me to the left of the stage and sat me slanted on huge pile of hay.

Holy Jesus Christ.

He laid next to me and pulled me into his arms awkwardly.

Okay, Lydia. You are the confident girl who has fallen for Alan Strang. You like him a lot and want to have sex with him. He wants it too, but is really nervous about it. You have to convince him this is right and the horses are just a mere part of scenery. You want him to focus solely on you.

“Alan?” I asked softly, but enough to project to the back of the theatre.

“Yes, Jill?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said softly smiling and pulling me closer to him. Right as we were about to kiss, I heard a horse bray, presumably Mr. Holloway. He turned with a concerned look in his eye, and I gently grabbed his face so he looked at me.

“Don’t worry, it’s just the horses, we will be fine,” I smiled and then wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.

It was strange kissing my celebrity crush. He kissed well, pulling me into his lap to get me closer to him, and he nibbled my bottom lip softly as we kissed. Of course, I responded by doing the same thing and running my fingers though his surprisingly soft hair and pulling him to me every so often.

I want Alan. I need Alan. I love Alan.

And I deepened the kiss. He kept smiling and started to slip tongue in, which is definitely not part of stage kissing, but what the hell! Then there was a loud braying and the sound clapping (presumably supposed to be hooves) and a loud snort. Dan shot up looking around and had a scared look on his face. I said, “Alan, it’s just the horses, we’re fine,” and I started to kiss his neck until he sighed, touched my chin and almost desperately pulled me to him.

“And scene!” We heard. Dan smiled and got up. He helped me up, and we brushed the hay off ourselves.

“Come on,” he said grabbing my hand and pulling stray pieces of hay out of my hair. He led me to the end of the stage where I slid and he jumped off. We met Mr. Holloway in his chair and seated two chairs down from him were Micah and someone I didn’t want to see at all.

My arch nemesis, my worst enemy, the girl I hated so much: Marissa.