Masquerade

It took me two weeks to work up the nerve and bravery to go back to the clubhouse. Tig had assured me a few times that it really wasn’t as bad as it seemed, but I couldn’t work up the nerve to go back or even answer any calls from someone who wasn’t Tig.

I knew my prolonged absence would lead to giving Jax and the guys more reasons to vote me out of the club but up until today I couldn’t bring myself to face them. Even with my head full of doubt and concern I couldn’t imagine riding to TM without my cut on, and it honestly looked pretty good with my new wig. This one was brunette instead of blonde and properly glued into place so no one could easily pull it off my head, my helmet included.

Pulling into the parking lot in front of the clubhouse was the scariest part, honestly. But I loosened up and relaxed as I noticed that there was still a spot for my bike, right between Juice and Tigs’. I silently wondered if that was their form of a message to me or not, but tried not to dwell on it too much as I unhooked my helmet and hung it on the handle bars.

I walked up to the door of the clubhouse and took a deep breath before pushing it open and walking inside. The cool air rushing to me in sweet relief which was nice while it lasted because stepping inside I realized that the place was all but deserted. The only person around was Gemma, cleaning the bar.

“Where are the guys?” I asked.

She looked up at me and her face softened as it only did when she was about to give bad news. “They’re in Church.” she said, not calling me ‘baby’ as she usually did. That was another sign that all my worst fears were coming true. “They’re taking a vote.” I uselessly asked her what they were voting on, I guess I just liked to torture myself with the fact that my life was being torn apart at the seams. She eyed me closely. “They’re voting on whether you get to keep your patch or not.”

I sat down at the bar and put my head in my hands. I didn’t even know if I should go in there to try and sort things out before they dumped me on my ass and refused to speak to me ever again. I decided to just sit there, contemplating everything that could go wrong today and dreading the moment they all walked out of Church to see me sitting there.

It took twenty more minutes for them to come out, they were chattering mindlessly amongst themselves and as I turned to look at them I caught Jax’s eye. The smile faded from his expression and as if the rest could tell it got eerily quiet in the bar. I tried not to read too much into either of those things, they were known for scaring the shit out of people with news of how they voted. They’d raise your anxiety levels only to tell you that the best case scenario happened. So I was hoping against hope that they had voted to keep me patched in because if I had to hand over my cut and leave, I honestly didn’t know how I’d handle anything.

The only thing I knew for sure was that I had at least one vote in favor of keeping me in, and that was Tig’s. I figured they couldn’t turn him against me considering his relationship with Venus and I hoped that one vote was enough to put doubt into the minds of everyone else. Hoping they’d all see that I was still the same person they harassed for a year through my Prospecting and I was still the same kid they patched in. The only difference is now I admitted and owned up to wanting to have a vagina instead of a penis.

“Andy,” Jax said on approaching me. “Can we still call you Andy?” I nodded, admiring the level of respect he was already showing my identity. I honestly picked the name Andrea because I had nothing against the nickname 'Andy’, I liked it. “Alright,” Jax continued. “Well we’ve got some news for you.”

I suddenly felt like I was on a game show, waiting at the intense part where they take far too long a pause to build anticipation and anxiety before telling you that you just won twenty-five thousand dollars. I felt beads of sweat slipping down my neck from under my wig and desperately wanted to wipe them away with a napkin.

“After a unanimous vote,” he said slowly, dragging everything out as if we truly were on a game show. The thing that caught me was 'unanimous’. That means this was either the best news I’d ever get or the absolute worst. For a second my eyes flicked to Tig, wondering if they really could have turned him against me. Then to Juice, wondering if he now hated me that much that he didn’t even want me in the only thing that ever felt like family to me. I glanced back at Jax, my heart racing. “Everyone here thought it would be best… For you to… Keep your patch.”

I felt my eyes bulge out of my head and I was pretty sure my heart stopped for a bit there. A small choking noise came from my throat and I was afraid I was going to faint.

“A rule or two may have been tweaked to allow a chick to patch in, but we figured you’d earned your right to stay.”

“Plus no one wanted to be the one to tell Gemma that you’d been kicked out for being a girl.” Happy said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Gemma threw a shot glass at him and called him an ass, which did lighten the mood and I found myself smiling.

“You’re serious though?” I asked Jax. “I’m still in?”