Masquerade

“Aye lass,” Chibs said, nodding to me in an answer. “We ain’t got not reason to take that leather from you. You’re still our brother.”

“Sister.” Tig corrected him, smiling at me. “A true Daughter of Anarchy. I mean, saying ‘fuck you’ to the gender she got at birth? What’s a more anarchist statement than that?” I jumped at Tig and squeezed him into the tightest hug I’d ever given anyone, whispering a thousand thanks into his ear as I did. He rubbed my back and said he had been rooting and fighting for me the entire time.

After a celebratory round of whiskey shots I noticed one person who had mysteriously disappeared after the guys announced I could keep my status as a member. I looked around and asked where Juice had gone. Bobby pointed back to the dorms, saying he slipped off just before the shots were passed out.

Like a child I even asked to be excused to go talk to him. Jax laughed and said I still had free reign of the clubhouse, Tig also put in that Juice needed to be handled with care right now. Apparently he was more confused than ever and it had made him slightly unstable. That worried me as I headed down the back hall to Juice’s room. I took a deep breath before knocking, then almost fell on my ass when he opened the door.

He was standing there shirtless, his pants riding low on his hips, and he was barefoot. The epitome of casual and I gulped as I tried to keep my eyes focused on his face. “H-hey.” I squeaked out, too nervous and flustered to say anything else. I tried to pull myself together but it was definitely hard because up until this moment I don’t think I had ever seen anyone other than Happy shirtless.

“Did you need something?” he asked.

“Thanks for not voting me out.” was all I could think of to say. He just shrugged. “Look, Juice, I’m really sorry for all of this. I… I didn’t mean for anything to happen, you know, between us that night. I just, sitting there talking to you… I don’t know, I guess I finally realized how great of a guy you are. And I…” I shrugged, not knowing where I was actually going with this but knowing I better wrap it up before I really started to babble. “It won’t happen again. I’m sorry it happened at all. I didn’t mean to ruin our friendship. I’m sorry.”

I turned to walk back to the bar but when I got to the end of the hall he shouted after me. “I am not that shit of a kisser!” I turned to look at him with all the confusion in the world playing across my face in a disorienting dance of disbelief.

“What?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” he said. “I was a little tipsy and maybe not completely on top of my game but it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“Not until my wig came off anyway.” I said.

“Wasn’t actually the first time that has happened to me.” he responded, shrugging a little. “So, you know, don’t go around feeling too special or anything. I mean the whole 'being my brother’ thing was a huge surprise. I’ve been having a lot of mixed feelings about that since you took off and didn’t come back.”

I walked back down the hall to him and asked if his mixed feelings were over me taking off or over me kissing him. He wouldn’t answer in the hall and dragged me by my wrist into his dorm, locking the door behind us as I took a seat on his bed. It was much easier to talk without the not-so-subtle eavesdroppers listening in from the bar. It had gotten a little too quiet out there when we were in the hall and even now with the door just closing we could hear them pick up the noise again. No good, nosey asses.

Juice sat down next to me and continued, saying he wasn’t sure which part. Maybe both, but saying he had gone through every emotion there was: shock, anger, horror, disgust, confusion, sadness. He finally worked his way around to moderate understanding and acceptance. “I can show you my google search history,” he said, struggling to make a small laugh come. It just sounded stifled and forced. “I was trying to learn and understand all I could before you decided to come back. If you ever even decided to come back. And maybe… Maybe I don’t know everything but I know enough to pull my head out of my ass and not make everything about me.”

I stared at him, barely processing that he was trying to put my own feelings before his own even though he had every right in the world to be upset. At first it was a little bit of a relief to have him say that but then I felt sad because his feelings were just as valid as my own and he was willing to almost completely ignore them to check on me.

“You can’t put me first Juice. It was a shock for you and I understand if you’re pissed.”

His eyebrows knit together in frustration and I just watched him, trying to decode his facial expressions. He reached over and took my hand in his, lacing our fingers together before pulling me closer to him. “I’m not mad.” he said. “Maybe I had been, but I think I understand some of it now. And I understand something else, too.”

“What’s that?” I asked, looking down to our interlaced fingers before looking back up to him.

He pressed his lips into mine, cupping my cheek for a moment before pulling away. “You look better as a blonde.”