Scared of Love

Max was jolted out of his sleep by the sound of his phone ringing on his bedside table. Groaning softly he reached out his hand and looked at the caller ID when he saw that it was Tilly calling he answered quickly. Worried something could have happened to her.

“Hello?” his voice was thick with sleep and he felt dopey.

“Hey Max… can I come over?” turning his head the male looked at his alarm clock. It was four in the morning. What was she even doing awake. Blinking he tried to rid the bleariness in his eyes.

“Yeah… sure…” his words were slow as he ran his long fingers through his tousled hair. Tilly thanked him and said she would be over soon before hanging up. Collapsing back on his bed his phone fell to the ground with a thud and he fought the urge to roll over and go back to sleep, instead he pushed himself up and walked over to his dresser pulling out a pair of flannel pyjama bottoms and a wool jacket. Slipping into the articles of clothing he walked out into the kitchen and flicked on the kettle pulling out two mugs.

He had just finished pouring the boiling water into the mugs when a rapid knock rang through the apartment. Hurrying over to the door he pulled it open and saw her standing there, she was dressed in a pair of loose track pants, and a bright blue jumper her hair was a mess of curls that she had tried to tame in a hair tie but hadn’t managed it.

“Hey,” Max opened the door wider allowing her to enter, she smiled at him and returned the greeting as she walked inside. “Come on a got a coffee waiting for you in the kitchen,” the female nodded her head and followed him but she seemed hesitant as if she was distracted by something. “Are you okay Tilly?” he asked as he handed her the coffee. The male watched her closely and he saw the internal struggle she seemed to be having. “Til, you know you can tell me anything. What’s going on?”

The room was swallowed into a silence before the female broke it.

“I like you Max.”

“I like you too Tilly,” he smiled warmly.

“No…” she looked up from the rim of her coffee cup, “I really like you Max.”

Max thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest when he realised what she was saying and the smile on his face stretched wider to the point that it was bordering on painful. He had been waiting for ages to hear that come from her lips.

“But I’m scared Max, I’m scared to fall in love with you,” he didn’t know what to say. What did she mean she was scared?

“Come on. Let’s go sit down,” he noticed the glassy sheen to her eyes, unshed tears, she really was scared. As the two sat down he was about to ask her what she meant by being scared but didn’t have to because she continued.

“I’m scared to fall in love because the last time I gave my heart to someone he shat all over it. He fucking ripped it out of my chest and felt no remorse. All I was to him was a pay check Max. I was a way for him to make one hundred dollars.”

One hundred dollars? he was startled at her confession, what was she talking about. He had been friends with her for three years and he had never once heard this story. Not even from her friends he was genuinely surprised by what he was hearing.

“I gave everything to this guy, and when I say everything I mean everything and he throws it back in my face saying he never loved me while waving several money bills in my face while his new fling hung off his arm laughing at me, at how pathetic I was for falling in love with him.” Tilly’s voice cracked with emotion as her tears spilled over tracking down her cheeks and Max suddenly began to feel a searing anger surge through him. He clenched his hands by his side knowing that there was nothing he could do about what had happened to her but that didn’t stop him from wanting to find the guy and break his face for the pain he had and was still causing her.

“And I am not saying you will do this to me but I have built a wall around my heart shielding it from any possibility of it being hurt like that again and the idea of giving it up to someone makes me anxious…” she buried her face in her hands as she inhaled deeply. “I probably sound stupid. But I had to tell you. It has been playing on my mind since the kiss even though I know it was accidental. But I think that was the catalyst of it all. That was what caused me to realise my feelings for you Max… It did… but…” she inhaled shakily and the dark haired male reached out and slowly removed her hands from her face and looked at her. Really looked at her.

“I like you too Tilly…” finally he was allowing himself to come clean about his feelings for the dark skinned female. “And if… if you gave me the chance I would never hurt you. I would never hurt you like the last guy you were with did. You mean so much to me Tilly… and I want to have the chance to show you how much you mean to me… but I understand your hesitation… I do Til… and I am willing to wait. I mean I have waited one and a half years now… what would waiting a little longer do to me?”

Through her tears the female smiled and allowed a small laugh to fall from her lips before sitting up and wrapping her arms around the male. Max wrapped his arms around her and held her close and the two sat in silence for ages.

“Thank you,” her voice was a whisper as she held him tighter, “Thank you Max.”