Op.9 No.2
One
I never really thought that my life would turn out this way. I mean, I can't really do much complaining. I have a beautiful, healthy one-year old. He's finally fallen asleep, so I have taken this time for myself. This little guy has made my life worth living. He's shown me what love is, what patience is, what being kind to others is. He's taught me to always remember that the people who push me were also once just a baby as he is right now. He's taught me to always treat others the way that I would want others to treat him. He's taught me to stick up for myself, to be strong, what true happiness is. I am in a cozy room, the heat is on, I just finished a delicious meal. But things weren't always this peaceful.
I guess I should start at the beginning. The first time I saw him seems like a dream. He doesn't even seem like the same person when I think about it. Every year, my family and I would visit Brooklyn. I was always so happy to be somewhere different, especially Brooklyn. It was my favorite time of the year. I would get to see my grandmother, I would get to eat the delicious street food, I would get to go shopping. I remember always loving how affordable things were. I could leave my grandmother's home with $20 and come back with two dresses and four pairs of shoes.
But this particular summer was different. I was heart broken. The man I was in love with for the past seven years had admitted to not loving me. He didn't want anything to do with me. I felt like I had wasted so much time. I was dealing with awful mental health problems, I wasn't opening up about how I was feeling to anyone. I seemed to be on self destructive mode.
I remember being at my grandmother's home, I remember my step dad getting ready to eat a great home-cooked meal. He asked me to go downstairs to the butcher shop and buy him a tasty Mexican soda called 'Sidral Mundet'. This was an apple flavored soda. I was well aware of other Mexican sodas, but I had never heard of this particular one. However, I loved having any excuse to go downstairs and get some fresh air from my grandmother's small apartment. I took the money he handed me over and ran down the two flights of steps.
The butcher shop was in the same building as my grandmother's apartment. I had been there dozens of times with my family members, but I had never gone to purchase anything on my own. I walked right into the customer-free store, looking through the tall glass doors on the long fridge. I couldn't seem to find what my step father was asking for, and I was half tempted to pick one of my personal favorites instead. But I suddenly heard a voice from behind me. I didn't bother to turn around, I was so focused on making sure they didn't have the soda that my step father had asked for. I heard the voice again.
"Can I help you find something?" he spoke in Spanish with a voice that seemed so kind and welcoming.
I decided to answer without even turning around to see who it was, "Yes, my dad asked me for a 'Sidral Mundet? I can't seem to find it," I guess I didn't bother to turn immediately because of how concentrated I was as I searched. But I finally did turn around after I heard a soft chuckle come from the person offering their help. I looked back, half expecting to see someone shorter than I was. What I saw was the opposite. He was a tall, lean man with a piercing on the bottom side of his lip. He had somewhat long, dark hair and pale skin. He smiled with his cracked teeth, revealing an even more welcoming presence.
He bent down in front of me, grabbing the cold soda out of the fridge, "It's this one", he said. I thanked him, walking up to the register and allowing him to check out my item. He didn't break eye contact even though I had become a nervous wreck. I didn't know this at the time, but the reason I behaved a certain way was because I have suffered with anxiety my whole life. At the time I simply thought that I was nervous because of the man standing before me. I thanked him once again for his help, took my change, and ran out of the door.
As I walked up my grandmother's steps again, I felt my heart beating so strongly. The man that I had just met would become such a big part of my life. This man would teach me what it means to love, to hate, to suffer, to feel betrayed. This man would teach me what it means to fight for my life, what it means to be disrespected. He would teach me the confusing feeling of being with someone, yet feeling so alone.
I guess I should start at the beginning. The first time I saw him seems like a dream. He doesn't even seem like the same person when I think about it. Every year, my family and I would visit Brooklyn. I was always so happy to be somewhere different, especially Brooklyn. It was my favorite time of the year. I would get to see my grandmother, I would get to eat the delicious street food, I would get to go shopping. I remember always loving how affordable things were. I could leave my grandmother's home with $20 and come back with two dresses and four pairs of shoes.
But this particular summer was different. I was heart broken. The man I was in love with for the past seven years had admitted to not loving me. He didn't want anything to do with me. I felt like I had wasted so much time. I was dealing with awful mental health problems, I wasn't opening up about how I was feeling to anyone. I seemed to be on self destructive mode.
I remember being at my grandmother's home, I remember my step dad getting ready to eat a great home-cooked meal. He asked me to go downstairs to the butcher shop and buy him a tasty Mexican soda called 'Sidral Mundet'. This was an apple flavored soda. I was well aware of other Mexican sodas, but I had never heard of this particular one. However, I loved having any excuse to go downstairs and get some fresh air from my grandmother's small apartment. I took the money he handed me over and ran down the two flights of steps.
The butcher shop was in the same building as my grandmother's apartment. I had been there dozens of times with my family members, but I had never gone to purchase anything on my own. I walked right into the customer-free store, looking through the tall glass doors on the long fridge. I couldn't seem to find what my step father was asking for, and I was half tempted to pick one of my personal favorites instead. But I suddenly heard a voice from behind me. I didn't bother to turn around, I was so focused on making sure they didn't have the soda that my step father had asked for. I heard the voice again.
"Can I help you find something?" he spoke in Spanish with a voice that seemed so kind and welcoming.
I decided to answer without even turning around to see who it was, "Yes, my dad asked me for a 'Sidral Mundet? I can't seem to find it," I guess I didn't bother to turn immediately because of how concentrated I was as I searched. But I finally did turn around after I heard a soft chuckle come from the person offering their help. I looked back, half expecting to see someone shorter than I was. What I saw was the opposite. He was a tall, lean man with a piercing on the bottom side of his lip. He had somewhat long, dark hair and pale skin. He smiled with his cracked teeth, revealing an even more welcoming presence.
He bent down in front of me, grabbing the cold soda out of the fridge, "It's this one", he said. I thanked him, walking up to the register and allowing him to check out my item. He didn't break eye contact even though I had become a nervous wreck. I didn't know this at the time, but the reason I behaved a certain way was because I have suffered with anxiety my whole life. At the time I simply thought that I was nervous because of the man standing before me. I thanked him once again for his help, took my change, and ran out of the door.
As I walked up my grandmother's steps again, I felt my heart beating so strongly. The man that I had just met would become such a big part of my life. This man would teach me what it means to love, to hate, to suffer, to feel betrayed. This man would teach me what it means to fight for my life, what it means to be disrespected. He would teach me the confusing feeling of being with someone, yet feeling so alone.