When the Savior Is Damned
Birthed Through Tragedy
There were many times Mikey thought Gerard was going to crack, but when their Grandma Helena died, that was when he was especially vigilant. Gigs and recording had come to a halt, and while he stayed at the wake with their family, Gerard would lock himself in the basement, his old room, doing who-knows-what. You can imagine why Mikey was paranoid about this.
Gerard only emerged from the room after three days, on the day of the funeral, his appearance much like the corpse in the coffin, but somehow less depressed, or grieving. Unburdened. Mikey guessed he’d been writing.
As they sat in the pews, listening to the priest and to Grandma Helena’s friends, acquaintances, and other family members, Mikey discreetly checked his brother’s arms for signs of cutting. Gerard stared, straight ahead, and Mikey thought that even if his brother had an emotionless expression he looked sadder than anyone else there. Not miserable or gloomy, just sad, in the truest sense of the word.
After Gee actually saw people dying in the 9/11 Twin Towers terrorist attack, he’d ended up with a desire to do something with his life and a handful of friends at his back. Honestly, Mikey thought the band thing was just a passing interest, but when he walked in on them practicing in the basement, heard the lyrics and music, he wanted to join in so eagerly he dropped college and took up the bass, since they needed a bassist anyway.
At first it was just a few parties here and there, then they signed up for gigs at hole-in-the-wall bars that paid in cheap beer, and then one day, a suit came up to them and offered a deal, providing that they record a demo for the company.
Gee had smiled, seeming not at all shocked or excited, and took the guy’s card, with a slightly drunken, “Sure, man, we’ll give you a call.”
After the guy left, Matt, Ray, and Frank all slapped Gerard on the back, ordering another round of drinks to celebrate. Gee only kept shaking his head and smiling at them. Contented, more than Mikey had seen in him for a long time.
“A record deal, huh?” He said, sipping his coke (he was underage and the bartender won’t serve him alcohol) as Gee traced the moisture drops on his glass.
Gerard looked at him in that silent ‘I told you so’ kind of way and smirked once more.
And soon, they got to record and release a CD, and Gerard, in Mikey’s opinion, was improving. He spent his time writing songs or coming up with designs for their next album cover, jamming or just hanging out with the band, signing autographs for whatever fans they had, and most importantly, NOT getting too wasted. He was slowly getting back to the Gerard Mikey missed, the Gerard who was his big brother, the one who could look out for himself.
“Why is he up there?” Gerard suddenly murmured to him, snapping Mikey from his thoughts. He was referring to Mr. Gallagher, their seventy-three-year-old cranky neighbor. “He never gave us anything but shit about how we’re so misbehaved and not raised right. Grandma hated him, and now he’s giving out a fucking eulogy? Asshole.”
Mikey shrugged. “Maybe she did get to him. You know Grandma.”
Gerard sighed, and Mikey fought the urge to do so too. “Yeah, maybe.”
And silence again, except for the continuous playing of the church organ and the monotonous voices of the people speaking. Mikey was bit bored and a bit more angry; Grandma Helena wouldn’t have wanted her own funeral to be so dreary. If only everyone knew that.
Then finally, it was time for the family members to go up to the coffin and say their final goodbyes. Mikey was behind Gerard in the line, and he watched his brother lean towards the coffin, inches and a glass barrier away from their dear grandmother’s face.
“Hey, Grandma Helena. I know this is just for tradition and you can’t hear me at all and it’s pretty stupid talking to a dead body, but if you can, hear me out. Thanks for everything; for teaching me everything I know about art, and for our band’s first tour bus, and even for making that Peter Pan costume back in fourth grade. You’ve done more for me than anybody ever has, even Mom or Dad. We love you, and you’ll be terribly missed. Go in peace,” he said in a very low voice, so low you couldn’t hear if it was about to crack.
No tears, no breakdown, no anything after that. He just bent down, touched his forehead to the glass, and closed his eyes for a while, saying a farewell too sacred for anyone to hear, then he got up and took his place at the side.
Mikey sort of said the same thing, but added, “PS Don’t worry, I’ll look after Gee,” to his speech.
The two of them were also pallbearers, and as they descended the cathedral steps, heads bowed low, Mikey heard Gee humming a tune that’d soon be heard playing on radios everywhere.
Gerard had written the lyrics to ‘Helena’ in those three days he spent in the basement, and came up with the video concept after the funeral. They were also signed to another label, Reprise, which was bigger than Eyeball, and that’s when they really began to climb their way to the top.
It seemed that Gerard came up with his best material when bad things happened, because the emotions came from the purest of places.
My Chemical Romance had been birthed through tragedies and was now past the brink of success, but Mikey was just unbelievably glad that his brother might just make it through.
Gerard only emerged from the room after three days, on the day of the funeral, his appearance much like the corpse in the coffin, but somehow less depressed, or grieving. Unburdened. Mikey guessed he’d been writing.
As they sat in the pews, listening to the priest and to Grandma Helena’s friends, acquaintances, and other family members, Mikey discreetly checked his brother’s arms for signs of cutting. Gerard stared, straight ahead, and Mikey thought that even if his brother had an emotionless expression he looked sadder than anyone else there. Not miserable or gloomy, just sad, in the truest sense of the word.
After Gee actually saw people dying in the 9/11 Twin Towers terrorist attack, he’d ended up with a desire to do something with his life and a handful of friends at his back. Honestly, Mikey thought the band thing was just a passing interest, but when he walked in on them practicing in the basement, heard the lyrics and music, he wanted to join in so eagerly he dropped college and took up the bass, since they needed a bassist anyway.
At first it was just a few parties here and there, then they signed up for gigs at hole-in-the-wall bars that paid in cheap beer, and then one day, a suit came up to them and offered a deal, providing that they record a demo for the company.
Gee had smiled, seeming not at all shocked or excited, and took the guy’s card, with a slightly drunken, “Sure, man, we’ll give you a call.”
After the guy left, Matt, Ray, and Frank all slapped Gerard on the back, ordering another round of drinks to celebrate. Gee only kept shaking his head and smiling at them. Contented, more than Mikey had seen in him for a long time.
“A record deal, huh?” He said, sipping his coke (he was underage and the bartender won’t serve him alcohol) as Gee traced the moisture drops on his glass.
Gerard looked at him in that silent ‘I told you so’ kind of way and smirked once more.
And soon, they got to record and release a CD, and Gerard, in Mikey’s opinion, was improving. He spent his time writing songs or coming up with designs for their next album cover, jamming or just hanging out with the band, signing autographs for whatever fans they had, and most importantly, NOT getting too wasted. He was slowly getting back to the Gerard Mikey missed, the Gerard who was his big brother, the one who could look out for himself.
“Why is he up there?” Gerard suddenly murmured to him, snapping Mikey from his thoughts. He was referring to Mr. Gallagher, their seventy-three-year-old cranky neighbor. “He never gave us anything but shit about how we’re so misbehaved and not raised right. Grandma hated him, and now he’s giving out a fucking eulogy? Asshole.”
Mikey shrugged. “Maybe she did get to him. You know Grandma.”
Gerard sighed, and Mikey fought the urge to do so too. “Yeah, maybe.”
And silence again, except for the continuous playing of the church organ and the monotonous voices of the people speaking. Mikey was bit bored and a bit more angry; Grandma Helena wouldn’t have wanted her own funeral to be so dreary. If only everyone knew that.
Then finally, it was time for the family members to go up to the coffin and say their final goodbyes. Mikey was behind Gerard in the line, and he watched his brother lean towards the coffin, inches and a glass barrier away from their dear grandmother’s face.
“Hey, Grandma Helena. I know this is just for tradition and you can’t hear me at all and it’s pretty stupid talking to a dead body, but if you can, hear me out. Thanks for everything; for teaching me everything I know about art, and for our band’s first tour bus, and even for making that Peter Pan costume back in fourth grade. You’ve done more for me than anybody ever has, even Mom or Dad. We love you, and you’ll be terribly missed. Go in peace,” he said in a very low voice, so low you couldn’t hear if it was about to crack.
No tears, no breakdown, no anything after that. He just bent down, touched his forehead to the glass, and closed his eyes for a while, saying a farewell too sacred for anyone to hear, then he got up and took his place at the side.
Mikey sort of said the same thing, but added, “PS Don’t worry, I’ll look after Gee,” to his speech.
The two of them were also pallbearers, and as they descended the cathedral steps, heads bowed low, Mikey heard Gee humming a tune that’d soon be heard playing on radios everywhere.
Gerard had written the lyrics to ‘Helena’ in those three days he spent in the basement, and came up with the video concept after the funeral. They were also signed to another label, Reprise, which was bigger than Eyeball, and that’s when they really began to climb their way to the top.
It seemed that Gerard came up with his best material when bad things happened, because the emotions came from the purest of places.
My Chemical Romance had been birthed through tragedies and was now past the brink of success, but Mikey was just unbelievably glad that his brother might just make it through.