When the Savior Is Damned
The Black Parade
He was watching the stat machine beside Gerard’s bed, hypnotized by the continuous beep of the heart monitor. One part of him just wanted to get it all over with, just waiting for the machine to flat line, readying himself for the pain he was about to feel, because anything had to be better than this; putting their lives on hold, wasting away, waiting for Gerard to come back to them or be forever swallowed in the abyss.
Somehow, they’d all managed to fit themselves in Gerard’s cramped hospital room. Ray and Frank were sharing the only visitor’s bed in the room, curled at its opposite sides to be able to fit, while Bob sat on the other chair, snoring softly. Their parents came on the second day of his confinement, but they couldn’t stay for long and had to leave after two days. Alicia, his fiancé, had been there too, but soon she realized that even if she and Mikey loved each other, and that the band had accepted her like family, that this was something she could never really be part of, and had gone back to work as well. All the tours and shows they were booked for were canceled, and they were thankful Reprise kept quiet on the reason Gerard was in the hospital and all the press knew was that he’d fallen ill, not that he tried to commit suicide and was near death.
Though the whole band, except for him, would drown their sorrows in the outside world by morning and tried to make it up to the fans by signing autographs and giving away free merch, they’d all return at the hospital to sleep, because the band always has to be together, always.
Mikey suspected nobody else but him even entertained the idea of Gerard leaving them. My Chemical Romance would end, because Gerard as a front man was irreplaceable and the band wouldn’t be the band with one of them missing, and their lives would return to mundane and normal, the way it was before the band changed it. And the kids… how would they feel when their idol, the man who told them countless times to never even think about harming themselves, did the same to himself? They would lose hope, because if their hero couldn’t take it, what were their chances then?
It was overwhelming.
So, in the end, he tried to get distracted by the ticking clock, the fact that it was two hours past midnight and he was nowhere near falling asleep, and the steady beeping of the monitor.
Then, at exactly 2:18 am, Gerard Arthur Way yawned, opened his eyes, turned his head to one side and whispered, “Hello, Mikey,” to his little brother.
His little brother, of course, was not so calm.
Mikey responded by giving Gerard a vicious punch to the collarbone, the only appropriate reply after all those days of mixed emotions and so many things left unsaid.
Gerard, for the second time that early morning, surprised Mikey by lifting a hand to the throbbing collarbone and laughing softly, “That hurt, Wheeze. That hurt.”
The laughter only fueled Mikey’s rage. He grabbed his brother by the shoulders, shaking him, still in disbelief that he actually woke up, that all those horrible thoughts of life without him would never come true… at least for now.
“You deserve it, you idiot, you selfish, fucking jerk!” He hissed, staring into his brother’s eyes with as much fury as he could muster. “You hurt us more, you bastard. You fucking deserve it!”
Gerard only kept smiling his mysterious, crazed, stunning Gerard smile, while Mikey was bordering tears again.
“What the hell were you thinking? You didn’t even think about us, about everyone you’ll leave behind. Bet you never even considered everyone else who loved you; you were so caught up in your angst and your stupid suicide! And Gee… you… you promised Grandma!” The words rushed out of him, nearing incoherence, yet begging to be spoken aloud.
Gerard cocked his head, a gesture so innocent and unlike him Mikey’s hold on his shoulders loosened. Gerard raised his cold, pale hands to his brother’s cheeks and held them there.
“I saw it, Mikey. I saw it. I know what we’re going to do next; I know where we’re gonna go!” He exclaimed in a breath, his eyes and his tone dancing with mirth, wandering and focused all at once.
“What are you talking about, Gee? You almost killed yourself!” Mikey was a little more than confused; he was flat out bewildered, amidst being angry and relieved.
“The Black Parade, Mikey,” Gerard spoke with a knowing, a foreboding, that scared him, “I saw the Black Parade.”
“The Black Parade?” Mikey echoed bluntly, still not getting it.
“I had to do it, Mikey, I had to see,” Gerard tried to explain, but he couldn’t. “I’m sorry for anything I put you through, but can’t you see? I know now, I saw it all, saw it for myself…”
“Gee, don’t,” Mikey pleaded as Gerard took on that insane look again, afraid to lose his brother the way he did so many times already. “It’s okay now; just rest, just rest…”
“It’s the Black Parade, Mikey, the Black Parade. You’ll see, you’ll see…”
At that Mikey didn’t have time to reply, because the rest of the band had been awakened by their noisy exchanged and could only scream for joy at Gerard’s return to the land of the living.
Mikey, however, was still reeling from the latest confusing conversation he’d just had from a brother he hadn’t spoken to in days; they seemed like the utterances of a madman, but three words played in his mind, unrelenting, like a broken record, like a feverish prayer, like a contagious curse.
The Black Parade.
Somehow, they’d all managed to fit themselves in Gerard’s cramped hospital room. Ray and Frank were sharing the only visitor’s bed in the room, curled at its opposite sides to be able to fit, while Bob sat on the other chair, snoring softly. Their parents came on the second day of his confinement, but they couldn’t stay for long and had to leave after two days. Alicia, his fiancé, had been there too, but soon she realized that even if she and Mikey loved each other, and that the band had accepted her like family, that this was something she could never really be part of, and had gone back to work as well. All the tours and shows they were booked for were canceled, and they were thankful Reprise kept quiet on the reason Gerard was in the hospital and all the press knew was that he’d fallen ill, not that he tried to commit suicide and was near death.
Though the whole band, except for him, would drown their sorrows in the outside world by morning and tried to make it up to the fans by signing autographs and giving away free merch, they’d all return at the hospital to sleep, because the band always has to be together, always.
Mikey suspected nobody else but him even entertained the idea of Gerard leaving them. My Chemical Romance would end, because Gerard as a front man was irreplaceable and the band wouldn’t be the band with one of them missing, and their lives would return to mundane and normal, the way it was before the band changed it. And the kids… how would they feel when their idol, the man who told them countless times to never even think about harming themselves, did the same to himself? They would lose hope, because if their hero couldn’t take it, what were their chances then?
It was overwhelming.
So, in the end, he tried to get distracted by the ticking clock, the fact that it was two hours past midnight and he was nowhere near falling asleep, and the steady beeping of the monitor.
Then, at exactly 2:18 am, Gerard Arthur Way yawned, opened his eyes, turned his head to one side and whispered, “Hello, Mikey,” to his little brother.
His little brother, of course, was not so calm.
Mikey responded by giving Gerard a vicious punch to the collarbone, the only appropriate reply after all those days of mixed emotions and so many things left unsaid.
Gerard, for the second time that early morning, surprised Mikey by lifting a hand to the throbbing collarbone and laughing softly, “That hurt, Wheeze. That hurt.”
The laughter only fueled Mikey’s rage. He grabbed his brother by the shoulders, shaking him, still in disbelief that he actually woke up, that all those horrible thoughts of life without him would never come true… at least for now.
“You deserve it, you idiot, you selfish, fucking jerk!” He hissed, staring into his brother’s eyes with as much fury as he could muster. “You hurt us more, you bastard. You fucking deserve it!”
Gerard only kept smiling his mysterious, crazed, stunning Gerard smile, while Mikey was bordering tears again.
“What the hell were you thinking? You didn’t even think about us, about everyone you’ll leave behind. Bet you never even considered everyone else who loved you; you were so caught up in your angst and your stupid suicide! And Gee… you… you promised Grandma!” The words rushed out of him, nearing incoherence, yet begging to be spoken aloud.
Gerard cocked his head, a gesture so innocent and unlike him Mikey’s hold on his shoulders loosened. Gerard raised his cold, pale hands to his brother’s cheeks and held them there.
“I saw it, Mikey. I saw it. I know what we’re going to do next; I know where we’re gonna go!” He exclaimed in a breath, his eyes and his tone dancing with mirth, wandering and focused all at once.
“What are you talking about, Gee? You almost killed yourself!” Mikey was a little more than confused; he was flat out bewildered, amidst being angry and relieved.
“The Black Parade, Mikey,” Gerard spoke with a knowing, a foreboding, that scared him, “I saw the Black Parade.”
“The Black Parade?” Mikey echoed bluntly, still not getting it.
“I had to do it, Mikey, I had to see,” Gerard tried to explain, but he couldn’t. “I’m sorry for anything I put you through, but can’t you see? I know now, I saw it all, saw it for myself…”
“Gee, don’t,” Mikey pleaded as Gerard took on that insane look again, afraid to lose his brother the way he did so many times already. “It’s okay now; just rest, just rest…”
“It’s the Black Parade, Mikey, the Black Parade. You’ll see, you’ll see…”
At that Mikey didn’t have time to reply, because the rest of the band had been awakened by their noisy exchanged and could only scream for joy at Gerard’s return to the land of the living.
Mikey, however, was still reeling from the latest confusing conversation he’d just had from a brother he hadn’t spoken to in days; they seemed like the utterances of a madman, but three words played in his mind, unrelenting, like a broken record, like a feverish prayer, like a contagious curse.
The Black Parade.