Status: Active c:

Edge of Destruction

All we have

I didn't get a chance to talk to him before he went on stage. He ran into traffic, and as soon as he got there, it was time for him to go on stage. I watched him from side stage, trying not to be in Kendra's way as she took a million photos. He looked even more gorgeous when he was performing. I could feel his anger, his pain as he spoke into the microphone. With each word he spat, the crowd grew louder and louder. They absolutely adored him. So did I. He'd look over at me in between each song, not waving or anything, just staring, his eyes glazed over. Almost as if he was thinking really hard about something. It made my stomach feel queasy.

"Thank you Columbus! You guys fuckin' rock!" He yelled into the microphone before walking off the stage towards me. I expected him to automatically want to talk to me, but he held a finger up to me, mouthed 'sorry', and walked towards a group of fans who had backstage passes. I just nodded, I understood completely. I watched as a few of the girls swooned over him, posing for pictures with their lips attached to his cheek. I tried not to get angry. He wasn't mine, I had no right to get angry in the first place. After signing autographs and taking pictures for about ten minutes, he looked over at me, staring for a minute before he slowly walked over to me. "Are you ready to go?" I looked at him, confusion written all over my face. "You're coming with me, right? I thought we were gonna ride home together?" "O-oh! Sure! If that's what you want. Kendra said I could stay in her hotel room with her overnight if you had changed your mind about me coming with you. He shook his head, smiling lightly. "Of course I want you to come with me. We gotta talk."

I was incredibly nervous as he led me out of the venue and to his car. He held the door open for me so I could get in easier before climbing into the drivers seat. I checked the time, it was almost midnight already. "Kells, are you sure you wanna drive this late? We wouldn't make it back til probably 3." He shrugged, "We can get a hotel room if you want. I figured I'd drive us back to my place and you could stay over and spend the day with me tomorrow, if that's cool." He wanted me to stay the night with him? He must not be that mad at me.. I shrugged, "Whatever you wanna do is fine." He smirked, starting his engine, "Besides, the drive home will give us plenty of time to talk." He put the Jeep in drive, and we were off.

Neither one of us really said anything until he reached the highway. Driving the streets of Columbus was hectic. When he finally put the Jeep in cruise control, he sighed. "So. What you said to me through text.. Why couldn't you say it to my face?" I knew that was going to be the first thing he'd ask. I just knew it. I sighed, wringing my hands together. "I told you.. You're intimidating." I said softly. He sighed again, reaching into his console, pulling out a small container. "Light up. You're more comfortable when you do. Maybe it'll help." I opened the container and there was a blunt inside. He must have planned this. I took it out, grabbing a lighter from the dashboard and lit it hesitantly, puffing on it a couple times. We passed it back and forth until it was gone. He made sure I smoked more than he did, so he wouldn't get too tired while he was driving. After about 15 minutes, he glanced over at me. "So? Why do I scare you?" I let a breath out slowly, trying to find the perfect words. "I.. " I started, but paused, thinking again. "I think that I really like you.. And I think that's what scares me the most.. Because I really don't know anything about you, except what I've learned about you through texting you and the Internet.. And I think it might scare me that if I like you so much without knowing much.. That if I got to know you more.. You might destroy me." I rambled out. I heard him sigh beside me, but he didn't say anything, so I continued. "When I was with Josh.. At first it was similar to this.. He was so sweet, so gentle.. Never forced me into anything.. " I paused, looking out the window. "But the longer I stayed with him.. The less sweet he became.. The rougher he got.. The more often I found myself doing things I never wanted to do.. In the end, he destroyed me in more ways than one. Scarred me in more ways than one.." My arms instinctively wrapped around my torso. He still didn't say anything. "It's not that I'm comparing you to him.. It's that I don't know anything else.." I told him quietly.

There was silence in the car for a few minutes, before he broke it. "What did he do to you?" He whispered to me. I sighed shakily, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "Well, uh.." I licked my lips, pausing, "He uh, he forced me to do things to him. With him. He didn't care how many times I said no. He did what he wanted to me, whenever he wanted to do it. Made me bleed every time. I haven't been with anyone, like that, since him. I don't know if I can.." I wiped away a tear, and noticed that he was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white. "I have burn scars on my upper stomach from where he and his friends would put out their cigarettes on my skin. They said they liked watching me squirm." I heard him let out a breath, almost growling. "He hit me, too. Which I'm sure you've figured out by now.. The whole flinching thing.." I motioned to my face. "I'm working on it, but it's difficult. You're the only one who knows how bad it was, now.." I ended with a whisper. "You never told Kendra?" I shook my head, biting my lip. He went quiet again, and I glanced over at him. His facial expression was pained, he was biting his lip and staring straight out at the road. He looked angry.
Had I ruined everything by being too messed up?