Tonight the World Dies

This was the last show of our tour.

That's what I kept telling myself as I tried to pump myself up for the show I had to play in ten minutes. I was ready to go home. This tour wasn't the same since Jimmy's passing. We should have cancelled the entire tour once he passed away during our break for the winter holidays, but we didn't, we only cancelled a few weeks before heading back on the road.

I missed him more than anything. He was my best friend and then one day he wasn't there. It wasn’t fair, it wasn't right. He should have outlived all of us.

I missed Beks too. I haven't heard from her since before Jimmy died. She should have been there for us at his funeral. We were all friends - family, I don't know why she never called or even accepted our phone calls.

I would be a liar if I said I wasn't pissed off at her, because I was. I was hurt too. I thought she and I had a deeper connection, and now that she's dating some douche bag she just blows us off, I didn't understand it and that worried me.

The concert started and Brian, Johnny and I walked onto the stage. Our fill-in drummer was already behind the drum set, I don't think I'll ever get used to looking behind me and not seeing Jimmy there.

The music began and there was a scream from the speakers, and we started our first notes to "Scream" as Matt walked out onto the stage.

Matt began to sing and I backed his vocals. I kept zoning out and I was thankful that I had played this song enough to be able to play it perfectly without paying much attention. My mind kept drifting off to Gena, and Jimmy and Beks.

I proposed to my girlfriend nearly five months ago and she rejected me. That's something you don't expect to happen when you propose to someone. I mean, of course the fear is always there but you don't actually think it'll ever happen.

I reached out to Beks when I decided I wanted to marry Gena but never got a reply, when Gena rejected me I called Beks again. I don't know why I thought she would answer. Always disappointed.

The hour went by quickly and before I knew it Matt was telling everyone thank you for coming and we were finishing our song "Unholy Confessions".

After the concert we ran backstage and began to pack our things immediately. I wasn't the only one ready to go home apparently.

Another hour later and all of our band equipment was packed into the tech crews van and we were ready to go home. We were currently in Oakland, California so it would take us approximately four hours to get there depending on traffic.

I opened the beer Matt handed me and put my phone on the charger, hoping I had a text or call from Beks when it turned on.

"Awesome show, guys! Awesome tour!" Matt raised his beer in the air.

The rest of us whooped and hollered and took a drink. "I love being on tour, but man, I'm so ready to go home." Brian confessed.

We all agreed. The guys began to talk amongst themselves and I continued to click the home button on my phone hoping it had turned on. I finished my beer in a couple of gulps and grabbed another one.

My phone finally lit up and I went into my messages immediately. I had missed texts and calls from Gena, my mom, a few friends and employees from my clothing line, Vengeance University but nothing from Beks.

I didn't expect anything and was still disappointed. Hope breeds eternal misery.

"Anything from Bekah?" Matt asked me when he walked up. If anyone was more upset than I was that Beks completely cut us off for no reason it was Matt. He met her after I did but they were like brother and sister whereas Beks and I were just best friends.

I shook my head and Matt sighed. This had become a routine for us at night; one of us would check our phones for Beks's messages or try to call her, the other would ask if they heard from her and the answer would always be no.

"Don't worry, man. We'll be home before you know it and then we'll break her door down to get some answers if we have to." Matt clapped a hand on my shoulder.

"I know," I said and poured myself a shot of whiskey. This was going to be the longest four hours of my life.



Gena was there to greet me when the bus stopped. Val, Lacey and Michelle were there too. I slunk my backpack over my shoulder and walked off the bus.

"I missed you so much!" Gena told me as she hugged me. I hugged her back, but didn't understand her enthusiasm. We were physically together every day of the tour except for the last week. I was happy to have some time with just the guys and I'm sure they felt the same way. Now, that's not to say that we didn't love the women in our lives. They were our best friends and the love of our lives, but sometimes you just need a break. Everyone needs a break from everyone every once in a while.

"I missed you too," I smiled and she kissed me.

She popped her trunk and I threw my bag in. She brought home the rest of my stuff when she came home a week ago. The tech crew would bring our instruments and stuff to us later so I didn't have to worry about that right now.

"Let's go home," she said. We said our goodbyes to our friends before getting in the car and driving off.

It was after three in the morning, but I was wide awake. I couldn't change how rocky things were with me and Gena, and I couldn't bring Jimmy back from the grave but I could confront Bek's and figure out what her problem was.

There was something wrong, I knew it. She wasn't the type to just disappear on someone unless she had good reason to, and we had given her no reason. Matt said he would visit her alone in the morning. He thought it would be rude to barge into her home at three o'clock in the morning, I thought it would have been well deserved.

Gena and I got home and I immediately told her I was ready to go to sleep even though I wasn't. I was exhausted but not in the I-need-sleep sort of way.

She looked disappointed and I'm sure she was expecting sex or a long conversation about how my week had been, but I just wanted some silence. We undressed and crawled into bed. I turned my back to her and laid in the darkness while my mind, I heard her sigh before flipping so her back was towards mine.



Eventually, I fell asleep and when I woke it was nearly ten in the morning. I jumped out of bed and grabbed my phone. I had an unread text from Matt, I opened it.

"Went by Bekah's, something is up. She said to come back at three when her boyfriend isn't home." I frowned and sat back down on the edge of my bed and read the message over again. I knew something was wrong. I was tempted to ignore her request and go over there now, but decided against it. Instead I walked into the bathroom and stripped down before getting in the shower.

I was washing my hair when I heard the bathroom door open. "Want some company in there, baby?" Gena asked.

"I'm actually about to get out," I told her as I finished washing my hair and turned off the water. I wrapped a towel around my waist and stepped out. "I have to be somewhere at three."

"I was hoping we could spend time together today," she pouted.

"We can until I leave," I told her.

She crossed her arms. "And how long are you going to be gone?"

I shrugged and walked out of the bathroom. "I don't know, Gena. A few hours maybe."

She didn't say anything but I knew she was angry with me. I didn't really care. She forfeited the right to be attached to my hip when she rejected my marriage proposal.

"Just forget it," she finally said. "I'm going to Val and Matt's." She grabbed her keys and stormed out of the bedroom. I knew I should probably stop her and I don't know why I didn't. I heard the front door slam and I sighed before picking up my phone. I dialed Beks’s number again and fought the urge to throw my phone at the wall when she didn't answer.



Two thirty came and Matt arrived at my house with Brian and Johnny on his flank.

"Come on, we're going to go wait outside her house until her boyfriend leaves." Matt told me.

"That's a bit stalkerish," I commented.

"Okay? And? Like you haven't been thinking about it," Brian said. He was right. I followed them out to Matt's truck and we all loaded up and Matt drove us to her house.

He stopped a few houses down from her house and shut the truck off. I brought my cigarette to my lips and exhaled the smoke while watching her front door.

The minutes ticked by as we sat there in silence. The more I thought about what could be wrong the angrier I got. If something really was going on why didn't she tell us? A familiar man walked out of the house and Beks was right behind him. Her hair was shorter than it was when we left and I silently wondered why she decided to cut it. She gave him a kiss before he got in his car and drove off. Matt started the truck again and parked closer to her house as she walked back in.

She must have heard the door slam shut or us pull up because she was opening the door before we even reached it.

"Bekah!" Johnny was jogging up to her and hugged her. Brian hugged her next. I was walking up to her slowly, unsure of what I was going to say to her. I told myself to remain calm.

I stood to the side while she and Brian mumbled there hello's to each other and when her eyes finally caught mine, all the anger I felt for the last six months began to melt away. She was more beautiful when I remembered, but her eyes held a sort of brokenness in them. Something was wrong.

"I missed you," I whispered and tightened my grip around her. Suddenly, I didn't want to let her go. She pulled away from me while she told me she missed me too, and then she apologized to us. She stared at the ground while doing so and I knew she was feeling guilty.

Matt must have hung onto his anger because he didn't accept her apology, instead he just pushed past all of us and suggested we go inside and so we did.

We sat on the couch and listened to Bekah while she gave us her sorry excuses and told us that things were different now. Johnny brought up how she missed Jimmy’s funeral and Matt told her she was going to have to do a lot better than a half-ass apology. When she told us that Jake, her boyfriend, didn't want us talking to her, I lost it.

"You're letting him control who you're friends with now, Beks? He's already made you quit your job!" I yelled at her. I hated yelling at her, because all I wanted was to hug her and tell her things were going to be okay now and she could lean on me for support. I just wanted us to go back to being best friends, I couldn't handle losing her.

She tried to explain that things were different now but Matt wasn't having it. He told her how we tried to cancel the tour but they wouldn't allow us to and then Brian expressed how worried we were that we hadn't talked to her.

She apologized again but she was still taking up for him and it seemed like she was trying to blame us for this. "I love him, and he loves me," she told us. "I'm going to respect his wishes as much as it pains me."

Was she saying what I thought she was saying? Was she really saying that she was choosing him over us? "Fuck that!" I exclaimed. I was so mad I could have hit something. "We're your best friends, Bekah! We've been there for each other since middle school. We looked out for you. You're not seriously choosing this prick over us?"

She stared at me for a moment and I knew she knew that she hurt me. She apologized again and Matt began to argue with her. I could only watch her. I heard Matt say we'd protect her if we needed to and Brian and Johnny agreed. She began to speak and I think she was going to tell us what was wrong but her phone rang, interrupting her.

She panicked; telling us it was Jake and made us promise not to say anything and we reluctantly agreed. I tried my hardest to listen to both ends of the conversation but his voice was too muffled, so I could only hear her side.

"Hey baby," she started. A few seconds later the colour drained from her face and she looked like she was going to pass out. "Oh..." she said and then, "Yeah?" Matt and I glanced at each other and then back at her. "I love you too." She hung up the phone.

Brian asked her what the phone call was about and she told him it was nothing in the smallest voice. Matt pointed out how pale she looked but she still claimed nothing was wrong.

Matt sighed and it was clear he was fed up with the situation. "Fine, don't tell us right now but now they we're home it's going to come out sooner or later. There's no hiding it from us, we're your best friends and eventually you're just going to have to face it." He stormed out of the house and Bekah looked utterly devastated.

Since Matt was our ride we also had to leave. Johnny and Brian left, but I wanted a moment of alone time with her. I have been friends with her longer than any of the other guys so I was thinking maybe I could get through to her. The problem was, once I got her alone I didn't know what to say to her so I just stared. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I couldn't get over how sad she seemed.

"I'm fine." She insisted, interrupting my silent gaze.

I shook my head. She was lying to me and I hated it. "Bullshit, Beks! Tell me what's wrong." She tried to tell me it was nothing but I cut her off. Her lies were frustrating and infuriating. Why would she lie to me? I'm her best friend. I trust her with my life, my secrets and what - she doesn't trust me?

"Stop fucking lying!" I yelled. I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh but I wasn't going to apologize. Bekah reached for my arm but I pulled away. Her touch was enough to get me to forgive her and she didn't deserve it yet. She hadn't given me, or us, any reason to forgive her for the way she had been acting.

She begged me to drop it and I begged her to tell me the truth. She stared at me and I knew she wanted to tell me something but she only shook her head and apologized again.

A humorless laugh escaped my lips and I reached for the door knob. "What the fuck ever," I scoffed before storming out like Matt had done before me.

I didn't look back until I was in Matt's truck and he was pulling away. I only looked back in hopes that Beks would be standing in her door way beckoning us back to her so she could tell us the truth. She wasn't.

Like I said, hope breeds eternal misery