Tonight the World Dies

I walked back into the hospital and straight to Beks's room. I rounded the corner but stopped when I realized her bed was empty. Confused as to where she was and why they would move her when she was in such a critical state, I turned around and made my way down to the nurse’s station.

"Hi, I'm Zack Baker. I was coming to see my girlfriend, Rebekah Bowman but her room was empty. Can you tell me where you guys have moved her?" I asked them.

The nurse looked at me and all of the colour drained from her face. "I'm sorry, Mr. Baker. Someone was supposed to call you."

I looked at her confused. "Did she wake up?"

She didn't answer me for a moment. "Let me go get my superior."

I reached across the counter and grabbed her hand as it made its way towards the phone. "Can you just tell me what's going on please?"

The nurse began and panic which caused me to panic. She stared at me with wide eyes but didn't speak. Before I could say anything to her, another nurse walked up.

"Ella, what's wrong?" The second nurse asked the first.

"This...This is Mr. Baker. No one called him about Rebekah Bowman," she whispered to her coworker.

The second nurse looked at me with the same wide eyed look and then reached for the phone. "Sir, let me call your wife's Doctor."

"No, Goddamnit. One of you are going to tell me where she is." I yelled. I ignored the looks that flashed my way.

They both look panic-stricken, but eventually the second nurse swallowed hard and said. "I'm sorry, sir. We did everything..."

"She was alive when I left! I was gone for an hour!" My heart was going to break free from my chest.

"The surgery was too much for her body to handle...I'm sorry." She told me.

My entire body ran cold, and then numb. I fell to my knees in front of the nurse station in complete shock.

"Sir, are you okay?" I was asked. I didn't answer. Beks was dead. She was dead and I didn't say good bye.

"What's going on?" I heard from behind me. The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. My head was spinning.

She was gone. She was gone. I would never speak to her again. She was gone.

"Zack," Matt bent down beside me. "What's wrong?"

"Beks..." I whispered, "died." Matt didn't speak, he didn't move. If anyone loved Beks as much as I did, it was him.

I think we sat there on the floor for years, I'm not really sure. Time slipped by before we were finally able to pull ourselves up from it. When we did, my phone rang as if on cue.
It was her parents.

I answered it with a shaking hand and put it to my ear. I walked outside as I heard a "Hello? Hello? Zack are you there?"

"I'm here," I choked out. It took every ounce of energy I had. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to have this conversation.

"Is everything okay? You said it was an emergency? Is Rebekah all right?" Her mother asked me.

No. She wasn't alright. She was dead, but how was I supposed to tell that to her mother. Her mother who trusted me to keep her safe and I failed. I failed her.

"Mrs. Bowman..." I started, my voice cracked and I stopped. I couldn't cry, not now. "I'm sorry..." was all I could muster.

And just like that she knew. Her cry was a loud howl. I heard her screaming for her husband, Beks's father.

Her father got on the phone next. "Zack, tell me it's not true." I couldn't do that so I didn't answer him. He began to cry as well. "How?!"

"Jake..." I gasped, fighting back the tears. The burning in my heart made it hard to speak. "He shot her." Another wail on their end of the phone and I silently begged for them to hang up. I debated telling them about the death of their grandchild, but decided against it. This was nowhere near the time for it.

"We're getting on the first plane home," her father told me.

I nodded though they couldn't see me and said, "Okay." The line went dead and I was finally able to break down. I fell back against the building and slid down to the concrete ground. It wasn't too long ago that I was sitting in this same position because Beks was in the hospital from one of Jake's beatings. I never thought she was going to be gone a year later. I thought I got her out of a situation that would kill her, but I didn’t. She left him and was still dead. She was still gone.

I wasn't sure where Matt went and honestly I didn't care. I needed some time alone, and I was sure he did too.

My head and heart were pulled into a million directions. I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep losing the people near and dear to me. I couldn't keep loving just so they could be taken from me. I wanted her back more than anything. I wanted to hear her laugh and see her smile. I wanted to feel her warmth and hear her heart beat. Why wasn't I there to protect her? That's what I promised her I would do. I swore I would never let Jake hurt her ever again and now she was dead and it was my fault. I deserved to die. I should have been there to protect her, to jump in front of the gun or knock her away. What was so important in my life at that moment to where I wasn't there for her when she needed me the most? I couldn't remember.

She was gone and my will to live without her was nonexistent.



The days following her death were hard ones. I was tired of hearing people tell me about how sorry they were for my loss. I was tired of people who didn't even know her tell me about how great she was. I knew how great she was. She was the love of my life. I have been in love with her for as long as I could remember and now she was gone. But I knew how great she was, I didn’t need anyone to tell me how great she was.

I sat next to her parents at the funeral. Matt sat next to me and the rest of the guys sat next to him. I couldn't focus on the words that were being said. I could only think about the last time I was sitting in these seats, staring at a casket that was about to be lowered into the ground.
I should find comfort in knowing that Beks and Jimmy were together. Two of my best friends now had each other, and I should not be so selfish as to wish differently. But I didn't want to take one from the other, if I had a choice both would be at my side right now.

Everyone bowed their head in prayer and I wasn't sure if I believed in God, but I knew Beks did and so I quietly prayed. I prayed that one day I would be in her arms again; I prayed that she was happy wherever she was. Matt put his arm around my shoulders and I felt bad for not even asking him how he had been feeling in all of this. If I were being honest, I knew exactly how he was feeling. I knew he wanted to give up just as much as I did. I knew he wouldn't because he still had Valary and his unborn child at his side.

But I had no one like that, and the thoughts of suicide began to cloud my brain. I knew Beks wouldn't want me to give up. I knew she would want me to keep going, to find love again, to be happy. Except I knew I would never find the kind of love Beks and I had again. I had loved her for as long as I could remember, that wasn't something found twice in a lifetime.

After the funeral, I walked straight back to my car. I didn't feel like stopping and talking to anyone. I was on auto-pilot on the drive home. Before I knew it, I was home, with a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand. A gun lay in front of me on the table.

I took another swig of the whiskey, staring at the gun in front of me. I picked it up and checked for bullets. I was a coward, and I knew if I failed the first time I wouldn’t be able to muster up the courage to do it a second time.

I chugged the rest of the bottle with ease. My body was numb, my mind was numb. I wanted Beks. I needed her.

“Don’t worry, baby.” I whispered as I brought the gun to my temple. I closed my eyes and focused on her face. “I’m coming.”

3…2…1…

I jolted upright and my eyes flew open. The scene in front of me was different and it took me a moment before I realized I was in the guest room at Matt and Val's house. The towel was damp around my waist, and in my hand was still the small box the police had given me from my house. It was a dream.

I almost began to cry as relief washed over me. If it was a dream, that meant she was still alive. She wasn't dead, I wasn't alone. My shaking hands began to untie the ribbon around the box. The ribbon fell to the ground and I pulled the top of the box from the bottom.

My heart shattered and tears fell like raindrops as I read the words, "Our baby is the size of a raspberry" across the box. Was this what the doctor told her? Is this why she wanted to talk to me when I got home instead of over the phone? She knew she was pregnant, that's why she sounded so happy. We were going to have a baby and she was excited to tell me.

I closed the box, trapping the note and raspberry inside. I couldn't look at it anymore as my hands began to shake worse and I began to sob into them.

My phone rang and I was tempted to ignore it but my hand reached for it anyways. I accepted the call and brought it to my ear.

"Yeah?" I choked out.

"Mr. Baker this is Doctor Murphy. You'll be pleased to know Rebekah is awake and asking for you."