Status: I recommend you to read "Enough" before reading this!
Tonight the World Dies
07: The Face of Beauty to Fall For
The break up with Gena was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She was so calm about it; I wish she would have lashed out, screamed or something but she didn't. She was as calm as she would have been if I told her we were out of peanut butter. What was worse was she knew one of the reasons why I was leaving her. She knew Beks had something to do with it. She said she expected it to happen because she had known for a long time that we had been in love. That statement confused me but I didn't worry about it too much, it wouldn't change anything whether it were true or not so what was the point?
Of course, I was sad that things we're over between Gena and me. I was also lucky to have Beks who was patient in a situation like this. I knew I wanted to be with her and I knew she wanted to be with me but I didn't want to rush into anything with her for two reasons.
The first and most obvious reason was because of the very serious relationship I had just gotten out of. At one point in my life, Gena was the most important person in my life. She was the heart and soul of it; she's what kept me going for a very long time when Beks was nowhere to be found. I didn't want to disrespect her in any sort of way. I also didn't want to make Beks feel disrespected or as if she was some sort of rebound. They both deserved more, and so waiting just made sense.
Secondly, and this was more of a paranoia-type of reason, I wasn't quite ready to bring Beks onto the grid yet. Once the fans started finding out more about her and who she was and everything, I was afraid things would spiral out of control because of her past. I wasn't ashamed of her at all, that's not what it was about. I knew that there was a little information about Beks out in the cyber-world that die hard Avenged Sevenfold fans had unearthed in their extensive research, but it wasn't much at all. And even though most of our fans were awesome, and caring we did have those few that were more tenacious, jealous and if I’m being quite honest, completely psychotic. I didn't want her so out on the grid to where her past came back up and made her relive something she regretted. I wasn't ready for that; I don't think I ever would be ready for that. I couldn't stand to see her completely destroyed if or when it came out that her boyfriend sold her for drug money.
But at the same exact time, no matter how many reasons I could come up with as to why waiting to be with her would be best, I couldn't ignore the fact that being with her was the thing I wanted the most. I couldn't stop thinking about her, even when I was asleep I was dreaming of her. I tried to sit down and write a song and even it turned out to be about her.
It was then I knew I was completely and irrevocably in love with her already.
Evelyn sat opposite of me at our table at Wolfgangs Steakhouse in Los Angeles. I couldn't help but stare at her and think about how beautiful she looked in that red dress with the plunging neckline. Her wavy hair was pulled half up and her red lips made my knees weak. I kept peeking over my menu at her. After a few long glances she noticed and lowered her menu with a smile on her face.
"Why do you keep staring at me?" She asked me, there was a light laugh in her voice.
How was I supposed to tell her that I was trying to deduce how I got so lucky to be with such a beautiful, kind and amazing woman? I smiled back at her, "I was just thinking about how absolutely beautiful you look," I told her, it wasn't a lie.
Her face turned the same shade as her dress and she picked up her wine of the same hue and brought it to her lips. Suddenly red was my favourite colour. "Thank you," she said.
"You're welcome," I told her and then looked back at my menu.
After a few moments she asked, "What are you getting?"
I scanned the menu one last time before deciding. "The ribeye steak with the house salad, baked potato and broccoli. What about you?"
"I'm think about getting the 8 ounce filet mignon, with the house salad and mashed potatoes."
"Good. You can share some with me. I haven't ever had their filet mignon."
She laughed. "I will not. Order your own."
"Wow, rude!" I laughed.
She opened her mouth to reply but the server walked up. "Are you both ready to order?" He asked us. We nodded and he turned to Beks. "Ladies first."
She told him her order and then she turned to me and I rattled mine off as well. He took our menus and told us he would be back with our salads shortly. After he walked off I caught Beks staring at me.
"What?" I laughed.
She smiled. "Just wondering how I got lucky enough go on a date with a super attractive man.”
I winked at her. "That booty."
She threw her head back in a laugh. "You always have to ruin the moment."
I laughed too. "But would you have it any other way?"
She shook her head. "I guess I'll accept you for who you are."
Our salads came, and then our entrees. By time it was time for desert, Beks and I were way too full. The server laid down our check and I glanced at it before placing over $200 in the check book. Beks and I finished our wine and the server retrieved his book with the payment in it.
"Thank you so much for dining with us Mr. and Mrs. Baker." He told us before walking off.
Beks laughed. "Mrs. Baker huh?"
I smiled and made some sort of joke too before standing up and took her hand. She laced her fingers with mine before we walked out of the restaurant.
When we got to the car I placed my hand on the small of her back while I opened her car door.
She didn't get in but instead she turned to me and kissed me.
I kissed her back but pulled away when I heard footsteps approaching us. It was a group of teenagers or young adults. They were walking past us but their eyes were on us and their mouths were moving in hushed whispers. I put my head down, hoping they didn't recognize me. Their footsteps became quiet and when I looked up Beks didn't look happy.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
She stared at me for a moment before sighing and looking away from me. "It's nothing."
I searched her face for answers, but she refused to look at me. "Beks," I urged.
She looked up at me and another sigh escaped her lips. "It's nothing," she repeated.
"Please tell me," I asked her. "I hate seeing you upset."
She nibbled on her lip. "I just don't understand why you do that, I guess."
"Do what?"
"Act like your ashamed to be seen with me or something," her voice was quiet.
I pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I'm not ashamed of you at all." It was the truth. After all, how could I be ashamed of someone so beautiful and kind?
"Then why do you shield your face every time someone who might recognize you walks by? I get that maybe you don't want anyone to see you with someone so soon because of Gena but...I don't know. I mean, if you don't want to be seen with me we don't have to go out and do things or whatever." She rubbed her arm awkwardly.
"Beks, I'm not ashamed of you," I told her. "Why on earth would I be ashamed of you? You're one of the best people I know. I mean, and you're absolutely stunning. I have no reason to be ashamed of you."
"Then why do you hide your face anytime we're seen together in a romantic setting?"
"I don't," I told her. She gave me a look and I sighed. "Okay, maybe I do sometimes but that's more to protect you than it is to protect me."
"What do you mean?" She asked. "It's not like Jake's going to see a picture of you with me and come out to get me. I haven't heard from him in a long time. I don't know if he'll ever come back but I can't spend my days worrying about him."
I shook my head. "It's not him coming back that worries me," I told her, though I did worry about him coming back for her. "It's more about what people will say about you once you're on the grid. People can be harsh Beks, especially if they find out a past like yours. They don't care; they'll twist what actually happened and make you out to be the bad guy if they want."
"So you are ashamed of me?" She asked. "I know my past is a bad one Zack, but..."
"Not ashamed.” I sighed and took her hands. “I just don’t want you to get hurt because of something that was out of your control. Look, Beks I love you. I love every single part of you, even the dark parts. Don’t ever think I’m ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you.”
Her eyes flashed across my face and then to the ground. “Will you just stop trying to protect me, please? I just want us to have a normal relationship.”
I shook my head. “I will always protect you.” She opened her mouth but I pressed a finger to her lips softly and smiled when she scolded me. “But, I’ll stop hiding you from people. Deal?”
She smiled and swatted my finger away. She pressed her lips against mine. “Okay, deal.”
Of course, I was sad that things we're over between Gena and me. I was also lucky to have Beks who was patient in a situation like this. I knew I wanted to be with her and I knew she wanted to be with me but I didn't want to rush into anything with her for two reasons.
The first and most obvious reason was because of the very serious relationship I had just gotten out of. At one point in my life, Gena was the most important person in my life. She was the heart and soul of it; she's what kept me going for a very long time when Beks was nowhere to be found. I didn't want to disrespect her in any sort of way. I also didn't want to make Beks feel disrespected or as if she was some sort of rebound. They both deserved more, and so waiting just made sense.
Secondly, and this was more of a paranoia-type of reason, I wasn't quite ready to bring Beks onto the grid yet. Once the fans started finding out more about her and who she was and everything, I was afraid things would spiral out of control because of her past. I wasn't ashamed of her at all, that's not what it was about. I knew that there was a little information about Beks out in the cyber-world that die hard Avenged Sevenfold fans had unearthed in their extensive research, but it wasn't much at all. And even though most of our fans were awesome, and caring we did have those few that were more tenacious, jealous and if I’m being quite honest, completely psychotic. I didn't want her so out on the grid to where her past came back up and made her relive something she regretted. I wasn't ready for that; I don't think I ever would be ready for that. I couldn't stand to see her completely destroyed if or when it came out that her boyfriend sold her for drug money.
But at the same exact time, no matter how many reasons I could come up with as to why waiting to be with her would be best, I couldn't ignore the fact that being with her was the thing I wanted the most. I couldn't stop thinking about her, even when I was asleep I was dreaming of her. I tried to sit down and write a song and even it turned out to be about her.
It was then I knew I was completely and irrevocably in love with her already.
Evelyn sat opposite of me at our table at Wolfgangs Steakhouse in Los Angeles. I couldn't help but stare at her and think about how beautiful she looked in that red dress with the plunging neckline. Her wavy hair was pulled half up and her red lips made my knees weak. I kept peeking over my menu at her. After a few long glances she noticed and lowered her menu with a smile on her face.
"Why do you keep staring at me?" She asked me, there was a light laugh in her voice.
How was I supposed to tell her that I was trying to deduce how I got so lucky to be with such a beautiful, kind and amazing woman? I smiled back at her, "I was just thinking about how absolutely beautiful you look," I told her, it wasn't a lie.
Her face turned the same shade as her dress and she picked up her wine of the same hue and brought it to her lips. Suddenly red was my favourite colour. "Thank you," she said.
"You're welcome," I told her and then looked back at my menu.
After a few moments she asked, "What are you getting?"
I scanned the menu one last time before deciding. "The ribeye steak with the house salad, baked potato and broccoli. What about you?"
"I'm think about getting the 8 ounce filet mignon, with the house salad and mashed potatoes."
"Good. You can share some with me. I haven't ever had their filet mignon."
She laughed. "I will not. Order your own."
"Wow, rude!" I laughed.
She opened her mouth to reply but the server walked up. "Are you both ready to order?" He asked us. We nodded and he turned to Beks. "Ladies first."
She told him her order and then she turned to me and I rattled mine off as well. He took our menus and told us he would be back with our salads shortly. After he walked off I caught Beks staring at me.
"What?" I laughed.
She smiled. "Just wondering how I got lucky enough go on a date with a super attractive man.”
I winked at her. "That booty."
She threw her head back in a laugh. "You always have to ruin the moment."
I laughed too. "But would you have it any other way?"
She shook her head. "I guess I'll accept you for who you are."
Our salads came, and then our entrees. By time it was time for desert, Beks and I were way too full. The server laid down our check and I glanced at it before placing over $200 in the check book. Beks and I finished our wine and the server retrieved his book with the payment in it.
"Thank you so much for dining with us Mr. and Mrs. Baker." He told us before walking off.
Beks laughed. "Mrs. Baker huh?"
I smiled and made some sort of joke too before standing up and took her hand. She laced her fingers with mine before we walked out of the restaurant.
When we got to the car I placed my hand on the small of her back while I opened her car door.
She didn't get in but instead she turned to me and kissed me.
I kissed her back but pulled away when I heard footsteps approaching us. It was a group of teenagers or young adults. They were walking past us but their eyes were on us and their mouths were moving in hushed whispers. I put my head down, hoping they didn't recognize me. Their footsteps became quiet and when I looked up Beks didn't look happy.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
She stared at me for a moment before sighing and looking away from me. "It's nothing."
I searched her face for answers, but she refused to look at me. "Beks," I urged.
She looked up at me and another sigh escaped her lips. "It's nothing," she repeated.
"Please tell me," I asked her. "I hate seeing you upset."
She nibbled on her lip. "I just don't understand why you do that, I guess."
"Do what?"
"Act like your ashamed to be seen with me or something," her voice was quiet.
I pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I'm not ashamed of you at all." It was the truth. After all, how could I be ashamed of someone so beautiful and kind?
"Then why do you shield your face every time someone who might recognize you walks by? I get that maybe you don't want anyone to see you with someone so soon because of Gena but...I don't know. I mean, if you don't want to be seen with me we don't have to go out and do things or whatever." She rubbed her arm awkwardly.
"Beks, I'm not ashamed of you," I told her. "Why on earth would I be ashamed of you? You're one of the best people I know. I mean, and you're absolutely stunning. I have no reason to be ashamed of you."
"Then why do you hide your face anytime we're seen together in a romantic setting?"
"I don't," I told her. She gave me a look and I sighed. "Okay, maybe I do sometimes but that's more to protect you than it is to protect me."
"What do you mean?" She asked. "It's not like Jake's going to see a picture of you with me and come out to get me. I haven't heard from him in a long time. I don't know if he'll ever come back but I can't spend my days worrying about him."
I shook my head. "It's not him coming back that worries me," I told her, though I did worry about him coming back for her. "It's more about what people will say about you once you're on the grid. People can be harsh Beks, especially if they find out a past like yours. They don't care; they'll twist what actually happened and make you out to be the bad guy if they want."
"So you are ashamed of me?" She asked. "I know my past is a bad one Zack, but..."
"Not ashamed.” I sighed and took her hands. “I just don’t want you to get hurt because of something that was out of your control. Look, Beks I love you. I love every single part of you, even the dark parts. Don’t ever think I’m ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you.”
Her eyes flashed across my face and then to the ground. “Will you just stop trying to protect me, please? I just want us to have a normal relationship.”
I shook my head. “I will always protect you.” She opened her mouth but I pressed a finger to her lips softly and smiled when she scolded me. “But, I’ll stop hiding you from people. Deal?”
She smiled and swatted my finger away. She pressed her lips against mine. “Okay, deal.”