Illuminate

The Hatter and Cheshire stole a glance at each other before turning their attention back to me. Cheshire's eyes glittered slightly with worry.

"Are you sure you want to find the rabbit? He's a little crazy, you know," Tweedledee said with a face.

I smiled at him assuredly. "Yes, I am sure. There are some questions that I would like to ask him, and I since he is the one who brought me here, he should have the answers I seek."

March Hare stood abruptly, his cheeks colored with anger as his eyes glittered. "Why in god's name would you want anything to do with that damn rabbit after all that he's done to you?"

Hatter rolled his eyes on a sigh and waved a hand at him. "Sit down, March before you work yourself into a frenzy," he said dryly.

I watched on as he hesitated, but managed a calm facade as he sat back down and kept his eyes closed as if to calm himself. I looked over at Cheshire, wondering if he would be so inclined to take me. The small pointed feline ears peering through his silvery hair twitched, almost in response to my thoughts. His topaz eyes gleamed and he smiled.

"I shall be your guide then, dear Alice," he said calmly as the March Hare dragged his fingers across the table in silence, leaving behind marks.

I frowned at him before turning my attention back to Cheshire. "Is it safe? The castle."

Hatter seemed oddly serious when he spoke. "Nothing in the Kingdom of Hearts is really safe."

A tense silence fell over the table and the twins hung their heads, thoughtful and knowing. Cheshire didn't even grin as he regarded me keenly with those intuitive eyes. I strengthened my resolve and rose to my feet gracefully.

"Well, it is not like I can just leave. According to Peter White, this is a game. I intend to learn the rules and win my freedom," I said strongly, knowing deep inside that I would succeed. I looked to the Hatter. "I thank you very much for inviting me to your tea party. However, it is time that I find Mr. White."

The Hatter smiled, impressed with my response. Everyone rose to their feet just as he did and turned their attention to me.

"Good luck on your journey, Alice. Be wary," he warned with the tip of his hat. "There are things here in Wonderland that may catch you off guard."

I took heed of his warning and curtsied once more before meeting Cheshire who stood off to the side. He gazed down at me passively, and I wondered what it was he thinking about.

"Are you ready, Alice?" he asked quietly, his eyes searching for flaws in my resolve.

I lifted my head high and gave a nod. "I am, Cheshire. Please take me to Peter White."

He managed a small smile, so different from his usual grin that it made me begin to doubt myself. Was the castle really such a terrible place, or was it just Peter White?

Glancing over my shoulder, I managed a wave at the new friends I had made and Hatter tipped his hat to me once more with a wink. I blushed and turned away abruptly, heart racing. Cheshire chuckled beside me, having transformed into the beast. His eyes glinted teasingly.

"So naive, are you Alice?"

I frowned down at him, unwilling to respond to his teasing words. He just laughed harder as we entered the forest towards the castle looming in the distance.

I learned that Wonderland was a very unique place indeed. Typical trees like that of home created the forest, but mixed in between were large stemmed mushrooms with beautiful crafted red and white caps that could shield from rainfall. Big and small flowers covered the forest ground, swaying in a breeze that didn't exist, singing softly together in harmony as we passed. We passed a red rose bush, the buds twisting side to side as they sang, small faces appearing in the center with black beady eyes. Smiling, I continued onward toward the tallest mushroom cap in the forest. Squinting, I noticed smoke rising from the top in shapes and letters.

"This is where the wisest creature of Wonderland resides," Cheshire said quietly as he gazed upwards, watching the smoke.

"I've been expecting you, Alice," a honeyed voice said from above and I frowned. "Cheshire, bring her to me, would you? I would very much like to see her."

Cheshire passed me a toothy grin before swooping his arm beneath my legs, and cradling me in his arms. I cried out in surprise as he jumped up from the ground smoothly, launching us high into the air. I stared as the top of the mushroom head came in to view and there on a small throne of vines sat a handsome devil of a man with sharp eyes. In his his grasp, he held a hookah pipe.

As soon as my feet touched the mushroom top, I breathed a sigh of relief and stepped forward curiously. Two long antenna curled from just behind his hair line and that was when I noticed that he had six arms, three on each side. His smile widened at my blatant stare of surprise.

"Hello, Alice," he said knowingly, his eyes like sparkling rubies.

Remembering my manners, I dipped down into a curtsy before him. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr..." I trailed off, not knowing who he was and he chuckled.

He lifted the hookah to his lips, inhaled deeply and when he exhaled, letters formed from the smoke and hovered above me in the air. Caterpillar, it read and I frowned.

"I'm afraid that you don't much resemble a caterpillar," I said honestly, eyes tracing over his mostly human features other then his six arms.

He laughed delightfully and sent a knowing wink to Cheshire, who was grinning from ear to ear. Glancing at them both, I couldn't tell what exactly was so funny. While I waited for them to stop silently communicating and laughing, I gazed around the forest from the height of the mushroom. Small firefly fish floated around, trailing streams of dust in their wake and I had to smile. Everything about Wonderland was beautiful and magical. Nearby, a herd of small deer-looking creatures grazed on sprouted lemon-drops.

"Peter White will not give you the answers you seek, Alice."

I turned in surprise at the sound of Caterpillar's voice. He regarded me seriously, his eyes intense as he puffed away on his hookah. The smoke smelled of lavender and vanilla as it washed over me in the shape of a rabbit head.

For the first time, I felt frustrated. I had been going along with everything, somehow knowing that I would end up where I needed to be. After hearing the words from Hatter and the March Hare, I had had enough. I needed answers as to why I was brought here.

I looked to the caterpillar thoughtfully. He was said to be the wisest of all Wonderland, so maybe he would have the answers I sought. He smiled and blew out a billow of smoke that answered the question on my mind, the letters shaped into a 'yes'. I stepped forward and gracefully knelt down beside the caterpillar's throne, gazing up at him questioningly.

"Can you help me understand, Caterpillar?" I asked in a small voice, hoping to have some sort of clarification to my confusion. "Can you tell me why Peter White forced me down the rabbit hole?"

Those ruby eyes glistened as he gazed at me, and I felt myself slipping away, being drawn into his eyes that lead to a different era. When I blinked and opened my eyes again, the scenery remained the same but it was different. Cheshire had disappeared and the mushroom we stood on was not as tall. Caterpillar stood beside me, though he was just a boy and he couldn't see me.

"This is a vision of mine, Alice. No one here will see you," the caterpillar's voice said inside of my mind. "I will show you."

The world warped in front of my eyes, and I suddenly found myself standing in a large castle full of the color red and heart shapes as far as I could see.

"Heart Palace," Caterpillar confirmed in a whisper just as Peter White swept right in front of me.

My heart leaped into my throat and I stumbled away in response. My breath came quick as I watched the younger version of himself sweep along the corridor. I realized that as he had passed, he looked terribly worried about something. Curious, I followed him around the corner and down the hall. We twisted and turned throughout the castle until he disappeared in one room in particular. I slowly crept closer when I heard the sound of talking and peered through the opened slit of the door inside.

A lovely woman with a waterfall of luxurious red hair stood near the window in a gown of blood red pattered with black lace in the shape of hearts. Her lashes were long as they swept down against her cheeks, her lips as red as her gown. Even her eyes were a pretty scarlet hue, tinged with pink. She was a picture perfect queen. It was the small girl that I saw standing next to her that made my blood run cold in dread.

The girl wore a white and blue dress with white stockings and small black dancer shoes. Long sunshine blond hair fell down her back in a straight arrow, held back by a pretty blue ribbon of a headband. She turned her head and smiled up at the Queen, showing me the face of a younger version of myself with rosy cheeks and sparkling blue violet eyes.

"Caterpillar," I breathed in shock, unable to tear my eyes away, "Please tell me that is not me."

My mind remained silent, and a chill shivered down my spine.

The Queen smiled over the little girl's head towards Peter White as he stepped forward. Long blond hair spun as the girl turned, her eyes widened with delight at the sight of the white rabbit who led her down the rabbit hole. Giggling, she wrapped her small arms around his waist and held tight. The loving smile on Peter's face made me unable to breath. His eyes were so warm and tender, his smile more loving then I had ever seen. He loved her, I thought in awe. He loved Alice with all his being.

I pulled away, feeling a sharp pain inside of my chest. The feeling was foreign to me, and yet as I watched the two of them, it felt sharp like a blade and brought tears to my eyes. Who was Peter White to me, and why was I standing in that room, a child?

I pushed away, staggering down the hallway away from the scene that I had never wanted to see. It felt as though something was awakening, some memory I had long forgotten was trying to push it's way out. I cried out when a sharp pain pierced my mind and collapsed against the wall.

Alice!

I gasped at the sound of the voice I recognized. It belonged to my rescuer from the shadows.

"Who are you?" I whispered, looking around for any sign of him.

Alice, you need to get out there. It's not time yet.

Tears pricked my eyes with frustration. "I do not know how to get out. The Caterpillar sent me here."

I dropped to my knees when the pain pierced my mind again, my heart aching painfully in my chest. Slowly, images began to trickle through in my mind like a quickly turning paged book. Peter White was there, gazing down at me with tender eyes and smiling like he was the happiest man in the world. In the vision, I gazed up at him through child-like eyes and the emotions that I felt threatened to overwhelm me.

I cried out when the pain became unbearable, trying to shield myself from the unwanted flood of visions forcing their way out. Suddenly the world twisted into time and space until the familiar sights of sounds of my present Wonderland flowed into my consciousness. I opened my eyes on a gasp, finding the world was tilted. I realized that my head was rested on the caterpillar's lap and he was stroking my hair. Tears fell freely from my eyes, my heart squeezing painfully as I turned to look up at him.

His ruby eyes were soft and understanding as he continued to stroke my hair gently. Cheshire knelt down beside me as I forced myself to sit up, trembling as the tears spilled freely. He mustered a smile, though it never reached his eyes.

"Be careful with those," he joked hoarsely, "they once created the Ocean of Tears."

A quick fast memory flickered in my mind of myself as a child, grown into a giant and large, heavy tears swiftly creating the new ocean of Wonderland. The memory only made the tears fall faster, but it did make me laugh because I could remember. The laughter turned into sobs as the rolling turbulent emotions settled in deep. He reached out and cupped my face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears as he murmured apologies for things that I couldn't remember. Softly, he pressed his forehead against my own, his hands ever so gentle against my skin.

"I'm so sorry Alice. This is just the tip of the iceberg however," the caterpillar said quietly from behind me. Pulling away slowly from Cheshire's loving touch, I turned a tearful gaze.

"What is going on, Caterpillar?" I breathed, tears streaming as my breath hitched. "Why am I having these visions, and why...why?"

His eyes softened as he rose from his throne and knelt down before me, stroking my cheek affectionately.

"This isn't your first time here, Alice," he said honestly, and I gasped. "This is part of the game, and unfortunately you were given a never ending role thanks to Peter White."

I stared off into the distance, unable to move as he rose and turned to pace. I plucked at the white apron that had been given to me by my sister back home.

"Those are my memories," I murmured in understanding. "Peter White brought me here as a child."

He gave a nod in confirmation and I slowly rose to my feet. I turned and gazed out over the land at the setting sun, wondering how many times I had seen it before. How many of these people have I already met? Was March Hare so upset because each round of the game, I returned with no memories of them?

One thing about this bothered me however. Frowning, I turned to the Caterpillar and he smiled sadly as if already knowing what I was going to ask.

"You die, Alice," he said softly, his voice pained but resigned. "Your everlasting role in the game is to die by the hands of the Red Queen."

I felt like my heart was being torn to pieces. How many 'games' have I played? How many hearts of my own have I broken because these people, my friends, had to watch me die and return without any recollection of them? I sadness I did not realize that I possessed, fell over me like a fog. I felt sorrow for the people of Wonderland. I turned to look at Cheshire and was stunned to see that he had tears in his eyes, although he was statuesque as he gazed down upon me. Tears filled my eyes once more.

"I am so sorry," I murmured, feeling the cracks in my heart growing larger as his expression became pained.

He closed the distance and grabbed my shoulders, giving me a small shake. "Never apologize, Alice," he said roughly, eyes sparkling with emotion. "Never."

I gave a quite nod as the few tears slipped down my cheeks. He placed a gentle kiss on the crown of my head and I inhaled a deep, calming breath. My heart rate slowed and the tears finally came to a stop when I was able to center myself.

I turned to face the Caterpillar and gave a nod, my head finally clear. "If this is a game, what are the rules?"

He smiled and seemed to swell with pride as he faced me. "The rules are simple," he said assuredly, "Fulfill your 'role'."

I frowned in confusion. "How do you know who wins?"

Cheshire's hand on my shoulder made me pause and regard him carefully. His features were hard as stone and shadowed.

"No one wins," he said darkly, his topaz eyes flickering to my own. "The game just starts over after the Queen beheads you."

I gape at him in horror and touch my throat. The caterpillar moves closer, blowing out smoke to form an image of a younger me.

"This game is different however," he said smoothly with knowing glint in his eye, "this is the first time that you've come to Wonderland has a young woman."

I pondered what exactly that meant, but knew it did indeed mean something very important. If I had come each time to the 'game' as a child, then coming as a young woman made all the difference. The 'game' would change.

Determined, I gave a nod and placed my hands on my hips, feeling rebellious for the very first time.

"Rules are merely guidelines. Sometimes, even rules are meant to be broken."