Illuminate

Darkness was everywhere. It surrounded me in every sense of the word, no glimmer nor gleam of light. A unsettling feeling of unease filled my chest as I stared at the tiny figure that had once been myself; or had it been? I have discovered that the longer I remain in Wonderland, the longer my soul is marinated in the Madness.

A speck of white drifted down before me, capturing my full attention. I followed the white speck until it disappeared into the endless darkness beneath me that felt solid. A moment passed until another white speck drifted down from nowhere, and another until suddenly the shadows were filled with falling snow. The tiny figure cocked her blond head in wonderment, gazing up at the black void in silence. Snow?

Baffled by the occurance, I lifted my hand in silence to capture the tiny fragments. The silence was deafening as I watched a shimmering snowflake cascade down and touch the palm of my hand. The light speed second in which it touched my flesh, the world suddenly roared to life with sounds and color like a vacumm. Everything spun wildly and trembled like an earthquake until I stood in an open field of snow, snowflakes falling the same as it had in the Void.

I felt no wind, no breeze or sharp coldness that my eyes perceived. The vastness of white seemed to be neverending as I turned in a circle, only pausing as it rested on the small familiar form. I watched in awe and horror as that long blond head slowly leeched of color, fragments of the lingering darkness seeping in to transform. Hair as black as a raven's wing, the tiny figure turned slowly to face me. Eerily silver eyes pierced me when those once blond lashes lifted. Black veins like ink grew and spread from her eyes like wings, tiny rosebud jewels forming until she no longer looked human. Silently, those child-like lips parted into a wide silent scream, those eyes like saucers.

"ALICE!"

My heart lurched like a wildly beating drum in my chest, and my eyes flew open, wet with tears. My body moved on its own, sitting upright in an unnaturally fast movement. My breathing was harsh, like sobs as the tears fell. My flesh was wet, yet cold with sweat from the nightmare I had seen and I covered my face with my hands, shaking in the aftermath. I felt the hard ridges of the gems that protuded from my flesh near my eyes, and froze in terror. There were more.

I had yet to notice that the room was full of people staring at me in shock, their faces pale from what they had witnessed. I swiftly pushed myself out of the couch I had fallen asleep on and frantically searched for the nearest mirror. I pushed things around, making a mess of Julian's books and shelves until my shaking hands found something reflective. I focused on myself and exhaled all the air in my lungs, suddenly feeling lightheaded. The inky veins had grown, fanning out like faerie wings and blooms that revealed two more sets of gems that seemed to wink back at me. I touched the inky tattoo gently and frowned when it moved. Raising my gaze higher, I stiffled a cry when I realized that it was a strand of black hair. My once blond head was now streaked with black as the darkness had been in my dream. I stared at myself in horror, seeing a small ring of silver around the irises of that familiar blue. Black spots suddenly filled my vision and I swayed away from the shelf.

Strong pairs of hands touched me, to steady me on my feet and it was then I realized that I had been holding my breath. I released in an explosive burst and finally turned to the faces staring back at me with worry, and watched as they all stared in astonishment. Julian stepped back as Cheshire reached out to touch a strand of black, while Hatter carefully stroked the crystalized formations near my temples. March Hare reached out slowly, his fingertips gently passing over in front of my eyes, seeming entranced.

"What's going on?" he breathed, his eyes darting over my form as he took a step back to give me space.

I felt as though I was going to be sick. "I don't know...I don't know anything anymore."

The imagine of my younger self screaming silently made my skin crawl. What was I turning into, and why? How many times have I been to Wonderland? All of these visions, what did they mean for me? I had so many questions, and not enough answers.

Julian stepped into the fray, his gaze unfocused as he stroked his chin in thought. "Nothing like this has ever happened before. I can't say that I have any inkling what is happening either," he admitted worriedly, his eyes meeting my own. My heart lurched unsettlingly.

"How many lives have I lived in Wonderland?" I murmured, feeling a sense of foreboding. I don't know why I felt this way, but the visions were telling me something. It was myself that I kept seeing in those visions, of a past I couldn't remember as being truly my own.

The room fell into an unnerving silence and I looked at each one of them expectantly, but no one, not even the Hatter would meet my gaze and anger blossomed in my chest.

"Why will you not speak?" I cried to them, staring them down from behind moonlit eyes. I was transforming right before them, losing a piece of myself that I knew I would never be able to get back. "Why must you keep quiet of the things that I must know?"

"It's because we are bound by laws of the game, Alice."

Head's turned to see Peter White standing in the doorway, his face expressionless. I stared him down, moving past the others until I came face to face with him. I watched his ruby eyes quickly scan over me, before his adam's apple bobbed but remained stoic in expression.

"And who is the maker of this game, Peter White?" I whispered, feeling confident in the ability that I could suddenly make him spout his deepest, darkest secrets.

True fear flittered in his eyes, and I narrowed my eyes. I stepped closer to him, relishing the moment when he stepped away. Since I had come to Wonderland, he had stalked me all around and hurt the people I cared about. Now, he was frightened of little old me, his Alice.

A smile curved my lips, not of my own volition. Deep down I sensed that something was wrong. It was as though there was another entitiy inside of myself, acting on my behalf. The feeling was unsettling but I was unable to break free of the chains that suddenly bound me.

"I-I can't s-say," he stuttered, his already pale skin turning pasty white as I leaned closer to his face.

"Can't or won't, Mr. Rabbit?" my voice was no longer my own, and it terrified me.

"Who are you?" Julian demanded from behind me, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. I could only see through my own eyes as my body turned, that sardonic smile moving my lips.

"Why, I'm just Alice," my voice said in a falsetto voice of a child. "I am me."

In an instant, a gun was pointed in my face and I inwardly flinched although my body did not move. March Hare's glare was fierce as he shielded the Hatter, his master.

"You," he breathed in anguish, "you are not our beloved Alice."

That smile grew wider. "Oh, but I am."

Suddenly all I could see was darkness, surrounded by nothing but silence and falling flakes of snow. I screamed.