The Study of Red

Heat. Red-hot anger. Fiery locks of hair. Lips, dripping blood. Eyes, burning with rage. Tongue spitting licks of fire.

Everything about Andrea Redanski was heat. As a poet, Melissa Nurse couldn’t think of any better way to describe Andrea than with metaphors of heat and fire. It was more than fitting that their teammates nicknamed Andrea ‘Red’. The color of her hair, the first syllable of her last name, the heat she radiated in her daily demeanor. She was a girl meant to be associated with the color red in any way possible.

Melissa knew she was done for the moment she laid her eyes on Andrea. It was the first day of practice. She’d made it onto the Volleyball team at her first choice university. Any number of emotions could have been used to describe her that first practice. Excited, anxious, ecstatic, terrified. Infatuated.

Melissa watched as a tall redhead walked tentatively into the practice gym. Hair pulled into a high ponytail, spandex shorts and a tight tank showing off her long legs and powerful arms, a slight scowl on her face as she sat down in one of the chairs circled around the floor. There were to be introductions and such made shortly, once everyone arrived, and Melissa had never been more excited to learn a teammate’s name.

Andrea Redanski. From a small town off the coast of Maine. Has four siblings. Chose this school because it offered the biggest scholarship. Computer Science major. Short temper. Hates romantic comedies because “they’re essentially all the same movie”. Likes cooking; hates baking. Doesn’t understand poetry, no matter how many times Melissa has tried to help remedy that.

For the first few months of practices, Andrea did not get along with Melissa. She thought the brunette was pretentious and ignorant, and she didn’t hesitate to say so to her face. She called Melissa infuriating and bullheaded. She often told Melissa to check her privilege, before storming off on a tidal wave of rage. Andrea thought that Melissa, a graduate of a private all-girls high school - someone who had grown up in an “uppity Manhattan brownstone” - would never be able to understand someone like herself. She saw them existing in two separate worlds, unable to fully see each other for who they were.

Melissa thought that was bullshit.

Looking back, Melissa could objectively see that it was her fault. In the heat of the moment, however, she couldn’t see past her own fury towards Andrea’s stubbornness. Perhaps Melissa simply pushed too hard. It’s possible that she even wanted to provoke her. But standing there on the side of the Rec Center, Andrea’s blood smeared on her fist, her forehead throbbing from Andrea’s initial blow, all Melissa saw was red.

“Why are you always so pigheaded about everything? You don’t actually know everything about me, contrary to your belief. You won’t even come with Liz and I for coffee! Why do you keep insisting that we’re terrible people just because we’re not here on a scholarship?”

Melissa had thought Andrea was angry enough as it was, but as soon as she finished yelling, she realized her mistake. Andrea was furious. Instead of swinging her fist in another punch, Andrea grabbed Melissa’s jacket by the pockets and shoved her against the brick wall, knocking the breath right out of her. She pulled back one hand to point a finger accusatively in Melissa’s face.

“Don’t you dare pretend you know a damned thing about me.” Her words were whispered harshly, her face impossibly close to Melissa’s. The tangy smell of blood mixed with the freshness of their post-practice showers, the conflicting scents making it difficult for Melissa to think straight. “Just like I don’t think I know everything about you. But I have known a lot of people like you. Riding on the backs of your parents’ bank accounts, sliding through life happy and free to do whatever the fuck you feel like doing, with no repercussions whatsoever. I’ve met so many people like you Nurse. That’s why I stay away from you, and Liz, and half the other girls on the team. You can’t even begin to understand what I’ve been through and you won’t even try. It’s not worth being around you because I know you’ll all just end up hurting me anyways.”

Melissa’s rage immediately subsided. She’d had no clue that was the reason for Andrea pushing them away. “C’mon Red, you don’t know-”

“I do know that!” Andrea screamed, pushing herself away from Melissa and the wall behind her. “I grew up in a family that barely scraped by week to week. I had to do my neighbor's’ yard work and babysit their kids just to be able to pay for my equipment. My school was pay-to-play. I’ve basically had a job since I was in the seventh grade just so I could keep playing volleyball. I’ve worked the last two summers on a fishing boat just to be able to pay for what my scholarship doesn’t cover.”

“I - I didn’t know all that,” Melissa admitted quietly, looking at Andrea hesitantly. “But what does that have to do with us hurting you?”

Andrea spit blood to the side and wiped at her lips, really only smearing it. Tears were forming in her eyes, however much she seemed to be resisting it. She groaned and wiped at her eyes with her clean hand.

“I can’t afford to be your friend. If I start trying to hang out with you, I won’t be able to continue it because I don’t have money to spend like you guys do. And I’m fine with that!” she exclaimed, as if Melissa were about to fight her on the notion. “But you won’t be. You’ll stop wanting to be around me because I literally can’t afford to be friends with you. It’s happened to me before and I can’t go through with it again. You won’t mean to hurt me, but you will. That’s why I don’t want to be your friend Nurse. I won’t let you close enough to hurt me.”

All the words in the world couldn’t describe how heartbroken that made Melissa feel. She knew she was privileged. She understood, for the most part, that she and Andrea did grow up in different worlds. But she never would have thought that money would have been the factor that kept them from becoming friends.

Melissa didn’t realize she’d started crying until Andrea half-yelled, half-laughed, “What the fuck are you crying for?”

“Shit, I…” Melissa wiped her knuckles under her eyes and sniffled a little. “It just kills me to think that people have done that to you before. I wouldn’t - I mean, I don’t even...like, shit dude, more than half the time I even hang out with anyone we just end up watching TV or playing games or some shit like that. I can’t even really imagine us ever doing much of anything that costs money.”

Andrea scoffed weakly, crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah right.”

“No seriously. What do I even have time for anyways? I’ve got classes and homework and practice and games and so much going on all the time. I barely have time to hang out with anyone, so when I do, all I wanna do is chill, y’know?”

“And you’re saying, that with all the little free time you have, you’d want to spend some of it ‘chilling’ with me?” she asked skeptically, throwing an air quote up with the word ‘chilling’, as if it were silly to her. She sniffled and looked at her feet.

“Hell yeah I wanna chill with you Andrea.” Melissa walked over to where the other girl was standing. She reached a hand out and tapped a finger under Andrea’s chin, causing her to look up again and meet Melissa’s eyes. She quirked a smile and said, “Maybe that’s what you need too. You’re the physical embodiment of heat, so maybe you need to chill a little.”

Andrea rolled her eyes but smirked anyways. “That was a terrible pun. And did you just call me hot?”

Melissa laughed. “No. I mean, you are - no doubt about that. But that’s not what I meant. I could write so much poetry about how you embody heat. Your color of your hair, your hair-trigger temper, the symbolism in your name, the warmth of the sun that gives your skin all those ridiculously kissable freckles, the heat pooling in your cheeks this very moment as I sweet talk you.”

She ducked her head again and chuckled nervously. “Shut up Nurse.”

“Never.”

“What?” Her eyes met Melissa’s once again, only in confusion.

“I could go on forever about all the ways you radiate heat and personify the color red. Especially if it means getting this kind of reaction out of you.”

Andrea laughed again, shaking her head. “You’re literally the worst Melissa.”

“Does that mean you want to go back to my dorm? Netflix and chill, perhaps?”

Andrea squeaked and punched Melissa in the arm playfully. “The. Worst. I’m serious.”

“Is that a no?”

She rolled her eyes and reached down to grab Melissa’s hand. “Just start walking before I change my mind about your pretentious ass.”

In the following weeks, Melissa learned even more ways that Andrea resembled heat.

The intensity of her gaze while they faced off against an opposing team. The possessive tone of her voice claiming a ball coming over the net. The hot whispers in Melissa’s ears as they pass in the locker room, trying to act as inconspicuous as possible. The flush of her cheeks and red of her lips as she pulls away from Melissa’s mouth with her bottom lip captured by her teeth. The flicker in her eyes when Melissa begs for her touches. The ferocity with which she kisses Melissa once she’s finally told her she loves her.