The Truth Is...

When Claudia woke up alone in James’ bed that morning she rolled onto her back, stared at the ceiling and let out a sigh as she covered her eyes with her palm. She was tangled in the sheets, the blanket was on the floor by their discarded clothes and she realized what a mess they had made of things now. Why had she gone back to his room? She should have just left things at the kiss and gone to bed, a smart person would have.

This complicated things between them enough, but to add in the fact that they had then practically gone directly into his bed after it? This was a recipe for disaster.

Never once in their three years of friendship had they ever crossed that line even once, they had never even kissed before last night. So what changed for that to happen?

Lucca and Anna had gotten in her head, that was what had happened. They had to start bringing things up and making it impossible for Claudia to think of anything else. Their words had struck something inside of her, because since hearing them she had been looking at James in a very different way, in a way that she never had before.

Suddenly every time she looked at him she found something new, something she decided she loved about him; the way his hair fell in just the right way around his face, that tiny bit of green in his eyes, the way one side of his mouth was slightly crooked when he smiled. She even found the wrinkles around his eyes endearing.

Bringing both hands to her face Claudia rubbed her skin harshly as she let out a breath of air.

What the hell was wrong with her? He was not a guy she should want to be with, not even close.

She didn’t want to be that girl that suddenly became attached after sex, she wasn’t that girl, Claudia didn’t sleep around, she hadn’t had a one night stand in a decade, she was the boring one out of all of her friends. She was cautious, maybe a little overly so, she thought things through and she didn’t, under any circumstances, fall for the wrong kind of boys.

James was reckless, he didn’t have a history that screamed ‘date me’, he would even admit it himself that he was a bit of a tramp. Claudia craved stability and he was anything but stable. He played hockey, he was in a different city every couple of days, and to top it all off he was leaving in a few short months. This really was a recipe for disaster.

But just like how she couldn’t pretend things between them hadn’t happened she couldn’t deny that something had been awoken within her over the last week when it came to James. Everything was different for her now, she wasn’t sure they could ever go back to normal now that she knew about the things that she felt.

This had sure as hell opened her eyes, she just didn’t know if it had his.

Still, she couldn’t hide up here forever so she got up and gathered her clothes, slipping back into her dress before she stuck her head out into the hallway and listened for him. It sounded as though he was downstairs so she tip toed down the hall to the guest room she was staying in and closed the door quietly, immediately stripping out of her dress again and exchanging it for a clean one.

Once she was presentable she crossed the room, pulling the door open and stepping into the hall before she headed downstairs. She was just stepping off of the very last step when James walked out of the kitchen, he smiled at her, his cheeks a little more pink than usual and said, “I was just coming to get you, I made breakfast.”

“You made breakfast?” She managed to get out, staying where she was by the stairs.

He nodded his head, smile still on his face and then motioned into the kitchen as he told her, “I made you waffles, there’s some bacon and eggs and hashbrowns if you want as well.”

Claudia stared at him for a moment longer, she wasn’t sure what surprised her more; the fact that he was pretending nothing had happened between them or the fact that he had made breakfast.

She somehow managed to shake herself out of whatever trance she was in and she followed him into the kitchen slowly, a small smile found its way onto her face when she saw what a mess the kitchen was. That sounded more like James.

She took a seat at the table as he instructed, where he had spread out their food, and then he took the spot across from her and handed her a glass of orange juice. Claudia looked over the table, and then she looked at him, and without meaning to she blurted out, “So… about last night.”

James cleared his throat, “Yeah…”

She rolled her eyes, “That’s all you can say?”

“What do you want me to say? It happened, we can’t take it back.” James pointed out and she sighed, leaning her head back on the chair. He asked her, “What’s the big deal Claud? We had sex, we’re two adults, it’s not like we did anything wrong.”

“I know that. It’s just… this changes things between us.” She told him, watching as he shrugged his shoulders in silent response while he took a drink of milk.

When he put his cup down he told her, “It doesn’t have to.”

“It doesn’t?” She asked him, eyebrow raised. It changed everything for her. It was probably one of the most eye opening experiences of her life.

“We can just pretend it never happened.” She hoped she didn’t look as disappointed as she felt because that was the last thing she wanted and hearing him so easily offer it up as a solution felt a bit like a slap to the face.

He didn’t offer up an ‘if you want’ or anything that gave her a hint that he was okay with not forgetting it happened so Claudia simply nodded her head and said, “Yeah… that’s probably for the best.”

“Probably.”



“You’re weird today.” James raised his eyebrow at Steven as they each sat in a seat in the golf cart. They both had a can of beer in their hand, and they were waiting for their group to finish their hole. Steven explained his previous words, “You’re acting different, and you’re all quiet and shit. It’s just a little unusual is all.”

James shrugged, “Nothing to say, man.”

“Yeah, okay, nothing to say. Sure.” Steven stated, rolling his eyes and again James raised his eyebrow and so Steven went on to say, “You lost in the cup final to your former team, your team didn’t protect you in the expansion draft and now you’ve gotta go play hockey in fucking Nevada. That’s why I don’t believe that you have nothing to say.”

“Why does everyone have to keep bringing the expansion draft up? I’ve moved on, it is what it is.” James told him with an eye roll, taking a drink of his cold beverage.

“Who are you trying to convince, you or me?” Steven asked him, and again James said nothing so he let out an exasperated sigh and said, “Alright, will you at least just tell me what’s got you so in your head on a day where you’re supposed to be able to not think at all? Is it a girl? It’s a girl, isn’t it?”

The small involuntary twitch that made the corners of his mouth turn up into the worlds smallest smile told it all but still James lied and said, “No, it’s not a girl.”

“Bullshit it isn’t! What’s her name?” Steven asked him, brow raised just the slightest as he watched his friend in amusement while he tried not to show any emotion that was related to happiness at the mention of a girl. Steven was curious enough, but James’ odd reaction made him that much more curious. The man was a whore, everyone knew it, he didn’t get like this over women unless they were in a bar, having drinks, and he saw a ten.

James surprised him when he said, “Claudia.”

“Wait… really?” Steven asked him, brow raised.

Nodding James went on to explain to him, “She was considering moving to Vegas with me, for a change and to be closer to her family.”

“Was?” Steven asked, and when James turned to him with a raised eyebrow he said, “You said was, past tense.”

“Who knew you were such an English nerd Steve.” James stated, making Steven laugh and roll his eyes.

“Who knew you were so good at changing the subject Jimbo?” Steven retorted back with and when James went to say something, some kind of witty retort no doubt, he continued, “So what’s the big deal?”

“I fucked up.” James told him, he finished what was left in his beer can, tossed it into the little garbage nearby and then he let out a sigh and said, “We may have slept together the other night.”

“And by ‘may have’ you mean you definitely did?” Steven asked him, and when James nodded his head he asked him, “Just out of curiosity… was it any good? She looks like she could be some fun.”

James slugged him in the shoulder, making Steven laugh, before he told him honestly, “I had no idea sex could feel like that.”

“It’s different when you actually have feelings for someone as opposed to just ‘my dick reacts in a positive way when I look at your face’, you know?” Steven asked him with a wide grin on his face and James couldn’t help but let out a laugh at his words. He couldn’t help but push the conversation further, “So it was good…”

“It was better than good. Fuck, have you felt like… someone was literally made for you?” James was aware that if anyone around them heard him say that he would get ribbed for months, if not the entire following year but he just didn’t care.

Steven nodded his head, “That’s called feelings of the romantic kind, my friend.”

“I don’t like her like that.” He was lying, he knew it and Steven knew it.

Calling him out on it Steven said, “You’ve been pining after her practically since you met her, literally everyone knew it.”

“If that’s true then how come I never even knew it until last week?” James challenged, knowing it was a losing battle.

“Why do you think none of your teammates have ever asked her out? It wasn’t because she was off limits because she was your friend dude. She was off limits because no one wanted to step on your toes, believe me, if you weren’t in the picture they would have been fighting each other to ask her out. I would have. John would have. Fucking PK would have, and he doesn’t date.” Steven pointed out, and James let out a sigh as he put his head in his hands.

“Fuck me.” He muttered.

“Claudia already did that, thank god too because you know, you’re my bro but that’s not my thing.” Steven joked, and James nearly shoved him right out of the golf cart, smile on his face. Once Steven pulled himself back fully onto his seat he went on to ask, “So what happened? Did you two have some romantic moment of professing your undying love for each other that would make Walt Disney himself cry?”

James rolled his eyes and told Steven, “No… I told her we should pretend it never even happened.”

Steven stared at him for a moment, as if expecting him to start laughing and say it was a joke but when that didn’t happen he exclaimed loudly, “You did what?”

With a sigh James explained, “She wanted to talk about it that morning and I just panicked and that was what came out.”

“Did you mean it? Do you really want to pretend it never happened?” Steven asked him curiously, adding in for good measure, “No judgement if you do. If you’re not ready to tell her how you feel that’s cool.”

Shrugging his shoulder James told him, “I don’t know. This is definitely the easiest of the two options. I guess I just don’t want to make an idiot out of myself, you know? Like what if I tell her I don’t want to pretend it never happened, that I want to do those things with her and she laughs in my face?”

“She’s not gonna laugh in your face, that’s a little harsh and harsh is not Claudia’s style.” Steven reminded him, as if he didn’t know that.

“It’s Claudia Steven, she’s literally seen every single trick in my book, she knows all about my antics, she knows what I’m like with women… why would she want to get involved with that? It’s a fucking joke to even think she would.” James told him, rolling his eyes as he said it.

“You two had sex. With each other. Your friendship is already changed big time, you can pretend all you want but once you go there you never really come back from it. The way I see it is, if you want to make that a more permanent occurrence you have to just throw it out there and see what she says. So you might make things weird, things are already weird James.” Steven told him, and James wondered when the hell he had gotten so insightful.

James chewed on the inside of his cheeks for a few seconds before he admitted, “I guess you’re kind of right.”

“Damn straight I’m right.” Steven told him, continuing to tell him, “I am taking you home and we can plan the way you’re going to profess your feelings on the way.”

“Thanks man.”

James was basically just a human body filled with electricity by the time Steven pulled his truck into the driveway. He sat where he was, not moving, staring at the dash until Steven jostled him by shoving him into the door gently and saying, “Romeo, chill out.”

Rolling his eyes James turned to him and asked, “What if she isn’t interested?”

“Then you retreat, lick your wounds for a day or two and then go back to your life.” Steven told him, watching as James nodded his head slowly.

He turned to him and asked him, “But what if I can’t?”

“You’re overthinking this dude, just get in there and tell her you enjoyed putting your dick in her, and that maybe you’d like to take her out on a date sometime.” Steven told him, a hint of annoyance clear in his voice. His cheeks flushed and he told James quickly, “Only you know… don’t word it like that, be a little more elegant about it.”

So James nodded his head and then he opened the door and stepped out of the truck, he closed the door, waved to Steven before he headed inside. He paused at the front door, took in three deep breaths, and then he jumped when Steven honked the horn, the fucker was waiting in the driveway to make sure he actually went into the house.

James took in a breath of air and pulled the glass door open, turning the knob on the front door, no time like the present, right?

He stepped into the house, closed the door behind him and called out, “Claudia?”

She didn’t answer him so he took the stairs two at a time, the guest room door was open but she wasn’t in there, for some reason he poked his head into his own bedroom to see if maybe she was in there but it was empty too. So he headed back downstairs, she wasn’t in the living room but she was in the kitchen, standing at the kitchen island with her cell phone in her hand.

“There you are, I have something I want to talk to you about, and I want you to just hear me out on it because I want to see how you might feel about something I’ve been thinking about.” James told her, and when she didn’t look up from her phone he asked her, “Claud?”

Finally she did look up, she had this glassy look in her eyes that told him she hadn’t heard a word he had just said, and that was confirmed when she told him, “I just got off the phone with my mom… my dad had a stroke this morning.”

“What?” Was all that he could get out of his mouth for a second and when she nodded her head slowly he finally asked her, “Is he okay?”

She shoved a hand through her blonde hair, pushing it out of her face as she said, “I don’t know. I mean, he’s stable but he hasn’t woken up yet and they won’t really know anything until he does and I just… I have to go.”

“Yeah, of course. Do you…” He started, paused, thought better of it for a moment, before he finally did ask her, “Do you want me to go with you?”

She shook her head and put her hands on his forearms, “No, no I’ll be okay. I just need to call a cab or something, there’s a flight to Phoenix that leaves in three hours.”

“I’ll drive you to the airport.” James told her, and when she went to argue with him he told her, “You’re not taking an hour long cab ride Claud, go get your bag I’ll take you.”

“Okay.” She disappeared a second later and James leaned his elbows against the kitchen island, head in his hands and sighed.

He couldn’t tell her now… but now it seemed like even the gods, or the cosmos or whatever else was out there was clearly against him. The timing had to be more than coincidental.

Claudia had spent most of the ride to Toronto on the phone with her siblings, between calls and texts, and James simply drove in silence without even bothering to reach for her hand once like he so desperately wanted to. The last thing she needed before getting on a plane to go and be with her family in a time like this was for him to accidentally blurt out that he thinks he has feelings for her. So he kept to himself.

When he pulled up in front of the airport he asked her, “You sure you don’t need me to go with you?”

She nodded and leaned over to kiss his cheek softly, “I’ll be okay, I promise. Thank you for the ride.”

As she got out and grabbed her bag from the backseat and took a few steps away from the vehicle James rolled the passenger door window down and called out to her, “Call me when you get in, yeah?”

“I’ll call.”

I’ll be waiting.