Something Desired

Even though I have laid in my hospital bed as Josh’s and my own parents have visited us, I still feel tired but I don’t close my eyes. After they leave Josh and I finally get to work on naming our daughter. The nurses have taken her to the nursery and we chat in my now quiet hospital room.

I say, “You know that for the longest time I thought I was having a boy.”

He shuffles in beside me on the hospital bed and asks, “Why did you think that?”

“All of that kicking, and feeling tired.” I shrug.

He laughs, “Maybe she will be an athlete.”

“Maybe” I reply.

Josh jumps right into it, “How about Jordana?”

“That’s too close to my name. We already have enough names starting with the letters J and O. Josh, Jordan, it would be silly naming her that.”

“I always liked the name.”

“You always liked the name because that is the name of that actress that you have a crush on.”
“Yes, yes” He rolls his eyes and continues, “So what were your thoughts about calling her Sara?”
“I do like the name, don’t get me wrong but naming her the same name as Devon’s wife doesn’t feel right.”

“She is a nice person.”

Josh never found out the extent of what happened on the cruise between me and Sara. Sara never had the heart to tell him. I reply, “Yes, she is a nice person but right now with those photos that circulated I don’t think she is very fond of me.”

I wonder why he is hung up on that name. I think his mom has influence over him and I don’t think that he was thinking about Devon’s Sara but just acting on the basis that his mom as she was the one who suggested the name.

Josh says, “Okay I understand.” He takes my hand into his.

I have to ask him, it has been in the back of my mind since seeing our little girl for the first time, “Josh, what you said a while back about the baby having brown eyes, did you really think that I would have crossed that line?”

We never really talked about it after that and we both sort of took the approach of getting through one day at a time until the baby’s arrival. Things with us haven’t been perfect since that last major fight. We just sort of let ourselves get lost in the whirlwind of our new lives. We never really settled it. Maybe because it just brought more pain, I’m not sure, maybe we both sort of wanted to forget that it happened even though the reality is it was haunting us both.

He says, “I was just tired I guess with all of the chatter at work. I mean every day you were in the newspaper for something and often it had something to do with Devon. The whisperings were getting to me at work and I guess that I was starting to believe them, that’s all. I know that what you said with the timeline would not have made sense; I know that she isn’t his. I just wasn’t myself.”
Again, I get away with keeping this secret. Maybe my donor’s sperm worked and it isn’t Devon’s. I don’t know and I am happy that Josh’s doubts are ending here. I ask, “So are we okay?”

“Yes, I didn’t mean to doubt you.”

Hearing this from him makes me feel better about everything. I don’t think that she is Devon’s either. She looks like me.

Josh suggests, “I never told you about this name, how about Desiree?”

I tuck a strand of my straight brown hair behind my ear and ask, “Do you know anyone with that name?”

“No, I heard the name off of one of those crime shows that I like to watch and it’s sort of stuck with me.”

I like the name and ask, “How come you never told me about it for an option?”

“Jordan, come on. You know why I wouldn’t have told you.” He gives me a sideways glance.

“You thought I would use the name in one of my books?”

“Exactly, I know my wife way too well.” He smirks and messes my hair a little.

“You got me.” I comb my flyaway strands again, tucking them back behind my ears.

“So what do you think?” Josh asks.

“I’m thinking.” Desiree, it is pretty, I do like the name and say, “You know, you always surprise me.”

He smiles and says, “I am not just for looks.”

I chuckle, “Oh Josh, yes you are right.”

“Are we decided yet?”

I ask, “Do you have any more options?”

He starts giggling and so do I. We are both beyond tired and finally he says, “That’s the only suggestion I have.”

“Well I love the name.”

“Me too, and you know what?”

I ask, “What?”

“The name also has a really nice meaning. It means desired.”

I smile, “She was desired, and I wanted her for a long time.” I say allowed, “Desiree Connor” There couldn’t have been a better name for her, I had been waiting for her for a long time.

Josh smiles and says, “It sounds good. Her nickname would be Des.”

We agree on it and finally I tell Josh, “You should go home and get some rest.”

“What if I don’t want to leave you?” He is still lying beside me in my hospital bed keeping me warm.
“Oh don’t be silly. I rather you go home and relax in a nice warm bed instead of that hospital chair and you can come visit us in the morning.” I glance over at the outdated nineties pastel pink chair in the corner.

I twist his arm and finally he heads out. It is for the best. I rather one of us be fully rested than having the two of us being tired when we all get the okay to check out of the hospital.

It is getting to that time where I need to go feed her and before I head over to the nursery I pick my phone up and message Devon to say, “She was born just before noon today. Her name is Desiree.” I click send.

It is late when I get around to sending Devon the text and I don’t expect a reply back from him to be received until tomorrow but just as I get out of bed and put on some pajama pants before heading down the nursery his reply flashes on my screen.

He writes, “Congratulations Jordan, that is wonderful news and you two picked a great name. How are you doing?”

I pause standing beside the hospital bed, picking up my phone again and replying, “I am good, sore, but having her here was totally worth it.”

He sends me a smile face and writes, “I can’t wait to see her. Well I guess that you are about to head to bed soon given the time.”

“Something like that; I had Josh and my parents over to visit earlier and Josh left for home to go get some rest and I am about to head to the nursery to feed her.”

“Okay, I will leave you be. Have a good night and give her a kiss for me.”

“I will good night Devon.”