Something Desired

The next day after lunch hour Desiree and I get the approval from the doctor to go home. Josh meets us promptly with the SUV at the front door of the hospital ready to go.

It is a nice surprise that there is no one from the media to meet us on the front steps. Nobody tipped them off and these last couple of months I have remained out of the public and the nice thing is that the media has lost interest in the supposed scandals and have moved on to other gossip. I don’t mean to sound conceded but with other celebrity gossip the media usually follows births but who knows maybe this attention is all going to my head and I am not as popular as I had thought. Anyway I am just happy that there is no media here.

I place her in the car seat and sit with her in the back of our SUV. The drive home felt like the longest drive in the world. I glance at the land marks to gauge how far away we are from home. I think Josh is driving slower than he normally goes. I won’t ask, I understand why but in another breath I am anxious to show Desiree her home, her room, her things. I know it doesn’t make sense and I know she will never remember this day but I will and I can’t wait to have her home safe and sound where she belongs.

Before the fame and the riches we had purchased this SUV so it is still pretty new. We have started to enjoy the money coming in but we have also been smart with our spending. We needed the new home, mainly for the security and for the privacy but as for our cars we have yet to upgrade them. They are not extravagant, they are just modern nice cars and to be honest I love my SUV.
Desiree is just a little sweetheart. I catch her looking at me as we drive and I let her grip my finger and it's not long after, her eyes close and she is fast asleep.

I can tell that Josh is nervous because he isn't speeding so much and is very gentle with pressing too suddenly on the brakes. He glances into the rear view mirror at me and asks, "How is she?"

I speak to his reflected eyes in the mirror and say, "Asleep again."

He says, "I wish I could fall asleep that easily."

I laugh at him and say, "You do."

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do, your head hits the pillow and you are snoring within moments."

He looks into the rearview mirror back at me and sees my smile and replies "Sure Jordan" making sure that I see his reflection rolling his eyes at me.

It is true Josh sleeps like a baby while I toss and turn, struggling to fall asleep. Well I can't say that I struggle as much any more. Since I quit my job I stress less and do sleep easier although sometimes social media keeps me distracted in the later hours of the night, but looking at social media is a choice when struggling with stress wasn't.

We pull into our snowy drive and Josh keys in the security code for our gait and we move forward with the sound of the SUV’s tires making crunching sounds as they roll over the crisp snow.

This home of ours is just starting to feel like home and not just some super fancy hotel that we have been staying at and having Desiree here with us just makes that feeling stronger that this is where I belong, here and with her and Josh.

She starts to cry as we emerge from the car into the cool winter air and we are quick to get into the home. We have already gotten snow and this year will be a white Christmas.

"Ah baby girl it's okay, I know I hate the cold too." I set her carrier down on the tiled floor and quickly remove my coat and Josh does the same.

He asks, "Why do you think she is crying?"

"I'm not sure? Could be the cold or a diaper changing or feeding."

I pick her up and know. "It's her diaper."

I say to her, "Baby girl you are as stinky as your daddy."

Josh snaps back, "Hey, I think she takes after her mom in that department."

I take her up to the nursery and get her cleaned up on the change table. To my surprise Josh comes up to watch and I ask him, "Do you want to help?"

He shakes his head, "I think that you have it all under control." I roll my eyes at him.

I have changed diapers before when I was a teenager but I am out of practice and the tricky thing is keeping the heels of her tiny feet out of the mess. I put her into a fresh new sleeper.

The Christmas tree is lit up in our living room and I just sink into one of our recliners with Desiree in my arms. Josh does the same.

He asks, "So, what now?"

I laugh at him and say, "Oh I don't know." These last couple of days have been something else and now it's like everything is about Desiree and that is okay. I had things on my mind but with this new little girl around I had forgotten and now they are just popping up again.

I say to Josh, "I wanted to ask you something for a while but I kept forgetting. I just want you to know that I am not trying to start an argument it's just conversation, that's all."

"So go ahead." He says, still relaxing in the recliner.

"Well I am happy that you stopped working your part time job but what about your day job? I know it is good money but really you no longer need to work."

He sighs, "I know but it's not something I am ready to give up yet."

"Why?"

"Oh I don't know, I guess that I like the people I work with and the work that I do."

"When you head back to work you will miss out on Desiree."

He sighs again and I know that he doesn't want to talk about it. I continue, "Hey you know what? This isn't something that you need to decide on right now, it's up to you but maybe if you don't want to let go of your job just yet you can take like a leave without pay or something and that way you don't need to head back to work in February."

I see him relax a bit. I know that he likes his job and he says, "Yes that is an option. I can find out more and see if that is something my boss will let me do."

I smile that's the most I can ask of him. I know I can’t push too much with rebuilding our marriage.
I ask, "So changing subjects did we get all of our Christmas shopping done?"

He starts laughing, “You are kidding right? We still have our parents, each other and my niece.”

I sigh, “We should get something for them soon. What were your thoughts?”

“You know, my mom probably wants some gift card to a clothing store, my dad likely has a specific tool in mind as for our niece, I think she wanted some brand name items.”

"For my parents I have no idea. Well actually that's not true. I know it is the middle of winter but I was thinking of combining their gift and getting them a screened gazebo for their camper."

Josh smiles, "That is good."

"I know we talked about it before and we will keep the gifts reasonable to not up show anyone but I was thinking of maybe giving everyone an invitation to come vacation with us in Fiji in March?" I know that this doesn’t make complete sense and I am totally contradicting my statement of not up showing anyone with the gift exchange but in my head giving an invitation versus actually giving a gift is different.

"Who would you invite?" Josh asks.

"Both of our parents my brother and sister and your sister and her family. I figure we could do a formal invitation at Christmas and that gives them time to get their passports ready if they aren't already."

"I think that's a good plan. What about Howard Stem?"

"Oh he already knows that March is for me. He doesn't seem to have any events going on until the end of April anyway and even that I can decline if I needed to."

"Well you are the boss." He says.

I chuckle, "Wow I don't think that I have ever heard you admit to that."

"Oh don't get used to it." He smirks.

"So when do we get their gifts?"

"Well you have already forgotten. The nurses said to take it easy for the next month so tomorrow I can go and get it done while you stay home. I just need a list."

"Okay well, your siblings are done and so is my sister. Our niece, get a gift card to that store she likes. There is no sense in picking something out for her only to have her return it. Your mom do the same, she likes to shop, so pick up a gift card to her favorite department store. Your dad get him a nice power tool and my parents pick up a gazebo. Maybe try to do beige to avoid the fading of the sun and try to go with a 12 foot one."

"Do you need wrapping paper and cards and stuff?"

"Yes actually I haven't seen our crafts stuff since we moved. Pick up some rolls of wrapping paper, tape and Christmas cards."

He asks me, "Should we get each other a gift?"

I smile and say, "Sure but what I had in mind I think that you wouldn't want it to be a surprise."
Josh asks, "You are getting us a 4 wheeler aren't you?"

"You will need to wait and see."

"So do I get something for you to open?"

"No, what I am getting will be a gift to the both of us and besides you are on board with going to Fiji and that makes me happy." Josh prefers to be a home body.

Desiree starts to nudge and fuss and I know that it is time to feed.