My Little Alien

December 17th, 2016

This time, This place. Misused, Mistakes. Too long, Too late. Who was I to make you wait.

Peridot had missed school practically every day in the beginning of December, she didn't feel like go, it wasn't the same without Amethyst there. It wasn't the same at the house without her. She couldn't even get herself to visit, Sapphire and Ruby, because Amethyst wasn't there. They were now on Winter Break. There was no sign of Amethyst waking up any time soon. Getting out of bed for the first time in two days, her stomach growled, maybe she should eat something before she went and see Amethyst. She had to deliver her something anyway.

Unlocking the door, she went into the kitchen, where Steven was there making a sandwich. He screamed dropping his spoon on the ground. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He asked looking at Peridot. You can say that Peridot looked like hell. Bags under her eyes, her hair was a mess, and she was really thin. “You need to eat something. Matt!” Steven called.

“What?! What's going on?!” Matt ran out of his room, he yelled and fell back against the wall as he saw Peridot. “You came out of your room. Holy crap, you look like shit. What have you been doing in there?” He asked and walked over to her, before almost vomiting. “Okay, come on, Peri. You need a shower.” He grabbed her hand and walked her to the bathroom. “Get in there, and I will bring you some clothes.”

Peridot guessed she could use a shower. Getting undressed, she stuck her dirty clothes into the hamper and got into the shower. She turned the water on and let the hot water wash over her body. She heard a knock before Matt walked in and set the clothes on the counter and walked out without another word.

She got out a little bit afterwards all clean, and feeling like a person for once. She got dressed brushed her hair, and walked out of the bathroom, where she was met by a Steven who was holding a plate of food. Peridot grabbed the plate and walked over to the couch, sitting next to Matt that was watching One Piece. She watched the anime with him as she ate her food. Peridot ate the whole thing by the end of the episode. Getting up, she washed her plate off and went back to her room.

Peridot grabbed her bag and the envelope that was on her stand, she stuck it in her bag. Strapping her back over her shoulders, she walked out of the room, and stood in front of Matt. “Take me to the hospital. I want to see Amethyst.” Matt was shocked to actually hear Peridot speak to him, he nodded and got up.

“Steven, get your shoes on bud. We are going to see Amethyst.” Matt said tossing him his flip flops. He put on his converse, and the three of them headed out the door. They climbed into the car and drove to the hospital.

Just one chance. Just one breath. Just in case there's just one left. 'Cause you know, you know, you know.

They made it to the hospital as much as Peridot wanted to go by herself, she waited for the two boys to walk with her. They walked into the hospital said "hi" to Kathy, at the front desk, and went straight to Amethyst's room. They opened the door to find Bismuth, checking on Amethyst. “Hello, kids. Came to see Amethyst?” Matt nodded, stepping to the side letting Peridot take her seat next to Amethyst and grab her hand like she always did. “How about, we go to the cafeteria? I'll buy you two something to eat.”

Matt and Steven sighed, every time they wanted to visit Amethyst, Aunt Bismuth wants to pull them away like they haven't them in ages, when she literally comes over every day now. Bismuth pushes the boys out of the room and leaves Peridot alone with her girlfriend. “Finally, we are alone. I lost faith in you waking up. It's the seventeenth of December. In a couple of days it will be a month since you have been in a coma. I don't know how long I can last, Amethyst.” Tears were coming down her eyes.

“If this is how my life is going to be, then I don't want it. I don't want to be here, if you are not here, Amethyst. I am going insane. I don't eat anymore. My strings are breaking. My last string is splitting, baby. There is barely any thread left. I wrote a note. So, hopefully you will read it, if you ever wake up … because … to be honest, I don't know if I am ever going to see you again.” She got up and kissed her cheek, before taking the letter out of her bag and stuck it on the lap of the alien near the window.

Peridot walked over to Amethyst again. “Fuck, I love you so much. However, I can't do this anymore. Goodbye Amethyst.” Kissing her cheek once more, she walked out of the room not looking back at the girl lying in the bed. She walks down to the cafeteria to find Matt, Steven, and Bismuth were hanging out. She sat with them and forced a smile on her face.

That I love you. I have loved you all along. And I miss you. Been far away for far too long.

December 19, 2016

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go. Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore.

It took a lot for Peridot to have Matt take her to see Ruby and Sapphire. She had set up a time and date to hang out with all of her friends. Pearl was even there. “Hey Peridot! It's good to see you again!” It was Sapphire as she hugged Peridot. She hugged her back with a smile on her face. She hugged Ruby and then Pearl.

“It's good to see you all as well. I thought because I have been cooped up, I should see you all. Hang out like old times.” Peridot said and smiled brightly. She jumped on the couch like she was her old self and everybody was happy to see their friend was back to herself before everything happened.

Just what they didn't know that she wasn't herself anymore. She wasn't the happy Peridot or somewhat happy Peridot they knew. Her last string broke, all she can think about what she wants to do when she gets home. She has been thinking about it nonstop. And it's engraved in her brain. She has to do it. She can't wait any longer. Her parents wanted nothing to do with her. They won't answer her calls. They won't answer the door to her. She was practically disowned by them. They hurt like there was no tomorrow. Even if they treated her like total crap, she loved them no matter what.

That day, on December 19th, the group played games such as Candyland, Twister, TV games, they watched movies late into the night. Until Steven, got so tired Matt had to pick him up and put him into the car. Peridot said her goodbyes, and told them that she loves them, before walking to the car and getting it. Her friends had no idea what she was going to do after she visited another certain person.

On my knees, I'll ask. Last chance for one last dance. 'Cause with you, I'd withstand. All of hell to hold your hand.

December 21, 2016

So far away. Been far away for far too long. So far away. Been far away for far too long. But you know, you know, you know.

Four more days until Christmas, how fucked up is that? How fucked up a person could be to do this four days before Christmas? Peridot was. She couldn't wait any longer. She tried to hold off the urges for as long as she can. Peridot got up early in the morning on December 21st, grabbed her back back and put her shoes on. She walked out of the house, and started to walk down the street. It took her almost two hours to walk where she wanted to, but it was worth it. She stared out at the sign above her head. Beach City Cemetery.

This is where she needed to say her last goodbyes. Just one more person, before she went home. She hopped the fence, she was surprised that she could see do that with how weak she felt and thin she was. She walked through the graves until she got to one with dead Roses on it. She pushed the roses away and sat down a blanket next to the grave. She grabbed the roses out of her backpack next and put it down next to the gravestone. She sat down pulling out her lunch that she packed that morning. “I know I only known you, a short time, but it feels like I've known you all my life. You treated me right, you treated me like I was your daughter, Rose. I want to thank you for that. That's why I kept you for last to say my goodbyes.”

She ate her lunch as she sat there watching the birds fly above their heads. “I know this is probably not the way to go, but I can't wait any longer, Rose. It's hard for me. It's so hard. They, the gang, they have no idea what I have been through, the things that goes through my mind. I am a sick person. And I need to end it all before the strings in my brain snap. The strings of my will to live already snapped. I don't want to go that way. I want to go my way. And that's what I am going to do.” She got up and packed her things up. “So, thank you for what you try to do for me. I guess I will see you soon, yes?”

I hope you will be waiting for me on the other side. Peridot thought, and started to walk back to the house, it took longer this time because she wanted to look at everything for the very last time. She smiled softly seeing the children play, the couples on dates, the coldness of the air. Christmas decorations everywhere. She heard Christmas music playing as soft snow started to fall the first time in Beach City.

Amethyst you would love this. If you could see this right now. I wish you could see this. As she walked she felt her phone buzz on multiple of occasions, it was around two in the afternoon when he got back to the house, to see a worried Matt there. Pearl was there too. Steven seemed to be out with Connie.

“Where have you been? This morning you were gone. I had everybody start looking for you. I thought something might have happened to you.” Matt was freaking out, while Pearl was giggling a bit. “Not really, not everybody, just Steven, Connie, and Pearl, and I.” Matt said and grabbed Peridot by the shoulders and pulled her in a hug tight hug. “Do not do that again. Without leaving a note first. Okay?”

I wanted. I wanted you to stay. 'Cause I needed. I need to hear you say. That I love you.

“Okay.” Peridot whispered holding back tears as she hugged him back. Matt, he was like a big brother to her, she knew it was going to hurt him and Steven a lot more than it would hurt anyone else. She pulled away and kissed Matt's cheek. She looked over at Pearl and walked over to her. She hugged her as well, she knew Pearl was surprised by this because her body was tense at first, but loosened up as she knelt down in front of Peridot and gave her a proper hug. “Can you do me a favor, take care of these boys for me. Don't let them hurt anymore than they are already, please.” She whispered in the girl's ear. “Be safe now. Watch out for Amethyst.” Peridot pulled away and smiled gently at Pearl, who looked confused. “Don't think about it. Just listen to me. I am going to go lie down.” She said and kissed her cheek before walking away waving to them.

And that's what she did for about an hour, until she knew everything calmed down in the house. She got up and went to her bedside stand opening the drawer. She grabbed out the letter she made for her parents and set it down leaning against the light. Peridot also grabbed the flask she had and the bottle of pills she had gotten from the doctor for her broken hand.

She took a couple of them and took a couple of swallows from the flask. She just sat there for a minute before getting up off the bed. She walked over to her backpack and grabbed out the rope she had bought on her way home. Tying a noose she walked over to her closet, she made sure to clear a spot, it was high enough for her to do what she needed to do with it. She tied the rope on the securest area. Peridot looked out of the window to see the snow falling gently. She whispered her goodbyes to her friends and family once again. She whispered her goodbyes to Amethyst who was lying in the hospital bed with no faith in waking up any time soon. She unfolded the chair in the closet and stepped on it.

The pills kicked it, which made her feel “good.” She didn't think about the consequences of what might happen. The pain that comes with what she was going to do. She wrapped the noose around her neck …

'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore. Believe it. Hold on to me and, never let me go. Keep breathing.

It has been a couple of hours since Matt had seen Peridot. Pearl was still here, and now Connie and Steven were there as well. Connie was staying over night as the roads were too packed down with snow to go anyway. “I'll be right back. I am going to check up on Peridot. Watch the phone for me. There has been signs of Amethyst almost waking up, and Bismuth was supposed to call me if anything happens.” He told Pearl, who nodded watching him walk away to Peridot's room.

He knocked on the door. “Hey Peridot, are you hungry? Pearl and I are going to make some dinner, you want some?” He asked after a few minutes with no answer. “Peridot, are you okay in there? Do you want to hang out with us?” He asked and jiggled the doorknob. It opened up, to reveal a darken room, he walked in and a stench filled his nose. What the hell has she been doing in here? Turning the light on, the bed was empty, he walked over to it, putting a hand on the bed. It was cold. She hasn't been in there for a while.

He turned around and his heart dropped to his stomach as he saw Peridot hanging by her neck in the closet. He took a moment for his brain to response and start freaking out, he ran over to her, the stench of somebody soiling themselves filled his nose, which didn't matter. “Pearl! I need your help! Don't let the kids come in here please!” He called his voice full of emotions. Fear, heartbreak. Pearl ran in followed by the two kids. “No! Don't come in here!” Snapped Matt, tears were rolling down his face as he tried to get Peridot down.

Pearl pushed the kids away as she knew what was going on, she ran over to Matt and tears went down her face as she saw Peridot. She turned around and gagged before turning back towards them helping him get her down. Matt fell down to his knees and took the rope off around her neck. He wrapped his arms around the girl's body. “Call … Call 911.” He screamed as he tried to wake Peridot up. His heart was beating fast, as he shook Peridot. Something within him knew it was too late.

“What's going … Peridot?” Steven's small voice filled the room as he stood there next to Connie, the fourteen-year old and the thirteen-year old stared at the body in front of Matt. Connie ran out of the room, you can hear her vomiting up her insides.

“Get Steven out of here! Now!” Matt screamed as he rocked Peridot back and forth. “Peri, please please respond. You can't do this to us. You can't. You can't do this to Amethyst.” He cried out, Pearl pushed Steven out of the room, as she called 911. Everything slowed for Matt there, he realized there was no hope. The phone started to ring, after Pearl called 911.

“It's Bismuth...” Pearl said before she answered it. Her hand went to her mouth as she fell down on her knees. “Amethyst is awake ...” Matt howled, as he hugged Peridot tightly. This wasn't happening to them. “B-Bismuth … Peridot did something...” She cried and dropped the phone you could hear Bismuth's voice on the other end of the phone, but no one answering her.

It was a little bit after the phone call that the Coroner came by and expected the body. With the help of the paramedics they put the body on the gurney and took her away. Matt held Steven tightly, in his arms, before pulling Connie in as well. “Shh,” He told them. “Let's go to the hospital and see Amethyst.” He stared at Pearl, tears were running down their faces. They got into the car, and drove to the hospital.

Matt met with Bismuth who said nothing as he hugged her, and cried into her chest. He couldn't hold back the tears, he felt like he lost another family member. He cried and cried for a good 20 minutes, along with the others that came with him to the hospital. They all straightened up as they walked to Amethyst's. She was of the breathing ventilator and she looked great. She was smiling and everything. Ruby and Sapphire were already there, laughing and giggling with Amethyst. Bismuth didn't tell them yet. Matt looked at Bismuth and she shook her head, confirming his thought.

“Something happened ...” He said, and walked over to the window, grabbing the Alien, and the later. He saw those earlier and knew they were from Peridot. He walked over to Amethyst and handed her the alien, as he held the envelope. Pearl broke down again and fell to her knees, Connie held Steven in her arms as emotions where through him again. The room fell from all the laughter and happiness.

“Where's Peridot? Why is her alien here?” Amethyst asked her voice was hoarse from not speaking for such a very long time. She watched as Pearl broke down, she watched Matt as he had to lean against the chair for support. She watched as Connie held Steven up and he held her up.

“She … she isn't with us anymore …”

The room fell silent again with the sound of soft sobs from the others. “Matt, explain.” demanded Sapphire, the worse coming to her.

“She isn't with us anymore … she … she ... hanged herself in her closet a few hours ago.” Amethyst heart monitor started to get louder as her heart sped up with what he heard.

“No … no … you are lying. This cannot be happening.” Amethyst screamed tears started to feel her eyes, as the process ran through her mind. “No.” Matt walked over to her, and hugged her tightly. “Get the fuck out! All of you!” Amethyst cried, Matt sighed and set the note beside her on the bed, and motioned the others to follow. They will be back later when everybody was calmed down enough to comprehend the meaning of all of this.

They all went home, when Bismuth told them around an hour later that she wasn't doing so well. They said they will be back tomorrow to check up on her. Matt held on to to Pearl as they walked out of the hospital. He followed Sapphire and Ruby, to their house as the kids didn't want to go back to the place.

Amethyst laid there in her room, her eyes were puffy from crying, and her body was shaking. This couldn't be happening, she was out for a while, and when she wakes up she finds out her girlfriend killed herself. Her hands were shaking as she picked the letter up that was addressed to her from Peridot. What was it? Shakily opening it she pulled the piece of paper out of it. She covered her mouth as she saw the familiar scribble of Peridot's handwriting that it seemed like ages ago when she had seen it. Peridot always hated her handwriting, but Amethyst loved it. It what made her more perfect in her eyes.

She uncovered her mouth and wiped the tears away as she read the letter. Her heart was racing, and new tears fell on the paper envelope on her lap.

Dear Amethyst,

Little do you know. All my mistakes are slowly drowning me. Little do you know. I'm trying to make it better piece by piece. Little do you know. I, I love you till the sun dies

My mind – always warped and twisted – has reached the point where I cannot wait longer – dare not wait longer – until there is the finial twist and it snaps and I spend the rest of my life in some state run snake pit. All of a sudden, all will and determination to fight on has left me. I have long ago prepared myself for the time when I reached the end of the trail. I feel calm and at peace. However, it was not to be – I am defeated and exhausted physically and emotionally.

Please tell the others, especially, Steven, that I loved them always and that my love has never faltered. I grieve that I could not have had the joy of being close to our friends, but that is no one's fault. Thank god they are well.

I want to know that I have a deep affection for you. I am deeply grateful for all your kindness. I love you so much, Amethyst. I wish I could have lived a happy life with you. I ask to keep my memory alive in your heart – to live on. Remember that which was good and lovely in our relationship and forgive me for the many mistakes I have made. Now that it is all said. I feel at peace.

I wish for the best to you, my love. When you get this please, live life strong and happy. If you do ever awake up from the coma. I doubt it as the doctor said there was no hope for you. Anyway, do not falter your life over this. I am just a bump in the road of many. Again, you taught me what the feeling of love is when no one else can or did. I thank you for that. Now, live your life to the fullest. Do not dwell in the past, like I have. It was one of my many flaws.

Love, Peridot, with all my heart.

Amethyst curled up in a ball on her side, holding the alien and letter close to her chest that night, her tears fell until there was no more. Multiple nurses came in and out checking on her, taking her blood and checked her vitals. None spoke any words to her, nor she did to them. She just sat there until she let sleepover take her.