Angel of Yesterday
Second Attempt
November 11th, 2015
33 days left
They were everywhere I turn, around every corner. I could hear them echoing off the walls. One was laughing and making sneer comments, the other trying to reason with me. I figured out who they were as I ran down the corridor of the temple. One was my reasoning, the other was the voice inside my head telling me to end it all. That voice where it tells you you're not good enough in this world? Yeah that one. Anyway, I didn't know where I was going, the walls be a blur as I ran. I never have been this far into the temple before and it was a little frightening.
I skidded to a stop as I got to the edge of a drop off. I could see the bottom, but I couldn't tell how far down it was, but there was something moving down there. I didn't know what though. However, I knew it was some drop down. I looked down the edge before sitting down, my legs dangling off. It was somewhat peaceful just sitting here, thinking just one slip and everything would be over. “You could do it you know,” Matt's voice rang through my ears. I looked to the side to see him there. It was no use running from the two as they always know where I am. “You can scoot your butt right off this edge and fall to your death, crack your gem or even drown.” It was true. Not all my gem powers have activated yet, so I was still pretty much human. And if I landed on my stomach I would most likely crack my gem.
I scooted a little bit closer to the edge of the cliff. Was I really thinking about doing this? Was I in that much pain to try to end my life for the second time? I was a 14 year old boy attempting suicide for the second time. I wasn't mentally there. I could feel my mind tearing apart every day. The thoughts that ran through my mind never seem to cease. I felt like nobody can help me now, nothing ever makes me happy. I sound like a complaining baby, right now don't I? And a record machine. All I do is repeat myself over and over, and feel sorry for myself.
Because when things go poorly, they go horribly, horribly wrong. You wanted to know why, right Well, that's why. It's all really just that simple. I was damned from birth and no matter how long I run, how hard I hide, how smart I keep, my past is my present is my future. And it's such a short future at that. I am not a bad person. I don't know if I'm a good person, but I know I'm not a bad one. I've met the bad ones. I know the bad ones. The bad ones own me. Thirsty. So thirsty. Dry mouth, aching stomach, scratchy throat, itchy skin. Thirsty.
Looking down once again, I could see water more clearly, as it crashed against the rock cliff. “Do it. It won't hurt. Water doesn't hurt. It will sting, but it won't hurt. Let the water fill your lungs up. Let it take every last breath you have, Steven.” I heard Matt whisper in my ear edging me on. I scooted closer to the edge, now some of my ass hanging off. So close, so close. “Do it.” He whispered more harshly, until I did. My stomach dropped down, as I fell. My breath was taken away from me, and my hair was sticking up trying to take hold of gravity. I went under the water feet first, my eyes were closed as I felt a stinging of the cold water on my cheeks. So cold, but it felt good as I kept sinking. I wonder how deep this was.
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
I open my mouth, and take a gulp before it registers in my mind that I'm starting to panic that I couldn't breathe. Why did I do this? This was a horrible thing to do. I can barely swim. I flutter my arms as I started to thrash around, my lungs were burning and bubbles were all around me. The water tastes not right and makes my stomach cramp, but I gulp again and again until I choke. I needed air, I looked up and the light was fading as I went down. Spots covered my eyes as I started to lose consciousness, then somebody jumped in, I didn't know who, as my eyes closed and I stopped fighting for survival.
Where was I? I looked around and everything was pink. It almost looked like I was inside Lion's mane. Pink grass or fur or whatever it was, blew to the side as if there was a wind, but I didn't feel anything. I heard giggling, looking to the side I saw Lapis waving to me from the distance. She looked so happy and at peace. Then, I saw her. Rose Quartz. She didn't look happy though. She looked like she was frowning. I took a step forward, it was hard like a barrier was trying to hold me in place. I opened my mouth to say something, but what came out was coughing no words. “Steven, please wake up.” I heard a voice, Rose's lips were moving, but I knew that wasn't her voice. It sounded so much more distant. “Steven! Come on lil'man.”
Everything disappeared, falling away like puzzle pieces being torn apart. The voices seem closer now, and something was pushing down on my chest. Then, air blowing down my throat and into my lungs feeling them up. My eyes open as I started to cough and somebody helped me up into sitting position my arms raised as I coughed up liquid. Water. I was coughing back up water. I didn't die, I didn't drown. However, I was soaking wet and cold. “Thank god, you're awake.” It was Pearl's voice from behind me, she sounded scared and worried with the sound like she has been crying. Looking to the side of me, Amethyst was the one who was holding me up right, her eyes were full of tears.
“Why did you save me?” I asked quietly before coughing up some more water from my lungs that still ached from the strain of trying to breathe. It was silent as the gems stared at me. “If I wanted to be saved, then I wouldn't have done it … you should have just let me drown.” I pushed Amethyst's arm off of me and wrapped my own around my legs. I rest my head on my knees. “I mean thank you for saving me and all ...” A hand went on my shoulder and I looked up to see Garnet looking down at me.
“Amethyst saved you because we love you, Steven. We don't want anything to happen to you. I am sorry we don't understand human feelings that often. We're sorry that we want to understand, but it is difficult for us too. We know you are in pain. However, ending your life is only solving a temporary problem.” She whispers and gets down on her knees pulling me into a hug, her body was warm against what I now noticed my shivering body. I wrapped my arms around her trying to take in all the warmth I can get. We were joined by Pearl and Amethyst in a giant family hug.
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
33 days left
They were everywhere I turn, around every corner. I could hear them echoing off the walls. One was laughing and making sneer comments, the other trying to reason with me. I figured out who they were as I ran down the corridor of the temple. One was my reasoning, the other was the voice inside my head telling me to end it all. That voice where it tells you you're not good enough in this world? Yeah that one. Anyway, I didn't know where I was going, the walls be a blur as I ran. I never have been this far into the temple before and it was a little frightening.
I skidded to a stop as I got to the edge of a drop off. I could see the bottom, but I couldn't tell how far down it was, but there was something moving down there. I didn't know what though. However, I knew it was some drop down. I looked down the edge before sitting down, my legs dangling off. It was somewhat peaceful just sitting here, thinking just one slip and everything would be over. “You could do it you know,” Matt's voice rang through my ears. I looked to the side to see him there. It was no use running from the two as they always know where I am. “You can scoot your butt right off this edge and fall to your death, crack your gem or even drown.” It was true. Not all my gem powers have activated yet, so I was still pretty much human. And if I landed on my stomach I would most likely crack my gem.
I scooted a little bit closer to the edge of the cliff. Was I really thinking about doing this? Was I in that much pain to try to end my life for the second time? I was a 14 year old boy attempting suicide for the second time. I wasn't mentally there. I could feel my mind tearing apart every day. The thoughts that ran through my mind never seem to cease. I felt like nobody can help me now, nothing ever makes me happy. I sound like a complaining baby, right now don't I? And a record machine. All I do is repeat myself over and over, and feel sorry for myself.
Because when things go poorly, they go horribly, horribly wrong. You wanted to know why, right Well, that's why. It's all really just that simple. I was damned from birth and no matter how long I run, how hard I hide, how smart I keep, my past is my present is my future. And it's such a short future at that. I am not a bad person. I don't know if I'm a good person, but I know I'm not a bad one. I've met the bad ones. I know the bad ones. The bad ones own me. Thirsty. So thirsty. Dry mouth, aching stomach, scratchy throat, itchy skin. Thirsty.
Looking down once again, I could see water more clearly, as it crashed against the rock cliff. “Do it. It won't hurt. Water doesn't hurt. It will sting, but it won't hurt. Let the water fill your lungs up. Let it take every last breath you have, Steven.” I heard Matt whisper in my ear edging me on. I scooted closer to the edge, now some of my ass hanging off. So close, so close. “Do it.” He whispered more harshly, until I did. My stomach dropped down, as I fell. My breath was taken away from me, and my hair was sticking up trying to take hold of gravity. I went under the water feet first, my eyes were closed as I felt a stinging of the cold water on my cheeks. So cold, but it felt good as I kept sinking. I wonder how deep this was.
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
I open my mouth, and take a gulp before it registers in my mind that I'm starting to panic that I couldn't breathe. Why did I do this? This was a horrible thing to do. I can barely swim. I flutter my arms as I started to thrash around, my lungs were burning and bubbles were all around me. The water tastes not right and makes my stomach cramp, but I gulp again and again until I choke. I needed air, I looked up and the light was fading as I went down. Spots covered my eyes as I started to lose consciousness, then somebody jumped in, I didn't know who, as my eyes closed and I stopped fighting for survival.
Where was I? I looked around and everything was pink. It almost looked like I was inside Lion's mane. Pink grass or fur or whatever it was, blew to the side as if there was a wind, but I didn't feel anything. I heard giggling, looking to the side I saw Lapis waving to me from the distance. She looked so happy and at peace. Then, I saw her. Rose Quartz. She didn't look happy though. She looked like she was frowning. I took a step forward, it was hard like a barrier was trying to hold me in place. I opened my mouth to say something, but what came out was coughing no words. “Steven, please wake up.” I heard a voice, Rose's lips were moving, but I knew that wasn't her voice. It sounded so much more distant. “Steven! Come on lil'man.”
Everything disappeared, falling away like puzzle pieces being torn apart. The voices seem closer now, and something was pushing down on my chest. Then, air blowing down my throat and into my lungs feeling them up. My eyes open as I started to cough and somebody helped me up into sitting position my arms raised as I coughed up liquid. Water. I was coughing back up water. I didn't die, I didn't drown. However, I was soaking wet and cold. “Thank god, you're awake.” It was Pearl's voice from behind me, she sounded scared and worried with the sound like she has been crying. Looking to the side of me, Amethyst was the one who was holding me up right, her eyes were full of tears.
“Why did you save me?” I asked quietly before coughing up some more water from my lungs that still ached from the strain of trying to breathe. It was silent as the gems stared at me. “If I wanted to be saved, then I wouldn't have done it … you should have just let me drown.” I pushed Amethyst's arm off of me and wrapped my own around my legs. I rest my head on my knees. “I mean thank you for saving me and all ...” A hand went on my shoulder and I looked up to see Garnet looking down at me.
“Amethyst saved you because we love you, Steven. We don't want anything to happen to you. I am sorry we don't understand human feelings that often. We're sorry that we want to understand, but it is difficult for us too. We know you are in pain. However, ending your life is only solving a temporary problem.” She whispers and gets down on her knees pulling me into a hug, her body was warm against what I now noticed my shivering body. I wrapped my arms around her trying to take in all the warmth I can get. We were joined by Pearl and Amethyst in a giant family hug.
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
♠ ♠ ♠
Hey, if you didn't know already, Matt and Lapis are actually hallucinations. They are not real. xD That's why Matt is a male gem. I just want to make that clear. I try to put hints in the text, but I feel like most of you didn't get that. Anyway, that's why the others couldn't see them. Steven is slowly going insane with everything going on. He is trying to fight it, but with his depression, Suicidal thoughts, and I think he might have PTSD from Jailbreak I don't know yet, I am still thinking about it. His mind is just slowly tearing apart. So, this is my shortest chapter yet and is going to be my last short chapter. I don't like making short chapters to be honest. However, I felt like this was all I can put in this chapter. What I want to put in the next chapter, it won't work for this. So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :D Until next time, I am writing chapter 11 now. And kill me now for using chapter like seven times. xD Also again I apologize for the short update I know you have been waiting, but I am sick and I felt like this was decent enough for an update. Oh! And tell me how you like the almost draining scene was it realistic enough? If not how do you think I should make it realistic? Let me know in the reviews.-XDomoX