Angel of Yesterday

I didn't know where I was. It was dark and silent. Nothing was around me. I didn't hear voices, I didn't see any light. However, it was oddly comforting. Darkness is a peculiar substance, similar to ice it has three states strong, fluid, and gas, but with a turn.

Since it is a kind of magical material, it doesn't fall under the laws of science, just ready to change states by the client. In strong structure it's totally dark beside an exceptionally minor shade of red at its middle, similar to a light oblivious, when a non-client touches it its like getting winded, if hit by a sharp point it will enter and rapidly taint.

As a fluid it's thick; sticky, and has an impact odor of ink, it can act like sand trap or out and out coat and choke out individuals. As a gas it's entirely abnormal it can go through strong material easily, choke, and destroy like corrosive. Overall Darkness is an odd thing. It really is. Now what do I want? What do I fear? Know that and I can unlock my own cage and step into the light. However, do I want to go into the light? Or do I want to stay in an eternal darkness? So, peaceful, and so comfortable.

I sat down my legs crossed sitting in the middle of the darkness, when there was a light. I had to cover my eyes because it was so bright. It took the darkness away. It took my friend away. Where was this light coming from? When the light dimmed, I saw Lapis standing in front of me. Was it the same dream I had before? The same nightmare? However, it didn't feel like a nightmare to me. This felt real. Like it was my time to go. I stood up, a smile enriched on my face. After so many times trying, trying to get back the pain that I lost. To fill the hole in my heart. Lapis stood there in front of me, smiling. “We have been waiting for you, Steven. Your mom says it's time to go.”

My mom, I looked around I didn't see her anywhere. Every time I seem to come to this darkness, my mother was always shaking her head at me. The times I tried to end my life, it was disappointment. I tried to say something, but nothing came out. She giggled and stretched out her hand. “Follow me, Steven. Let's go into the light together.” A strange happiness over came me like I have been waiting for this moment to come. I grabbed her hand and it was cold. Why was she so cold? She smiles, and leads me to the light, it was blinding. Then, it dimmed once again. We were in a meadow, pink everywhere, like Lion's mane. It felt almost like the place that I have been before in one of my dreams. However, it wasn't, but it did feel like it was home to me.

We walked hand in hand as I looked around the beautiful meadow. The wind blew softly against my face, and the smell of roses filled my nose. We walked more before getting to a cliff where there was a bench overlooking the ocean. On that bench was a tall large woman. Her hair was very long, and curly pink hair, almost like pink starbursts styled in thick, tube-like ringlets. Her head turned around, to smile at me and Lapis with her defined lips that were a pale pink color. Her skin was a bright-peach illuminating the atmosphere around her. She motioned for us to sit next to her. Still hand in hand, we walked over. I sat in between my mom and Lapis.

“Isn't it remarkable, Steven? This world is full of so many possibilities. Each living thing has an entirely unique experience; the sights they see, the sounds they hear, the lives they live, are so complicated, and so simple. So, why? Why did you want to end it all and come to a place where nothing changes, my son?” She didn't look at me as she spoke, her voice was soft and musical, but full of sadness and grief. “To think you lived for such a short time.”

“Do you realize, how much it hurt to live on the planet earth? How much suffering I went through? Have you been watching me?” I asked, I suddenly felt like crying. “The Crystal Gems, mom, they blamed me for your death. I blamed myself for your death, and for Lapis' death.” I squeezed Lapis' death. “It was too hard for me to go on. I wanted nothing more to end it and be with both of you. And I finally got the chance to do it.” I looked at the crashing waves of the ocean, the waters were so vibrant in different shades of pinks.

Rose looked at me, her pink eyes were wet with tears. “This is not how I wanted your life to be like, my son. I wanted you to be filled with joy, happiness, and love. Instead, it was filled with despair, loneliness, and self loathsome.” I let go of Lapis' hand to hug my mother that had her arms out wide for me. I embraced her with everything I had in me. Her arms were warm, unlike Lapis'. She stoked my hair, and I could feel her chest move up and down with the shallow breaths she was taking. “Is this really what you want? Do you want to stay here with me and Lapis?” Her question struck me. “You still have some time to think about it, but not much.”

“Steven, come with me. I want to show you something.” Lapis' voice was sweet, I let go of my mother and looked at the blue gem. I nodded getting up with her. She crouched down, and motioned me to climb on her back. I looked at my mom, and she nodded. “Are you ready?” She asked. I took a deep breath, and got onto her back. “You okay like this?” I nodded in agreement, before Lapis takes off to the skies. Fear and excitement went through me as I held on to Lapis. My mom's figure moves further away from us, as Lapis flies down sticking her hand out with my to move against the warm water of the ocean. Our shadows move across the surface of the ocean, pink and blue fish jump from the ocean to meet us in the air.

Lapis flies faster, before drop catches me above the clouds. I grabbed a hold of Lapis' cold hands. A cold angel in the sky of the heavens. She was beautiful, and so was this world. My feet skid across the ocean's surface, as she turns around and flies us back to my mother. She was in the same spot. Her face was grave. Lapis drops me to my feet next to Rose, she lands next to me softly. "Have you made your decision, Steven? Your heart is slowing down more and more with every passing second. It will stop any minute now." Did I want to stay? What did I have to lose? This means I will never see Connie again, then again I haven't seen her in weeks since the accident. I will never see the Crystal Gems again, either. However, they blamed me for my mom's death in the first place.

I sat down on the bench next to my mom, Lapis sits down next to me. "I am staying. I want to be with you and Lapis. I am at peace for once." I grabbed each one of their hands. "Happiness can be found even on the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light. And that's today." We stared at the ocean, smiling, Rose asked me more about my life. And that's what we did. I talked and talked, being a peace with myself for once. I only wish I knew at that time what my decision would leave such an impact on the ones that I left behind. Now you know my story, its their turn to tell you theirs. You're never the same, even moment to moment you're allowed an expected to invent who you are. What an incredible power.

It's not the end.