A Place of Hope and No Pain

Chloe's POV

"Are you getting a coffee before we go in?" Matt asked me as we walked past the dining room.

"Yeah I guess so." I sighed walking in and grabbing a cup.

"You know." Matt said as I added some cream and put a lid on. "You gave up one addiction and took up another."

"Yeah thanks dad." I muttered walking out. I didn't need his lectures.

"It's true." He said walking after me.

"Yes but this one won't kill me will it." I snapped, unhappy with his input into my life.

"Well I guess not." He mumbled, realising I was pissed.

I mean who did he think he was? Lecturing me on my life. I was in control of my life and I certainly didn't need him sticking his big nose into it.

I walked over and threw the door open, groaning when I saw who was in the room. Group was going to be a fucking nightmare today.

"Hey." Clay grinned at me as I walked over to a seat and sat down.

I nodded and smiled at him, watching Carmen glare at me. She needed to chill, actually I needed to chill, but I was tired and over Mr Know It All lecturing me every five minutes.

Matt sat next to me, fidgeting as usual. "What are we doing today?" He asked me leaning over.

I looked at him, taking a drink of my coffee purposely, grinning. "Don't remember."

He sighed, frowning. "Chloe are you okay?"

Before I could reply the door opened and Jerry walked in, smiling. "Well hey there." He said walking over and sitting next to me.

Fuck, of course he had to be here and of course he had to sit his ass next to me.

Matt shifted in his seat, leaning forward and looking at him. "Fuck off." He hissed and Jerry ignored him, chuckling to himself.

I was going to get up and move but Mary came in, calling for our attention.

"How are we all this morning?" She asked smiling. "And how was everyone's visit?"

I sat there saying nothing while everyone gave her a 'yeah good' or whatever.

"So before we get into today's session I want to remind you about the team building exercise that's happening on Thursday." She announced. "Of course you're all expected to participate."

"What the hell is a team building exercise?" Jerry snapped and he glared at Carrie while he said it.

"Oh it's fun." Mary said smiling at him. "You'll love it."

I didn't say anything, I just sat there quietly, I knew what we were doing and I knew once Matt found out he'd have me in the gym everyday until Thursday.

"And the winner's get a prize." Mary added. She didn't add that the prize was a lame trophy.

"Does the winner get to leave early?" Jerry snapped, glaring at everyone and winking at me.

"Look." Carrie snapped. "Just shut your mouth for once in your life."

Matt smirked at me and I had to hide my smile. It was good to see that pretty much everyone hated Jerry as much as me.

"Anyway." Mary went on. "Let's start, so carrying on from yesterday's visit's, I wanted to talk about relationships. I know I know." She said as a few people, including me huffed. "We've brushed on it before, but today I want to discuss things that can happen when you leave here."

"Things." Matt said. "What do you mean by things?"

"Well." Mary started, looking at him. "You came in here an alcoholic Matt, your feelings were stunted, you led a different life, when you leave you're not going to be the same person and your relationship needs will have changed."

I hated this fucking talk because inevitably it always ended up back at me, back at my failed marriage. I wasn't the one who ruined the fucking marriage in the first place, it was that dick who couldn't keep it in his pants for twelve weeks. Twelve weeks, who was I kidding, he couldn't keep it in his pants ever.

"No they won't." Jerry snapped. "I'll still go home to my wife, I'll still be happy."

Huh, yeah maybe he would be happy but I bet his fucking wife wouldn't be, the fucking pervert.

"Chloe what are you rolling your eye's at?" Mary suddenly asked me.

"Nothing." I said quickly.

"Well your relationship certainly changed didn't it?" She said.

Well here we go, surprise surprise, let's use good old Chloe as a prime example.

"Why yes Mary." I said sarcastically. "It did."

"Mine's changing already." Carmen said softly and we all looked at her.

She was looking down at her hands, staring at them.

"How Carmen?" Mary asked her softly, sensing her hesitation.

Carmen shrugged. "I'm not really sure."

Oh I was fucking sure, he was sitting right beside her.

"Well I started doing this to fix my relationship." Matt suddenly said.

I looked at him, he was sitting there, looking at everyone.

"And?" Mary said, encouraging him to continue.

"Well we're separated." Matt said. "And I did this to get my wife back, to mend my marriage, but now I'm doing it for me. If we get back together we do, if not I'll move on, but I'll move on a better person, a sober person."

Mary smiled. I thought she might piss her pants. Matt gave her exactly what she wanted to hear.

"Yes." Carmen said softly. "I'm the same, I'm doing this for me now, I'm not worrying about anyone else."

"Exactly." Matt cried.

"That's really good to hear." Mary said. "You two are doing so well."

Matt nodded. "Yeah we are."

"And if Chloe can get on with her life after her husband left her." Jerry added smirking. "I'm sure you two losers can too."

"Alright." Carrie snapped standing up. "Get out, I've just about had enough of you."

"I think we all have." I muttered. "Look." I said quickly, standing up. "I'm not feeling great, I'm going to my room."

I didn't wait for a response, I just turned and walked out the door, leaving.

I wasn't sure what was wrong with me. I just wasn't feeling it today and I kind of didn't want to be around anyone, including Matt.

Right now I would give anything to curl up on a couch, with a book and spend the day reading, instead of having to sit in a group session, being constantly reminded of what a fucking failure I was.

I walked into our room. I was done, this cycle would be my last. I was sick and tired of dealing with this, dealing with people and their problems, maybe it was time I worried about myself for once. I was kidding myself honestly, I wasn't in control of my life, I wasn't in control at all.

"Fuck." I cried, throwing my self onto the couch, ignoring the feeling I had.

I wanted a drink, I really did.