A Place of Hope and No Pain

Matt's POV

I slept like shit. Actually the word slept was wrong, I didn't really sleep at all, it was more like dozing on and off, then waking with a raging desire for a drink.

I couldn't eat breakfast, hell I couldn't even stomach a cup of coffee, I just felt like I was going to throw up at anytime. I think I had a raging hangover. I hadn't had a hangover for years, I mean I'd been drunk everyday for the last six or seven years.

After breakfast Chloe mentioned Group sessions. The last thing I felt like doing was sitting in a room with strangers talking about what a fuck up I'd made of my life, but apparently we had to go.

I sat in there, listening. It was interesting to know that the counsellor's had all been where I was and I listened as they told a little of what they'd lost. I felt pretty confident about it actually, Stuart and Carrie had managed to get their lives back on track, and I could tell just by looking at Chloe that she had her shit sorted.

Or so I thought. I felt bad when she talked about her husband. I mean at first I kind of doubted that she was an alcoholic, I mean she just didn't look like it, until she spoke about how her life was still a mess. Her face said it all, she was devastated and she was still paying for her mistakes.

"So see." Stuart stated. "Not everyone get's their life back to the way it was."

"Yeah but you're happy right?" Lisa asked softly.

I looked at Lisa. I didn't know what her addiction was, but she looked bad and I was guessing I probably looked that bad as well.

"I'm getting there." Chloe said softly, smiling at us.

She was getting there? God, she'd been sober for five years and she was getting there?

"Well this has been fucking lovely." Jerry snapped standing up. "But I got my own shit to sort out, I don't want to sit here and listen to your problems."

"What problems could you possibly have to work out?" Carrie snapped at him. "Um you're a millionaire, you have everything you could ever want, what problems do you have Jerry?"

"What problems." He yelled. "How about the fact that all of my friends deserted me, I only see them when they want something, to them I'm nothing but a drugged out idiot they can advantage of."

"Sounds like you need new friends." I muttered, hoping he would sit down, I really was in no state to deal with confrontation.

"What about your friends pretty boy." Jerry snapped, turning to face me. "They must be fucking fantastic, letting you what, I'm gonna guess alcoholic, so they let you drink yourself fucking stupid, sit by and watch you ruin your life."

"Now hang on a minute." I snapped, standing up to face him. "You have no fucking idea about my life."

"Matt." Chloe said softly, grabbing my arm. "Sit back down, don't feed into his anger."

I sighed, sitting down. She was right of course, we were all feeling like shit and close to losing it.

"As a matter of fact." I said, looking at Jerry who was now looking a little embarrassed. "A couple of my friends are in the same boat as me, only they're not ready to sort themselves out yet."

"Really?" Carrie asked frowning.

"Yeah." I said softly and it was true, I always had company when I was drinking.

"That's not going to work when you go home." Stuart told me. "I mean you'll just go home, start drinking again."

"Yeah." Lisa piped up, looking at me. "That's true."

I shrugged, I had a million issues to deal with, my friends being only one of them.

"I'm sure it's true for all of us." I mumbled, feeling embarrassed that everyone was looking at me.

"Ha." Lisa snapped. "Who do you think got me into this fucking mess." Her face was one of anger. "Come on Lisa." She said in a strange voice. "Just have one hit, it won't hurt."

"Yeah well, my friends aren't like that." I snapped, already sick of their bullshit.

"Oh I'm sure they're not." Stuart grumbled in a sarcastic voice. "Where are they, at home with their family's, having a fine old time while you're in here trying to get your shit together."

They had a point, my friends were at home with their wives. Their wives hadn't left, packed up their kids and left.

"Why are we all picking on Matt." Chloe said suddenly. "Pointing out everything that's wrong with his life?"

"Um maybe because he's in denial." Jerry snapped at her.

I watched as Chloe sat back frowning, she found Jerry unnerving and it was obvious.

"I'm not in fucking denial." I snapped back at him, sick of his shit, sick of him trying to dominate us, trying to dominate Chloe. "I'm a fuck up and my life is a mess, that's why I'm here."

"Exactly." Chloe said softly, smiling at me. "If he was still in denial he wouldn't be here, none of us would be here."

Well that shut everyone up and I was glad. I'd already decided that I didn't like Jerry and I hoped I never saw him again while I was here, although that was highly unlikely.

"Well looks like we're out of time." Carrie said smiling and standing up.

"Aw what a fucking shame." Jerry snapped, heading to the door.

Carrie groaned, turning and following him.

"Ready?" Chloe asked me and I nodded, standing up. "Do you want to get a coffee or something?" She asked as I followed her.

"Not really." I mumbled, the thought of anything making my stomach churn. "Can we just go to the room?"

"Sure." She said, heading up the stairs.

She let is in to our room and I walked in, throwing myself on the couch.

"That was a bit of a waste of time." I muttered as Chloe sat in an armchair across from me.

"What?" She asked frowning.

"That group session, it was a waste of time."

I looked at Chloe as she started laughing. What the fuck was she laughing at?

"No it wasn't Matt." She chuckled. "It wasn't a waste of time at all."

"What do you mean?" I asked her, because to me it was stupid.

"The aim of group is to get you all talking about your life, and guess what?" She said, smiling at me. "You all just sat there for nearly an hour talking about your life."

I laid back and stared at the ceiling. She was right of course, we had just spent an hour arguing, rather than discussing our lives.

My life, ha, what a fucking joke. I was a fucking joke.

"Fuck." I mumbled, jumping off the couch.

"What?" Chloe asked me looking worried.

I didn't have time to answer, I had to get the bathroom and I had to get there now.

I leant over the bowl and I threw up, and I kept throwing up. Tears ran down my cheeks but I ignored them, getting comfortable. I was going to be here awhile.