Remenissions
Chapter 40
Lana's POV
Oh my god he was kissing me. Matt was kissing me and god it felt so nice, it really did.
"We should have breakfast." I blurted, pulling away. I was feeling overwhelmed, confused and I didn't know what to do.
Matt looked at me strangely, agreeing, then he brushed his lips across mine again.
I got up and went into the kitchen, opening the fridge. Eggs would do, I could cook eggs, eggs would keep me busy, eggs would keep my mind off of what just happened.
I started cracking them into a bowl, and my hands wouldn't stop shaking, I was making a mess and I wanted to cry into my fucking bowl of eggs because right now I was confused.
"Lana." Matt said softly and he was right behind me.
What did he want from me? What was he doing?
He put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him gently, asking me to look at him. I didn't want to look at him because I was afraid he would see everything in my eye's, all of hurt, all of my pain, all of my feelings.
I raised my face to look at him and he pulled me into his arms, wrapping me up tightly and then he did it again, he kissed me. I closed my eye's and oh god it felt so good. I reached up and wrapped my arm's around his neck, returning his kiss.
"Do you see." He murmured against my lips.
I nodded, but I honestly had no idea what he was talking about, I just wanted him to keep kissing me. Did I see what?
"Do you understand?" He asked, pulling back and looking down at me.
I was watching his lips, when he was talking I couldn't do anything but look at his lips. He was asking me if I understood, if I understood that I was the reason he did what he did. What did he do? The wedding? What?
My phone snapped me out of it and I grabbed it, mumbling something to Matt. I felt dazed, like he'd put me under some kind of spell and when I saw it was Nick I rejected his call, I did not want to talk to him right now.
"We have to talk to them." Matt said and I nodded, of course we were going to have to talk them, that made sense. He was my boyfriend and Courtney was his fiancé, I just wasn't sure what we were meant to talk to them about.
He did it again, he pulled me back into his embrace, looking at me. "Us." He murmured.
Fuck, he kissed me again and did he just say us?
"Us?" I asked him, wrapping my arms around him. God, I just couldn't not touch him, we were so close, kissing and it felt so right. Us.
Matt was saying that there was an us. All the nights I'd dreamt of this moment, and here he was telling me exactly what I wanted to hear, that he wanted me, as much as I wanted him and I wanted to cry, I really did. Id' waited so long to hear it and now I had.
I stood there, letting him kiss me, feeling a wave of relief sweep over me. Me and Matt. I couldn't help but smile.
"Are we going to have breakfast?" He murmured softly against my lips.
I wasn't sure about him, but I was already having what I wanted. "I guess."
"So Lana." He said smiling down at me. "What are you going to do with all those eggs?"
I turned and looked at the bowl. He was right. I'd cracked nearly ten of them. What the fuck was I going to do with ten eggs.
"Scrambled?" I suggested, and he kissed my forehead.
"What ever you want."
So I made an excessive amount of scrambled eggs, not that it mattered, Matt just kept on eating them and while he finished I went in a had a quick shower, getting changed.
I couldn't stop smiling. Matt. Matt and I. Together. Us. It seemed a little unreal and by the time I finished my shower and came back out into the living room I had a million thoughts and what if's running through my head.
"I think I'll go shower." He said as soon as I sat down. "Then...well...yeah....I guess maybe I should tell you a few things."
A FEW THINGS. What was he going to tell me? That he'd made a mistake?
"I won't be long." He murmured, kissing me again and that put my mind at ease.
I flicked on the television and just stared at it. Thinking. This was so strange, Matt and I, it was strange, but a nice strange and I couldn't help but wonder what everyone would think. Well that was assuming Matt wanted to tell anybody, I mean maybe he would want to keep it a secret, so nobody knew.
"Hey." He said and I jumped. He had a habit of sneaking up on me. "What are you watching?"
"Oh nothing." I said, shaking my head, still thinking.
"So I was thinking." He started and I looked at him. God, he was thinking, thinking was bad. "Lana are you okay?"
"Hmm, oh yeah." I mumbled and his brow creased and he moved closer to me.
"Any way, I was thinking." He went on, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer. "I was thinking we could just hide out here a few days, you know, until the heat dies down a little."
"Hide out?" He wanted to hide me, I knew it.
"Yeah." He said smiling, and damn, he kissed me again. "Fuck Lana." He murmured. "We'll have to talk to Courtney and Nick, explain it."
"Explain it?" I asked. Explain what?
He pulled back a little way, frowning at me. "I mean that is if you want to break up with Nick, I mean you don't have to, I mean if you don't want to." He mumbled.
"Of course I do." I blurted, saying it before I even realised it. Of course I would break up with him, this was Matt, Matt whom I'd loved for so long.
"Okay, good." He said smiling. "I was worried for a second, I mean Lana, you do, well, you feel the same way as me right?"
I took a deep breath. "And how is that?" I wanted him to say it.
"I need to be with you." He said softly, looking down at my hand. "I don't know how or why, but it's you I need to be with Lana. I almost married the wrong girl, but thank god I didn't."
Ugh fuck, here they were, the tears. I knew they wouldn't be too far away the little fuckers. "I know." I whispered, wiping my face.
"God I'm sorry." He murmured, pulling me into his arms. "I'm sorry for everything Lana, and fuck, I yelled at you yesterday because you were standing there, looking so beautiful, asking me if you looked okay and all I could think was I was marrying the wrong girl."
"That's because you were." I whispered, laying my head on his chest.
"I know." He said softly, kissing the top of my head and holding me tightly. "Lana I don't know what happened, but I'm glad it did."
"Me too." I whispered, looking up at him.
He leant down and kissed me softly. "I didn't know if you felt the same way I did. I tried to pretend that nothing was happening but I couldn't, every time I saw you I knew I was falling for you and I couldn't stop it."
"I'm glad you didn't." I said softly. "I really am, and I'm glad you decided to come here and talk."
"I needed to explain myself, about why I'd been acting so fucking strange." He said smiling. "I'm sorry I was acting like such an asshole."
"You weren't acting like an asshole." I said. "Well most of the time." And that was true, only sometimes he acted like an asshole.
He laughed. "I know, but yesterday, well yesterday I was an asshole. I kept telling myself once I married Courtney I'd be okay, I only had nerves, but god, you were right there in my face." He touched my cheek. "I didn't want to let go of your hand, when we went into the church, I didn't want to let you go."
"It's okay Matt." I said softly. "It doesn't matter, not now, now what matters is this." What ever this was.
He kissed me again. "You're right Lana." He murmured. "I want to spend a few days with you, just us, being this." And he smiled. "Being a couple."
I sighed, a couple. It sounded so good, so right.
"I want us to get to know each other as a couple and then, then I guess we'll have to talk to Courtney and Nick and then, then I guess we'll have to tell everybody else."
"Oh." He was right, we would have to tell everybody. "Our parents."
"Oh god, I can see your dad's face now." He laughed.
"My dad loves you." I giggled and he did, my parents adored Matt.
"I love you." He whispered and he said it so quietly I barely heard.
"Matt." I murmured and this time I kissed him. "I love you too you know."
"I know." He whispered. "Thank god."
I closed my eye's as he kissed and I couldn't help but smile. Thank god everything had turned okay. Well so far, we still had to talk to Nick and Courtney and I knew that was going to be a problem.
A big problem.
Oh my god he was kissing me. Matt was kissing me and god it felt so nice, it really did.
"We should have breakfast." I blurted, pulling away. I was feeling overwhelmed, confused and I didn't know what to do.
Matt looked at me strangely, agreeing, then he brushed his lips across mine again.
I got up and went into the kitchen, opening the fridge. Eggs would do, I could cook eggs, eggs would keep me busy, eggs would keep my mind off of what just happened.
I started cracking them into a bowl, and my hands wouldn't stop shaking, I was making a mess and I wanted to cry into my fucking bowl of eggs because right now I was confused.
"Lana." Matt said softly and he was right behind me.
What did he want from me? What was he doing?
He put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him gently, asking me to look at him. I didn't want to look at him because I was afraid he would see everything in my eye's, all of hurt, all of my pain, all of my feelings.
I raised my face to look at him and he pulled me into his arms, wrapping me up tightly and then he did it again, he kissed me. I closed my eye's and oh god it felt so good. I reached up and wrapped my arm's around his neck, returning his kiss.
"Do you see." He murmured against my lips.
I nodded, but I honestly had no idea what he was talking about, I just wanted him to keep kissing me. Did I see what?
"Do you understand?" He asked, pulling back and looking down at me.
I was watching his lips, when he was talking I couldn't do anything but look at his lips. He was asking me if I understood, if I understood that I was the reason he did what he did. What did he do? The wedding? What?
My phone snapped me out of it and I grabbed it, mumbling something to Matt. I felt dazed, like he'd put me under some kind of spell and when I saw it was Nick I rejected his call, I did not want to talk to him right now.
"We have to talk to them." Matt said and I nodded, of course we were going to have to talk them, that made sense. He was my boyfriend and Courtney was his fiancé, I just wasn't sure what we were meant to talk to them about.
He did it again, he pulled me back into his embrace, looking at me. "Us." He murmured.
Fuck, he kissed me again and did he just say us?
"Us?" I asked him, wrapping my arms around him. God, I just couldn't not touch him, we were so close, kissing and it felt so right. Us.
Matt was saying that there was an us. All the nights I'd dreamt of this moment, and here he was telling me exactly what I wanted to hear, that he wanted me, as much as I wanted him and I wanted to cry, I really did. Id' waited so long to hear it and now I had.
I stood there, letting him kiss me, feeling a wave of relief sweep over me. Me and Matt. I couldn't help but smile.
"Are we going to have breakfast?" He murmured softly against my lips.
I wasn't sure about him, but I was already having what I wanted. "I guess."
"So Lana." He said smiling down at me. "What are you going to do with all those eggs?"
I turned and looked at the bowl. He was right. I'd cracked nearly ten of them. What the fuck was I going to do with ten eggs.
"Scrambled?" I suggested, and he kissed my forehead.
"What ever you want."
So I made an excessive amount of scrambled eggs, not that it mattered, Matt just kept on eating them and while he finished I went in a had a quick shower, getting changed.
I couldn't stop smiling. Matt. Matt and I. Together. Us. It seemed a little unreal and by the time I finished my shower and came back out into the living room I had a million thoughts and what if's running through my head.
"I think I'll go shower." He said as soon as I sat down. "Then...well...yeah....I guess maybe I should tell you a few things."
A FEW THINGS. What was he going to tell me? That he'd made a mistake?
"I won't be long." He murmured, kissing me again and that put my mind at ease.
I flicked on the television and just stared at it. Thinking. This was so strange, Matt and I, it was strange, but a nice strange and I couldn't help but wonder what everyone would think. Well that was assuming Matt wanted to tell anybody, I mean maybe he would want to keep it a secret, so nobody knew.
"Hey." He said and I jumped. He had a habit of sneaking up on me. "What are you watching?"
"Oh nothing." I said, shaking my head, still thinking.
"So I was thinking." He started and I looked at him. God, he was thinking, thinking was bad. "Lana are you okay?"
"Hmm, oh yeah." I mumbled and his brow creased and he moved closer to me.
"Any way, I was thinking." He went on, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer. "I was thinking we could just hide out here a few days, you know, until the heat dies down a little."
"Hide out?" He wanted to hide me, I knew it.
"Yeah." He said smiling, and damn, he kissed me again. "Fuck Lana." He murmured. "We'll have to talk to Courtney and Nick, explain it."
"Explain it?" I asked. Explain what?
He pulled back a little way, frowning at me. "I mean that is if you want to break up with Nick, I mean you don't have to, I mean if you don't want to." He mumbled.
"Of course I do." I blurted, saying it before I even realised it. Of course I would break up with him, this was Matt, Matt whom I'd loved for so long.
"Okay, good." He said smiling. "I was worried for a second, I mean Lana, you do, well, you feel the same way as me right?"
I took a deep breath. "And how is that?" I wanted him to say it.
"I need to be with you." He said softly, looking down at my hand. "I don't know how or why, but it's you I need to be with Lana. I almost married the wrong girl, but thank god I didn't."
Ugh fuck, here they were, the tears. I knew they wouldn't be too far away the little fuckers. "I know." I whispered, wiping my face.
"God I'm sorry." He murmured, pulling me into his arms. "I'm sorry for everything Lana, and fuck, I yelled at you yesterday because you were standing there, looking so beautiful, asking me if you looked okay and all I could think was I was marrying the wrong girl."
"That's because you were." I whispered, laying my head on his chest.
"I know." He said softly, kissing the top of my head and holding me tightly. "Lana I don't know what happened, but I'm glad it did."
"Me too." I whispered, looking up at him.
He leant down and kissed me softly. "I didn't know if you felt the same way I did. I tried to pretend that nothing was happening but I couldn't, every time I saw you I knew I was falling for you and I couldn't stop it."
"I'm glad you didn't." I said softly. "I really am, and I'm glad you decided to come here and talk."
"I needed to explain myself, about why I'd been acting so fucking strange." He said smiling. "I'm sorry I was acting like such an asshole."
"You weren't acting like an asshole." I said. "Well most of the time." And that was true, only sometimes he acted like an asshole.
He laughed. "I know, but yesterday, well yesterday I was an asshole. I kept telling myself once I married Courtney I'd be okay, I only had nerves, but god, you were right there in my face." He touched my cheek. "I didn't want to let go of your hand, when we went into the church, I didn't want to let you go."
"It's okay Matt." I said softly. "It doesn't matter, not now, now what matters is this." What ever this was.
He kissed me again. "You're right Lana." He murmured. "I want to spend a few days with you, just us, being this." And he smiled. "Being a couple."
I sighed, a couple. It sounded so good, so right.
"I want us to get to know each other as a couple and then, then I guess we'll have to talk to Courtney and Nick and then, then I guess we'll have to tell everybody else."
"Oh." He was right, we would have to tell everybody. "Our parents."
"Oh god, I can see your dad's face now." He laughed.
"My dad loves you." I giggled and he did, my parents adored Matt.
"I love you." He whispered and he said it so quietly I barely heard.
"Matt." I murmured and this time I kissed him. "I love you too you know."
"I know." He whispered. "Thank god."
I closed my eye's as he kissed and I couldn't help but smile. Thank god everything had turned okay. Well so far, we still had to talk to Nick and Courtney and I knew that was going to be a problem.
A big problem.