Take Me to Church

Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again.

I couldn't bring myself to sleep that night, not knowing where the boys were right now and if they were safe or not. I'm honestly not sure how Tara was even able to sleep after everything that had happened the past few days.

When she went to bed, I was left sitting at the kitchen table, while she set up a make-shift bed on the couch for me.

However, I never moved from my spot through out the night. The cup of coffee Tara had given me sat on the table, and had long since gone cold. Though, it wasn't like I was actually drinking it or anything. My mind was far too preoccupied to even consider eating or drinking anything.

So, that's where Tara and Happy found me the next morning.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" She questioned me, adjusting Thomas in her arms. With a sigh, I ran my hand through my ratty hair. "No, there was too much on my mind."' I looked up at her through my lashes as she spoke. Her face fell almost immediately, and her eyes filled with worry. Reaching up into a cabinet, Tara pulled down two coffee mugs. "Have you heard anything about any of them?" I couldn't stop myself from asking her, hopefully.

Once more, the worry in Tara's eyes was completely obvious. Putting the mugs down on the table in front of me, she sighed. "No, not yet- it's probably still too early. I'm sure they're fine. You don't need to worry." Tara was at least trying to be reassuring.

Filling the mugs with hot coffee, she handed one to Happy and set the other down in front of me before taking the cold one away and dumping it into the sink. "You can't just sulk until we find out what's going to happen next." Finally, Tara sat down on the other side of the table. "You don't understand." I couldn't stop myself from scoffing and shaking my head at the woman across from me. Tara didn't get defensive like I worried she would, instead she just seemed concerned. "If I don't understand, then will you please explain it to me." Her words were soft.

My hands found the mug of coffee sitting on the table in front of me, and my fingers began fiddling with the ceramic mug. I took a deep breath. "Filip and I have been trying for yours. Now he's in jail, unprotected; and he doesn't even know that he's finally about to be a father." Tears came to my eyes as I spoke. The room seemed to go dead quiet.

Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping. And the vision, that was planted in my brain- still remains.

"How long have you known?" Tara asked, sounding shocked, after a few moments of silence. "Only a day or two." I shrugged my shoulders slightly. With how much I had been feeling sick recently, there was no way it was just heat or residual left over from the pneumonia. I would be a fool if I hadn't have taken a test. I could feel both Tara's and Happy's eyes on me as we say there. It was if I had grown a second head or something....or maybe I was just being self conscious.

"Happy, will you please go call Lowen, and see if she's heard anything." Tara asked, looking at Happy from over her shoulder. Saying nothing, Happy simply nodded his before turning and walking out of the kitchen. Once she was sure the man was gone, Tara leaned in closer to me. "What else is bothering you, Kaela?" She was now speaking in a very hushed tone so Happy wouldn't hear.

"Everything." I shrugged.

"If you don't mind my asking, how did the two of you end up together in the first place? I mean, he is a good bit older than you, I never understood how that happened." She asked softly, sounding confused. Just about everyone was upon first finding out.

Within the sound, of silence.

"Chibs was one of the first people I met when I came to Charming. He was really, well, charming, and sweet. He showed me around, and would tell me stories of so many wonderful things that have happened to him- he also told me about all the bad things. The things I began to feel for him were, hell, I don't even know how to describe it. He was the best man I've ever met." This was the only way I knew how to explain it. "One night, the club threw a party, and the both of us got super drunk, so I decided to take a chance and tell him how I felt. Luckily for me, he felt the same- and we've been inseparable ever since. "

In restless dreams I walked alone, narrow streets of cobblestone. Neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp.

"So ever since guys have been together, you've never really been apart, have you? And now you're faced with the possibility of never seeing each other again." The realization that came over her face was as if she had been struck by lightening. Like she never thought that the feelings I had for Chibs were this deep, this real.

Though, I'm sure that when most people saw us together, they were more likely thinking that I'm only with him for his money, or because of his reputation with the club.

"When I met him, everything changed. He made things so much better. I wouldn't be here if it were any different." I explained further with a sigh. When I met him, it was like my entire world was turned upside down. That man saved my life.

When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of neon light, that split the night. And touched the sound of silence.

"What do you mean?" Tara sounded completely worried, she already knew what I meant. She just wanted me to tell her she was wrong. Now, it wasn't just a look of worry in her eye. I could hear it in her voice this time. This time she meant it. I didn't want to have to bring up this part of my past, but I couldn't stand to make the girl simmer in her worry. "You know my mother died relatively soon after I came to Charming?" I pointed out. "Yes, yes I remember how torn up about it you were when it happened. Didn't she die in a car accident?" She questioned.

"Yes, but it wasn't an accident. My mother killed herself, because she felt guilty about what had happened to me." I informed her of the truth rather simply. "What do you mean she blamed herself, what happened to you?" She was quick with her questions.

"Before I came to Charming, I was in a relationship with this guy my mother had introduced me to. He was a real asshole type. He would hit me, a lot, actually hospitalized me a few different times. I actually came to Charming because I was running from him. I knew that my dad had connections with this charter, and thought they might protect me until I could afford to jump ship to Ireland." I could barely find my voice. It hurt just thinking about it.

And in the naked light I saw, ten thousand people maybe more. People talking without speaking. People hearing without listening.

"God, Kaela, how come you've never told anyone about this?" Tara's hand came up to rest over his lips in a shocked manner.

"I mean, it's not like I haven't told anyone. I've told Chibs and Opie, they both knew everything about me. They weren't happy when they found out, so in the end when he came looking for me, they handled the situation." I confessed. "They killed him you mean?" She wasn't shocked or disturbed. No, this time her voice had a harsh tone to it. Things like this were extremely common in our world, the one she wanted no part in. Something we had long since grown used to, or I had at least. After so much time spent around the club, you adapt.

People writing songs that voice never shared, and no one dared disturb the sound of of silence. Fools, said I, you do not know- silence like a cancer grows.

"I can only assume so. Ever since they told me that things had been handled, I've never heard from him again. No more threats." I answered her question honestly. It honestly didn't bother me that they might've killed him. Men like that were nothing but a caner to the world. Any man who lats his hand on a woman in a harmful manner isn't really a man at all.

"So, what happened after that?" She urged me to continue to my story. Taking a deep, I forced myself to go on. "Keep in my mind, this part happened before I met Chibs." I clarified before starting. Tara simply nodded.

"Things were bleak. Thoughts in my mind were pretty dark and depressing. Before I met Chibs, I was planning on killing myself. I had actually attempted it once. And I've regretted it every day since. When I told Chibs, he took me into his arms and just held me. He made me feel safe for the first time in a very long time, and slowly he taught me to live again." It was like I had lost my voice, it was barely there.

Hear my words that I might teach you. Take my arms so I might reach you. But my words, like silent raindrops fell; and echoed in the wells of silence.

"Kaela, it's horrible that you went through that, but wonderful that he's been there for you when you needed him."

I said nothing in response. Sure it may seem horrible to her; but this is my life. I knew first hand how bad it was without her putting her two cents in like the rest of the world does. That's why only Chibs and Opie ever knew. I don't need people's pity, especially not hers. "Now you know, but you can't tell anyone else. I don't want anyone to know." I spoke in a stern voice, hoping it would get the point across. She simply nodded her head.

"I got touch with Lowen." Happy announced, walking back into the kitchen. My heart jumped at the words, wondering what was going to come out of his mouth next.

And the people bowed and prayed, to the neon god they made. And the sign flashed it's warning, in the words it forming. And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls; and tenement halls.

"Well, what did she say?" Tara asked, rising out of her seat across from me. She clutched her youngest son to her. My eyes scanned over Happy's face, trying to figure out how to read his emotions. The suspense was killing me. "They're safe, and they'll be getting released in the morning." Happy nodded his head ever so slightly.

Immediately, I felt as if a giant weight was lifted off of my shoulders- I felt like I was able to breathe again. "Thank god." I choked out, releasing a breath I hadn't even realized I had been holding in. Stepping around the table, Tara came to stand next to me and put her hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "There, they are fine you see? No need to worry or panic. They'll be home in the morning, we just have to make it through one more night. Do you want to stay here again?" She had a smile on her face as she looked down at me.

"No, I think I'm gonna go home tonight, actually. Happy, can you drive me home? I didn't sleep at all." I spoke to the man standing in the doorway. I could drive just fine, but he and I needed to have a very serious, private conversation. Tara almost looked disappointed that I refused her offer, while Happy just nodded. "Of course." He spoke, grabbing my keys off the counter.

We said our good-byes to Tara before walking out of the house together. I waited until we were in the car and had pulled away from the house until I said anything to him. "I know you were listening, Happy. How much did you hear?" I didn't bother looking at him, I kept my gaze focused out the window.

He was rightfully hesitant to answer me. "All of it. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me. Congratulations by the way." He flashed me a smile. I wasn't worried. I knew I could trust Happy with anything.

And whispered the sounds of silence.