Take Me to Church

Days were dull after that, though they passed by fairly quickly. Jax hadn't come back to the club ever since the day that Cameron ha taken Abel.In fact, he hasn't left the nursery since the night it happened- he wasn't handling this all too well. Though, neither was Tara. None of us were.

Everyone was just so depressed, it broke my heart.

I did my best to do everything I could to help the club. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing at least. With Jax too depressed to leave, and Tig on the lam with Gemma I feel like this was something I had to do.

"So, what's the plan for today?" I asked, seeing my husband walk into the room. We had spent the night at home, trying to relieve a bit of tension that had been radiating off of the club recently. "The boys and I are going to try to get Jax back out into the world. We've got the Prospect's wake tonight, so I'll meet you back at the club later. I love you." He gave me a kiss before walking away. Leaving.

Once he had gone, I pushed myself up onto my feet before I made my way over to the closet. Dropping the wet towel that was wrapped around my torso, the fabric pooled around my feet in a wet lump on the carpet.

I kept my choice of clothes rather simple so I wouldn't have to change for the wake tonight. So, keeping that in mind, my outfit consisted of black jeans, a black shirt, with a black plaid over shirt and a pair of boots.

I braided my hair, and pushed it over my shoulder; my make-up was dark to match my outfit, and I was running late.

Upon noticing what time the alarm clock on the night stand said, I was quick to grab my things and make a run for the door. Of course my things mostly only consisted of my phone, my wallet, and a cup of coffee. I also made sure the house was locked up before getting into my car and leaving completely.

Since Gemma was on the run, I was the one in charge in the shop office. That way we wouldn't fall behind and the boys wouldn't be forced to do it themselves.

"You're late darling." Piney decided to point out to me as I climbed out of my car. "Yes, Piney, I know. Chibs and I overslept." I blushed ever so slightly. I probably should have come up with a better excuse, that was a bit too personal. Piney put his arm around my shoulders and walked with me into the office.

"It's going to be odd without that boy around here." Piney was talking about Half-Sack as he looked out into the garage. The usual spot where the boy worked was empty. "I keep thinking, would things be different if I had tried to do something, would he still be here? Would Abel have been taken? I keep feeling like this is all my fault, Piney." I choked out, tears coming my eyes. "Does Chibs know you feel that way, sweetheart?" Piney had a concerned look in his eye as he took my hand in his.

"No." I whispered, shaking my head. My eyes fell to my feet, and I could feel that Piney's entire body had gone rigid. "Well, doll, you should really talk to him. Let him know how you feel- you can't just bundle this inside like you do with everything else."

Before I could say anything, Piney released my hand and left the garage in order to go into the club house. Groaning inwardly, I sat down at the desk and got to work- even though I knew he was right.

I had very little time to get anything done before it was time for the wake. If we fall behind on our work, it'll be my fault and I can't have that,

Time passed by more quickly than usual today. "Alright boys, let's close up!" I shouted out into the garage. They were quick to do as I had told them, while I busied myself with locking up the office,

Once everything was locked up, I made my way into the club house so I could clean up before the wake. The boys were all scattered around the bar as I made my way down the hall and into the bathroom. During the few moments of down time today, I worked out in the shop so now I was washing off the dirt and grime that had collected on my skin.

It was while I was washing my hands that I herd a soft knock on the door, and the door cracked open ever so slightly. Standing in the opening was my one and only husband.

"Hey, is everyone ready to go?" I asked, looking up at him. He gave a sad nod, "Yeah, they're ready. We just have to do something before we leave though." He let out a sigh as he spoke. "Oh...What do we have to do?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

Saying nothing, he reached out, grabbed my hand, and pulled me out of the bathroom. We walked together back down the hallway to the bar, where I still saw all the boys standing around together. Upon seeing us, Clay was the one to step forward and get everyone quieted down. "Alright listen up everybody! Before we head out, we got some club business to attend to. It's been mentioned a few times in church; but this time we make it official." Clay announced loudly.

I looked aroun, confuse. What was going on? Why are they handling club business outside of church??

"We all know that we have one person who would do absolutely anything for us no matter what. I think it's time to recognize how much she does for us. So. All those in favor of making Kaela the first official female member of SAMCRO?" Clay spoke with a smirk on his face. The room filled with a chorus of 'aye's, and suddenly Opie was standing in front of me handing me a leather jacket. Over top of the leather jacket, just like the one he was always wearing, was a leather cut with patches and everything.

"W-What, no. I-I ccan't take that Clay, not even Gemma had something like this." I gasped out, shaking my head. Once more Clay stepped forward. This time he was standing directly in front of Chibs and I.

"Kaela, you've done more for this club than I could've ever imagined. Without having to be asked, you have sacrificed so much for us, and that makes you one of us. Take the damn cut." Clay ordered, clapping his hand down onto my shoulder. I didn't know what to say next, so instead I allowed it to happen. Opie handed the jacket over to Chibs who slipped it up my arms and over my shoulders. Then, the room filled with the sound of applause, and I couldn't help but smile.

When the clapping died down, we all made our way outside and left to go to the funeral home.

There were more people around than I was expecting.Club members, their families, and even a few cops were standing around. Some talking to club members, while others just stood watching- most likely only because of how many other charters were currently taking up space in Charming.

Knowing I had a problem with giant crowds like this, Chibs was quick to put his arm around my shoulders in a protective manner. He led me through the crowd, and into the funeral home. People stared as we walked through the crowd, and I could hear a few people talking amongst themselves. I overheard one guy making a comment about the reaper displayed proudly on my back.

Walking past everyone, I made my way over to the black coffin. Tara was crouched down in front of the coffin. Pressing a kiss to my fingers, I lay them against the casket before walking away.

I knew Chibs was following along behind me as I made my way outside, and I knew he was curious as to what I was doing. I just needed some air, I wasn't all that comfortable standing in the building surrounded by so many people.

Once outside, I crossed to road, and leaned against a random car. I should've noticed that it belonged to Deputy Hale. Noticing me standing there, he walked over to where he was standing in front of me. "Are you alright, Kaela? You're looking a little pale." He placed a hand on my shoulder, and help me stand up right. "I'm fine, just a little light headed- thanks." I was gasping for a breath at this point.

My hand came to rest over my stomach as it churned, unhappily.

"I just wanted to check on you. See how you've been doing since everything that happened that day." He sounded a bit unsure of himself. "i've been dealing with things the best way I can, I guess. We all are." I shrugged my shoulders lightly. He stood there awkwardly for a moment before looking me over and speaking again.

"Should I dare ask about the cut on your back?" He seemed to be very cautious about asking that question. "Probably not." I shook my head, still struggling to catch my breath. I stepped away from his car, wanting to find my husband. I needed to find Chibs- something was wrong.

Things seemed a bit hazy as I began moving across the street. I could hear Hale still talking to me, but I wasn't listening. I could make out his voice but not what he was actually saying.

I felt dizzy. I could see Chibs in the distance, but he was just so far away. "Chibs!" I wanted to yell for him, but to me it sounded like a whisper. His eyes found me, and I could barely make out him pushing his way through the crowd to get to me.

Suddenly, people were down on the ground- screaming. All I could hear was screaming, it filled my head and wouldn't let anything else through. Something his me, and I was knocked to the ground. My head smacked the concrete harshly, and black spots appeared in my vision.

Hearing my name, I opened my eyes enough to see Chibs crouching down in front of me. Grabbing both of my hands, he pulled me to my feet- only to have to hold me up. "Kaela, are you alright? Did you get hit?" He was out of breath from running over to where I was. "I-I don't know, something knocked me down, and I hit my head. I was standing over there." When I turned around to point my body froze.

My eyes went wide as I saw the body laying in the middle of the road, the back of his head was open, and he was laying in a pool of blood. Right where I had been standing, now laying dead in the middle of the street, was Hale.

Only, I didn't believe it. Pushing out of my husband's hold, I stumbled my way over to Hale before crashing down on the ground once more. I could feel eyes on me as I reached out and touched the man's hand. He was covered in his own blood. The deep red smeared across my pale skin when I dared to reach out and close his eyes.

Chibs walked up, and crouched down behind where I was sitting. "Kaela, come on." He spoke to me softly- but I ignored him. I felt my body flinch when he reached out and placed his over top of mine. "Come on, Kaela. Let me take you home." He whispered, pulling my hand away from Hale's.

"No." I shook my head, as tears filled my eyes, "No. It's all my fault. H-He was pushing me out of the way. If hadn't been there, this wouldn't have happened!" I cried out.

"No, Kaela you didn't. None of this is your fault sweetheart.Do you hear me, don't you dare blame yourself for this." Moving the place his hand under my chin, Chibs made me turn my head and look at him. Sniffling, I could feel tears begin to escape from my eyes. "I caused this. It's my fault. All of it." And the dam burst.

Chibs didn't try to say anything else. Instead, he pulled me into his arms and stood up before walking away from the scene. He carried me past all the people who dare to be watching us, and put me into the large black SUV that we owned. While he was telling Juice to get his bike safely back to the club, I reached up and tried wiping the tears away from my face- only to wipe the warm blood onto my cheeks instead.

Chibs didn't say a word when he got into the car. Nor while we were driving. He didn't even speak when he carried me into our house, and set me down on the couch in the living room.

Instead, he walked into the kitchen for a few moments before coming back over to me with a large glass of water. "What was going on with you tonight? Right before everything happened, you looked like you were going to be sick." He spoke with a gentle voice.

"I don't know. I don't really remember what happened. One moment I saw you, the next I hit my head on the ground." I whispered, before gulping down some of the water. "Do you know why Hale pushed you down?" He questioned me. Instead of speaking, I simply shook my head.Taking a deep breath, Chibs reached up and pushed his hair out of his face.

"I think I had a panic attack." I said suddenly, definitely catching his attention. "What are you talking about?"

"Earlier.Being surrounded by all those people, I-I couldn't take it. I just needed some space to breathe, away from them all. Only, I couldn't catch my breath, everything was blurry, and I didn't hear anything that was going on around me." I confessed to him.

"Is it my fault that Hale's dead?" I choked out, looking up at my husband. His eyes were wide, and he seemed to release a breath that he was holding in.

It was...this was all my fault