To Sweden With Love

I have a love/hate relationship with Ellie. Well, I'm not too sure about the love part, but I do really like her. She's sweet, caring, honest, goofy, and most of all, she's brave.

After only being a couple for a month, she poured her heart out to me. She talked to me about her family, how her brother was in the service and how she hadn't seen him in a couple years. She told me about her relationship with Adam even when she didn't want to. I didn't force her to, but I wanted to know what I had to do to make sure I was better for her.

She told me about her dark times before and after her break up with Adam, and how she became depressed and suicidal.

Even though the way we got together wasn't the most ideal, I'm still glad she was okay with opening up to me. It seemed like she was really comfortable with me.

There was just something about her that made her... Special.

---

"C'mon El, you gotta get up!" I tried to pull the cover off of her but she had a death grip on them.

"I don't wanna!"

"Shane will be here in a couple minutes, get up and get ready!"

"He can wait."

"Says the one who missed her brother," I rolled my eyes.

As she got up and got ready, I searched for somewhere to meet Carl for lunch. I figured he needed a friend today. Not a teammate, but a friend.

I'm glad that him and I have stayed friends even through his two trades.

It was a rough time for me when he left New York to go to Anaheim and then Pittsburgh.

You feeling Thai today? Because I am.

Don't care, not really hungry. I'll meet you after practice.

Okie.

I sighed.

"Ellie, Shane is here," I yelled for her to hurry up in the shower. "She'll be out soon enough. Care to join me? I'm trying to find a Thai restaurant."

"There's one down on South 2nd Street. I think its M Lounge? Really good food."

"Sweet thanks."

I had ESPN on, watching highlights from the baseball games from last night. Only because the hotel didn't get NHL Network or else I'd be watching the highlights from that game.

It's probably for the best that we didn't get NHLN while here; because I'm sure Ellie would flip out when she hears trade rumors about any of her favorite players... and even if she heard one about me.

It was true though. I was thinking about leaving New York.

I'm just too afraid to say anything to her.

"Tell her I'll meet her down in the lobby," Shane said as he saw himself out. "I have to take care of something real quick."

"Will do, brother."

---

After Ellie had left for her day with her brother, I finally had a minute where I could call Mats without her constantly asking me whether our stuff got to New York.

"Deeeerick," he said as he answered.

"Maaaats!"

"When you coming back to the city?"

"We leave San Jose on Tuesday and then we'll be in Nashville for a couple days, then I'll be home by this weekend."

"Ugh, you've been gone for far too long."

"It's litterally only been 3 days... I'll be back before you know it."

"Good, I was hoping you hadn't forgotten about me, since y'know, you went on vacation with your new girlfriend already."

I could sense him rolling his eyes at me.

"Hey, I really like her."

"And I can't believe you let her move in with you, but you wouldn't let me move in!"

"Dude, what's wrong with having your own place?! It's not like you live that far from me."

"There's nothing wrong with that, but I do have an issue with you hav--"

"Stop talking, Mats. I didn't call so you could lecture me about how to live my life."

"Oh you didn't?" He said sarcastically. "Sorry. By the way, her stuff got here this morning. Kreids, Step, and Cap helped me get everything every thing upstairs."

"Okay, thank you. She was paranoid something would go wrong."

"Don't worry, I think transporting her heavy boxes in and out of the elevator wasn't that difficult." He laughed.

"Thanks, Mats. I really appreciate it. I'll talk to you later? I have to jump in the shower before I meet Carl for lunch."

"Oh! Tell him I say hey," he said before we hung up.

I turned the water on in the shower and let the hot water hit my back as I began to think. What was I doing to Ellie? I couldn't let her believe that I was going to be in New York come September. I shouldn't do this to her. She's going to be so heartbroken when I finally tell her.

That's when it all became clear to me.

I didn't just really care about her...

I was in love with her.

---

I met Carl down the street at the restaurant. Or well, he met me there. For a little bit there, I didn't think he was going to show up.

I was seated at our table already when I saw him walk in the door. I waved for him to come over.

He slowly made his way to the table. I could tell he didn't seem like he wanted to talk.

"I hope you're hungry, I ordered some appetizers."

"Not really, but I'll try and munch," he started. "Oh and, if you're here to lecture me about the whole picture thing I sent to Olivia, I already got an ear full from Patric."

"The what?" I hesitated.

"Oh, I'm surprised you didn't hear already."

"No? Ellie hasn't heard from her since early yesterday."

"Well, yeah, I did something stupid." He reached over the table and took my beer, drinking half of it.

"Sorry, I didn't know what to order you..."

"Any form of alcohol would be good for me right now."

"You can't just drink it all away, it's not going to help you forget that you did it."

"I told you I didn't need a lecture."

"Whatever, let's just eat."

We were silent for a while as we started to eat. He mostly picked at the food his plate.

"I'm just so stupid," he said out of the blue. "I really fucked up and now she won't talk to me, but I'm sure she's made the attempt to talk to her BFF Ian." He rolled his eyes.

"Do you blame her though? If I had done the same thing, I wouldn't expect Ellie to talk to me either."

"Why do you always have to make everything about you?" He raised his voice.

"I'm not making it about me! I was just saying, that if--" He cut me off.

"No, I'm done here," he got up, throwing a couple bucks on the table before exiting the restaurant.

I got my waitress's attention asking for some to-go boxes and the check.

I decided to just walk back over to the hotel instead of calling for another Uber.

When I got back to the room, I just laid there contemplating my next life decisions. Whether what I was doing with Ellie was all going to be worth it in the end. Was she going to stay with me if I moved back home? Would she stay or would she go? How upset would she be?

My phone dinged.

Please tell me he hasn't killed you yet.

Why would he kill me? Oh! Oh no!

Derick! This isn't funny!

And then, there she was. She walked in the door like she walked into my life on that brisk March evening back in Pittsburgh.

I realized that I had to consider the feelings of the people around me now and not just myself.