Endlessly

Sunlight poured in through the windows as Emilia’s eyes fluttered open. She lay in a huge bed covered in blankets and soft pillows and was quite certain she’d never been more comfortable in her entire life. Looking around the room, her sleepy mind came to the conclusion that she must be in the hotel that her sister had arranged for.

The room was simply decorated in cool tones and still managed to maintain a cozy atmosphere. One glance over the edge of the bed revealed beautiful wooden floors decorated with fluffy looking rugs. Everything about the room wanted its occupants to be comfortable in this winter wonderland. If she had her way, she'd be happy to stay forever.

She had no recollection of arriving at the hotel, as she’d passed out in the backseat after the champagne and other alcohol she’d consumed that evening had taken its toll on her empty stomach. With a jolt and a soft laugh, she realized that Ville must have had to carry her. She hoped there hadn't been too many stairs.

Soft breathing drew her attention and she turned to her right to see Ville laying in the bed with her. His pink lips were partially open and he slept in the same clothes he’d been wearing the night before. She smiled and brushed a stray curl from his face, the gesture causing him to stir just slightly. While she had no desire to leave the bed, she did need to shower. She got out of bed as quietly as she could manage without disrupting Ville’s sleep.

She crossed the wooden floor quickly and made her way to the bathroom. Discarding her dress and undergarments on the floor, she made her way to the glass encased shower and turned the water on as hot as it would go. As steam quickly filled the bathroom, she sighed happily. Getting away was exactly what she needed after the drama the night before.

Emilia stepped into the piping hot water and a recoiled briefly until her skin adjusted to the temperature. Settling fully under the cascade of hot water, she relaxed into the feeling of the water rolling down her body. She frowned hearing someone stirring in the other room, realizing that the sound of the shower would have likely woken Ville.

Her suspicions proved true when he poked his head in the bathroom, causing her to jump and scramble to hide her body from his gaze.

“Ville!” She squealed, backing into the corner of the shower.

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, kulta.” He smirked as he covered his eyes with one long hand. “Is this better?”

“Why are you in here?”

His grin widened, impishly. “Your sister packed you a bag of toiletries, I thought I’d bring them to you.”

“And sneak a quick peek at the same time?” She accused grumpily as she opened the glass door just slightly to snatch the plastic bag from his hand.

“That was only a bonus.”

“Out!” She bellowed, pointing toward the door despite the fact that he couldn’t see the gesture. He laughed and guided himself out by placing a hand on the wall until he reached the open door. She glared after him the entire time, suddenly less guilty for having woken him up. She opened the bag and produced all of her products from it and continued her shower in guarded paranoia.

When Ville left the bathroom, he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and relaxed on the bed. He found that he had a few missed calls from the rest of his bandmates as well as Bam. He pressed call on the last one from Burton and waited for his friend to answer.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty!” Burton answered. Ville’s eyes flashed over to the time, it was nearly noon.

“One of us has to maintain the look of the band,” Ville quipped with a smirk as he produced his cigarettes from his pocket and got up to head out to the balcony.

“I suppose you’re right. Anyway, they moved up the shoot time to tomorrow morning. I guess the original day we were supposed to do it there’s going to be a huge snowstorm.”

Ville pulled his jacket on and stepped out onto the balcony. He cast a glance at the bathroom door and frowned. It looked like his alone time with Emilia was going to be cut short. “That sucks.”

“Yeah but I’d rather not get stranded up there either.”

“Fair enough, how’d everything go after I left?”

“Well, Bam ended up getting a call from Jonna who apparently got herself lost downtown somewhere. So he and the guys bailed a little early, which was just fine for Seppo who was on the verge of murdering them.”

“So all in all, everything was pretty normal?”

“Yeah pretty much,” Burton laughed. “How’s everything going with Emilia?”

Ville looked back through the glass doors, finding she was still in the bathroom. “We just woke up so it remains to be seen.”

Burton chuckled. “She keep you up late last night?”

“I wish. No, she got a little tipsy and I ended up having to carry her upstairs while Knoxville checked us in. Did he make it back alive by the way?”

“Yeah he’s actually currently passed out at Linde’s. Manna is thrilled.”

“I’m sure.”

Emilia came out of the bathroom wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe she’d found hanging on the back of the door. She fussed at her wet hair with a towel, coaxing it to dry as she took a seat in an armchair near the large glass doors that led to the balcony. She found Ville standing with a cigarette in one hand and his cell phone in another. She noticed his brow was furrowed as though whatever he was hearing was troubling for him. She pushed her gaze off him and onto the view of Lapland that the balcony doors provided. She didn’t know how deep into the area they were, she’d fallen asleep too soon to know how long they’d been driving for. All she could do was appreciate the picturesque beauty provided by the wintery landscape.

All she could think was the same thing that she’d been thinking since she’d returned to Finland: that she’d been away from home for far too long.

Ville snuffing out his cigarette and putting his phone in his pocket drew her attention as he opened the door to reenter their room. He smiled upon seeing her, forgetting the troubling news that Burton had delivered to him but she did not return the smile.

“You could have at least knocked,” she said indignantly as he placed his jacket on an adjacent chair.

“You’re still upset about that? We’ve slept together, Em. There’s hardly any secrets between us.”

“Ten years ago!”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m sorry…I thought with everything that happened last night…”

“We still have a lot to work out, Ville.”

He pressed his lips together and sat down in the chair he’d just placed his coat on. He looked at her, wrapped in a robe with her hair cascading over her shoulder in a liquid black waterfall and couldn’t help the feelings that washed over him. He’d missed her so much over the last few days and here she was and he still couldn’t have her. He didn’t understand why she was denying him still.

“Like what, Em?” He asked finally, growing fed up with her relentless stubborn streak. “Like how no matter what I do to prove myself to you it’s never enough?”

She recoiled a bit from the harshness of his statement, recovering as quickly as she could manage. “Like about how you had another woman at the show last night who claimed she was your girlfriend.”

She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. He wasn’t at fault for the way that Jonna had treated her the night before, nor for the lies that had been uttered from Jonna’s lips. She opened her mouth to apologize for her harshness but he reacted first.

“You know better than to think I would have brought another woman there to parade in front of you."

Emilia sighed and fumbled with the towel still in her hands. The wound still stung. She hadn't realized how unprepared she was to have him move on, whether it were for real or not. She fancied herself unbreakable, but at her core she understood that this was not the case and that more often than not, her unwillingness to believe that fact would be her undoing.

"Why did she call herself your girlfriend?" She asked finally, needing all of her questions answered before she could move on from the situation.

Ville sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "That would be a result of Bam Margera thinking he knows what is best for me."

"I'm not sure I follow."

He cleared his throat and began again. "I believe I told you that just before we came home we had been in America?" Emilia nodded and so Ville continued.

"We had been there to play one of Bam's more outrageous parties. As such, Bam had grown tired of me moping over Suzanna and ultimately over you, so he invited Jonna to the party."

"Let me guess how quickly that escalated," Emilia said sourly with a roll of her eyes.

"That's not fair, Em."

"Boys will be boys and they do have their needs," she answered sarcastically. She couldn't bite back the bitterness that was evident in her tone.

"I guess you've been Mother Teresa these last ten years then," he spat. She tried to maintain a mask of indifference but inside she was seething. While she had by no means gone untouched during their time apart, it was a wholly different thing to come face to face with a former lover of the man she loved. Especially one who very clearly still wanted him. She couldn't help the spitefulness that crept into her heart as the tendrils of jealousy wove their way through the very fibers of her being.

She stood without another word and made her way toward where her bag sat on top of the dresser. She pulled a few articles of clothing from the bag, all the while feeling Ville's eyes on her back.

"I don't know why you're so upset about this," he said. She heard him coming closer to her and she tried to control the anger that swelled within her. With a deep breath, she dropped the fistful of clothing in her hands and turned to face Ville who, by this time, had reached her and was standing nearly chest to chest with her.

"Why was she there?"

"Bam brought her to Finland. He couldn't really just leave her at the hotel by herself while everyone else went to the show."

"Why was she in Finland?"

He sighed. "Because Bam likes to meddle in things he shouldn't. His heart is in the right place, I think. He's just a control freak."

Emilia bit down on her lip and sighed. She understood that this incident hadn’t been entirely his fault, though he’d done little to keep it under control.

“Em, you really have nothing to worry about with Jonna. She was a fling and, I thought, a friend. But she’s gone now and you’re not, and that’s how I prefer things to stay.”

The doubt in her heart began to waver with his reassurances that Jonna would no longer be a problem and yet despite the things he said, she still found reasons to doubt. She loved him, she knew now that to love him was as much a part of her as the blood in her veins and without him, the world was simply bland and grey. And still, she found reasons she should not be with him. She despised the fact that her head and her heart were at constant war with each other but she could drown neither one of them out. The ever-present fear that one day, she’d cease to be enough for him was always there to reel her back in. She wanted to be confident enough in herself and in him to believe that it would all work out for the best, but then again, that same confidence should have kept her father alive.

But here Ville was, in front of her and willing to love her despite all of these weaknesses she had. He had always been there to make her feel strong when she felt weak and maybe now was the time to allow him to play that role for her once more.

Ville watched as traces of doubt trickled away from the look in her eyes. He hoped that she was beginning to see reason, even if it was a slow process, he was willing to endure until she was finally his. He searched her face until she finally brought her eyes up to meet his and she sighed with a small smile.

“You’re right. Let’s just enjoy this weekend and deal with everything else later,” she said as she gathered up her clothing once more. He grinned and bent down to help her, but his hand was immediately swatted away as he picked up her underwear.

“Ville Valo, you are not funny.”

“I really didn’t mean to!” He defended as he held up his hands in surrender; Emilia’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Go take a shower,” she instructed as she righted herself and planted a hand on her hip.

He saluted her, knowing he’d earn a smirk from her with that gesture. “Ma’am, yes ma’am.”

Ville was rewarded with the smile he hoped he’d get and she placed her hands on his shoulders as she guided him to the bathroom. He braced himself against her pushing, making himself immobile and laughed when she released a frustrated grunt. “Go!” She cried. “I’m dying for breakfast.”