Endlessly

Emilia’s eyes fluttered open as a ray of amber light broke through the clouds and the curtains to shine almost directly on her, waking her from a peaceful dream. She shielded her eyes with her hand and scooted her body across the burgundy sheets so that she was out of the line of fire. It took her a moment to recollect where she was and when she realized whose bed she was in, she sighed happily and rested once more against the soft pillow of his bed.

Memories came flooding back of the feeling of his warm, soft skin against her own. The feeling of him inside her once more and the ecstasy they had shared not once, but twice that day. Her body was sweetly sore and her mind was in a state of utter bliss. This was how she should have woken up the first time that she and Ville had slept together, not torn apart inside by the uncertainty of the future.

It was then that she realized that Ville was not in bed with her. She propped herself up on one elbow to look around the room. His clothes were not where they’d been left when she’d thrown them off of him in the heat of the moment and she noticed that hers were not present either. Her brow furrowed to find that both of their weekend bags had been brought into the room but both seemed to be empty. She found that the large armoire that occupied one corner of the bedroom had its doors thrown open as though someone had been rifling through the stacks of neatly folded clothes to find something.

“Ville?” She called out softly, cautiously. As though alerting him to her presence in the house would come as a shock to him.

When he did not answer, she reluctantly removed the silken sheets from around her body and quickly crossed the cold room toward her bag to see if any of her clothing remained. She did find a pair of clean underwear so she slid those on, but found nothing else in her bag that she could cover herself with. It was then that her eye was caught once again by the open armoire. She went to it and helped herself to one of the plethora of black band t-shirts within and satisfied herself that at least she was mostly covered.

She crept from the room and made her way down the short hallway to look for Ville. She turned the corner and found him standing in his kitchen, leaning casually against the countertop and staring at the glowing screen of his laptop. He was deep in concentration, judging by the way his brows were knitted together and the thin line his lips were pressed into. She noticed that he only wore his boxers and wondered how he wasn’t cold.

She watched as he scrolled down through whatever it was that he was so invested in and craned her neck a little to bypass the glare on the screen and get a better look for herself. Finally, from the corner of his eye, he caught her movements and a smirk settled on his lips.

“Sneaking about are we?” He asked as he closed the laptop and turned to face her, arms crossing across his chest. She tried not to appraise him as blatantly as she did, but she couldn’t help the response he generated in her.

“I called for you, I’d hardly define this as sneaking around.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. Is everything alright?” He bridged the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Just fine,” she assured him as she leaned against his chest, hearing his heart beat steadily within. “What were you doing out here?”

“Research, just didn’t want to disturb you. You were already tired when we got back this morning and I feared I may have exhausted you to the point of a coma if I didn’t let you get some rest.”

“Thank you, I did need some sleep pretty badly. What were you researching?”

She heard his heart jump a little in his chest and she pulled away from him to find he was attempting to cloak something akin to excitement in his eyes. “It’s nothing, a surprise maybe but I need to work out the details so for now…nothing.”

Emilia scoffed loudly. “You know I hate not knowing things, why would you do that to me?”

Ville chuckled. “To torture you, obviously.”

She swatted him and pulled herself out of his embrace. “Not fair.”

“No, kulta. What isn’t fair is you running around this apartment in nothing but my t-shirt and your underwear. That is torture.”

She smiled cheekily and turned on her heel toward the hallway when he came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her body once more. He nuzzled against her hair, finding her ear and tracing the long line of her neck with kisses and smiled when rewarded with the shiver that ran down her spine.

“Don’t think you can distract me from the fact that you’re keeping something from me, Valo.”

“Please don’t worry about it, it’s not a guarantee yet so I don’t want to jinx it or get your hopes up just yet.”

She turned to face him and narrowed her eyes, considering him for a moment and then nodded once. “Fine, but know that while I’m not bugging you about it every thirty seconds, I’m still bugging myself about it.”

“As long as I don’t have to hear it,” he said with a wink and she laughed.

“Oh, shut up.”

He placed a hand on her lower back and guided her back toward his bedroom where he had every intention of locating his cell phone and ordering some takeout. Part of the initial reason he’d gotten out of bed in the first place had been to acquire something to eat but he’d been dismayed to find that he had little to nothing to eat in the entire house. He supposed that he hadn’t been home long enough at any time in the past couple of weeks to consider doing any real shopping – perhaps if Emilia planned on staying he would think about it.

“I was thinking of ordering Thai, are you interested?” Ville asked as they re-entered the bedroom and he took a look around wondering where he might have placed his phone last.

As though on cue, Emilia’s stomach could be heard growling from where she stood across the room from him and she immediately covered it as though she could mask the sound. She chuckled in response. “Yeah, sounds good.”

“I’ll take care of it if you want to go take a shower or something, your clothes should be done drying by then,” he offered as he produced his phone from the floor.

“And you did laundry? Ville, you’re going to make a great wife someday.”

Ville looked up from his contacts as he scrolled for the number he was looking for and stuck his tongue out at her. “I am a domestic goddess,” he declared firmly.

“Yeah, I could tell by the pizza slice that’s still stuck to the wall in your living room.”

“Domestic goddess in training,” he amended. This earned a loud laugh from Emilia who took her bag with all of her toiletries and made her way out the door and to the bathroom.



Emilia eagerly took the plate of food that Ville offered her and barely waited for the utensils he provided before she dug in. She hadn’t realized how starved she felt until the delivery guy had taken an extra twenty minutes to arrive with their food. Ville sat down beside her on the couch and turned the television on so that they’d have some background noise while they ate.

Something had been bothering Ville for most of the day, and while he didn’t think he should push the situation, he couldn’t help but feel like if he didn’t at least bring it up then Emilia would ignore it entirely. He hated to be the one to prod her like this but well, he’d waited for her long enough and he needed some answers.

“Em?” He asked finally as he took a bite of rice. She was halfway through a large bite of noodles and looked at him from the corner of her eye. He took this as his cue to continue and so took a deep breath before he began.

“What is it that we’re doing, precisely?”

She bristled slightly and finished chewing the bite in her mouth. She’d wondered when he’d ask, she had a feeling it was coming sooner than she would have liked. Especially given everything that they’d gone through to get to where they were. She weighed her response heavily as he waited expectantly through her prolonged silence.

“I’m not really sure,” she admitted finally, setting her plate down so that she could grab her glass of water.

She could see him nodding and tried to avoid his gaze as best she could. She knew what she wanted of course, but she was terrified that Ville would give her an all or nothing option and if that were to be the case then both of their hearts would end up broken.

“I thought as much,” he answered.

There was a pregnant pause as both eyed their plates of food and didn’t speak, the only sounds emanated from the television and even that seemed a distant sound to the two of them. Ville waited patiently for Emilia to ease the fears he held that she was still torn about the idea of being with him and yet she’d been willing enough to sleep with him twice that day. He didn’t delude himself into thinking that those acts had cemented their relationship but rather served to further complicate things. He didn’t regret it however, despite the obvious enough reward, he’d needed to be close to her like that again more than he’d realized.

“You promised you wouldn’t hurt me,” she started and he breathed a sigh of relief that she was at least willing to discuss the matter further.

“I did.”

“But what are we going to do when the distance becomes too hard or when I get jealous because you have a million women who would probably maim me to be in my position?”

He tried not to smile at how dramatic her statements could be and instead squeezed her hand a little tighter. “We’ll get through it. Like we’ve always gotten through everything.”

“And if we don’t?”

“You can’t be pessimistic about us, Em or we’ll fail before we even start.”

She bit down on her lip. “Then what do you want to do?”

“What I’ve wanted has been pretty clear from day one, sweetheart. But I can tell that you’re battling with something so why don’t you just tell me what it is that you want?”

She released her lip and took her hand back from him as she gathered her knees into her chest. “I just want to take it slow,” she admitted finally. “I don’t want to jump in with both feet only to drown later. At least if we try things out and see how they go, we won’t do too much damage to ourselves if it doesn’t work.”

Ville sighed. “That’s an awfully sunny point of view.”

“I’m just trying to save us.”

He looked at her incredulously. “You’re trying to save yourself from something that isn’t even a threat.”

She watched scornfully as he took his food and began to eat, brushing off the remainder of the conversation that he had started and that she’d wanted no real part of to begin with. She took her own plate and withdrew into the corner of the couch and stared listlessly at the television screen while eating with a decidedly lessened appetite.

Once they’d finished eating in relative silence, they both brought their dishes out to the kitchen and placed them in the sink without looking at each other once. Ville hated the silent treatment they were giving each other but he wasn’t sure what other choice he had.

“I don’t think we’re going to fail.”

He looked up and she leaned against the countertop with her arms crossed over her chest. She stared steadily at the floor and chewed on the inside of her cheek and he waited for her to continue.

“I just need some time. Things have changed so quickly and I can barely catch my breath. I just don’t want us to move too quickly, like we already have,” she said pointedly.

“Then don’t you think it’s a little late for us to be thinking sensibly?” He leaned opposite her, mimicking her stance.

She gave him a look and ignored his remark. “Can you just give me this much?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose despite knowing how she felt about the particular gesture. She chose to hold her tongue, not having missed it and waited patiently for him to respond. He didn’t want to give her the option to escape, because he knew that this was exactly what this request was: a chance to run if she got overwhelmed. But not giving her that option meant that she would be gone regardless and so Ville had only one option left to him as all others weren’t even within the realm of possibility.

“Fine. We can take things slow, heaven knows we’re about ten years behind anyway.”

She tried not to smile, not wanting to make him feel as though she’d been triumphant and he had not because that wasn’t what this had been about.

“Thank you, Vil.”

“One condition, however.”

“Yes?”

He crossed the space between them and enveloped her into his arms. “If I’m to ease into a relationship with you then I am all yours. I just ask the same respect.”

“You really think I would just keep you on a line while I go scour Helsinki for other eligible bachelors?”

He smirked. “Darling, you’re smart and funny and beautiful – I’m more worried about a flock of suitors that may come to your door at any moment.”

A sharp knock sounded at the door and both Emilia and Ville exchanged glances, before dissolving into a fit of giggles.

“You planned that,” she accused but Ville denied with a shake of his head.

“I swear I didn’t, I have no idea who is here.”

The knock sounded again and this time they both looked at the door, almost trying to will whomever it was on the other side to go away. They waited a few more seconds before a third, and angrier sounding, knock came again.

“Emilia Katariina Mustonen, I know you’re in there!”