Fixation (re-write)

Looking over the memories we had collected over the years my stomach turned, I knew this was it, the final straw. He was never mine, and how I longed for him, his touch. To be his everything was my ultimate goal, it dug at my insides. Childhood sweethearts they said, if only they knew how deep the feelings ran. ‘Thick as thieves’ we were but I wanted more, no; I needed more.
My closest companion, I couldn’t help but fixate over him, he was perfect and everything I was missing in my life. My heart soared when I was around him, but I knew it was never going to be easy, it never is when they already have somebody else. I always knew we belonged together, ever since we met in school we were inseparable. However; its been difficult to gather my own feelings whilst taking his into consideration also. Not having the guts to be honest with the man I love is what tore me to shreds.
Understanding what love is can either make or break a person, having gone through a multitude of make-ups and break-ups, I realised how easy it was to become infatuated with a person; this was very different. Zachary breathed life into me the first time we embraced, I felt a drive shoot straight through me, from that point onwards I knew I could get through anything with him by my side.
Especially three years ago when my life was thrown upside-down. It was never easy coming to terms with the death of a parent, especially both of them passing at the same time. The loss of my closest family shook me and my life; I had to leave my home and cohabitate with the kindest and most caring friend I’d ever had. Jimmy was both loving and slightly psycho, he had a slight tendency to act like a crazy person but he was ever-present and could always provide me with what I needed. I always though he was overly sympathetic however I now know we share a friendship bond that is so special and nothing could break us.

*****

Stretching, I pushed against the everyday struggle of getting out of bed. Slipping on my gown and proceeding downstairs I could smell fresh baked goods and coffee – glorious morning smell.
“Morning sweetie, how did you sleep?” Jimmy was busy baking sugar-coated treats whilst Jade sat at the breakfast table sampling the delights of the day.
“Good thank you” I took a pause, “today’s the day, I dread it every year.”
Jade stood up and walked over to me, “everything will be perfectly fine. Jimmy and I will be with you every step of the way.”
“The guys will be there today as well!” Jimmy piped up, “for that extra support, you deserve it.”
I stayed silent; walked over to the table, picked up a cookie and trudged back to my room. I wasn’t in any sort of a mood today, I just wanted it over with. Visiting my parent’s graves on the anniversary of their death had become a tradition over the past three years. Living without them was difficult, not only for me but those around me too. All I knew was that they suffered and it was nobody’s fault, they had swerved as a result of a deer hitting their car, ultimately they hit a tree and died fighting for their lives.
They had left me alone, I was seventeen at the time and barely able to look after myself, I was so grateful when Jimmy offered to take me in, I don’t know what I would have done otherwise. Both he and Jade have been extremely supportive of me and my situation, I became a part of their family. I had plenty of memories of my parents scattered around my room, there was never a day when I didn’t think about them. I picked up a photograph, a polaroid of myself with my parents, scanning the photo I smiled. “This was the most perfect day.” A knock at the front door startled me, I rushed to the window to locate the source. My heart stopped; my friends, the boys that had grown into men, all four of them stood at the front door dressed head to toe in black. Amongst them was the love of my life. I wiped the almost tears from my eyes and prepared to get ready.
Standing in front of the mirror I took one more look at myself. Your father’s eyes and your mother’s hair. Comments I had received in the past flooded to me. You look so much like your mother; she’d be so proud of the woman you’ve become. I loathed those comments, my parents were beyond perfect, I couldn’t stand to be compared with them knowing I would never live up to their superiority. Taking a step closer to the mirror – everything had to be perfect – I ran my fingers over my makeup, then I realised I was missing something. Looking frantically around my room I checked every drawer and box.
“Shit.” I muttered.
I had physically turned my room upside-down, I was in such a state I began having a panic attack. Sitting down on the bed I closed my eyes and began counting backwards from twenty. When I reached fourteen I felt a presence enter the room. I stopped. Opening my watery eyes, I could make out a silhouette of a man, he walked closer and sat down beside me on the bed. I closed my eyes once more and began counting again. Feeling his hand tracing the veins on my hand and the scent that radiated off him I knew exactly who this was. I stopped counting again.
“Zachary.” I stated, opening my eyes slowly. I felt his hand on my face, my head dropped to his shoulder.
“Scarlett, I know its hard, I’m here for you.” The sincerity in his voice calmed me.
“I’ve lost it, the necklace. I can’t find it anywhere.”
“Oh, Scar, don’t worry, that’s why I came up here, I noticed it was on the table downstairs and thought I’d bring it up to you.” I moved my head off his shoulder as he reached into his pocket, out he pulled a silver locket. My fondest memory, I have never cherished anything so much in my entire life. A solid silver locket that held photographs of my mother and father, bought for me on my seventeenth birthday, not long before they passed away. It was the last thing given to me by them.
“Oh Zack, thank you, I’ve been having the worst morning, I thought I’d lost it.” He prompted me to move my hair out the way so he could place it back where it belonged. Tears rolled down my face.
“Don’t worry. Are you ready to go? The rest of the guys are all waiting downstairs for you.” I nodded and slowly proceeded to walk downstairs. Zack clutched at my waist and I felt a warming sensation inside of me, I love how it felt when he touched me.
“Scar!” the voice of an all familiar friend rang through me.
“Brian! How are you?” I had all the time in the world for this man, he’d been there for me through thick and thin, just like the rest of the guys had. Things were different with Brian, he was completely head over heels in love with me, and a small part of my heart would always belong to him. We had spoke over the past few months and had actually grown closer (if that was possible.) It comforted me to know I had so many close and loving friends. Matt and Johnny walked over to me, “we’ve got the car all set up, would you mind if I escorted you there?” Matt was a sweetheart; we had grown up together so from a very young age we shared a bond like no other. People said we were so similar we could be siblings separated at birth. I chuckled at the idea, Matt was the one that spent the long and painful nights as my comforter after the accident. Whether it was day or night he was there for me, whatever I needed whenever I needed it. I reminisced about the time we visited the ‘almost out of state’ late night shake bar.
“Matt, no! I’m not staying in this house any longer, it’s driving me fucking insane! I swear to god if you don’t take me away from this godforsaken place I will start smashing things.” Furious at my own depressive state, I knew what I needed to do. Snap out of it Scar, you can get through this. Thoughts I told myself over and over again.
“Fine but were not going to a bar, I can’t be responsible for you getting drunk, you’re nowhere near old enough for that!” I could see he was trying to be sensitive but he was also agitated with me. “I know where we can go” he retorted “lets jump in the car and go for a drive, I know somewhere that will cheer you up.” Hopping in his SUV I slumped back in the seat, dreading where he was taking me.
After what seemed like a four hour commute we arrived at what looked like a bar. “No bars huh? Where the hell are we Matt?”
“You’ll see” he smirked
Walking through the front door my mood instantly changed, I was literally a kid in a sweet shop. Brilliant colours radiated throughout the room, pinks blues and greens. Wrappers upon wrappers of chocolate all specifically colour co-ordinated with the flavouring trapped inside. Rows of sweets, every type under the sun lined the walls surrounding me; Jolly ranchers, skittles, warheads and more. And the centrepiece that stood in the middle of the room was the most peculiar of statues. Created from what looked like dyed ice was a mythical beast, a unicorn to be precise. On its hind legs, looking extremely triumphant. I looked back at Matt in shock, he stood arms crossed, grin in tow, he’d done it. He always did it, forever finding a way to make me happy, he was amazing and I wish I could repay him. I walked up to the unicorn, Matt following close behind me, upon closer inspection I deducted that the unicorn was indeed made from crushed up clear sweets such as lollies and other hard candies that had been delicately held together. “C’est magnifique.”
Approaching the ‘bar’ a man, his name badge read ‘Burt,’ slid his way over to me.
“Hello and welcome to Unicorn Shakery! I can tell by your reaction to our decorations that this is your first time here.”
“Yes.” I responded, partially startled by his enthusiasm at such a late hour
“Well today is your lucky day, you see for every one of our first time customers we provide a complimentary shake, however, this shake is created by you and you only. It will be named by you and added to our guestbook where you can see how many people have ordered a drink created by you. So, are you up to the challenge?” I looked at him, startled.
“Yes, I know exactly what I want!” I now knew why Matt had brought me here, it was another keepsake to remind me of my parents. He was so sweet and thoughtful. My parents had an extreme sweet-tooth, especially when it came to chocolate. They always created wonderful cakes together, my mother would create and bake the cake and my father would spend up to two hours decorating it. ‘C’est Magnifique’ they would say once admiring the finished cake.
“Chocolate, it has to be the perfect balance of dark and milk so it isn’t too bitter. Cadbury’s cocoa powder is what my mother used, do you have anything similar.”
Burt glanced around. “We have Cadbury’s bars; I suppose that’s the closest we can get.”
“Perfect! White and milk chocolate sauce to rim the inside of the glass, add the mixture of blended chocolates and milk into the glass.” I stopped and looked around “Now for decoration.” I must have spent at least a half hour looking for the perfect toppings. I wanted to replicate exactly what they did. I laid four items out on the counter, their favourite candy. My mother, she loved hard candies, the ones that look like crystals on a stick, my father on the other hand preferred something also on a stick, trips to the beach also ended up in both of us getting a whirly pop. To make the shake even more special I added their favourite chocolates too, Whoppers and M&M’s and topped it with more whipped cream and a single cherry. I sat back in my chair, Matt next to me. “C’est Magnifique.”