Let Me Be the One to Save You

Sun poured in through the opening of my shades in giant rays that danced across the white brick and attacked my face creating me to stir from my sleep.

In that moment I desperately wanted to skip class, to forget about any responsibilities and hide under my warm fortress of blankets for the rest of the morning but I couldn't.i had already missed to many classes due to my sleeping schedule that if I missed another I was bound to fall too far behind.

I peeked my head out from the warm comforters and searched my desk for the black clock . The red letters smacked me in the face with harsh reality that I was going to be late for my 11:30 class as they read 11:15.

Pushing the tempting thoughts of skipping aside, I dragged myself out of my warm bed and began to search the room for clean clothes or any clothes for that matter. I didn't care at this point, my only priority was to make it to class at a decent time.

I pulled on a pair of black jeans, slipped a grey v-neck on topped it off with a black jacket. My mind was still fuzzy from sleep as I stumbled around my room checking things off my mental checklist as I went trying my hardest not to forget anything.

I double checked to make sure I had my phone, wallet and all my school work placed in my bag before I dashed out of my room and quickly scurried down the hallway to my class.

After only making it as far as the front door my phone went off with a text message. I groaned In frustration at whoever it was and quickly pulled my phone out while also tying to keep my eyes on my frantic path to the Bernel building where my class was about to start.

When I checked the message I almost rolled my eyes at the name that popped up. It was from Austin telling me he would be waiting outside my class for me when it got out but what else was new? I barely got to breathe in this relationship as all my free time had to go to him.

After class he'd wait for me and from there he would whisk me away to god knows where until crazy times of the night where I would go back to my dorm, wake up and repeat. I needed some space and I only got it on The weekends when I was with frank.

Suddenly the thoughts of this past weekend crammed their way into my brain and they appeared in the form of two hazel eyes. We had ended up spending the rest of the early morning at rays house until late afternoon and it gave me time to really become aquatinted with all of them, including Gerard.

Maybe it was the fact that we both studied art or maybe it was the time we spent at the party. I had never talked with anyone before that actually had a understanding of what I went through. He got it, he got it completely and it was crazy to me. Crazy how there was someone out there that understood what it felt like to be trapped in something much like I was

Suddenly it dawned on me at I entered the building where my class was that Gerard would be there.

Would he talk to me? He could choose to ignore me and pretend this weekend never happened. After all, I was only his friends sister who happened to tag along to his show.

I shook my head at myself in attempts to push away my rapid thoughts just as I stood outside my classroom door. I took in a deep breath preparing for the initial moment of awkwardness when I walked in five minutes late.

I pushed the door open and saw my professor, an middle aged women of about 40 standing at the table looking down at the attendance list. I also noticed that all the seats that I would normally sit in were taken except a few smushed between random people. My eyes scanned once more as I began to shuffle quietly in and that's when they met with the familiar hazel ones.

Gerard sat alone in the back, occupying a whole table to himself. Once we made eye contact he shot me a friendly smile.

So much for possibly ignoring me.

I shuffled fully into the room and walked down the line of black tables until I made it to the one that Gerard was sitting at. Quietly I put my bag in the chair beside me and sat in the chair next to Gerard.

"I was starting to think you weren't going to show up" Gerard said, whispering slightly so that he could blend his voice in with the other small talk that was being passed between other students.

I flashed him a smile and began to dig in my blah bag for my illustration binder. I had to practically force it out due to the amount of books and loose papers I had crammed into the small space. Once I got it out I sat it in front of me on the smooth black table that had various carvings and sharpie drawings littering the once clean surface.

"I slept in late per usual, I don't think I'm ever early or even on time for any of my classes" I whispered back, looking at him fully for the first time since I walked in the door.

His hair fell down against his face is wavy strands meaning he neglected to straighten it.He had on plain jeans with a band t-shirt that was hidden under his black leather jacket, the same one he had on the night of the show. I could tell it was his favorite by the fact that he wore it almost all the time but also by its condition. The bottom of it was frayed slightly and it was worn out at the elbows from the leather stretching so much.

"Geez, I commute and I'm on time, isn't your dorm only like five minutes away?" He replied, his voice laced with taunt.

"Well we can't all be perfect like you I guess can we?" I teased back only getting a chuckle in return for him and a genuine smile.

It felt weird, laughing and talking with Gerard like we had been friends forever when in reality, I had only known the guy for a total of three days. Something about him along with Mikey and ray was just easy to get along with. I had connected and hit it off with all of them and had a feeling I'd be getting used to seeing them around.

Gerard went to say something but was cut off by Mrs. Chapman as she began to explain the assignments we would be doing today.

For the first fifteen minutes of class she lectured us about certain principals and guidelines we needed to follow before she allowed us to take the rest of class to get a start on an assignment.

The objective was to create a portrait of scenery. It could be anything we wanted, a specific place or a place of imagination and we had a month to finish it.

She the sat at her desk while everyone in he room jumped up to get various supplies except Gerard, who sat still making no intention of moving.

He noticed my confused glance and chuckled lightly.

"I tend to gather my thoughts better when I'm alone in my room." He explained and I nodded slowly

Was I bothering him? Did he not want me to sit beside him?

"I wouldn't be doing it right now even if you weren't besides me by the way so don't think it's because of you" he added quickly as if understanding where my thoughts were going.

"Okay, I get that. I work better when I'm alone also besides, I'm not fully awake yet to start drawing anything" I replied, pushing my hand against my face in attempts to wipe away the sleep still lacing it.

Gerard laughed at this and took a sip out of his coffee cup that I had just noticed sitting in front of him. Oh how I'd kill for some coffee right now. This is why I hated myself for sleeping in half the time, I missed my chance to get coffee before class.

"Do you have an idea of what you want to do for it?" He questioned, pulling me from my caffeine inflicted day dream.

"I think? There's that park down my street. I was never allowed to go to it growing up but when I was in high school I always found myself going there when I needed to think of something and there's a certain spot, under a group of old pine trees that face the small river and the small wooden bridge"

I stopped myself, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment over the fact that I had just rambled on and on about a place I rarely told people about. Frank knew I liked going to the park but I never described it in detail to him.

"Sorry I just rambled about that" I apologized quickly.

"Hey I was listening, don't ever apologize for talking about something you love. I'm pretty sure I know which park you're talking about. Mines a little more morbid but whenever I need to think I always walk down to the old graveyard on Thames street, you know the one where all the stones are sinking into the ground and are all over 100 years old."

The way he explained the graveyard made me smile. The way his eyes light up and he got excited just thinking about the place showed me it was almost as special as the park was to me.

"I know where you're talking about. Me, Frankie and a few of his friends back in high school would cut through there to get to one of their houses when we would go out partying" I explained remembering the countless nights we would trudge through the creepy cemetery stoned and drunk just to get to one of his friends house. We would always go there after parties because his parents were rarely home, thinking back now I couldn't exactly remember why they were never there but we never questioned it at the time.

"It's a cool place but as you know it gets super creepy when it gets dark. Sometimes that's where I go to get my drawings done or to write lyrics, something about the place just relaxes me which again is super morbid considering it's where a bunch of dead people are" he explained, laughing at himself.

"I mean my place isn't much better, they pull a dead body out of that river at least once every six months" I pointed out

He hummed against the brim of his coffee cup before taking a long sip of it.

"Well that's Jersey for you" he shrugged after placing the white cup back on the table.

I nodded in agreement at his words and we both fell into a comfortable silence. I began to fiddle with my black binder, pulling at the loose piece of plastic that was peeling from the spine.

"So, do you have any more classes today?" He questioned after a few minutes of silence.

I shook my head at him.

"No, thankfully Monday and Wednesday's are just this class" I explained.

Monday and Wednesday's I took this class , Tuesday and Thursday I had two classes, both in the afternoon and Friday I had my 1 o'clock class. It wasn't a huge schedule but it was enough to keep me and my credits happy.

"What about you?" I asked

He leaned back in the white chair, resting his elbows on the top of it and rolling the balls of his feet slowly.

"Yeah, I have a math class right after this one until two" he explained and I nodded

He placed all four legs of his chair back on the light tiled floor and looked fully at me once more.

"So since you don't have a class I was wondering if you'd like to come back to jersey with me and hang with us during our practice? We play the whole time and besides, Frank will most likely be there if his band doesn't end up showing. I can drive you back here after as well"

I had to bite my lip at his offer, wanting nothing more than to spend a night with him, Mikey, Ray and my brother. Away from austin, away from all the stress that had become my life but I couldn't. I knew Austin would kill me if went especially of it was with Gerard.

I sighed sadly and let my head hang down slightly.

"I'd love to it's just"

"Your boyfriend would get pissed" he finished my thoughts for me.

I nodded my head sadly and sighed in frustration.

" I can't even have a life anymore with him" I said ,chuckling dryly at my own words. Gerard remained silent, obviously trying to keep some of his opinions to himself.

"But I appreciate the offer, I really would've like to come" I said

He flashed me a toothy smile and waved me off.

"Next time alright? And if you end up freeing from fuck faces grasp, give me a call I'm not leaving until around 2:15" he said, calling my boyfriend the name Frank had referred to him as on Saturday night.

I accepted his offer with a nod of me head. On Sunday I had exchanged numbers with all of the boys including Gerard figuring I would only need them in certain situations.

All the sudden chairs began to scrape violently against the scuffed up floor making me and Gerard look to all of the students who were leaving the classroom in a rush.

I didn't even notice we had been sitting there, talking the entire class. We both looked at each other and began to laugh at the fact that we had practically waisted the whole class time talking, but I wasn't complaining.

Gerard stood up from his seat and waiting for me to shove my binder back in my cramped bag, this process causing me to swear a few times under my breath until I was standing out of my chair.

I followed behind him closely as we walked out of the empty room, giving our teacher a friendly wave on the way out.

When we walked out of the room it wasn't hard to notice Austin, leaning against the wall in his blue holister hoodie, arms crossed impatiently over his chest.

His eyes narrowed at Gerard who only shot him a small look back and turned to me with a smile.

"Remember what I said but if not, I'll see you Wednesday?" He asked beginning to walk away.

I nodded and fixed the strap on my backpack, I couldn't help but feel Austin's eyes burning holes behind me.

"I will, see you then Gerard have a good practice" I said and watched as he turned his leather jacket clad back to me and began to walk for the exit.

"What the fuck was that?"

I nearly jumped at Austin's harsh voice that cut through my peaceful reality. Turning towards him, I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand gently.

"I was just saying goodbye to a friend, are you ready?" I asked

He looked at me again, his blue eyes digging their way into mine harshly before he let out a slow breath.

"Yeah lets go back to my dorm" he said, tightening the grip on my hand and leading me down the hallways quickly.

After stopping a few times to talk to almost every single one of Austin's friends that we passed on the way due to my annoyance we made it to his room thirty minutes later. The clock on his brick walls read 1:20.

Austin dropped his keys against the maple desk set off to the right of the room and shuffled to his bed that sat next to it. He shared a room but his roommate was a big socializer much like Austin and was barely in the room.

Austin sat on his grey comforters wth a small 'huff' and began to play with his phone. I could practically feel the anger and annoyance radiating off his muscular body as he sat there.

I dropped my bag near his desk and moved myself across the blue area rug that covered a small surface of the cold floor over to his bed.

I leaned my body next to his, letting my upper half lean against the white brick while my legs tucked under me as I watched him.

After a few minutes of silence I began to grow extremely annoyed. He had given me this silent treatment the whole way here and my patience was growing extremely thin.

"What's your problem?" I asked suddenly.

I watched his hands tense around his red sidekick that he soon placed on the bed beside him. He looked at me once more and shook his head.

"I just can't seem to figure out why you were talking with that faggot?" He spat, venom laced in every word.

"First of all his name his Gerard and second of all I can be friends with whoever the fuck I want and it's none of your say" I hissed back.

"It is when you're hanging out with losers, I mean come on jess him? He walks around campus alone and talks to nobody all day why would you want to be friends with him?" He asked, moving his hands up with every exaggerated word he said.

"You don't even know him so don't talk about him like that. He's a good friend and again, I can be friends with whoever I want. You don't see me criticizing the cheerleaders you hang with". I said, referring to the slutty girls he would occasionally converse with when we went out.

He rolled his eyes and stood off the bed, moving side to side while keeping his eyes locked with mine.

"Oh come on jess they're completely different." He defended

I leaned off the bed slightly, planting my feet on the ground. My blood was boiling with every word he said, annoyed at how angry he was for a simple conversation.

"How is it different? We're friends! I didn't know there was some rule that I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone but you!" I yelled back

"How did you even meet this freak? A few days ago you didn't even seem to know his name and all of the sudden you're close friends?" He hissed completely ignoring the last statement I made

"He's a friend of my brothers if you really need to know. I met him at a show this weekend so yes we're friends Austin. Can we just drop this?"

My body was beginning to shake with all of this yelling, my breathing was becoming more rapid and I was starting to feel my legs shake as a panic attack creeped its way up my throat.

"I just don't want you hanging with fucking weirdos, as your boyfriend I have a say." He hissed.

At that moment I stood off the bed, completely done with this conversation and especially with him.

"No you have absolutely no say Austin"

I tried to move past him to reach for my grab but he gently grabbed my wrist, keeping me where I was.

"Where are you going?" He asked frantically.

I tried my hardest to push him away but he wouldn't budge.

"Back to my dorm, I'm not dealing with your bullshit anymore Austin." I said sternly, shoving him again.

In an instant his hand unwrapped my wrist but immediately shoved at my shoulders, sending me onto his bed roughly. I sat there in slight shock, caught off guard by the sudden behavior he was showing to me.

I looked up at him but his look never softened, it only seemed to grow harder.

"Austin fuck off, I want to leave" I begged, standing off the bed again.

"Why? So you can go fuck Gerald or whatever the fuck his name is?" He asked, raising his eyebrow at me.

This drew the line for me.

"It's Gerard and you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about" I said roughly.

His eyes squinted at me for a few seconds. I groaned and pushed him again trying to get him to unblock the exit.

"Stop acting like a dick"

I watched his eyes harden even more at my words. The blue orbs turned icy and grey in that very instant and in one fluid motion I watched his hand fly from his side and across my cheek.

The initial hit seemed to last minutes. My head flew to the side, snapping from both shock and the force and immediately I pushed my hand over the throbbing area.

My breathing spiked dramatically and my body shook more than ever as I looked up at Austin who's face seemed even more shocked than mine was, obviously unaware he would do such a thing.

In a matter of seconds I shoved Austin across the room and grabbed my bag, making a dash for the door. I took off down the hall, hearing him calling my name from the door but I didn't stop shuffling past people in a hurry to get the hell out of there.

What the hell just happened? He hit me, Austin hit me. In all the months we had dated I never thought he would hit me and clearly he didn't either by the way his face dramatically went from angry to horrified.

My hand was still firmly pressed to my cheek as adrenaline rushed through my numb body. I needed a cigarette and I needed one now.

After I got out of his building I walked quickly through the campus, trying to get as much distance from the place as possible. I made it outside the dining hall when I decided to fall onto one of the many benches lining the walk away.

My lungs gasped for any sort of oxygen and I bent my head down slightly, feeling a few tears slip from my burning eyes.

I whipped them away quickly not wanting to draw any attention to myself and began to search for my cigarettes.

All sense of hope drained from my body as I realized they were back at my dorm, I had no desire to go back there. I would only face an anxiety attack alone and that's what I was trying my hardest to prevent now.

Through all my clouded thoughts a small voice flooded to the front of my brain.

"if you end up freeing from fuck faces grasp, give me a call I'm not leaving until around 2:15"

I could go with Gerard, see franks and just get away from everything for the night. It seemed so much nicer than facing myself alone for the rest of the night and besides, I knew Austin would show up at my dorm sooner or later and I wasn't in the mood to deal with that right now.

I took my phone out of my pocket, feeling some sort of relief that it was only 2:10 and pressed on Gerard's contact. I listened to the dial tones and prayed with each one that he didn't leave yet. I could always drive myself but this close to a break down? I knew it wasn't a smart idea.

The line clicked off suddenly after a decent amount of rings and I collected my breath.

"Hey, change your mind?"

I instantly let a smile fall upon my shaky lips at his voice.

"Uh yeah, I hope you didn't leave yet" I said slowly, trying to take control of my words.

"No I didn't, I was just getting to my car where are you? I can meet you somewhere" he offered. I looked around to get my bearings completely

"I'm at the dining hall, I can just come to the parking lot, which one are you at?" I asked

"I'm parked in the one right across the street, front row I'll meet you in my car" he said simply

We hung up a few seconds after that and I pushed my phone back into my pocket, grabbed my bag and began my short walk to the parking lot.

It was easy to find his car, nearly a sore thumb amongst the others with his dented front bumper and rusted rims but he didn't seem to mind it as he leaned against the drivers door waiting for me.

I greeted him quietly and we both got into his car, my door making a loud, squeaky groan as I opened and closed it.

It was a still silence and I watched as he turned the car on and in that moment felt like I had made a bad decision. My fingers were shaking, tears threatening to pour from my eyes with any word I spoke.

I could tell Gerard knew something was up by the way he remained quiet, waiting for me to say something.

"Do you have a cigarette?" I asked well aware of how cracking and shaky my voice sounded.

He looked at me, worry clear in his eyes but it didn't stop him from pulling a carton from his pocket and lighting a cigarette up for me.

I pushed it to my lips gratefully and took one long drag of it, letting the chemicals fill my soar lungs up. My eyes closed slightly as I let the smoke fall from my mouth soothingly. Anxiety still slammed against my heavy chest but I was praying the smoke would calm me down slightly.

"Are you okay?"

The three words that Gerard spoke made the pit of my stomach turn. In that moment I was far from okay. I was scared, confused, and on the verge of tears, I was not okay.

"I'm alright, I just got into a small fight with Austin" I explained slowly, fighting with myself to keep all emotions inside.

Gerard watched me as I took another drag from the cigarette. My fingers shook slightly and I closed my eyes enjoying the smoke. I still had a burning sensation on my cheek from where his hand had struck me

"It was about me wasn't it?"

I looked at Gerard in the eyes, confused as to how he knew.

"I saw the way he looked at me and heard him as I was walking away. I'm sorry to cause this" he said reading my mind. I watched his eyes dim slightly at the thought of him causing a fight between me and my boyfriend.

"It's not your fault Gerard, he has no right to tell me who I can and can't hang out with. He's just a dick" I said, my voice cracking more with each word I said. 'Dick', that's what I called him to make him snap, to make him do the unthinkable. Just one word. I could hear the smack echoing across every inch of my brain as I sat jere, in Gerard's car.

"Are you sure you're okay? Your whole body is shaking like a leaf jess" he pointed out.

I shook my head and let it fall down slightly as a small tear slipped out of my eye. My breathing was increasing dramatically and it felt like I had no control over anything.

I cursed myself under my breath as I flicked my cigarette out the window, unable to finish it.

"I'm fine Gerard thank you. The fight was just a pretty big one and it shook me up" I explained softly trying to be as vague as possible.

He looked at me cautiously, as if debating what he wanted to say next.

"He didn't touch you did he? I know it's a strong thing to ask but I just want to make sure" He asked, spacing out each word with caution as he accused such a thing.

In that moment I froze. Images of Austin's hand flying across my cheek danced across my mind.

"No Gerard he just said a lot of things that weren't exactly too kind" I said, hoping he bought my lie.

He sat up in the seat fully and raised a crooked eyebrow at me.

"So why is there a bruise on your face?" He questioned

I froze in my seat, fear racing through me. He left a mark? My hand flew to my cheek, covering where he had hit me.

Sadness cut into Gerard's hazel eyes and he sighed out. He shook his head with at me and I saw emotions fly across his face.

"There wasn't one but by the way you reacted I can tell you were lying"

I let my head fall down roughly as I pushed my hands against my face. My body shook violently as I took deep breaths.

I couldn't believe this was happening right now, right in front of Gerard someone who I had only met a few days ago.

A warm hand pressed against my back and began to run comforting circles against my shirt.

"Hey, just breathe okay?" Gerard said calmly.

I nodded and choked back tears over choppy breaths that stung deep inside my throat. My head spun due to the tears that now were pouring from my eyes and the lack of food I had consumed throughout the day.

"He had no right, he had no fucking right to touch you like that" Gerard snarled, keeping his hand on my back.

"I caused it, I'm the one who fueled it. I should've just kept my mouth shut it was my fault" I spit out, finding what had happened not all his fault. Still trying to find any ounce of good left in him.

Gerard lifted my head up with a gentle movement and let his eyes cut into my blurry ones.

"Don't you say that ever again, it wasn't your fault. I don't care what you said he had no right to hit you he had no right to put his hands on you in such a way"

My breaths came out in gasps once more and this time Gerard brought my body flush against his. His embrace felt much different than Frank or Austin's. Franks was always quick and in a brotherly way while Austin's were stern and rigid. My body seemed to melt against Gerard's warm body, feeling comfort against his leather jacket as my head pressed flush against his shoulder. Coffee beans and cigarettes mixed with cheap cologne flooded my nostrils sending a soothing signal to my aching brain.

We sat there for what seemed like hours but was most likely only 10 minutes as he held me, letting me ride out the panic attack that had taken over me. Gerard kept his hold on me firm as he muttered things from above me, cursing Austin with every other breath.

I pulled away from him, sniffling every few seconds and wiped my warm face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to Comepletly lose it on you" I apologized feeling ashamed for everything that happened today. Gerard looked at me and shook his head quickly.

"You don't have to apologize, for anything okay? I get attacks like that too. You don't have to be sorry for any of it got it? You did nothing wrong it's him who did wrong"

I nodded at him while pulling slow breaths into my mouth, the weight that hung in my chest was now beginning to loosen.

"Listen jess, I know we haven't known each other for long but you can always talk to me okay? I think we have a lot more in common than we know of"

I looked to Gerard at his words. Feeling true meaning in every one he said and for the first time in the past hour, I smiled.

"Thank you, for everything" I said feeling extremely grateful for all that he had done for me.

He smiled and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Don't mention okay? I'm sorry for what happened today I can't help but feel a little responsible" he said. I could understand why he felt that way, we were fighting over my friendship with him but I didn't blame him at all. If anyone was to blame it was Austin.

"It's not you fault, honestly"

He sighed but nodded at me.

"I'll have to take your word on that" he said mimicking the words we had said to each other the other night. Sitting in this car Saturday felt like months ago, it felt like I had known this man for years.

"Ready to get going?" He asked, cutting me from my thoughts. I nodded at him and began to pull the seatbelt over my body and lick it into the slot.

"Is there anyway you could stop for coffee? I haven't eaten anything today" I said, feeling my stomach growl with my words.

His eyes flushed with worry once more as he nodded enthusiastically

"Seriously? Yeah of course. We can stop for more than just coffee too you can't just not eat" he said, pushing his car into gear. I felt like he was Frank in that moment, worrying too much about my own health but with the ways things were recently, someone had to.

He pulled the car out of the parking lot and raced through the streets of New York. When we got into New Jersey he stopped at a fast food place and ordered us both something to eat before we continued our journey.

My phone began to ring, cutting through the noise of the radio. Gerard's eyes darted to me as I pulled it out to see who it was.

My stomach dropped at austins name even though I could've guessed before I looked at it that he was the one calling.

"It's him isn't it?" Gerard asked, anger clear in his usually calm voice.

"Yeah it is" I said, starring at the screen.

"Don't answer it he doesn't deserve to speak to you" he said quickly. I chuckled at him and hit ignore.

"I wasn't planning on it, I'd rather talk in person tomorrow when I have a clearer mind" I explained pulling on the sleeves of my jacket, pulling as much comfort in the small article that I could.

Gerard looked to me again, disappointment flushed across his face.

"So you're going to forgive him for this then?" He questioned after a few seconds of silence.

The question rang in my head. Half of me didn't want to forgive him, to get back to the dorm and completely end things but the other half was still convincing myself that he just got carried away. Sometimes we do things we regret and don't mean. After all, everyone deserves a second chance right?

"Yes I think I am and I know you'll say I'm an idiot-"

"I wasn't going to say that" he said quickly cutting me off.

"I don't want you to forgive him but as I said before Jess I get what you're dealing with here. Just be careful okay? He better not lay another finger on you or I'll personally deal with it"

I watched Gerard as he said this. His jaw clenched tightly and moved in small movements as he spoke. His whole body was tense and his knuckles were turning white from his grip on the steering wheel. If I couldn't see it before it was clear now that I had someone besides frank that cared about me, and it made my stomach do a weird thing.

I placed a hand on his shoulder, causing his muscles to relax.

"It won't. Thank you Gerard,I mean it. You've known me for a few days and you're already a better friend than anyone I've met"

He flashed a smile at me and turned his gaze back into the road ahead of him.

"It's not a problem, I'm glad we're friends now. I'm never going to let that piece of shit push you down and make you feel less than what you're worth"

We both fell into another silence letting the radio fill it with the misfits after he spoke.

"We're just going to stop at my house real quick okay? I need to grab a few things before we go to the practice space" he explained as we pulled down the familiar street.

I nodded in agreement as we pulled up to the two story house I had seen the other night when we dropped his car off.

After doing a double check in his smudged mirror and seeing that the redness in my face was almost gone, I followed him out of the car and into the house

The structure itself much like most houses in this part of Jersey was a little rough. The dark blue paint was chipping slightly on a few of the shingles showing that the house was in desperate need of a fresh coat of paint. A piece of the rusted gutter was falling from the roof hanging only a few feet from the muddy earth.

We walked in the small house and I looked around. The living room was set off to the left right before the hallway that led beside the stairs and into the back of the house where the kitchen was obviously located.

He lead the way down the hallway, the brown boarded walls holding various pictures of mikey and him as babies along with some family ones.

When we made our way to the end of the hallway he opened up a brown door that looked like it was ready to fall apart with the wrong force and began his way down some stairs.

"My rooms down here" he explained as we denseded down the carpeted stairs until we reached the large room.
He flicked on the light and I took in everything st once.

Set off to the left sat his bed, completely in made with his pillows and blankets clumped at the end. To the right of that set a desk directly under a small window that jutted outward and gave a small view of the grass outside. Various drawings and pencils cluttered the wooden space and spilled onto the floor that was cluttered with even more items such as beer bottles, pizza boxes, clothes and other Random objects.

A bookshelf was shoved in the opposite corner of the room and held various novels, Cd's, nick necks and a few shelves solely dedicated to comic books. This made me smirk at the sight of Gerard's nerdy side.

To the right a small sofa sat in front of a small television and vcr set with an old oak coffee table separating the space between them. The coffee table was almost a reflection of the floor as it was consumed by trash and comic books.

"I know it's a mess right now but surprisingly it's how I like it" he explained cutting me from my thoughts.

I smiled at him and shrugged my shoulders, scanning the room once more. I was used to messy rooms having grown up with Frank who just left all his possessions on the floor and then wondered where they all went to.

"I like it" I said watching as he sorted through some papers on his desk.

He looked at me with a toothy grin.

"Now you're just lying" he teased grabbing a spiral notebook.

"This is what I needed, I have some new ideas I wanted to show the guys today" he explained, shaking the tattered thing at me. The cover was once blue but could barely be seen from the amounts of dark scribbles that littered the edge.

He took his phone out and shook his head at it before looking at me once more.

"Were late, we should get going before the others have a heart attack" he said, chuckling at his own joke.

"What about mikey?" I asked as we made our way to the stairs suddenly remembering the younger way.

"He hitched a ride with ray" he explained quickly.

When we got up the stairs Gerard closed the door with a slight slam. I was for one surprised the old thing didn't fall into pieces.

"Gerard honey, is that you?" A gentle voice called from the kitchen.

"Yeah mom!" He called back before turning to me.

Gerard smiled at me and then motioned for me to follow him as he walked further down the hall then we had been before until we made it to a large kitchen set off to the left.

Food invaded my nostrils as I looked to the kitchen and saw a women with long blond hair standing over a pot.

She turned at the sound of our footsteps and immediately looked to me with a gentle smile.

"Oh honey, who's your friend? Hi I'm Donna" she said frantically putting the spoon she was holding down and rushing around the counter to greet me.

Gerard chuckled at his mother and rested a hand on my shoulder.

"Mom this is jess, jess this is my mom" he introduced.

She took my hand in hers and shook it enthusiastically.

"It's nice to meet you Donna" I replied politely with a smile.

"Jess? You mean franks sister you were telling me about?" She asked now looking to her son.

My head snapped in his direction slightly and I noticed his cheeks turn a red color.

He talked about me?

"Yes mom this is her" he said through his teeth obviously embarrassed that she had mentioned it.

"Well it's great to meet you, are you two staying for dinner? Your father should be home any minute" she said, scrambling back to her boiling pot.

I couldn't help but smile at this but also feel the hole inside me grow. I wished I had that a loving mother figure, especially now. I loved my dad as he did everything he could to provide support and everything me and Frank needed over the nine years since my mom walked out but through those nine years I felt like I missed out on a lot.

I never had a solid mother figure to help guide me through my teenage years and Watching Gerard's mom it made that more apparent.

"No we have to get down to the practice space but next time" Gerard said towards his mother.

She nodded sweetly at us.

"Okay, you're welcome for dinner anytime jess, you two be safe and have a good night" she said, pointing the steaming spoon in her sons direction.

I laughed at her and Gerard only rolled his eyes but moved around the counter towards her.

"We will, bye mom I love you"

He kissed her cheek quickly before leading the way out of the kitchen.

"Bye mrs. way" I yelled over my shoulder as we made our way out of the kitchen.

The ride to the practice space took a little over twenty minutes, time that we filled with pointless conversation. We pulled up to the space and I immediately got a glimpse of franks car parked on the opposite end.

I had been here with him once before, the building was one giant brown building that held about ten different rooms that would get rented out to all kinds of things but it was almost all the local bands that rented the spaces out.

We got out of the car, my door groaning as I slammed it closed.

"I wonder if franks band showed up?" Gerard asked out loud as we headed towards the entrance.

"I don't think so, I didn't see hambone or anyone else's car" I explained. I knew what everyone drove and I didn't remember seeing any of their cars parked anywhere in the small parking lot.

We walked into the building, Gerard standing by to hold the door open for me politely as we did.

"That's cruddy, he's so talented he needs people who takes it serious" Gerard said mimicking my sadness for my brothers problem. Music was all he ever wanted to do and I know it was probably killing him to not be able to move forward with the people he played with.

We made it down the hall to one of the many doors, music was flooding throughout the hall from other surrounding rooms.

Gerard opened the door and I caught sight of Matt leaning against his bass drum with his eyes glued to his phone.

Amps and guitars were placed neatly on the floor waiting to be played as Ray and Mikey sat on a small couch they had set up against the far wall.

If I didn't see him I would've immediately knew my brother was in there by the high pitched laugh that echoed throughout the entire room. The simple sound brought a rush of familiarity and comfort s throughout my body.

Gerard slammed the door behind me , getting the attention of all four boys.

"About fucking time, what took you so long?" Matt asked, standing from the floor.

"Sorry, had to take care of some things" Gerard explained with a coy smile spreading across his lips. At this moment everyone's eyes turned to me.

"Jess? What the fuck are you doing here?"

My brother stood off the couch with confused eyes and walked towards me. I chuckled at him and pouted my lips slightly.

"Not happy to see me Frankie?"

He shook his head and pulled me into a short, warm hug.

"I never said that asshole I just didn't expect you to be here, with Gerard none the less" he explained, motioning towards us.

I shrugged and moved more into the room, greeting ray and Mikey with short hugs and Matt with a small wave.

"God forbid I make a friend" I said towards my brother, humor laced in the words I threw at him.

I knew it was more of the fact that it was during the week and not because of who I was here with. I never was able to come visit Frank on the weekdays due to Austin's constant neediness.

Frank messed up his hair with his hand slightly as the others started to prepare their instruments.

"I just know how Austin can be, how did you Convince him to let you come?"

At his words I felt my stomach drop slightly. Gerard's head snapped towards us slightly and watched me closely, waiting for what I would say.

"Well he's being an asshole right now so I really don't care what he thinks" I said simply letting my body fall on the old couch. The material scratched against my clothes and smelt of a mixture of booze and smoke.

Everyone besides Gerard looked to me with confused faces.

"Did something happen?" Mikey asked from his spot on a giant amp. He held his red bass on his lap and slowly turned the nobs attempting to tune the thing.

"We just got in a stupid fight" I explained simply, hoping the conversation would be dropped quickly.

"Over me" Gerard cut in, motioning to himself.

Frank looked to me with shocked eyes and I sighed sadly.

"Yeah, he got upset when he saw me and Gerard talking earlier and one thing led to another ending with us having a heated screaming match over the subject in his room"

Franks eyes grew sad as he fell on the couch beside me. He wrapped an arm around me protectively.

"I'll fucking kill that kid I swear, all he does is yell at you and I can't stand it" he said sternly.

Gerard's eyes cut into mine silently asking the question. Was I going to tell Frank?

I shook my head at the boy and his eyes dimmed but he shook it off and began to flip through the notebook.

I was not going to tell Frank because I knew it would only make the whole situation worse.

"Frank it's fine we just got carried away, I wasn't exactly nice with the words I said to him" I said still defending my poor excuse for a boyfriend.

"You shouldn't have to defend him" ray pointed out from his position near the couch.

"That's what I told her" Gerard cut in

"I know I know you're all right and I'm wrong can we drop it? I called Gerard he brought me here so let's just enjoy it okay?"

I watched franks facial features tighten and loosen as he looked at me. I could tell deep down he wanted to say more, lecture me until I agreed to dump him but he said nothing.

"Fine, do you have a early class tomorrow?"

"Not until about 1" I said. I began to pull my leather jacket off, feeling the heat of the studio make my arms stick to the fake leather in an uncomfortable way.

"Okay, just crash at the house tonight and I'll bring you back tomorrow morning" he explained

"I'll bring her back, I'm going there anyway." Gerard cut in, standing from his once sitting position to look at me and my brother.

I looked up at him and smiled. He didn't have to do that, he didn't have to do anything of the things he did today. To talk to me in class, bring me here, deal with my mental breakdown, yet there he was doing it all and showing no signs of complaints.

"That's awesome thanks gee" my brother said knocking me out of my thoughts.

Gerard waved his hand at my brother but said no more. I watched all the guys set up their instruments as me and Frank leaned against each other comfortably.

Throughout the entire time I couldn't help but feel all the weight of everything fall off my shoulders as I watched them. Gerard's voice soothed me beyond belief and I could've sat there forever, listening to them bicker and play music while sitting beside my brother.