Music for the Sleepless.

The light of the full moon shining around the curtain edges gave the room an early glow. For such a small light source it did a pretty good job lighting up the room, but then Brendon figured it could also be because he’s spent the last two hour sitting in the dark.

He should be asleep, or at least trying. Exhaustion sat in his bones like led and his eyes felt like they were dry causing him to blink a lot, but he couldn’t bring himself to slid down the headboard so his head would be resting on the pillows. Brendon knew his body was tired but his mind was far from it. Fuck, he hated stressing.

For the last week he and Spencer (Dallon and Kenny briefly too) had been working full time on what might be their first song since Brendon was diagnosed. Pete was visiting in two days to listen to it. Letting someone hear a song for the first time was always a little nerve-racking and normally having someone he knew helped that, this time was different for some reason.

This time Brendon was freaking out.

Right now it was more of the ‘what ifs’ floating in his head more than anything which was a change from going over every note and lyric in his head like a broken record like he was earlier, thought it didn’t make him stress any less.

Brendon was disturbed from his line of thinking when a car past his house shining a bright line of moving light into his bedroom. As it past his face it caused him to close his eyes for a moment and it was a struggle to open them back up. He needed sleep.

Slowly, he reached across to his bedside table and picked up his phone. As he brought it to his lap he accidently hit the button and the screen lit up. It was almost bright enough to illuminate the whole room. Brendon squinted as he unlocked it. It was just past midnight.

For a split second he thought about calling someone, Pete was the best for night calls but he was part of the reason for Brendon’s current state so that idea was shot. Not really sure why, more out of habit that anything, Brendon opened up his messages.

The latest one was from Jon and it wasn’t until Brendon saw it that he remembered he never replied. He had been doing five things at once, took a second glance at it and ran off to do something else. It was a random photo of a piece of cake Jon had ordered in a café, covered in chocolate sauce and came with a huge scoop of ice-cream.

Brendon hesitated over the reply button knowing it was too late to be texting Jon, even more so with the time difference. He hit the button anyway; at least this gave him a few seconds to be distracted.

‘If it could survive the trip I’d ask you to send me some.’

He hit send and put the phone back onto his nightstand. Now what?

Five minutes late Brendon found himself back staring at the far wall. He really, really should lay down.

The sound of his phone ringing scared him; made him startle hard enough he was sure the led in his bones rattled with him. As he took gasps of air he reached over for his phone and answered the call.

“The cake wouldn’t have made it because I would have eaten it first.” Jon said skipping a usual greeting.

Brendon laughed still a little breathless.

“Are you okay? I just got the text but I didn’t wake you up did I?”

“The phone scared me. I’ll be fine in a minute.” Brendon said taking a long breath.

Jon laughed, he sounded a little sleepy but a lot more awake than Brendon felt.

“May I ask why you are texting me about cake at this time in the morning?” Jon asked sounding cheerfully curious.

“Can’t sleep, why are you up so late for?” Brendon asked trying to copy Jon’s tone but it sounded flat.

“Just got back from a late movie night at a friend’s house, was about to go to bed actually.” And like if Jon knew Brendon was about to apologise for keeping him up, he quickly added on, “But I don’t mind talking to you for a bit as long as you don’t mind that I get ready for bed as we talk.”

“That’s fine with me.”

Brendon sat back against the headboard and got himself as comfortable as one can when leaning against a straight heavy piece of wood. Shuffling could be heard on the other end of the line and what sounded like draws closing.

“So what was the cake like?” Brendon asked causing Jon to laugh, it sounded distant so Brendon guessed he was on speakerphone.

“Good besides the fact it was really sweet, it took a while but I got through it. Though I don’t think I’d order it again unless I was sharing.” Jon’s voice faded in and out a little like he was moving around.

There was a loud thunk like Jon dropped something or closed his wardrobe door.

“Then send half to me, that’s sharing.” Brendon offered.

Jon’s laugh was even more distant this time and when he asked if Brendon could wait for a minute it sounded like he may have been calling out from another room, it was hard to tell. Brendon hummed sleepily was he waited, like the act would keep him awake but when he realised what song it was he immediately stopped. At this rate he’s going to drive himself insane with the new song and not in a good way.

Sliding down a little against the headboard he yawned loud and long enough to cause his jaw to pop.

“Sounds like you should go to sleep.” Jon said suddenly back with his phone.

Brendon let out a huff.

“Yeah,” Brendon rubbed at his right eye; it didn’t help the dry feeling.

“What’s keeping you awake?” Jon asked softly, and in a way, knowingly.

“My mind won’t shut up and stressing about the song isn’t helping much either.”

“I thought you guys finished the song, or well fished the demo of it from what I heard along the grapevine.”

“It is, just…I don’t know. It’s freaking me out and right now I’m not entirely sure what is stressing me out the most about it. I am and have been all day.” Brendon sighed.

Now that was admitted out loud it felt like a tiny bit of weight fell of his shoulders, or maybe shifted it a little.

“Is it because it’s your first song since the treatment?” Jon guessed.

Brendon took a moment to reply, trying to think about it. With being as exhausted as he was it was hard to get his brain in gear.

“I think it’s just everything in general and having to push to get where we want it before Pete comes.”

“That would do it then.” Jon said with a hum of understanding. “Is there anything I can do to help? Right now, I mean.”

“I, I dunno really.” Brendon yawned. “Maybe hit the off button to my brain?”

“Sure, just let me find the remote.”Jon chuckled.

Brendon smiled, and then yawned again. This time his jaw made a loud cracking noise, it didn’t hurt but Brendon quickly snapped his mouth closed anyway.

“Have you tried anything to help?” Jon asked. “Counting sheep even.”

“Staring at a wall while sitting in bed, that’s about it.”

Jon made a humming noise, one he always made when he was trying to think quickly. Suddenly there was a lot of rustling on the line loud enough that Brendon had to pull the phone away from his ear for a second.

“I’ll be right back.” Jon said quickly.

Brendon could just hear Jon footsteps fade off as he ran away from where he left the phone. After that it went silent. Brendon let his head fall back against the headboard as he looked up the ceiling. It was an uncomfortable move but it was enough to make him feel awake for a moment.

This whole being on the edge of sleep but knowing if he tried to lie down and do just that it wouldn’t work is really starting to annoying him. Usually the only time he got like this was during a really stressful part during a huge tour, even then that was rear enough he can’t remember what he did last time to help.

It felt longer that what it was for Jon to get back to his phone. There was more noise as he did, muttered to himself and dropped something. Brendon let his head tilt back down; it felt like it weighted twice as much as normal.

“Alright, so,” Jon did something that sounded like a guitar string being plucked. “I used to do this when Ryan used to have those nights where he couldn’t sleep. For a while it happened that often I ended up writing a whole song, it doesn’t have much in the way to singing, mostly humming.”

“Is this that song Ryan ended up calling his lullaby?” Brendon asked remembering Ryan and Jon having an inside joke about it that he and Spencer never really got.

“Yep. First you need to lie down, get comfy, whatever.” Jon instructed. “Also put the phone away from your face in case you fall asleep on it.”

For a moment Brendon found it hard to get himself to move after been in almost the same position for so long, but finally managed to get himself under the blankets and shuffle around until he was curled up comfortably on his side, the phone sitting on the pillow in front of his face. It wasn’t until he felt the warmth on his arms he realised that they were cold, so he tucked them up to his chest.

“Okay.” Brendon said around a yawn.

“You good now?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to start playing now, if you want me to stop just say so. I hope this helps.” Jon said as he started playing.

“If it does or not, thanks anyway.”

“Anytime.”

Jon started humming as the song went from a few random strings and into a soft slow melody. If the whole song was like this Brendon could see why it helped Ryan. It was beautiful music.

It took quite a while but eventually Brendon was able to let his eyes close and know they mostly likely would stay shut for a while. Not long after that he could feel himself drift, as he started to he shifted a little stretching out. The movement was enough to cause his phone to slide down and bump into his face.

Brendon made himself stir enough to move the phone a little further away from his face but not far enough away he couldn’t hear the music.

“You’re awesome you know that?” Brendon said mostly slurred.

Jon chuckled softly over the song, breaking the line of humming.

“Yeah, I’ve been told a few times. Sweet dreams, Bren.”

Brendon smiled into the pillow and let the calming music wash over him, making him drift until he finally went off to sleep. He still had worries over his song but finally it could wait for tomorrow.