City of Delusion

I woke up, yet again, in a room. It wasn't familiar, but from my first look around, I knew it was a hotel room. I quickly got up, noticing I was still in my outfit from the night before. The escape had been successful. I walked into the living room portion of what I presumed was a hotel suite. Unfortunately, I found a not so pleasant scene.

"What?..."

"Oh, you're up."

I had looked over to the table of the room to see Paul smiling at me. He was holding some papers and a pen in his hands. I groaned.

"I thought I left you. I was in the car, and then we drove off, and then... I don't remember what happened then, but I lef-"

"Shhh... calm down," Paul came over to me and grabbed my hand. I snapped it away from him. "It's alright. They caught John and arrested him. He's not going to bother you anymore."

"What?" I started pacing around the room. "No... This can't be happening... Why? He didn't do anything. I'm the one that left. This makes no sense. Nothing makes sense...."

Paul plopped back into his chair and continued with his paperwork. I went over and grabbed it from his hands. It was the report for John's arrest. I scanned it, my eyes landing on the bottom portion of it.

L.A. County Sheriff Paul Morales

As I dropped it onto the table in shock, I caught sight of the charges that were being charged.

Attempted Kidnapping of a Mentally Unstable Woman, Breaking and Entering, Attempted Murder of a Peace Officer, Possession of Explosive Devices...

Where the hell did they come up with this?

I glared at Paul. "I hate you."

He either wasn't listening or didn't care. He continued filling out his precious paperwork.
I angrily stalked over to the window, with the intention of breaking it and falling away from the source of my misery. Apparently, he noticed and grabbed my arms as soon as I'd opened the curtains.

"Let me go!"

"No, I'm not going to let you try to kill yourself again."

"I'll be happier. Believe me."

"And what about me? Do you think I'll be happier?" Suddenly, the guilty feeling I had gotten the night I was going to leave came back. I didn't want to turn and look him in the eyes for fear of what emotion they would hold.

Unfortunately, that's what I did. Sadness overwhelmed his eyes, along with another emotion I couldn't pinpoint. Either way, I felt bad. Really horrible. So horrible, in fact, that I kissed him, anything to make him happier.

I am such a people pleaser...

"I'm sorry..." I whispered into his ear, hoping that this would help me feel better. "I'm so selfish... I was only thinking about myse-"

Paul stopped me in mid sentence by returning the kiss. His hands began to explore the inside of my shirt. I realized what was happening, but was so caught up in the moment, nothing else mattered. Paul and I stumbled to the bedroom, where he gently laid me on the bed. He removed my shirt and kissed me again, whispering "I love you so much" into my ear. I smiled and allowed him to do as he pleased, not wanting to ruin the wonderful moment we were having...

After that, we lay in bed facing each other and talking. Paul would randomly stroke my face as we talked about everything. We talked of the past two (or was it three?) days, my nervous breakdown that had caused me to quit my job and become detached from the world (ironically, I was a psychologist, specializing in music therapy), how Paul had "found" me and helped me "get back on my feet." He didn't know what had caused my breakdown. He only knew that I had tried to commit suicide like 5 million times and it was starting to take its toll on our relationship.

He was laughing at something I said, when suddenly I blurted out:

"Eddie's not your son."

Another toll on the relationship.

He looked me, confused. "What?"

"Nothing... don't listen to me... it's the drugs talking..."

"You haven't taken your pills since yesterday."

"It's the lack of drugs talking. Stupid hallucinations."

Paul stared at me, his eyes practically begging me to elaborate.

"Well, I'm tired. Gosh, medication makes you tired whether you take it or not... Good night."
I turned over and fell asleep, hoping Paul would forget that I had said anything.

What was going on with my life?