Smoked Out

“Axel, you have to make sure you’re controlling your stops. Without control, you’re just going to keep running into the boards.” The rest of my class had gone home after rehearsals and Nancy still hadn’t shown up to pick Axel up. I was beginning to think this was a regular thing for him and so I figured we might as well get some extra practice time in.

“Dude, if you’re going to keep yelling at me then I’m leaving.” Ugh, he was so stubborn. Just like his brother. I can picture him when he’s older; all dark and mysterious. He’ll probably never lose his attitude, since he gets it from Talon and I don’t see Talon losing his anytime soon.

“I’m not yelling, I’m coaching.” I shouted across the rink to him. I was standing on the sidelines of the rink watching him practice his stops. He was a pretty good skater and I could definitely see his hockey potential, it was just his stops that were the problem.

“No, you’re frustrating!” I rolled my eyes at him like I seemed to do all practice since every time I suggested something he sassed me for it. He wanted to learn; I could tell he did. He was just too embarrassed of being sent here that it was disrupting his focus on the end result.

“Look,” I said, skating up to him. “I know you don’t want to be here, but you have to be if you want to be in hockey. You’re a great skater, you just have some things to tweak.” This time he rolled his eyes at me.

“Whatever.”

“Let’s wrap up for tonight. I’ll take you home.” Clearly, Nancy was not going to show up and I had a project to work on with Carson in half an hour and needed to get going. It was infuriating to think about how somebody could forget about their own son, and I could only imagine how Axel felt about it. He didn’t even seem the least bit fazed when she didn’t show up to get him; he just kept skating as if it didn’t matter to him at all.

He didn’t protest, just skated off the ice and began changing into his regular shoes. I worried about him living with parents who were so scatter-brained that they actually forgot to pick their own son up from practice. I could only imagine how I would feel had my parents done that to me when I was little and just learning how to do a proper spin on the ice. It made me wonder if maybe their parents were the reason that they had such an attitude all the time. It would make sense to be guarded if their upbringing wasn’t the best. Then again, if I’ve learned anything since Talon moved in, it is that I assume the worst too quickly and am too quick to act on my judgments.

I changed quickly and met Axel back at the stands to walk to my car. I tried to talk to him, to assure him that his mom must have a really good reason, but he cut my attempts off and told me not to worry about it, before going completely silent for the remainder of the car ride.

His house was a tiny brick one, with a white picket fence of all things. It was an older house, probably as old as the 1900s, but it was very well maintained. Even the vines going up along the sides looked perfect and beautiful. I couldn’t see how an entire family could have lived in it though, since it looked big enough for only one bedroom, maybe two. It made me wonder if that was why Talon left.

Axel jumped out of my Sunfire and got as far as his front steps before stopping. I watched as he hesitated, clearly trying to listen in on something coming from the house, since his ears had that perked up look to them and the front door was slightly open an inch. He reached for the door and then pulled his hand back again slowly, repeating this motion about three times before giving up and staring at the house instead. I decided that this was enough to watch and got out of the car.

I think he thought I had left since he jumped a little when I stopped myself beside him. “What are you doing?” I asked, concerned.

He glared at me before saying, “nothing, go home.” I didn’t have to ask him anything more because a yell echoed through the house and out the door, which must have been ongoing since we arrived. “YOU’RE A BITCH AND YOU NEED TO SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!” I froze. I could see Axel panicking beside me, not wanting me to have heard anything, but all I could think of was if it was always like this.

“Is that…”

“My dad? Yeah. Go home now, Macy.” I shook my head no as another round of yelling began.

“YOU SLEPT WITH OTHER WOMEN, MARSHALL! IN MY GOD DAMN BED!” I cringed.

“AND I DON’T REGRET IT! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY, NANCY? BECAUSE YOU’RE AN UNGRATEFUL WIFE AND ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING BITCH!”

“I DON’T KNOW HOW I EVER MARRIED YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT ASSHOLE!”

“THEN MOVE OUT, NOBODY IS STOPPING YOU!” I could feel my heart racing as I looked over at Axel, whose face was completely drained.

“Come on, let’s go.” I said, putting my hand on Axel’s shoulder and directing him to my car again. He hesitated a little, but as the yelling increased he became more willing to leave then to go inside.

“Where are we going?” Axel asked, his voice shaking. “Don’t call the cops!” I massaged my temples, trying to calm myself before looking back at him.

“I won’t, I just want to get you out of here until they settle down, okay?” I didn’t wait for an answer before driving away from his tiny white-picket fence house. I pulled over and called Carson, who knew as soon as I told him I was with Axel, what had been going on at Axel’s house. He asked me to come pick him up so we could go somewhere to clear Axel’s head, but also work on our project. It shocked me how sincere he sounded on the phone, but I guess being one of Talon’s best friends, this has happened before.

Before I knew it, we were at the same cliff that Talon had taken me to the night after Carson’s party. Axel hadn’t spoken the entire ride down, despite Carson’s best efforts to cheer him up. Eventually we all became silent, but weirdly enough it wasn’t awkward. It was more like Carson and I had put aside our bickering to focus on our mutual concern for Axel because that was all that really mattered right now. Our project was going to have to wait, and even though we had planned to work on it, I think it became clear when we arrived that we wouldn’t be.

“How did you know about Talon’s favourite place?” Axel asked me, speaking his first words in two hours. We walked over to the edge of the cliff and sat down, our legs dangling off the edge. I was terrified, but there had been poles placed in the ground every couple of meters and I held onto one for comfort.

“He brought me here when I was upset once, but I never appreciated it the way I should have. I get why he took me here now and that’s why I brought you. So that maybe the stillness in the air could ease your mind, I don’t know, seems like a good place to run away from, well… you know.” Carson was staring at me funny and I couldn’t tell if he was trying to hold back one of his famous snarky comments or not. “What?” I asked him.

“Nothing,” he said, raising his hands in defense. “I just didn’t realize Talon and you had become so close. He never brings anybody up here… well besides when he and I go fishing a little bit down the road here, and Axel.” He was giving me this weird look now, like he was finally catching on to some mystery about me. I looked away from him and toward Axel.

“If you want to talk about it, Axel, I’m here.” He tensed up before responding.

“As if you know anything about my situation that could help me feel better.” It all made sense now, why he and Talon were so bitter and witty all the time. They were using defense mechanisms.

“Hey, come on now, bud.” Carson said, giving Axel a raised eyebrow. “Let’s not judge.” I think my heart would have stopped beating completely had I held my breath any longer than I had out of pure shock.

“It’s okay, he’s right. I probably don’t know much about what you’re going through, but that doesn’t make me any less here for you. I can be a silent buddy if you want.” He scoffed.

“You are very bad at being silent.” He said rolling his eyes. I was about to give up trying, but then something happened. Axel turned to me and smiled, a genuine smile, like he was thanking me for being there even when I couldn’t relate. I smiled back at him.

“I guess that’s true,” I said, giving his shoulder a nudge with my own shoulder. “I have to know though… does it ever –”

“Get physical? No.” He was looking out at the land beneath us now, thinking. “At least not since before I was born anyway. Talon barely talks about it though. I only know because he slipped up once when I tried to get in the middle of my parents arguing.” I nodded. I felt very overwhelmed with sadness and guilt. Guilt because I never tried to understand what had been happening in Talon’s life before to make him the way he is.

We sat out there for an hour longer. Mostly in silence, but occasionally talking. I think it was good for Axel to clear his mind. He was so young and going through so much at home. People underestimate the amount of trauma kids go through growing up.

What I found the strangest of all, was Carson’s never wavering kindness towards me while we were there. He made fun of me once, but it wasn’t like before where I knew he was just being an ass because he didn’t like me. This was different. It was like he was actually starting to develop a likeness for me. I don’t know why that made me so relieved, but it did. It brought back more memories of when we all used to get along as freshman, at least when Carson and I used to get along as freshman.

Carson was actually a pretty decent guy up until that one party, when he was dating Amy. I hadn’t met Amy yet, but I had known Carson from a few of my classes and we used to sit together at lunch sometimes. I remember that he was really into astronomy at the time, but he never really told anybody that besides Talon and I. Though, I had only interacted with Talon briefly when he would stop by at lunch and talk for a minute. Everyone used to think we were dating, but it was never like that and a few weeks after the rumours about him and me, he had started dating, Amy, and everyone had found out I was dating, Kevin O’Conner. Though, those relationships didn’t last very long for either of us. It’s actually pretty crazy to think about the differences in the way Carson presents himself now from the way he used to. He had always had that bad boy potential, but he had never fully developed it until later on that year.

The sound of wheels on gravel woke me up from my trip down memory lane, and I turned around to see Talon pulling up beside my car. “What the hell were you thinking, Macy?!” He yelled as he exited his car and stormed his way over to us. We all stood up immediately.

“Woah, Talon. Take a breather, we were just giving Axel some air away from home,” Carson said, walking over to Talon and raising his hand out to his chest to stop him from coming any closer.

“No, this is Macy, meddling in anything that isn’t her business so that she can push judgments onto it later. Do you have any fucking idea what time it is? It’s almost 9 o’clock. I showed up to pick Axel up at the rink and he was nowhere to be found, and you decided to text me an hour ago, not when you left, but an hour ago letting me know where my kid brother is. Are you fucking insane?!” I didn’t talk this time. I was speechless and afraid. He was so angry, that it took everything in me just to be able to look him in the eyes.

“Stop, Talon! You’re acting crazy!” Axel, shouted in my defense.

“How do you expect me to act, kid? I had no idea where you were!” Talon wasn’t speaking to him nearly as angrily. He carried more of a concerned tone over everything else.

“I expect you to be worried, but jesus, you’re acting like, Dad!” I froze, unsure of how Talon was going to take that. Axel held Talon’s gaze, not in a challenging way, but in a way where he was trying to make Talon understand.

“Get in the truck, I’m taking you home.” Was all Talon said in response as he walked back over to his truck and slammed the door shut after he got in. Axel turned to me and gave me a sincerely apologetic look, before following Talon’s lead. Carson and I watched as they drove off, and I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding.

“I, um, I think I’m just going to sleep in my car tonight.” I said, turning towards Carson. “Is there anyone that can come get you?” My heart was pounding, and I was breathing heavily now.

“You’re going to sleep in your car… out here… alone?” Carson said, raising his eyebrows at me. I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't want to be home so close to Talon.

“Well I’m not going back home to be attacked again at my doorstep.” My voice cracked and Carson came over and put his hand on my shoulder.

“Stay at my place, then. I have a guest room, and you can just tell your parents you’re at Beverly’s.” I think he understood that I didn’t want to be around people who didn’t witness what had just happened and I appreciated that. So I nodded, called my parents, and Carson and I took off to his house.