Smoked Out

I woke up early and left Carson’s house to go home and get ready before school. Nothing eventful had happened after getting to Carson’s house, except that we spent a good chunk of the night working on our project because neither of us could sleep. It was all finished now and just needed to be edited. What a relief that was, and Carson turned out to be a pretty good partner. I think it may have had something to do with the fact he felt bad after Talon witnessing Talon treat me like garbage.

The thing that frustrated me most about the entire situation was that Talon knew I was just trying to help Axel, but yet, he still saw the worst in me. He also knew that Carson was part of it too, but only I got the flack. It made my stomach churn the more I thought about it.

When I got to my house, I stopped dead in my tracks when I opened my bedroom door and saw none other than Talon and Lindsay sleeping in my bed. I slammed the door and walked straight to my living room, feeling like I was going to throw up. This was a freaken nightmare. I paced around the coffee table for a good minute before Talon appeared from around the corner.

“It’s not what it looks like, I swear.” He said, raising his hands in defense. “I came over last night to apologize and Lindsay was here and let me wait, but I guess I fell asleep.” I crossed my arms and bit my lip.

“How did you get past my parents?” I asked, scared that they were going to wake up and think that I had a boy in my room all night, when it was Lindsay who had a boy in my room all night.

“They were in bed when I got here. Look, Macy, I’m really sorry for blowing up at you like that. You didn’t deserve it.” He walked a little closer to me and I put my arm out to stop him, my closed fist pressing against his chest.

“I, um…” I could feel a lump in my throat rising. “I clearly bring out the worst in you,” he was shaking his head now, about to respond, but I kept going. “I have spent so many years wanting your attention and so many years having your door slammed shut in my face, and I can’t do it anymore.” My voice had started to crack and waver and I was scared I was going to start crying.

“Macy, I… you don’t understand. I was going through something, or I guess, am going through something and I had to push you away. I –” I shook my head and cut him off.

“I’m sorry that you have issues, Talon. The first thing I thought when I heard your parents screaming at each other was that you made more sense to me because I finally understood why you acted the way you did and I wanted to be someone who could be there for you.” I knew I should just walk away and not reveal so many of my thoughts to him, but I wanted him to hear me.

“I have this idea of who I want to be around you and then I get defensive along the way and fuck it up. I’m so sorry for how I acted yesterday. I mean it.” I could tell he did. It was the most sincere he had ever sounded.

“You know, I never wanted to admit how much you affected me because you always seemed to hate me… how degrading is it to myself to let you affect me as much as you do? But, I guess I always, um, liked you, and my reactions to you were retaliations for constantly being rejected and humiliated by you. But, I can’t do it anymore. After you blew up at me last night… I couldn’t really breathe, you know?... It took a while to become regulated again, and I felt like the crappiest person alive. I don’t think that’s healthy.” I could feel a few tears coming down my face now, and I looked downwards instead of up at him. “I will finally admit to you that I have always felt something for you, but I’m finally understanding that I bring out the worst in you, and it’s not fair to either of us. So, please, Talon, just go. I don’t want your apology.”

“Macy,” He was pleading with me now.

“Just go,” I said, looking up at him now. “I can’t be around someone who scares me.” Something shifted then as he looked at me. It was like he recoiled into himself and stopped paying attention to anything real around him. He didn’t say anything as he walked out of the house.

I let out a sigh, put Talon in the back of my mind, got myself ready, and headed off to class. I was also beginning to become even wearier of Lindsay since she had been at my house for a week and a bit now and still hadn’t attempted anything. Most nights she didn’t even sleep here because she was usually out. I wasn’t sure what to expect from her or if she just wanted to keep me on my toes. Well she was doing a fine job of that.

The day passed by slowly at school. Probably because, for the first time in my life, I really didn’t want to be there. Talon sat at the opposite end of the classroom in Math class today and Beverly didn’t bother to ask me what happened, though I knew it was killing her to find out.

After class I walked up to Mr. Sherik and asked for a new tutor. He was extremely hesitant, telling me that Talon was the best math tutor at the school, but I made myself very clear and I think he could tell that the differences between Talon and I had gotten way too deeply wedged between us to be able to work together and he instead offered to help me prep for any upcoming tests we have. It wasn’t the same weekly help I had been getting, but it was better than nothing.

I saw Amy for a split second at our lockers when I got to school but like usual, she had disappeared quickly and I didn’t see or hear from her for the rest of the day. I wasn’t sure if she was giving up on me too, but it sure felt like it. At least Beverly stayed with me all day, sensing my disappointing mood. We met Chase, Carson, and Travis for lunch at Wendy’s and I could tell how much Beverly was enjoying Travis’ company. She seemed completely over Cameron, but with Beverly you could never be sure.

“Looking especially beautiful today, Crawford,” Chase said as he walked up to me. I kissed him and smiled.

“Not so bad yourself, Backus.” It was so hard not to melt in front of him. He gave me that gooey feeling and I could feel how much my body was magnetized to his when he was around. Beverly winked at me and smiled.

“Cut it out you two. You’re making me want to vomit.” She said joking.

“Please don’t,” Travis said as he kissed her. “Because then I won’t be able to do that and I thoroughly enjoy doing that.” This time Beverly kissed him and I could see how much she liked him when she smiled at him afterward. I felt happy for her.

“So how about we all get together tonight. It’s Friday night after all. Macy and I have finished the project she tortured me into doing, and guess who has the house free?” Carson said, enthusiastically after we had ordered our food and sat down with it. I pretended to glare at him for the torture part.

“Well someone should probably fill Talon in because he hasn’t been answering any of my texts.” Chase said, pulling out his phone, I’m assuming, to double check that he still hadn’t gotten a response. I pretended not to notice that Talon was even brought up, but I could feel Carson staring at me.

“I’ll let him know. So let everyone we like know that there is a party at my house tonight, and that it’s bring your own booze.” I had lessons tomorrow night with the kids, since the competition was coming up quick now and we had to squeeze in extra rehearsal time, so I made a mental note that tonight was not the night to let people pressure me into drinking alcohol.

After lunch and the rest of the school day, Beverly and I went over to her house to get ready. We called Amy but didn’t get a response, and gave up after an hour of trying to text her. “I don’t understand what her problem is.” I said, groaning.

“Whatever, she’s clearly decided she’s too good for us.” Beverly said, pulling out a skin tight, black dress with a fitted black leather jacket and black pumps. I didn’t even know she owned such a dark outfit. “Wear this tonight.” She said, tossing them to me on the bed. My jaw dropped.

“I am definitely not wearing this.” I said, picking the tight dress up in my hands and inspecting it. “Where did you even get these clothes?” Sure, Beverly usually wore skimpy clothing, but I didn’t even know she owned a leather jacket.

“Just put em on so you can blow Chase’s mind when he sees you in it tonight.” I kind of liked the thought of Chase seeing me in something like this; however, it was the rest of the party I wasn’t so sure about. “Also, we’re about the same chest size so borrow one of my black lacy bras. Your polka dots will stick out like a sore thumb in that dress.”

“Do you even want any ounce of who I am showing tonight?” I asked, half insulted and half joking.

“No.” She said, bluntly. “I want you to try new things and dressing in slightly promiscuous clothing is trying new things, that who knows, maybe you’ll end up liking for nights out. I’m starting off easy. If you can dress like one of them, then maybe you won’t be so hard on a certain someone when you realize that just because you come off a certain way, doesn’t mean you fit the stereotype.”

“You mean, Talon.” I said, suddenly annoyed. It bugged me how much she defended him.

“I mean any of the guys. Even Carson. I don’t want you to judge tonight, I just want you to be. Have some fun.” I shook my head.

“Carson and I are getting along now. Like I said before, you have no clue what Talon is like with me. He can be really awful.” I was getting defensive now and I felt really uncomfortable.

“You know what, Macy. I love you, but you can be pretty awful too when it comes to them.” I stayed silent instead of defending myself any longer. She didn’t understand and she wouldn’t, and I wasn’t in the mood to go over any of my most recent Langworth events.

“I’ll wear the outfit if you drop this subject.” I said, annoyed.

“Deal.”

I looked hot. I had never thought that about myself before, but here I was, walking into Carson’s house with groups of people stopping to stare at me, while I got hit on four times before I even made it through the entryway. It was a weird feeling that I both liked and hated.

Beverly immediately left my side to look for Travis, so I looked around the house for Chase and finally found him sitting at the kitchen table talking with Aurora. I smiled at them both when I walked in. “Ou la la!” Aurora said, checking me out in my new look.

“Wow.” Chase said, shocked. I swallowed hard, suddenly nervous. I couldn’t tell if he was in shock because he liked it or in shock because he didn’t know how to tell me I couldn’t pull it off. He stood up from the table and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and pressing his lips to my ear. “You are most definitely the sexiest women in the house. I feel like I’m going to be kicking a lot of asses tonight.” I laughed.

“Stop it.” I said, blushing. “Beverly made me wear it.” He smiled.

“You think you need to dress the way you have tonight for me to feel that way?” He said, raising his eyebrows. “You could walk into this house in a garbage bag and I would feel the same way.” I laughed again and kissed him.

“Now, now, kids. There are people around… like me.” Aurora said, jokingly. “How are you doing, Macy? Keeping Chase in line, I see.” She seemed genuinely happy to see me.

“I’m working on it.” I said, winking at her, knowing she would realize I was referring to the last conversation we had. Chase just nudged me, pretending to be offended.

“Hey, I’ll have you know that I am a very “in line” boyfriend. No need to worry about me.” I felt my body freeze beside him at the mention of boyfriend. I hadn’t known he had thought of me as his girlfriend yet, and I felt butterflies begin to swirl in my stomach.

“Boyfriend, eh?” I said, winking at him. He blushed and I could sense that my reaction had made him nervous.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Aurora said, raising an eyebrow at me and walking out of the kitchen. I grabbed Chase’s hand and took him to Carson’s guestroom, where I had slept just the other night, so that we could have some privacy.

“I’m sorry if I freaked you out.” Chase said, sitting on the bed while I locked the door so nobody would bother us. I walked over to him and sat next to him on the bed, placing the back of his hand on my lap and tracing circles on his palm with my fingertips.

“You didn’t.” I said, looking up at him. His eyes were so attentive and beautiful. “I just want to make sure that this is what you want. I know I’m dressed this way tonight, but I am so different from you. I just don’t want you to think I’m somebody I’m not.” He held onto my hand that was tracing circles on his palm.

“I know who you are, Macy.” He said, letting a small smile show. “I know that you don’t smoke, you hate leather, you pretty much hate everything about my lifestyle. But I also know that you’ve tried so hard to overcome all of that because of me, and I don’t want you to feel like you ever need to change because I know who you are and what lifestyle you live. I don’t even know if I’m saying any of this right, but I want you to know that I have never felt like this about anyone before, and I want you in my life for a long time.” My heart was pounding so fast in my chest now that I was sure he could hear it.

I kissed him. It was so passionate and so deep that I melted into it. He grabbed onto my waist and pulled me on top of him so that my legs wrapped around him. He gently pushed my hair to one side and kissed slowly up my neck until he reached my lips. I let out a little moan and bit his lip, surprised at how natural this seemed to me for somebody who had hardly done anything before.

“Wait, Macy.” He whispered against my lips. “I don’t want you to think I told you any of that so that you would sleep with me.” I kissed him lightly on the lips and pulled back so I could look at him.

“I should probably tell you something else about me before I agree to be your girlfriend.” I felt nervous now, though I knew I shouldn’t be.

“Okay…” He said, slowly, seeming more confused than anything.

“I’m a virgin.” I bit my lip, waiting for his reaction. He just smiled at me.

“Okay… now where’s the news you had me all concerned to hear about?” I cocked my head to the side without meaning to and stared at him. He laughed.

“You don’t care?” Now I sounded confused.

“Whether you are a town bicycle or sexually inexperienced, I don’t care. Sex isn’t the reason I want you to be my girlfriend, and honestly, I’m okay with waiting for however long.” He sounded very sure about what he was saying. Not like somebody who was saying something they didn’t mean, and I instantly felt relief.

“I guess I just thought since you, um, clearly are not a virgin… that it would bother you. I wanted to be sure it wouldn’t.” I ran my hands through his hair now and kissed him.

“It doesn’t, and I stand by my decision to be your boyfriend.” I smiled, feeling the fluttering in my stomach again.

“Okay.” I said, feeling giddy.

“Okay, you’ll be my girlfriend or okay, you’ve decided my leather jacket is too ugly and are leaving me now to sulk?” He said, half laughing, half genuinely worried.

“Okay, I’ll be your girlfriend, you dweeb.” His face lit up as I said the words.

“Already hitting me with the insults, ouch.” He said, pulling me in and kissing me. It felt so weird to be his girlfriend, but in a good way. We got up from the bed and left the room to join the rest of the party. Chase went to the living room to smoke up with some of his buddies and Beverly and Aurora kept me company.

Beverly and Aurora got along pretty well, but there were moments where I could tell there was tension between them and I couldn’t tell why, nor was I going to ask them. Aurora brought all three of us a drink and this time when I declined she put the drink down and didn’t offer it again. Part of me kind of wanted to have a glass, but I knew better with having to prepare the kids tomorrow at the rink.

It was nearing 11 now and I promised myself that I would leave by 11:30 so I could make it home by midnight. I told Beverly and Amy that I needed to find Chase and left them together hoping that the drinks had lowered the tension between them.

“Hey cuz,” I had reached the entryway to the living room and could see Chase with his friends when I heard her voice. It sent a shiver down my spine.

“What are you doing here?” I asked through gritted teeth. How could she have possibly found out about this party and why would she even bother coming to it. It wasn’t like she knew anyone.

“I came with Talon,” She said, giving me a snarky smile and a wink. I felt my face go hot and knew I was red with anger. “Guess I grew on him.” I looked behind her shoulder and spotted Talon talking to a couple of guys by the staircase.

“Excuse me,” I said, pushing past Lindsay and making my way over to Talon. I stepped in front of him, blocking the people he was talking to, to the point where they automatically knew I was pissed and they needed to leave us alone. Talon looked me up and down, clearly surprised with what I was wearing.

“Why would you bring her here?” I practically shouted at him. He looked over at Lindsay and kept his gaze on her when he spoke, crossing his arms.

“She was bored and I figured why not? She’s fine, plus I didn’t expect to see you here. Since, you know, these are my friends and naturally I wouldn’t miss one of Carson’s parties.” He was speaking to me condescendingly but I could tell he felt uncomfortable with me talking to him.

“Well Chase is officially my boyfriend so naturally I will be at these parties too.” I said, speaking back to him in a mocking tone. He took a step back and finally looked at me. “And you know how much I can’t stand Lindsay. I can’t believe you.”

“Who I hang out with is none of your concern. You made it very clear where I stood with you, so stop speaking to me like I committed some giant act of betrayal.” I felt the anger rise even more in me, knowing that Lindsay was listening to this and knowing she was winning.

“You don’t understand what she’s like. Even you should be worried. It would be the same thing if I brought Serena. That’s how messed up Lindsay and I’s relationship is.” He rolled his eyes.

“Don’t talk to me about Serena like you even know the situation, because you don’t. And you know what, Macy? At least I’m not changing myself to be with someone who probably is only pretending to like me. You’re dressing like a completely different person and don’t think I don’t know what it means for you to be switching to lacy bras.” Why was he so upset with me about not wanting Lindsay here? And why did it matter if I wore polka dots or lace?

“You know what? I’m done. When Lindsay screws you over, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I stormed off in the direction of Chase, ignoring Lindsay as I passed her. It was only a matter of time before she tried to pull something and the thought of it made me nervous. Now that she had Talon, I knew she was planning to do some damage and soon.