Smoked Out

Lydia was getting better with her techniques at the rink and Brian and Axel had doubled up to work on their own part for the competition. Things were starting to look up in my world of skating. I had barely practiced for my own competition and was starting to feel myself losing focus. I called Claire and we made additional rehearsal plans for the next two weeks to help pull me through. This meant that my entire life would consist of school, math help at the school, and the rink.

Even though it hadn’t even been two months yet, I felt like ever since Talon moved in downstairs I had become an entirely different person. I had already almost gotten a ticket, got so drunk I threw up, broken up a fight at a party, started dating a guy who not only represents the bad boy persona, but pretty much stands for everything I’m against. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t see myself as better than Chase, but I do think that for me to be dating him in the first place something in my mind has switched. I just want to go back to zero drama, nights with the girls, getting ready for my skating competition, but now adding in very intimate make-out sessions with Chase. It was time for me to start being Macy again.

“Round up, guys!” I shouted after blowing my whistle, skating over to the center of the rink where all the kids had started to gather. “As you all know, the competition is in two weeks. I’ve posted the official time slots for all of the teams we’ve created within our group right now on the board just outside my office. This does not account for the official time slot we will get on competition day, but it does help you with the order you will all be skating in. Am I being clear?”

“Yes, Miss. Crawford.” They all said in unison. They sounded tired, and I felt bad that they were so drained, but they knew they had to put their best efforts in now.

“Alright, so, that being said, I am going to push us to three rehearsals a week. I sent a notice out to your parents last week and so far most of them have gotten back to me and said this was okay. Make sure you and your parents go through the times of day we’re having them because with me rehearsing for my own competition there isn’t much wiggle room for outside rehearsal practices. Got it?”

“Got it!” They shouted. I smiled, so happy with my little group of skaters.

“That’s all for today guys! I’ll see you all Monday night at 6pm!” I watched as they all skated off the ice, leaving only Axel and I behind. I hadn’t spoken to Axel since Talon yelled at me and I was definitely feeling a little bit awkward about the situation.

“My mom is probably going to be late again, is it cool if I just hang around here until she comes?” Axel asked, sounding the most polite I had ever heard him. I felt my eyebrows raise in shock and he smirked.

“That’ll be okay. I do have to practice if you don’t mind watching.” My legs had started to become sore again and I had a feeling it was because I hadn’t been stretching them before lessons or practices. I figured I might as well work through the pain, and strengthen them again. Axel nodded and skated off the ice, giving me the room he knew I needed to practice some of my tricks.

I started with a couple of laps around the ice to get my legs warmed up and went into a couple of spins. My leg was bothering me a lot now and I was trying not to notice. Axel noticed something was up though because he began to chirp me.

“Losing your edge there!” He shouted, snarky. I turned to face him across the rink and raise my arms in a come at me motion.

“You talk a lot of smack for somebody who doesn’t even know how to do a proper spin yet!” I shouted back, antagonizing him.

“I can do a spin, I just prefer not to, since, you know, I’m a dude.” I raised my eyebrows at him and crossed my arms, though I doubt he could see my facial expression from where he sat on the sidelines.

“Hey, there are a lot of great figure skaters with amazing skills who are men,” I pointed my finger at him as I spoke. “I want to see this spin you can apparently do.” I made my fingers into quotations when I said the word spin and I could see how much it sparked his competitive nature.

“Fine.” He said, getting up and skating onto the rink towards me. “But I’m only doing this one time.” I shrugged as if I didn’t really care or believe that he could do it, but I honestly knew he could. I just wanted him to push himself.

He skated from one side of the rink to the other to warm up and I let him without chirping him because I didn’t want him to suddenly get his temper back and flake on his spin. I watched him take a deep breath and then he was spinning. So fast and with such grace it amazed me. I couldn’t figure out how he had learned to spin so well without ever accomplishing one spin in my class. He turned to face me and smirked when he saw my jaw had dropped.

“See, I got some skill.” He said, shrugging.

“Okay, okay,” I said, smiling at him. I couldn’t help it. My inner teacher proudness had overcome me. “Now I want you to practice your stops. Skate to the middle of the rink and stop, then skate to the end and stop, then repeat that four more times.” He looked confused, like he couldn’t figure out why I was punishing him when he had completed a challenge. He did it anyway.

I spent the next twenty minutes coaching him until Talon came and picked him up. Axel wanted to show him his progress but stopped after a minute, I’m guessing because he could sense the awkward tension. I wasn’t sure the exact reason Nancy couldn’t pick him up, but I had a pretty good idea. I didn’t acknowledge Talon, except to give him a nod before saying bye to Axel and skating off. I had wanted to spend some time practicing on my own, but my leg still hadn’t simmered so I figured I should call it a night.

I was all dressed and just about to leave my office when Greta, Annabelle’s mom stormed in in a frenzy. “I told you having my daughter switch was a bad idea! I told you that she would not be able to compete!” She was yelling so hard I was surprised my eardrum hadn’t popped.

“Woah, slow down, Greta! Annabelle can compete. I spoke to Miss. Spence before I made the switch and she told me it was a for sure thing.” It had been a while since I last spoke to her and Peter, but as far as I knew Annabelle was doing great in Bree’s class.

“No, she can’t! I just came from picking Annabelle up and Bree told me that Annabelle hasn’t been in her class long enough to compete! That is a very different story from what you told me when you begged Peter and I to switch her to the intermediate class!” My heart started pounding. I was so angry and so confused. Why would Bree tell me Annabelle could compete if she couldn’t?

“I’m so sorry. She must be mistaken. She told me that Annabelle competing was a for sure thing. I have to go straighten this out. Can I call you later on tonight after I’ve discussed it with her?” I needed to get to Bree now before she left to go home.

“Don’t bother, I just had it out with her too and she told me nothing could be done about it. You will be hearing from higher up soon because I am not tolerating this. I would tell you to have a good night, but since you just ruined my daughter’s, I think I’ll pass.” She left the room and slammed the door shut. It was so loud it made me jump.

I didn’t think about it before running to go find Bree. All I kept thinking was that there had to be a mistake. There had to be. I would have never jeopardized Annabelle’s right to compete if Bree had told me that her competing in the upper level class was going to be a problem.

She wasn’t in her office so I ran out to the parking lot to check and caught her just as she was walking over to her car. “Bree!” I shouted, waving my arms for her to stop. She opened her car, threw her stuff inside and stood by her door waiting for me to reach her. “Bree, we need to talk!”

“Look, if this is about Annabelle, I’m sorry but she can’t compete. I didn’t realize how limited the spots were and she just didn’t make the cut when put against my other skaters.” I felt my heart sink for Annabelle. So, Bree wasn’t mistaken, she was serious.

“I don’t get it. Why did you tell me she could compete if there was a chance she couldn’t?” I felt so angry with her now. How could she let me make this decision for somebody else when she knew nothing was for sure?

“Honestly, I just needed to fill my remaining spots to make it look good and you gave me the perfect opportunity. Now it looks even better on me since my skaters are so good, not all of them can possibly make the cut. I have too many skaters with too much talent and not enough spots in the competition.”

“I thought you were a good person? Good people don’t pull stuff like this!” I was shouting now. I felt hurt and betrayed.

“Look Macy, not everybody can live in your happy bubble. Honestly, I’m just being practical and this is me just being a good business women.” Who the hell did she think she was? It’s not like she owned the company. I wanted to slap her.

“No, this is you being a bitch!” I didn’t wait for an answer before walking away. I grabbed my things from my office and drove home, even though I felt like I was too angry to drive.

I couldn’t stop thinking about how hurt Annabelle was feeling and how awful she must think I am. I wanted to go over to her house and apologize personally to her but I knew that would only make things worse between her parents and I. Greta was so mad, it scared me. I wasn’t sure the consequences I would face because of this but I knew I was scared to find out.

I remembered the feeling of competing when I was Annabelle’s age and how excited and thrilling I found the experience. I only came out with first place a few times out of the many competitions that I did but it was always worth it; win or lose. I didn’t know how I was going to face Annabelle the next time I saw her because I just took that feeling away from her. That feeling of excitement and thrill and being connected with the rink and the routine. I felt awful.

All of this because I somehow felt the need to prove to Talon that I was a decent human being worthy of not having smoke blown in my face. All of this for somebody who treats me like dirt. At least Axel has grown a little since he started which makes all of this a little more worth it. He seems lighter in the rink now. At least if Annabelle hates me, Axel has learned and grown from being in my class.

When I got home Talon was waiting for me on the steps; or at least I thought he was waiting for me. He wasn’t sitting with Lindsay and all the lights were off in the house. I locked my car and met him halfway. He looked pissed.

“Please, Talon, not today. I can’t go through another round with you right now.” I felt my shoulders slump in defeat but Talon didn’t turn around and walk away like I wanted him too. Instead he kissed me.

After a full five seconds, I dropped my skating bag on the ground and wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him closer to me and kissing him back. It was then that I realized what I was doing and pushed him away from me with all the force in me. He shoved back a few steps and stared at me.

“What the fuck was that?!” I yelled, my heart racing and my throat tightening. I could feel the tears and I knew I was about to start crying.

“I just needed to know what that would be like.” I just stood there with my jaw hanging open trying to wrap my head properly around the situation. I couldn’t stop the tears now.

“I have a boyfriend, Talon. I can’t be kissing you. Why do you even care what it’s like anyway? You hate me! Isn’t that what you spend every second you’re around me trying to make sure I know?” He took a step toward me and I backed away, but he was faster. He wiped my tears away and lifted my chin up with his hand so that I was looking at him.

“I know it’s selfish, but I just needed to know what that would be like before you start taking off those lacy bras you’ve started wearing for guys who aren’t me.” I backed away from him again but kept eye contact.

“You could have been in Chase’s position, but you aren’t. I know that’s not all your fault, but the fact is that we put walls up around each other and we try so hard to knock each other’s down only to end up bringing the worst out in each other. I told you the other day I couldn’t deal with your temper, why are you not walking away from me?” I couldn’t even believe I was having the conversation right now.

“I want to be a better person for you, let me do that.” I started shaking my head and he started walking toward me again until his hands were resting on the tops of my shoulders. ”Please, Macy.”

“I don’t understand where this is coming from. We were just having it out last night at the party, why now?”

“I – I just,”

“You know what, no. I can’t listen to this. I’m cheating on Chase right now and I can’t do that to him. He is so honest and sincere and he makes me crazy happy, I need to go.” I started walking to the door but he jumped in front of me.

“Macy, come on.”

“No! Do you have any idea how hurt you make me feel? How much you make me hate myself? I don’t want to feel that way. I have to go.” He took a step back now.

“I really make you feel that way?” I shoved past him and looked back just as I opened the door.

“Do you really have to ask me that after everything that has happened between us?” This time I walked in the house and didn’t look back. I don’t know what he would have said and right now I didn’t care. I just hoped Chase would never find out about this; I didn’t want Talon ruining a good thing for me.