Smoked Out

I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror feeling content with the strong looking muscles in my arms whenever I flexed. I hadn’t been working out as much lately with everything going on and I didn’t want that to take a toll on my skating. I applied some nude coloured lip gloss to my lips and left the room, entering the empty hallways of my school. Empty except for me and the occasional student who hadn’t found their way to the exit door yet.

Today had been long and boring and the last thing I wanted to do was go get math help from Talon. I hadn’t seen much of Beverly and Amy this week and I was in desperate need of some girl time. I was supposed to drive Beverly to Jason Stedson’s party tonight but I had to bail. Besides, she was only going to that party to eye down Rebecca and make sure she was staying away from Cameron whom she still hadn’t made up with yet from their fight earlier in the week. She was lucky Jason liked her and that he was the one who let you stay or not because if Rebecca was in charge, she wouldn’t even be allowed in the house.

I went to my locker and exchanged the books in my bag for my math folder. There wasn’t any homework this weekend in any of my classes, so my math book was the only thing I needed to take home with me. I stared at my locker door that I still hadn’t decorated yet. Everyone else in school seemed to have pictures and stickers clung to all of their lockers, but I hadn’t had the time to do anything about mine.

“Hey Macy,” A raspy voice said down the hallway. I looked up to see Griffen, one of my older elementary school friends walking towards me. He had grown up a lot since eighth grade; his dirty blonde hair had darkened naturally into a light brown and his jaw was more chiseled now. His blue eyes were more brooding now than wide and engaging and he dressed differently too. He used to love Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch, but now he hardly wore brands at all and if he did, he hid them well. His clothes were edgier now, which come to think of it, was probably why he and Talon were such good friends. He smoked too, which I’m sure made Talon grateful because he could have a smoking buddy. Griffen was a good guy though, I knew that for a fact.

“How’s it going, Billy Goats GrIff.” I said smirking at him. He hated his childhood nickname and I didn’t blame him for it. He rolled his eyes at me playfully and smiled. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it! Really, how’s it going Griffen? I haven’t talked to you in a while.” He finally reached me just as I closed my locker and turned around to face him completely.

“You know, same old, same old.” He said nodding. “I was actually just looking for you to see if you’d seen Talon around. He told me he was helping you with some school thing today but I wanted to make sure he was still going to give me a lift to Carson’s grandparent’s house tonight. You know the drift. Grandma and Grandpa are outta town and that means we party.” There was something very easy going about his presence that even though he was asking me about Talon I didn’t cringe like I would have if anyone else had asked about him.

“I was actually going over to his house right now. I could give you a lift if you want.” I wasn’t sure why I was offering him a ride to Talon’s when I was supposed to be going there to study, but Griffen didn’t annoy me like Talon’s other friends did and so I hoped he wouldn’t interrupt Talon’s teaching. Plus, having him around might make being around Talon a little more bearable.

“Aw man, thanks.” He said punching me lightly in the arm. “I would have texted him but I dropped my phone in the can last period and it won’t turn on. My smart phone is now a dead phone.” I laughed at his pouty face as he took the phone out from his jacket pocket and dangled it in the air as proof. The screen looked like water had gotten to it from the other side and I didn’t think rice could fix this one.

We talked on the way to my car, mostly about our classes but also a bit about our home life. Griffen used to come over with my at-the-time best friend Sophie all the time when we were little and my mom would make us cookies with milk and then send us out to the backyard to run around and burn off the sugar rush that came a little bit after. There isn’t a good reason for why we stopped hanging out so much, high school was pretty much the cause. I took all academic classes while Griffen stuck with the applied ones and we made different groups of friends. Clearly. We still talked when we saw each other but that rarely happened. I was always in class, while Griffen was always out of it and by the time school was out Griffen had usually already left the building. Except for today, of course.

I parked in my driveway and got out of the car. “Are you two secretly married or something because I swear this is your house and not his.” I guess Talon hadn’t filled Griffen in on his living situation. It made me feel like maybe bringing him here was a bad idea. If Talon got mad, he’d back out on our deal.

“He’s renting out the basement, come on.” I said motioning for him to follow me around to the back door. Talon wasn’t out smoking this time and I let out a sigh of relief knowing that he wasn’t going to be blowing any of the smoke in my face like he loved to do so much. I knocked on the door and waited. Nothing. I looked back at Griffen who was looking at me skeptically probably wondering if I was playing a trick on him and shrugged. “Maybe he blew me off.” I wondered, mostly to myself. The idea made me angry. We had a deal.

I went to knock again and the door flew open. It had opened so fast that I had to jump out of the way so that it wouldn’t knock me over. “Talon’s a little busy right now.” A tall and thin auburn haired girl said crossing her arms. She looked like she wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone right now. Her features were harsh, but still pretty. Her green eyes burned into you when she looked at you and her tall frame towered over both Griffen and I, though Griffen was pretty much my height, give or take an inch or two.

“No I’m not,” Talon said following her to the door and running his hands through his hair. “Can you just leave, Sarena? I’m tired of this shit. Just go.” She glared over at him but did as he told her, making sure to shove herself between both Griffen and I as she did so. I looked at Talon confused but he ignored my expression and walked away from the door, leaving it open so we could come in.

“Woah, dude.” Griffen said, looking around the place. “First you don’t tell me that you aren’t living at home anymore and now you’re still hanging around Sarena and not mentioning anything to me about it. Where’s the bromance?” He made it sound like a joke, but you could tell by the look on his face that he was a little hurt that his friend was keeping secrets from him.

“She called me the other day and said she wanted to pick up the rest of the things she left behind and so I made the stupid mistake of telling her my new address and then she just shows up today when I get home, barges in, and doesn’t even take anything with her. Then she starts going on about how we’re supposed to be together and I’m just shaking my head at her and that’s when the two of you showed up. Which thanks, by the way, I didn’t think I was going to be able to get rid of her.” He sounded exhausted while he spoke and he kept running his hands through his hair like that would somehow make his problems disappear.

I felt awkward just standing there not saying anything but I didn’t think bringing up the fact that we had a deal right now would make him feel any better. In fact, he’d probably kick me out and call me a bunch of ridiculously stupid names to make sure that I would leave him alone.

Griffen hadn’t responded yet and Talon began pacing the room, anger radiating off of him like bad body odor. He stopped pacing and just stared at the wall beside him. I wasn’t sure what was going through his head but he wasn’t acting like a sane person at the moment which worried me a little. I wasn’t used to witnessing high stress situations unless it was about skating. I jumped suddenly at the sound of a big bang coming from Talon’s direction.

“SHIT!” He yelled. “God damn it, that hurt.” He was examining his quickly bruising fist now while Griffen and I just stared, not knowing what we should do. I didn’t know who Sarena was, but she must have really gotten under his skin to make him react this way. I didn’t know a girl was capable of doing that to a guy like Talon. Hell, I’d been trying to make him react like that since the second he moved in to my basement.

“You need a drink.” Griffen said, walking over to his fridge, opening it, and examining its contents. He grabbed a beer and handed it over to Talon who opened it quickly and took a swig. He offered me one as well but I shook my head no and he shrugged and opened it, taking a swig himself.

“You can’t be drinking.” I stated, staring harshly at Talon. “You’re no good to me if you’re drunk and we had a deal.” He walked over to the couch and sat down, ignoring what I had to say as he took another swig of his beer. “Well you sure as hell can’t drive Griffen to that party now.” He turned around and looked at me.

“You can.” He winked at me and nodded over to Griffen. “Come on, do something nice for a change.”

Griffen ignored Talon’s approach and tried something different. “Please, Macy. You don’t have to drink and you’ll have me to talk to if you get bored. I told this really hot chick from my Spanish class to meet me there so I have to go.” I hated that I felt bad saying no to Griffen, but I also hated how he knew which tone of voice to use with me to get me to agree to do things I didn’t want to.

“He has to go to get laid that is,” Talon said smirking. “Whatever. Macy, just live a little. Jeez.” I hated how uptight he always made me seem. I wasn’t uptight, I just didn’t drink or like to get involved with people who would try and peer pressure me into doing things like go to parties. Going to parties with Beverly was different. I knew everyone there and most of them knew I didn’t drink so I never had to worry about anyone shoving a shot in my face.

“Ugh, Fine.” I groaned. “But only because it’s you Griffen. You’re lucky I like you.” Griffen smirked mockingly at Talon who rolled his eyes and turned over on the couch so he was facing away from us. He turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels before stopping on an episode of How I Met Your Mother.

“Hello!” I said annoyed, walking over to Talon and standing in front of the TV. “You’re supposed to be helping me. That is the reason why I’m here in case you forgot.”

“Chill.” He said raising his hands in defence. “Go get your damn books and I’ll help you until we have to leave.” I huffed and walked over to where I left my books. I was so sick of being around him and I still had to last an entire night.

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When I agreed to drive them to this party, I figured it would have started earlier than eleven o’clock. It was a good thing I had told my parents I was going over to Amy’s house tonight to stay over otherwise I would have not been able to pull this off.

Though both Talon and Griffen had my car smelling like an ashtray from their cigarettes every ten seconds, I had to admit that the drive to Carson’s grandparents’ house wasn’t all bad. Griffen and Talon were telling me major party stories from previous events and though I hated to admit it, they were pretty funny and they did make the drive a little bit more bearable.

“Come here,” Talon said, motioning for me to come over to him as we entered the house. “I don’t want you getting lost and falling into the arms of the wrong person tonight.” I scrunched my face up at him.

“As opposed to your arms?” I said, glancing over at his arm hanging loosely over my shoulder.

“Sometimes things can get out of hand and I don’t want to have to make the phone call to your parents telling them they need to find a place to bury your body because some asshat drugged you at a party I brought you to. They’d kick me out.” We walked further into the house, turning the corner and walking into the living room where a bunch of people were taking hits out of bongs. A girl waved Talon and Griffen over and suddenly we were making our way towards her.

“Ha ha.” I said sarcastically in response to him. There wasn’t much I could say without wanting to cough up a lung from inhaling the smoke in the room. A guy was hanging up curtains around the entrance to the living room to keep the smoke from escaping it and it was clear to me that this was the only room people were allowed to smoke in.

I looked around the room trying to identify anyone I may know but the only people I recognized were the ones I came with. I didn’t even think anyone here besides Talon, Griffen, and I went to my school. Half of them looked like they were in their early twenties and the other half looked like they hadn’t heard of such a place called school before. I felt overwhelmingly uncomfortable and inched myself a little bit closer to Talon whose arm was still over my shoulder. I felt him tighten his grip as we reached the girl.

She looked like the type of girl who liked to have fun. Not in the way I liked to have fun though. In the, let’s-get-drunk-and-dance, kind of way which was the complete opposite of me. She had chocolate brown hair swept to the side in a heap of curls and she was wearing a deep red lipstick that almost looked like it could be black if you saw her when the light wasn’t reflecting off of it. She was wearing tight black leather pants and a crimson red halter top to go with them, followed by a pair of black pumps. She was gorgeous and mysterious and I was jealous.

“Hey boys,” she said in a very flirty but friendly tone; like she knows they’re hot but she’s been friends with them too long to have any interest in being with them sexually. She nodded over towards me, “Who’s the girl?”

“Macy,” I spoke for myself, shrugging Talon off of me. There was so much going on in the background with everyone talking and the music blaring that it was hard to hear myself think, let alone speak.

“Aurora.” She looked me up and down and smiled. “You two an item or what?” I immediately moved myself further from Talon.

“No.” Talon and I both said at the same time. “Just…” I paused not knowing how to refer to the situation. “He’s just my math tutor.” I realized how dorky that sounded as soon as it escaped my mouth, but Aurora just nodded like she didn’t care what business we had with each other anymore.

“Well T’s a good guy; you can count on him to get you an A.” I forced a smile and nodded at her like I knew all about how good of a guy T was.

“How about some beer.” Griffen said, holding up the 2-4 he and Talon split on on the drive up. I hated stopping at the LCBO but Talon was nineteen which made him old enough to buy booze and it was my fault for agreeing to drive them, so I stopped anyway. Griffen ripped open the case, grabbed a beer, and set it down below the coffee table beside him. Talon grabbed one also before kicking it the rest of the way under the table to hide it from everyone else.

“What, you don’t like to share?” Aurora said glancing at the boys and nodding towards me. They both smiled but left it to me to explain myself.

“I don’t drink beer.” I felt awkward saying it, but it was true.

“Yeah, I’m not into beer either. It’s a guy thing.” She winked at me and continued. “Come on, I’ll make you a drink that you’ll love.” She reached out and grabbed my hand, dragging me out of the room before I could respond. I looked over my shoulder at Talon who just smirked at me and shrugged. I was going to kill him later for this.

“Aurora,” I said once we came to a halt in the kitchen. She didn’t respond to me though, she just dug around in the fridge until she found what she wanted. “Aurora, I don’t drink period.”

“That’s okay. You’ll like this.” She placed a bottle of vodka, peach schnapps, and cranberry juice on the counter and grabbed a shot glass from the cupboard. She took one of the red plastic cups from the stack on the counter and began mixing the drink. “One shot of each and you’re set. It’s called Girl’s night out, but it’s my go to party drink.”

“I really don’t –”

“Are you stocking me?” Carson said jokingly, entering the kitchen. He was clearly drunk. “How do you know my sister?” One of the reasons why I came here was so I could give this kid a piece of my mind for not showing up to work on our project earlier in the week like he said he would. I waited two hours for him at the library until I decided to pack up and go home.

“We just met.” Aurora said. It made sense that she was his sister now that I thought about it. She knew where everything was hidden in the kitchen. “She’s cute with her whole non-drinking bit. I’m making her a drink to try.” Carson raised his eyebrows at me.

“Why didn’t you show up Wednesday?” I poked him in the chest to show his happy drunk side that I wasn’t kidding around. “I waited around for you for two hours.” He rubbed his chest and stared at me in that don’t-you-poke-me-I’ll-poke-you-back way. He poked me back.

“I completely forgot!” He said taking a swig of his beer. “I can make it up to you though.” His face was inches from mine and I could feel his breath on my lips. I hated how close he always had to get. I placed the palm of my hand on his forehead and shoved him backwards a little.

“Ew, Carson! The only way you can make it up to me is if you actually participate in this project.” Aurora walked over to me and handed me the drink. I stared at it, debating on if I should dump it over Carson’s head. Carson looked at the drink and then at me and his face lit up.

“I promise to help you if you chug that drink plus another two after that.” He was challenging me to see if I would actually do it. I rolled my eyes and set the drink down. “I swear to you, I will help out and go to the library next Wednesday if you chug that drink.” I hated peer pressure and I hated bribes. Why was I always getting mixed into them?

“I don’t believe you.” I crossed my arms. “If I do this and you don’t show up you have to do something embarrassing of my choice on video and post it on the internet.” I knew how important Carson’s reputation was to him.

“Fair enough. Drink up, girl scout.” Aurora looked pleased with me and handed me the drink. I decided not to think about it too much and downed the drink as quickly as possible. The burn hit my throat but not as intensely as when I experienced alcohol for the first time in grade nine. It tasted fruity and it wasn’t all that bad. I still hated myself for giving into peer pressure.

“Number two.” Aurora said, handing me another drink. I hadn’t even noticed she had been making me them still. The second one went down a bit easier though I could feel my body screaming at me to stop. I grabbed the last one from Aurora and chugged it down, slamming the cup on the counter once I was finished. Both Aurora and Carson cheered for me.

“You owe me.” I said to Carson before leaving the kitchen. My legs felt a little wobbly as I walked and my head started to feel light. I calculated in my head how much I just drank and if you took out the little bit of cranberry juice in each drink, I had just taken six shots.

As I searched through the house for Talon and Griffen I became braver. I stopped caring about how much I had drunken and started talking to people. I stopped to talk to a group of people for a little bit who all had way more to drink than I did. I asked them if they had seen any tall shaggy blonde guys around and they all said they hadn’t, unless I was talking about the golden retriever Carson kept upstairs while the party was going on. Somehow, in the drunken mess that was my mind, I thought that maybe they were the delusional ones and that the golden retriever was Talon and their minds were playing tricks on them.

I made my way upstairs and started checking the rooms. The first one had nothing in it but a bed and a dresser. It looked like it could be a guest room since there weren’t any personal belongings in there. The second room was the room that happened to have the dog in it and I sat and played with it for a little while forgetting about the party happening on the other side of the door. It was a pretty dog. Most golden retrievers had yellowish fur, but this one had the coat of a lion. It was fluffy and soft. I looked at the name tag: Max. I liked Max.

BANG!

I jumped up at the sound. Max’s ears perked up and I felt bad that he had to stay in this room never knowing what was going on on the outside. I walked over to the door and opened it a crack, not sure if I should come out or now.

“TALON! STOP IT!” I heard a girly voice shout. I opened the door all the way this time, not caring that the dog had slipped out when I did so. I looked over in the direction of the noise. Talon had thrown some guy against the wall and was about to punch him. He must have been strong to be able to hold him there for so long while the girl continued yelling at him to stop. I started walking closer towards him to see what was going on better and noticed the girl was the one from earlier.

“Stop yelling in my ear, Sarena! FUCK OFF.” He sounded so angry that it made me cringe. He threw the first punch and without thinking I ran over to him and grabbed him. “What the - what the hell are you doing?!” I pushed him backwards away from the guy who was now staring at him with a bloody lip. Some guy was holding him back while I blocked Talon.

“Give it up, Talon.” I said shoving him back every time he tried to move past me. I knew he could easily get by if he wanted to but he knew he couldn’t do it without hurting me in the process.

“This guy was fucking around with my girlfriend when I was with her and you want me to just walk away?” He said incredulously. I had my arm on his chest and I could feel how quickly his heart was beating and how hot his body felt. I thought I had seen Talon at his angriest before but boy was I wrong. This version of him made normal Talon seem like a picnic.

“Yes.” I said matter of fact. “Just let it go.” He pushed his hair back out of his face and looked over at Sarena.

“Don’t even think about making any surprise visits to my house. Leave me the fuck alone.” Sarena looked like she was about to cry but Talon clearly didn’t care. He walked off in the direction of the stairs and I followed, leaving the mess of a situation behind me.

I tried to catch up with him as he weaved himself through the people in the house but the drinks had come into full effect now and it was hard to concentrate on where he was going. It wasn’t until I went outside that I noticed him sitting on an electrical box about ten houses down. I stumbled my way over to him and plopped myself down on the box beside him.

“I thought you didn’t drink.” He said, looking over at me. His tone was a lot more relaxed now that he had a few minutes to cool off.

“Carson and I made a deal.” I said shrugging.

“Man, you just love making deals, don’t you?” He laughed and ran his hands through his hair.

“He promised me he’d actually help with the project if I chugged three drinks Aurora made.” He shook his head at me.

“So he didn’t show up Wednesday?” I shook my head no, hating the feeling of defeat. “I told you.”

“Why were you fighting over that girl? I mean, no offence, but you can do better.” I couldn’t believe I was saying this to him right now.

“Hah, better how? Better like you?” I was thankful that the alcohol had taken away any tension I may have been feeling right now if I was sober.

“I don’t know why I bother.” I sighed, annoyed. He didn’t have to insult me every ten seconds. He’d probably be in jail for killing that guy right now if it wasn’t for me stopping him.

“No. I don’t mean that in a bad way.” He was confusing my alcohol-brain. “I just mean that guys like me don’t get girls like you.”

“What do you mean, girls like me?” My head was spinning in circles now.

“Girls with futures; you know where you’re going in life. And girls who don’t sleep around behind your back, girls who actually care about the little things, girls who teach skating lessons to little kids because they want to help others. You know, girls like you.” He was being nice and it was weirding me out. There had to be a catch to this.

“Why can’t you get girls like me?” I asked confused. He chuckled.

“Would you date me?” I didn’t know if there was a right way to answer this question.

“No.” I said honestly.

“Well there you go.”

“But I’m only one of the girls out there like me. And to be honest with you, if you had asked me that when I first met you my answer would have been yes. I had such a big crush on you I would have jumped at the chance to date you.” I felt the words fall out of my mouth before I had time to catch them.

“No way.” He said raising his eyebrows at me. “What changed your mind?” I sighed, debating whether or not to tell the truth. I took a deep breath and let the words come out.

“One day after that party at your house in grade nine, I saw you walking in the halls and I stopped to talk to you but you kept walking as if you didn’t notice me. I thought to myself, well hey, maybe he just didn’t see me standing in the middle of the hallway in plain sight.” I looked over at him and laughed. He looked genuinely interested in what I had to say though. “So I tried again the next time I saw you and then again the time after that. It’s really embarrassing how many times I tried to get your attention. Eventually I gave up trying because I figured you didn’t want to talk to me. Then I saw you again the next year and I smiled at you and you told me to fuck off. I didn’t know what I did so I asked Amy to ask Carson since they were on talking terms and Carson told her that you hated me and that was that. I guess that’s what changed my mind. I don’t know what started it but every time you saw me in the halls you would say different variations of fuck off and that brings me to here. Telling you that no I wouldn’t date you. But that’s not because I think we have different social standings or that I think I’m better than you. It’s because I can’t date someone who was a jerk to me for four years and still hasn’t stopped being one.” I felt like I had been talking for hours. My face flushed when I looked over at him.

“Look Macy, you didn’t do anything. I was just in a dark place then and I’m still half way deep in it. I guess seeing you have your life together pissed me off a little bit.” It was weird sitting here with him having this conversation.

“Do you really think I only think for myself? Am I really as terrible as you make me seem sometimes?” For some reason, I wanted answers from him.

“You do what you have to do for yourself, but that’s not all bad. I’m the same way, I admit, though we’re completely different people.” Did he really just admit to being sort of like me?

“Well, I would think that guys like you wouldn’t date girls like me.” I said going back to where we started.

“What do you mean, guys like me?” He said mockingly, smirking at me.

“Confident guys, experienced guys, guys who like a little bit of danger.” I felt my cheeks flush but forced myself to look at him.

“I know we’re repeating conversation here, but really, why can’t girls like you get guys like me?” I laughed, feeling a little tired from the day.

“Well would you date me?” I said, making my voice sound as deep as possible so that I could mimic him. He leaned his face in closer to mine.

“No.” He said making his voice sound high pitched so he could mimic me.

“Well there you go.” I whispered, my lips grazing his as I did so. I felt my heart race and my head spin and both of those things weren’t a very good idea at that moment. “I feel sick.” I said standing up and walking a few steps away from the green box. Before I knew it, I was throwing up chunks all over the sidewalk. I heard Talon come up behind me and crouch down beside my kneeling body.

“Just let it out.” He said, scooping my hair to the back of my head and holding it there. “You’ll feel better.” I didn’t know how letting my stomach acid plunge through my throat was going to make me feel better but I couldn’t control it and so I stopped trying to hold it back. I was throwing up for what seemed like hours before I layed down on the grass and closed my eyes. The night had been exhausting and confusing and I just wanted it to be over.