Relevance

I spent twenty minutes listening to Margie’s mother rant about parking tickets as a means of avoiding Scott. From the corner of my eye, I could spot him from afar—often by the bar—sipping on his drink, oftentimes being approached by a relative and engaging in small talk. He never left his post and I never left mine.

For years, I had played out scenes in my mind of how Scott would approach me and declare his love—in the library, at home, in another city. My imagination had no boundaries, I had envisioned it all. Yet I never thought about what happened afterwards, and ever since last night—when his words fluttered my heart and tangled my brain—I was coming up short. I didn’t know what to say to him, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know.

If I allowed my heart to take the reigns, I would’ve excused myself from this tedious conversation, picked up the hems of my long dress, and ran as fast as I could to answer ‘yes’ to everything we planned for ourselves. But my mind insisted in being difficult, considering how things would work out, because I couldn’t afford to fail this. I couldn’t afford to lose him.

I let out a breath to shake off the pressure I was giving myself when I felt a hand touch my lower back.

“Excuse me,” John said with a polite smile, “Do you mind if I steal her for a moment?”

Louise ended her ramble with a smile just as courteous as his, “Sure, darling.”

When she was gone, I spun around to face John. “Thank you!”

“I’m sure everybody could sense the stress that woman gives,” he widened his eyes in disbelief, “she didn’t stop to catch a breath not even once!”

I joined him in laughter and felt the stress and anxiety sweep away. I rapidly eyed his outfit, which looked more casual than formal—he wore a bow tie and matching suspenders. He looked handsome.

I opened my mouth to tell him about Scott, but a blast of music emerged before I could do so. I gazed around to find most tables empty: everybody had rushed to the dance floor.

John had to shout to be heard. “Let’s dance?” I nodded with a beam and we joined the crowd.

I didn’t know how to dance, but that never kept me from dancing my butt off. We danced to Portions for Foxes, shifting from side to side like we had no worries for tomorrow, jumping in between moves as if the floor were hot, grinning at each other like fools, bumping into several people and smiling as an apology.

By the time the third verse came around, John had memorised the repetitive lyrics and he began to mouth them in an exaggerated manner, filled with comical expressions and hand gestures. I couldn’t help but throw my head back and laugh whenever he sang the song. My braided hair came unloose at the seams and John’s hair became a sweaty mess, but we didn’t care.

By the time the fifth song came around, my sedentary body had no breath left to continue. I silently gestured drinking water to John and with his nod of awareness, I left the sweaty crowd.

I attentively looked around the bar area to see whether it was a Scott-free zone and gladly he was nowhere to be found. I ordered a glass of water and sat on the bar stool as I waited, attempting to regain my breath after too much dancing.

“Hey,” Scott’s voice whispered near my ear, almost giving me a heart attack in the process.

I jumped in my seat and held a hand against my heart, “God, you scared me!”

He laughed and leaned against the bar to face me. “I wouldn’t have to scare you if you hadn’t been avoiding me all night long,” he smirked.

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” I tried to hold back my smile, “I just happen to not be where you are.”

He gave my thigh a soft punch and continued to chuckle without a sound. The music filled the silence as he turned around to order a drink.

My smile died after I chugged the water. There were so many things I wanted to say yet I felt like saying none. I stood up next to him, our hands almost touching.

“You don’t suck,” I said whilst I watched the bartender prepare drinks. “Last night you mentioned things I’d never consider, I mean,” I paused at a loss of words, “I hadn’t thought of how things would be if it didn’t work out.” I looked at him, “But who’s to say that I’m not going to be the screw up?”

As I spoke the words, I didn’t know what they meant. I didn’t know if it was a yes or a no. It was a big, fat I don’t know. And the feeling seemed to be mutual given his silence.

“I think we should think this over,” he spoke up, “give ourselves the time to do so. I mean, if we were to start something, I’d rather have it done with no shadow of a doubt that no matter what happens, it’s okay. No hesitations, no wondering.”

“I agree!” I said with a smile of relief, glad that decisions wouldn’t have to be made right now. With an unfaltering smile, I said, “I’ll see you back home then.”

I twirled around, ready to take a shower and go to bed. After three footsteps, I felt Scott’s grip on my forearm, forcing me to twirl back, pushing me towards him. His lips crashed into mine before I could register his touch. His arm found its way around my waist as I took in the taste of his lips, the warmth of his skin, the tenderness of his touch.

I only realised my breath had been taken away when he whispered, “I needed that for research.”

He smiled before he walked back to the bar. I stood there, absolutely frozen, for a few wild heart beats, bitting back a smile and running through the scene in my mind so I could remember every detail later.

My eyes darted to the dance floor, wondering whether John was still there. When I found him, he was already looking at me. He stood as still as me, but he looked like the odd one out since he was surrounded by a swarm of wanna-be dancers.

I jerked my head to the side, calling him over. He smiled ever so slightly and began walking towards my direction.

“So,” he said upon his arrival.

“So,” I repeated with a smile, unsure of how to explain last night.

He put his hands inside his pockets whilst looking at his shoe. “So it seems,” his gaze returned to me, ”that you didn’t need my help after all.”

“I only got this far because of your help.” He didn’t say anything after my words had faded and I felt the need to explain myself. “We’re not together,” I said to clear up the air. I spoke through a chuckle, “I’m not quite sure what that was.”

He gave me a smile of consolation, “Well, I’m sure you will be soon enough. And then I’ll be the one who can get all the credit and glory of your love story.”

We both laughed at his silliness. Yet silence reigned when we realised this was goodbye. I couldn’t hide how the thought of never seeing him again made me upset, so I lowered my gaze.

“It was fun while it lasted.” John offered me a handshake as farewell.

I looked at him in humorous annoyance and swatted his hand out of the way, leaning in for a hug. For the duration of the hug, I closed my eyes and smiled as I took in the faint smell of his cologne.

“Thank you for everything,” I whispered in his ear, “I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.”