Status: i love writing this | please don't be a silent reader
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Crazy
“You’re going to what?!”
The boys were as skeptical of my proposal as I had been when I came up with it during my two-hour flight to northern California.
“Don’t call me crazy,” I pleaded, “I think that myself already.”
Kennedy contorted himself in the passenger seat as so to face me at the back of the van. “You are crazy! Are you serious about this?”
I stared at the road ahead of us. It was surrounded by tall trees that were highlighted by the moonlight, seemingly stretching until the other corner of the world. I paused before answering his question because it was terribly insane and I was serious about it.
We still had half an hour to go until we reached the coast, our final destination for the next eight weeks. I couldn’t imagine spending this whole time away from Georgia, just as I wouldn’t be able to bear being near her, watching her love somebody else.
“I’m serious.” My voice was bathed with determination regardless of the fear of the possible failure my heart prematurely felt. “But I need you guys in this, too. I mean, I need you to at least agree with the main part of it. I can handle all the rest.”
It was Jared’s turn to question my sanity through mockery. “Oh, so that wasn’t the craziest part? There’s more?” Pat simply laughed at the entire ordeal, either of nerves or anxiety on my behalf.
“We’ve got to hire her.”
Garrett was the first one to protest, vigorously shaking his head and speaking ‘time out’ with his hands. “John, what the hell has gotten into you? Now, I’m not even going to ask ‘are you serious’ because I’m sure we’ve all reached our quotas on that one. Get a grip, man!”
“John,” Jared stepped in before things got too heated for my own good, “I think you may be precipitating yourself. You've known this girl for a week.”
I ran a hand through my hair in exasperation, wishing I could shove my emotions into their brains so they could understand and just give me the green light already. “I know, I know!” My voice raised, I was almost jumping out of skin in agony, feeling like they wouldn’t ever wrap their heads around the facts, “But I want her for eight more weeks, and this is the only way.
“Look, it’s not perfect. Hell, it isn’t even ideal. But it’s a shot and I’ll settle for that. Bear you all in mind,” I pointed an index finger at each of them for a heartbeat, “that this record is only even coming around because of her. And I truly believe that it can become something even better than what it is now if she sticks around. Besides, I’m sure Dirk would enjoy the extra vacation.”
Instead of fuelling my fire with comebacks, everybody mentally agreed to ignore me for the rest of the ride. I rested my head back on the seat to face the window instead of their faces. I felt like I was back in high school again, having to ask my parents permission to do something, only to have them say no without a real motive.
Sure, I wasn’t being the brightest person. What I had planned could backfire so terribly, but it was worth a shot—wondering was much worse than knowing, I had no doubts about that at this point in time. I sulked as I watched the trees rush by outside the window.
Faster than expected, the van slowed down and came to a halt. Everybody hopped out as silently as we had been, the only noise coming from our footsteps on the stoned ground. From my side of the window back in the car, I could only see trees. Now looking straight ahead, a gorgeous wooden cabin stood in front of us.
The sun had yet to set, but I found myself already picturing how beautiful it would look at night when the fireplace, which could be seen through the large frontal windows, was up and running. What good’s a fireplace? I thought to myself, my mind reminding me that a fireplace wouldn’t be beautiful in eight weeks if things didn't work out as well as they did in my mind.
I trudged to the trunk where everyone hurdled around to grab their bags. “You know what, no!” I was the first one to cave in, to lose the silence war—to hell with it. “I’ve never been this serious about a girl before and the one time I am, you guys keep on shitting me for it. Either way, you fucking shit on me. Whether I’m having meaningless nightstands every second night, or if I’m planning my demise by attempting to make someone fall in love with me—you guys are shitting on me.”
By the end of my monologue, I was sure that my cheeks were crimson. I could feel that the heat of my vexation had risen up. The silence returned as they shared dubious looks amongst each other and unspoken words through eyebrow raises and glances.
“If this backfires in any way that jeopardises the band…” Jared began to write me a warning, but the rest that came out of his mouth were ignored by my ears. I beamed and leaned in for a hug of gratitude before he could finish his sentence.
Before pulling away, I whispered into his ear, “It might backfire but,” I stepped back and returned to speaking to everybody, “You guys won’t regret it, it’ll be great!”
They all muttered affirmations in agreement that didn’t sound too hearty, but I knew they’d see Georgia in a different light soon enough.
I pulled out my phone from my back pocket whilst hurriedly walking further from the crowd, trailing off the words, “You’ll like her!”
--------Need a job?
After re-reading my words, I hit ‘send’. I stared at the screen whilst I waited for it to come alive with her words, expecting an instantaneous reply.
Several moments later and still no answer, I mindlessly watched the boys unload the trunk. And as I watched them talk among themselves, chuckle here and there, to and fro the house, I came to the realisation that there was a chance Georgia would accept, and that she’d be here by the end of the week. And that I really had no idea how the plan would unfold since there were no guides to falling in love.
As much as I wished that there was some ‘on/off’ button for me to turn things off and quit being so irrational, what I was looking for wasn’t in this cabin. It was miles away, probably laughing the afternoon away on her boyfriend’s bed.
But in a split second, between a breath and watching Kennedy lock the car, it hit me that I’d rather have no plan at all, and meet failure at the end, than spend life feeling shit without her. So I smiled at the thought of seeing her soon, even though my phone remained still in my pocket.
The boys were as skeptical of my proposal as I had been when I came up with it during my two-hour flight to northern California.
“Don’t call me crazy,” I pleaded, “I think that myself already.”
Kennedy contorted himself in the passenger seat as so to face me at the back of the van. “You are crazy! Are you serious about this?”
I stared at the road ahead of us. It was surrounded by tall trees that were highlighted by the moonlight, seemingly stretching until the other corner of the world. I paused before answering his question because it was terribly insane and I was serious about it.
We still had half an hour to go until we reached the coast, our final destination for the next eight weeks. I couldn’t imagine spending this whole time away from Georgia, just as I wouldn’t be able to bear being near her, watching her love somebody else.
“I’m serious.” My voice was bathed with determination regardless of the fear of the possible failure my heart prematurely felt. “But I need you guys in this, too. I mean, I need you to at least agree with the main part of it. I can handle all the rest.”
It was Jared’s turn to question my sanity through mockery. “Oh, so that wasn’t the craziest part? There’s more?” Pat simply laughed at the entire ordeal, either of nerves or anxiety on my behalf.
“We’ve got to hire her.”
Garrett was the first one to protest, vigorously shaking his head and speaking ‘time out’ with his hands. “John, what the hell has gotten into you? Now, I’m not even going to ask ‘are you serious’ because I’m sure we’ve all reached our quotas on that one. Get a grip, man!”
“John,” Jared stepped in before things got too heated for my own good, “I think you may be precipitating yourself. You've known this girl for a week.”
I ran a hand through my hair in exasperation, wishing I could shove my emotions into their brains so they could understand and just give me the green light already. “I know, I know!” My voice raised, I was almost jumping out of skin in agony, feeling like they wouldn’t ever wrap their heads around the facts, “But I want her for eight more weeks, and this is the only way.
“Look, it’s not perfect. Hell, it isn’t even ideal. But it’s a shot and I’ll settle for that. Bear you all in mind,” I pointed an index finger at each of them for a heartbeat, “that this record is only even coming around because of her. And I truly believe that it can become something even better than what it is now if she sticks around. Besides, I’m sure Dirk would enjoy the extra vacation.”
Instead of fuelling my fire with comebacks, everybody mentally agreed to ignore me for the rest of the ride. I rested my head back on the seat to face the window instead of their faces. I felt like I was back in high school again, having to ask my parents permission to do something, only to have them say no without a real motive.
Sure, I wasn’t being the brightest person. What I had planned could backfire so terribly, but it was worth a shot—wondering was much worse than knowing, I had no doubts about that at this point in time. I sulked as I watched the trees rush by outside the window.
Faster than expected, the van slowed down and came to a halt. Everybody hopped out as silently as we had been, the only noise coming from our footsteps on the stoned ground. From my side of the window back in the car, I could only see trees. Now looking straight ahead, a gorgeous wooden cabin stood in front of us.
The sun had yet to set, but I found myself already picturing how beautiful it would look at night when the fireplace, which could be seen through the large frontal windows, was up and running. What good’s a fireplace? I thought to myself, my mind reminding me that a fireplace wouldn’t be beautiful in eight weeks if things didn't work out as well as they did in my mind.
I trudged to the trunk where everyone hurdled around to grab their bags. “You know what, no!” I was the first one to cave in, to lose the silence war—to hell with it. “I’ve never been this serious about a girl before and the one time I am, you guys keep on shitting me for it. Either way, you fucking shit on me. Whether I’m having meaningless nightstands every second night, or if I’m planning my demise by attempting to make someone fall in love with me—you guys are shitting on me.”
By the end of my monologue, I was sure that my cheeks were crimson. I could feel that the heat of my vexation had risen up. The silence returned as they shared dubious looks amongst each other and unspoken words through eyebrow raises and glances.
“If this backfires in any way that jeopardises the band…” Jared began to write me a warning, but the rest that came out of his mouth were ignored by my ears. I beamed and leaned in for a hug of gratitude before he could finish his sentence.
Before pulling away, I whispered into his ear, “It might backfire but,” I stepped back and returned to speaking to everybody, “You guys won’t regret it, it’ll be great!”
They all muttered affirmations in agreement that didn’t sound too hearty, but I knew they’d see Georgia in a different light soon enough.
I pulled out my phone from my back pocket whilst hurriedly walking further from the crowd, trailing off the words, “You’ll like her!”
--------Need a job?
After re-reading my words, I hit ‘send’. I stared at the screen whilst I waited for it to come alive with her words, expecting an instantaneous reply.
Several moments later and still no answer, I mindlessly watched the boys unload the trunk. And as I watched them talk among themselves, chuckle here and there, to and fro the house, I came to the realisation that there was a chance Georgia would accept, and that she’d be here by the end of the week. And that I really had no idea how the plan would unfold since there were no guides to falling in love.
As much as I wished that there was some ‘on/off’ button for me to turn things off and quit being so irrational, what I was looking for wasn’t in this cabin. It was miles away, probably laughing the afternoon away on her boyfriend’s bed.
But in a split second, between a breath and watching Kennedy lock the car, it hit me that I’d rather have no plan at all, and meet failure at the end, than spend life feeling shit without her. So I smiled at the thought of seeing her soon, even though my phone remained still in my pocket.