Status: i love writing this | please don't be a silent reader
Relevance
Silence
He rested a hand on my shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. “Hey you!”
“Hi,” I repeated myself through a smile, having difficulties to breathe as I stood this close to him, feeling the buzz of my third drink. I suddenly forgot how conversations were meant to go.
“Did you end up sleeping the entire flight?” He chuckled at his own words and I stared at his chiselled face.
Scott had the face of a Greek God. Or at least what I envisioned a Greek God to look like. He had defined everything: nose, jaw, abs. His brown eyes were warm and soft—the perfect pair to arrive home to. His matching hair was always a bird’s nest yet it perfectly suited his laid-back style. Tonight he wore dark wash jeans, a baby blue button-up shirt and a five o’clock shadow.
Did he say something? I think I recalled his mouth moving, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. “What?” I pulled the nearest stool closer and took a seat in order to hear him better and hopefully be close enough to smell his cologne.
“The flight. Was your partner so terrible that you slept it off?”
I ordered one of whatever he was having. “Um, yeah! Didn’t sleep. It was alright. Ended up being one of the band members.”
“Well I—“
“Are you okay?” I asked with concern written all over my eyes. “I’m sorry I—um, it’s just that I haven’t seen you in a while and I know how things go when you…”
I left the words hanging in the air and he silently nodded with downcast eyes, feeling the weight of his thoughts. “I wished I could say I was. For both me and you.”
All my hands wanted to do was reach out to him, intertwine themselves with his fingers, travel to his neck and forever hold him. Instead, I tucked them under my thighs.
“I know,” I whispered. I diverted my eyes to the ground. Looking at him for longer than a minute hurt too much to bear. It was plain torture to stare at someone you desired with your entire being when you had never been close to them for longer than a hug. Was there such a thing as screwing up something that was never yours to begin with?
Be yourself, be honest. John’s words echoed through my brain.
I shifted on my seat and turned to face him whole-bodily. “Do you remember that time when we were caught up in a storm at your parent’s house?” He toyed with his beer bottle as he mindlessly nodded his head. “Do you remember what you told me?”
The corners of his mouth rose, “Some day I’m gonna build them a decent house.”
“Some day I’m gonna build them a decent house!” I echoed his words with a smile bigger than his. “And guess what? That’s exactly what you did. And do you remember when one of your preppy college girlfriends broke your heart?”
He furrowed his brows, “Lana?” I nodded.
“I told you that you’d get through it and be even better than what she left you off.”
He looked at me with a smile that reached his eyes and he didn’t diminish it as he said, “And that’s exactly what I did.”
I grinned at the sight of him. “And that’s exactly what you did.”
The silence settled in and we took sips of our beer while the sound of conversations around us filled our ears. This silence, it was always present at some point in our talks. I liked to think of it as a comfortable silence, but my mind always raced since I kept trying to re-ignite our chat and that wasn’t comfortable at all.
As this silence soaked us, my mind went back to all of the times we experienced them and how I could’ve spoken up. How I could’ve told him. My chance. Could’ve. Could’ve. Could’ve.
My phone vibrated and I pushed things around my clutch to find it.
--------John @ 9:13
--------You know that in bars people tend to speak to each other… right?
I shot him a glance and found him already staring at me. Seriously, what’s with the mind reading business? I rolled my eyes at him and pulled out my tongue in mockery.
“Are you alright?”
I turned my attention to Scott with my tongue still stuck out. “Hair,” I chortled, pretending to remove a strand from my tongue.
“How’s your mom?”
I offered him a half smile, “I guess she’s coping.”
“Are you?”
His question hit me harder than I expected it to. I knew he’d eventually ask since we hadn’t discussed it ever since it happened, but I couldn’t take it right now. Yet none of that mattered because I still couldn’t keep my eyes from tearing up.
“I’m fine.” I bit my lip and raised my head to try to keep tears from falling.
He took my hand into his, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. “Georgie,” he whispered, shortening the distance between us. He was so close I could feel the warmth of his breath as he spoke, “I’m so sorry.”
“I know,” I whispered back whilst wearing a smile to keep the knot on my throat down.
When he didn’t retreat after a few seconds passed by, I wished to have kept that distance forever. So I closed my eyes, savouring the moment, the warmth of his skin that radiated in the air, the promise of touching his lips. He kissed my forehead and retreaded. And suddenly, I was colder than before.
“There you are! I’ve been looking for you.” John’s voice filled my ears and pulled me out of my thoughts.
The mixture of a wide-eyed gaze and a smile probably made me look like a psychopath. “What are you doing here?”
“Who’s this?” Scott asked, just as confused as myself.
“John,” we both spoke. John stretched out his hand to greet Scott with a handshake while I wanted to stretch out my hand to choke him.
“Nice to meet you man,” John continued. “Anyways, we better get going! Don’t want to miss those reservations we’ve got, now do we?” With his best smile on, he rested a hand on my lower back while grabbing my clutch and forcing me to get up.
I tried to protest by holding myself down to the stool, but his strength was too great. “I’ll see you around,” I put on my best smile that looked nowhere near John’s but it was just as good.
He leaned in for a hug yet John pushed me towards the door.
When we were outside and out of Scott’s listening range, I came to a halt. “What the hell are you doing? I was getting somewhere!”
“You need to leave him wanting for more.” John smirked. I was starting to get sick of his goddamn smirks.
I crossed my arms over my chest as an attempt to contain my discontentment. “What now?”
He shrugged and watched the street as the cars drove by. “The night’s young. Shall we go somewhere?”
“So long as it’s not somewhere noisy,” I said, scratching my ear that felt numb thanks to the loudness of the bar.
“I know just the place.”
“Hi,” I repeated myself through a smile, having difficulties to breathe as I stood this close to him, feeling the buzz of my third drink. I suddenly forgot how conversations were meant to go.
“Did you end up sleeping the entire flight?” He chuckled at his own words and I stared at his chiselled face.
Scott had the face of a Greek God. Or at least what I envisioned a Greek God to look like. He had defined everything: nose, jaw, abs. His brown eyes were warm and soft—the perfect pair to arrive home to. His matching hair was always a bird’s nest yet it perfectly suited his laid-back style. Tonight he wore dark wash jeans, a baby blue button-up shirt and a five o’clock shadow.
Did he say something? I think I recalled his mouth moving, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. “What?” I pulled the nearest stool closer and took a seat in order to hear him better and hopefully be close enough to smell his cologne.
“The flight. Was your partner so terrible that you slept it off?”
I ordered one of whatever he was having. “Um, yeah! Didn’t sleep. It was alright. Ended up being one of the band members.”
“Well I—“
“Are you okay?” I asked with concern written all over my eyes. “I’m sorry I—um, it’s just that I haven’t seen you in a while and I know how things go when you…”
I left the words hanging in the air and he silently nodded with downcast eyes, feeling the weight of his thoughts. “I wished I could say I was. For both me and you.”
All my hands wanted to do was reach out to him, intertwine themselves with his fingers, travel to his neck and forever hold him. Instead, I tucked them under my thighs.
“I know,” I whispered. I diverted my eyes to the ground. Looking at him for longer than a minute hurt too much to bear. It was plain torture to stare at someone you desired with your entire being when you had never been close to them for longer than a hug. Was there such a thing as screwing up something that was never yours to begin with?
Be yourself, be honest. John’s words echoed through my brain.
I shifted on my seat and turned to face him whole-bodily. “Do you remember that time when we were caught up in a storm at your parent’s house?” He toyed with his beer bottle as he mindlessly nodded his head. “Do you remember what you told me?”
The corners of his mouth rose, “Some day I’m gonna build them a decent house.”
“Some day I’m gonna build them a decent house!” I echoed his words with a smile bigger than his. “And guess what? That’s exactly what you did. And do you remember when one of your preppy college girlfriends broke your heart?”
He furrowed his brows, “Lana?” I nodded.
“I told you that you’d get through it and be even better than what she left you off.”
He looked at me with a smile that reached his eyes and he didn’t diminish it as he said, “And that’s exactly what I did.”
I grinned at the sight of him. “And that’s exactly what you did.”
The silence settled in and we took sips of our beer while the sound of conversations around us filled our ears. This silence, it was always present at some point in our talks. I liked to think of it as a comfortable silence, but my mind always raced since I kept trying to re-ignite our chat and that wasn’t comfortable at all.
As this silence soaked us, my mind went back to all of the times we experienced them and how I could’ve spoken up. How I could’ve told him. My chance. Could’ve. Could’ve. Could’ve.
My phone vibrated and I pushed things around my clutch to find it.
--------John @ 9:13
--------You know that in bars people tend to speak to each other… right?
I shot him a glance and found him already staring at me. Seriously, what’s with the mind reading business? I rolled my eyes at him and pulled out my tongue in mockery.
“Are you alright?”
I turned my attention to Scott with my tongue still stuck out. “Hair,” I chortled, pretending to remove a strand from my tongue.
“How’s your mom?”
I offered him a half smile, “I guess she’s coping.”
“Are you?”
His question hit me harder than I expected it to. I knew he’d eventually ask since we hadn’t discussed it ever since it happened, but I couldn’t take it right now. Yet none of that mattered because I still couldn’t keep my eyes from tearing up.
“I’m fine.” I bit my lip and raised my head to try to keep tears from falling.
He took my hand into his, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. “Georgie,” he whispered, shortening the distance between us. He was so close I could feel the warmth of his breath as he spoke, “I’m so sorry.”
“I know,” I whispered back whilst wearing a smile to keep the knot on my throat down.
When he didn’t retreat after a few seconds passed by, I wished to have kept that distance forever. So I closed my eyes, savouring the moment, the warmth of his skin that radiated in the air, the promise of touching his lips. He kissed my forehead and retreaded. And suddenly, I was colder than before.
“There you are! I’ve been looking for you.” John’s voice filled my ears and pulled me out of my thoughts.
The mixture of a wide-eyed gaze and a smile probably made me look like a psychopath. “What are you doing here?”
“Who’s this?” Scott asked, just as confused as myself.
“John,” we both spoke. John stretched out his hand to greet Scott with a handshake while I wanted to stretch out my hand to choke him.
“Nice to meet you man,” John continued. “Anyways, we better get going! Don’t want to miss those reservations we’ve got, now do we?” With his best smile on, he rested a hand on my lower back while grabbing my clutch and forcing me to get up.
I tried to protest by holding myself down to the stool, but his strength was too great. “I’ll see you around,” I put on my best smile that looked nowhere near John’s but it was just as good.
He leaned in for a hug yet John pushed me towards the door.
When we were outside and out of Scott’s listening range, I came to a halt. “What the hell are you doing? I was getting somewhere!”
“You need to leave him wanting for more.” John smirked. I was starting to get sick of his goddamn smirks.
I crossed my arms over my chest as an attempt to contain my discontentment. “What now?”
He shrugged and watched the street as the cars drove by. “The night’s young. Shall we go somewhere?”
“So long as it’s not somewhere noisy,” I said, scratching my ear that felt numb thanks to the loudness of the bar.
“I know just the place.”