Status: Finished! ❤️
Hurricane
SIX
I couldn't tell you how long we ended up sitting there. It could've been three hours, it could've been ten minutes. I was exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open. I could feel Shannon staring at me.
"You need sleep," he said in a small raspy voice.
"So do you," I replied, looking at him again for the first time since the hospital. "You look like shit," I said, and he responded with a very dry chuckle.
"I'll stay out here if you want," he said in an even smaller voice than before. In that moment, suddenly I felt bad for him. I couldn't help it. I didn't want to, but I did.
"No. I'm not going to make you sleep on the couch," I said, and he nodded gently. I helped him out of his dirty clothes and into clean ones. He settled into bed and I settled beside him, but just slightly away.
"You're not off the hook, you know," I whispered, flipping over to face him.
"I know," he whispered back, his eyes barely open. "I love you," he whispered as he faded to sleep. I waited until I was sure he was sleeping before I said it back.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I don't know how long I slept. When I woke up, Shannon was still sleeping beside me. His entire face was swollen and purple, and I noticed for the first time, covered in dried blood. He rolled slightly and winced with pain in his sleep. I stared at him for a long while, honestly unsure what to do next. Part of me wanted to run; to leave and never look back. After all, I was basically just a kid. I wasn't even old enough to legally drink yet. But something else inside me was screaming at me to stay, to try to make it work. I didn't know why he'd acted or overreacted the way that he had, and I was scared. Not necessarily of him, but mostly of how much I loved him. My whole world revolved around him and before the night before, I hadn't even known that this whole thing was a real possibility.
Finally, I forced myself to get out of bed. I wandered to the living room and wasn't totally surprised to see that Jared had let himself back in at some point. Hid lanky body was draped over the couch covered in a blanket with Santa Clauses on it even though it was September. He seemed to be immersed in something on TV, I wasn't sure what it was. He barely looked up at me when I entered the room.
"Hope it's okay I let myself back in, I just wanted to make sure you didn't kill him in his sleep or anything. There's a pot of coffee in the kitchen," he said, not really seeming to be joking about the first part at all. I nodded silently and went to pour myself a cup.
"He awake?" he asked when I came back. I shook my head and settled in beside him.
"I don't know how we come back from this, Jay," I said, and he nodded knowingly.
"I have no fucking idea, Eves," he said matter-of-factly.
It was another few hours before Shannon finally emerged from the bedroom, and when he did, he didn't look good. His face was still swollen, and there was fresh blood gushing from his nose. He either didn't notice or didn't care.
"Shan," I said quietly as he walked past us into the kitchen. I shot Jared a look, and he shrugged slightly, as if passing the ball to me. "Fuck you, Jay," I said, climbing off of the couch. He smiled.
"Shannon," I repeated his name, trailing him into the kitchen. He finally turned to look at me. There were tears in his eyes and blood dripping down his shirt.
"I don't know what to say, Evangeline. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I can't believe I did that to you. I don't know why I got so fucking mad. I can't fucking believe I said those things to you." He was full-on sobbing now, the blood from his nose dripped onto the floor as he collapsed in a heap into a chair. He looked exhausted in every way possible. Without realizing it, I was crying too.
"You're bleeding, Shannon," I sobbed back at him. It was the only thing I could think of to say. I knew and greatly appreciated that he was apologizing and obviously felt so bad, but I didn't forgive him, not yet. I was still hurt from all of the things he'd said, hurt that the only solution that he'd been able to find was running from me and doing all of these incredibly stupid things.
"I don't care," he said, turning from me and shoving his face into his hands. I watched as every muscle in his back tensed from the movement. It was obvious that what I'd said was unsatisfactory.
"I don't know what to say to you, Shannon. Okay? I don't know what to say to this. I don't know what to say about all the fucking awful things you accused me of yesterday. The things, that for all I know, you might still believe. I don't know what to say about your broken nose or your split open eyebrow. I don't know what to say about your broken fucking arm. I don't know what to say about you! I don't know how I feel, and I don't know what to say to you!" I was hysterical now, sobbing between words and wiping my nose on my shirt. I was about a second away from having a full-on panic attack, but I couldn't stop it, couldn't reel it in. I was screaming at him, and I felt bad, but I couldn't stop. He stood up in front of me and I wanted to hit him. He must've been able to see it in my eyes, because he grabbed my wrist with his good hand. Not hard, but enough to hold my hand down at my side.
Jared walked in then, taking in the scene. He mumbled something about giving us a minute and calling if we needed him, and then he was gone. I was still crying uncontrollably, and Shannon was still letting out some very painful sobs, blood still dripping down his shirt.
"I don't know, Evangeline," he began, saying my name with caution, like it burnt his tongue. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't believe any of the shit I said yesterday. I really don't. I don't know why I even brought it up, because I knew all along that it wasn't true. I love you, and I'm so fucking scared of you all at the same time. It's so fucking terrifying that you could completely shatter my heart with a few words at any given moment, and I know that's not fair for me to say at all because I just did the same fucking thing to you. I'm sorry that I overreacted like I did, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'm so sorry that I did this to you," he spit it all out quickly, like he was afraid his voice might give out if he didn't.
"Sorry isn't always enough. I don't know how we come back from this. You didn't just hurt me. You made me feel like you didn't trust anything I said. I didn't' even know who you were when you were like than, Shannon. Don't you understand how fucking scary that was for me? We've been together over a year and I had no idea that you had this... this monster inside you. How am I supposed to be sure that he's not going to come around more often? How am I supposed to be sure that there's not other ones hiding in there?" I demanded, poking a finger into his chest. I was still crying, but now it was more anger than anything else. Shannon didn't move to say anything else; just stood there staring at me blankly. His eyes were void of all emotion and it became clear that the argument was closed for the moment.
I moved across the kitchen and wet a dishtowel, going back to him and dabbing the blood on his nose and chin. He winced, and I didn't make any move to be any gentler. I stripped him of his shirt and he let me. I dabbed down his chest and to right above the waistband of his shorts, cleaning off all the blood that he'd dripped on himself. I tilted his head back and dabbed the base of his nose once more, making sure it wasn't still bleeding. I got him a new shirt from the bedroom and slipped it over his head. All the while, he sat there silently. He watched as I cleaned the blood off the floor and threw the dishtowels I'd used into the trash. I washed my hands and left the kitchen. He didn't follow. I sat down on the couch for a moment and got right back up and walked out the front door of the apartment. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't handle sitting there with him in his silence.
"You need sleep," he said in a small raspy voice.
"So do you," I replied, looking at him again for the first time since the hospital. "You look like shit," I said, and he responded with a very dry chuckle.
"I'll stay out here if you want," he said in an even smaller voice than before. In that moment, suddenly I felt bad for him. I couldn't help it. I didn't want to, but I did.
"No. I'm not going to make you sleep on the couch," I said, and he nodded gently. I helped him out of his dirty clothes and into clean ones. He settled into bed and I settled beside him, but just slightly away.
"You're not off the hook, you know," I whispered, flipping over to face him.
"I know," he whispered back, his eyes barely open. "I love you," he whispered as he faded to sleep. I waited until I was sure he was sleeping before I said it back.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I don't know how long I slept. When I woke up, Shannon was still sleeping beside me. His entire face was swollen and purple, and I noticed for the first time, covered in dried blood. He rolled slightly and winced with pain in his sleep. I stared at him for a long while, honestly unsure what to do next. Part of me wanted to run; to leave and never look back. After all, I was basically just a kid. I wasn't even old enough to legally drink yet. But something else inside me was screaming at me to stay, to try to make it work. I didn't know why he'd acted or overreacted the way that he had, and I was scared. Not necessarily of him, but mostly of how much I loved him. My whole world revolved around him and before the night before, I hadn't even known that this whole thing was a real possibility.
Finally, I forced myself to get out of bed. I wandered to the living room and wasn't totally surprised to see that Jared had let himself back in at some point. Hid lanky body was draped over the couch covered in a blanket with Santa Clauses on it even though it was September. He seemed to be immersed in something on TV, I wasn't sure what it was. He barely looked up at me when I entered the room.
"Hope it's okay I let myself back in, I just wanted to make sure you didn't kill him in his sleep or anything. There's a pot of coffee in the kitchen," he said, not really seeming to be joking about the first part at all. I nodded silently and went to pour myself a cup.
"He awake?" he asked when I came back. I shook my head and settled in beside him.
"I don't know how we come back from this, Jay," I said, and he nodded knowingly.
"I have no fucking idea, Eves," he said matter-of-factly.
It was another few hours before Shannon finally emerged from the bedroom, and when he did, he didn't look good. His face was still swollen, and there was fresh blood gushing from his nose. He either didn't notice or didn't care.
"Shan," I said quietly as he walked past us into the kitchen. I shot Jared a look, and he shrugged slightly, as if passing the ball to me. "Fuck you, Jay," I said, climbing off of the couch. He smiled.
"Shannon," I repeated his name, trailing him into the kitchen. He finally turned to look at me. There were tears in his eyes and blood dripping down his shirt.
"I don't know what to say, Evangeline. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I can't believe I did that to you. I don't know why I got so fucking mad. I can't fucking believe I said those things to you." He was full-on sobbing now, the blood from his nose dripped onto the floor as he collapsed in a heap into a chair. He looked exhausted in every way possible. Without realizing it, I was crying too.
"You're bleeding, Shannon," I sobbed back at him. It was the only thing I could think of to say. I knew and greatly appreciated that he was apologizing and obviously felt so bad, but I didn't forgive him, not yet. I was still hurt from all of the things he'd said, hurt that the only solution that he'd been able to find was running from me and doing all of these incredibly stupid things.
"I don't care," he said, turning from me and shoving his face into his hands. I watched as every muscle in his back tensed from the movement. It was obvious that what I'd said was unsatisfactory.
"I don't know what to say to you, Shannon. Okay? I don't know what to say to this. I don't know what to say about all the fucking awful things you accused me of yesterday. The things, that for all I know, you might still believe. I don't know what to say about your broken nose or your split open eyebrow. I don't know what to say about your broken fucking arm. I don't know what to say about you! I don't know how I feel, and I don't know what to say to you!" I was hysterical now, sobbing between words and wiping my nose on my shirt. I was about a second away from having a full-on panic attack, but I couldn't stop it, couldn't reel it in. I was screaming at him, and I felt bad, but I couldn't stop. He stood up in front of me and I wanted to hit him. He must've been able to see it in my eyes, because he grabbed my wrist with his good hand. Not hard, but enough to hold my hand down at my side.
Jared walked in then, taking in the scene. He mumbled something about giving us a minute and calling if we needed him, and then he was gone. I was still crying uncontrollably, and Shannon was still letting out some very painful sobs, blood still dripping down his shirt.
"I don't know, Evangeline," he began, saying my name with caution, like it burnt his tongue. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't believe any of the shit I said yesterday. I really don't. I don't know why I even brought it up, because I knew all along that it wasn't true. I love you, and I'm so fucking scared of you all at the same time. It's so fucking terrifying that you could completely shatter my heart with a few words at any given moment, and I know that's not fair for me to say at all because I just did the same fucking thing to you. I'm sorry that I overreacted like I did, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'm so sorry that I did this to you," he spit it all out quickly, like he was afraid his voice might give out if he didn't.
"Sorry isn't always enough. I don't know how we come back from this. You didn't just hurt me. You made me feel like you didn't trust anything I said. I didn't' even know who you were when you were like than, Shannon. Don't you understand how fucking scary that was for me? We've been together over a year and I had no idea that you had this... this monster inside you. How am I supposed to be sure that he's not going to come around more often? How am I supposed to be sure that there's not other ones hiding in there?" I demanded, poking a finger into his chest. I was still crying, but now it was more anger than anything else. Shannon didn't move to say anything else; just stood there staring at me blankly. His eyes were void of all emotion and it became clear that the argument was closed for the moment.
I moved across the kitchen and wet a dishtowel, going back to him and dabbing the blood on his nose and chin. He winced, and I didn't make any move to be any gentler. I stripped him of his shirt and he let me. I dabbed down his chest and to right above the waistband of his shorts, cleaning off all the blood that he'd dripped on himself. I tilted his head back and dabbed the base of his nose once more, making sure it wasn't still bleeding. I got him a new shirt from the bedroom and slipped it over his head. All the while, he sat there silently. He watched as I cleaned the blood off the floor and threw the dishtowels I'd used into the trash. I washed my hands and left the kitchen. He didn't follow. I sat down on the couch for a moment and got right back up and walked out the front door of the apartment. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't handle sitting there with him in his silence.