The Story

I remember the first time I kissed you. It had been a stupid dare I had gotten from my friends during our sophomore year, but I don't regret it. Not at all. The moment my lips met yours, I felt something. Fireworks. Your lips were chapped, but they felt perfect against mine and all I wanted to do was thank Tony and Jaime for making me do what I did.

Soon enough, we were dating. We kept it secret, of course. You weren't ready to come out and neither was I, so our two good friends, Danielle and Katelynne, agreed to 'date' us until school ended. Then we'd go off on our own to wherever we wanted. We'd never go to your house, though. You were scared of your dad. You said he never abused you physically, but emotionally, he did. I wanted to hurt him so badly but you stopped me. Just looking into your beautiful, hazel eyes made me sane.

I remember taking you to my secret place. It was that lake in the forest, remember? You made me a flower crown there out of all the sunflowers and daisies. I wore it all day, along with the pink sweater you made me that I wore every chance I got, too. It was a little girly, but it was perfect. Just like you. You said you loved it. You said that it was the most beautiful place in the world, and that immediately became our place. We'd go there everyday after school, hand in hand.

I remember telling you that I loved you for the first time. You had been bullied by Oli and Josh after you decided to finally come out at school. I still wasn't ready, though. They had kept you after school, pushing you onto the ground and beating you. They called you so many names, and I found you after it had already ended. I can't explain the guilt I felt for not being there earlier. I should've beaten there asses, but when I tried to go after them, you stopped me and said it wasn't worth it. To me, it was. I'd do anything for you. I told you I loved you and you said you loved me, too. We went to my house that night, and we made love for the first time.

You know that, right?

I remember when I came out, too. It was the next year. Senior year. We had been together for two years and on our anniversary, I came out as gay, and announced you as my boyfriend. People didn't mess with me like they did, you. I was known as the tough guy, so I only got a few comments here and there. I didn't care, though. As long as I had you by my side, I was okay.

We still went to our spot after school, though. We loved that spot.

We didn't go to prom, it was boring. Instead we stayed at lake and swam. I remember the blush that crept onto your beautiful cheeks as you took off your shirt and jeans before diving into the water. I had already seen you without your clothes on, but you were still shy for some reason. I did the same and one thing lead to another. By the end of the night, we were wet and sweaty under the blankets I had brought.

"I love you so much, Vic."

"I love you too, Kells."

We graduated after a few more months and I asked you to move in with me. You said yes, and I remember how happy we both were as we bought a small apartment not to far and started moving everything in. We wanted to stay in our hometown because of our lake. We could never leave that behind, huh baby boy? In fact, I'm at the lake right now. I wish you were here beside me.

A year later, on our three year anniversary, I proposed to you. You said yes, tears streaming down your beautiful face. I wiped the, away with my thumb and kissed you before slipping the silver ring onto your finger, a wide smile on both my face and yours.

You cried when they told you your dad had passed away. You never fixed anything with him, which is why you felt guilty. You felt like you should have just stuck around and tried fixing your relationship, even if it was hopeless. It broke my heart to see you cry. Every time you did, a piece of me would break. I reassured you that you made the right decision when you left home, and that even if he wasn't here, I still was. That was good enough, wasn't it? You said it was.

We got married at the lake. The ceremony wasn't big. Just my brother, Tony, Jaime, Katelynne, Danielle, and my parents. We didn't say vows. We didn't need to. I knew how much you loved me, and how much I loved you. Reminding each other just how much we did was something we showed later. Privately.

I remember when you first started throwing up like crazy. Your headaches were consistent, and you were always falling. Sometimes you'd mess up when you'd talk, and your mood swings were getting worse. At one point, you couldn't get out of bed. You were too weak. I was worried sick, but I kept telling both you and myself that it was just a cold, and you'd be okay.

I was so wrong.

We went to the doctors and you had cancer. It was too late to get it out, and they said you had a year left, at most.

I had cried endlessly. It was all my fault. If only I had taken you earlier, everything would've been okay. You would've been baking sugar cookies {your favorite} with me, throwing dough at my face while I spread frosting on yours. But no. Instead, you were in a hospital bed, wires hooked up to your body

Several months passed and you kept begging me to leave you for someone that wasn't sick. I refused, how could I leave the love of my life? I couldn't. You were my light in the dark; my everything. I can't imagine a life without you. Even when you hair fell out, or when you developed bags under your eyes because of the insomnia. I still thought you were the most beautiful thing there was. Even when the color in your eyes faded, or the color in your skin. When you got skinnier and weaker, I still thought you were as perfect and amazing as the first day I met you. You know you still have all of my heart? Of course you do. How couldn't you? Even after a year.

I remember your last day, and that memory is the most heartbreaking. I walked into your room with my computer. We were gonna have a you and me day. We hadn't had one of those in a long time, and I wanted to make you happy. The sight before me when I opened those doors broke me on the inside, but I didn't show it. You looked even worse then the day before, and all you could so was offer me a fake, weak smile.

"Hey, Vic." Your voice came out in a scratchy whisper.

"Hey, Kells." It took all of me not to break down then and there. To not collapse onto the ground and cry. If the doctors were right, you had five months left, at most.

"What are you doing here?" He asked me, confused. I smiled and responded with, "I'm spending the night."

"You don't have to. These beds are really small. And uncomfortable," you chuckled half heartedly. I shook my head in response. "We never get to do this anymore." He stopped arguing and sighed before nodding. "Okay." You scoot over and made space for me.

I laid on the bed, my legs dangling off of the side. I immediately noticed the sad look in your eyes. "What's wrong, beautiful?" His eyes saddened even more and you frowned. I wrapped my arms around you tightly, kissing your forehead.

"I just want to say goodbye and that I love you. I never wanted it to end this way."

"It won't end this way. I still have you, and I'm not letting you go. I love you so much, baby boy. It'll be okay." I pulled away and held his hand. For the first time in a while, he nodded in agreement. "Okay." I smiled. No, not some fake, stupid smile. A genuine smile.

That when my world came crashing down.

You closed your eyes and for a second, I thought you were just relaxing. But then, I heard the line go flat. My eyes widened and tears started pouring out. I peppered you in kisses, hoping you'd wake up. Nothing. Of course there was nothing, you were gone. Dead. The nurses all came in and pulled me off of you. I fell to my knees and cried. That's all I've done since. During your funeral, I choked on tears, talking about how amazing and special you were. I talked about how you didn't deserve to die because you were such a beautiful, perfect person. I talked about how much I loved you, and how I'd do anything to trade places with you.

I meant every word I said.

A year later, here I am, sitting in our spot. The water glistens, which would usually make me happy, but not today. I can't help but remember everything about you. Your eyes, your hair, everything. I looked over at the tree where we carved our names with my pocket knife. I looked over at the huge boulder you jumped off of when we went swimming, and I could see you. For a short moment, I could see you smiling like you did when we were young. I could see the vibrant hazel in your eyes, and the long, jet black hair that used to be silky and beautiful. I could see your pale skin and the obvious blush on your cheeks. I felt tears prick at the corner of my eyes as you jumped in, only to disappear right before you dived in.

Maybe it's time to stop writing.

~~~

{3rd person point of view}

Vic set his notebook and pen aside before picking up the gun and running his thumb over the side of it. He sighed before pressing it against his forehead and looking up at the sky.

"I love you, baby boy. Don't worry, I'm coming."

And he pulled the trigger.