Status: Completed!
Dangerous
Don't Have to Think It Over?
She talked to Jared for a long time, just sitting on a bench on the sidewalk in the chilly air. He offered to come find her, but she told him no. She just wanted to talk to him. She told him everything that had happened, including most of her inner monologue on the situation. He listened intently like he always did, and ended up calling her an idiot like he always did. They decided she needed to do what she already knew she did: she had to talk to Shannon. She assured Jared she'd call if she needed him and they hung up. She dialed Shannon's number immediately. As she could have predicted, it went to voicemail.
"Shan, please call me back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she left him the voicemail and hung up. Normally, she probably would have called again, maybe even a few more times, but she figured that with the current situation, the only thing to do might be to let him cool off for a while.
She ended up catching a cab back to the hotel to wait for him. He'd have to come back eventually. After checking in with Jared, she headed to her room. She opened the door and was very surprised to see Shannon sitting on the bed waiting for her.
"Took you long enough," he said, and she wasn't sure what the emotion in his eyes was.
"I figured... you'd be out for the night," she told him, and he rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, because I'm such an out-of-control piece of shit, right?" he asked, and now she could tell that the emotion was anger.
"That's not what I meant and you know it, Shannon," she said, trying her best not to yell at him.
"Then what the fuck did you mean, Elle? Why are you so fucking incapable of just saying what you mean?" he screamed the words at her for the second time that night, and somehow they hurt so much more when she could heard them clearly.
"Because you fucking scare me so much, Shannon, okay? Is that what you want? You wanna know how I feel? Fine! I feel like I love you! I feel like I hate myself for loving you sometimes! I feel like you're going to break my heart! I feel like we are so fucking unfit to be in love with each other!" she screamed at him and instantly became hysterical. Tears poured from her eyes and she couldn't make eye contact with him. Some of those things she'd never admitted out loud before, not even to Jared.
Shannon just stared at her, seemingly surprised that she'd actually said all those things. She was a little surprised herself. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever before he finally spoke.
"Why?" he asked simply, and she didn't quite know what he meant. "Why are we so unfit to be in love with each other?" he asked her, his eyes going soft. She was still crying, and she knew that that was the only reason Shannon wasn't still yelling.
"Because you're... you. You could have any girl in the whole world that you wanted. You're gorgeous and talented and the smartest person I've ever met. You've got problems, but you'll work through them. I, on the other hand, will probably never stop having this fucked up brain of mine. Guys don't even look at me most of the time, and if they do it's because they're drunk. I'm just the drum technician who never did anything else with her life because she was basically stalking the drummer," she told him through her sobs. It hurt to say the words. Not because she was admitting them to Shannon, but because she was admitting them to herself.
"Elle," he whispered her name, moving across the room to where she was still standing by the door. "Ellie," he whispered, taking her face in his hands and kissing her forehead gently. "You're so stupid, you know that?" he asked her, catching her off guard. She stared at him blankly. "You're so fucking stupid," he repeated it, and her sobs stopped long enough for her to get angry. She was about to say something, but he put a finger to her lips. "You're really standing here talking about how guys don't look at you? Really? You're talking about how I could have any girl I wanted? Come on, Ellie. Come the fuck on. If you really feel the way about me that you say you do, you'd think you would've noticed that this whole fucking time, I've been here. I've been looking at you. I don't want any girl. I want you. I'm not going to break your heart, I can't. You know why? Because you've owned mine for twenty years! I don't care that you can be fucking delusional sometimes. I don't care that you fall into your own brain and can't climb out on your own. I don't care that you think we're unfit to love each other. None of that matters because it's too late. I'm already there. I already love you," he said the words, and it took her a few moments to really process them and before she knew it, she was crying again. He kissed the tears away as they fell down her cheeks and then planted soft kisses all over her face, making her giggle just slightly.
"I love you," she whispered, and he smiled and wrapped his arms around her.
"Are you sure? You don't have to think it over? Don't have to make sure that's actually what you mean?" he teased, and she wriggled free from his grasp just enough so that she could punch him in the arm.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you," she repeated it over and over for him, kissing his cheeks and forehead in between each time.
"I love you too, silly girl. It's about fucking time you realized it," he said, taking her lips in a sweet kiss before she could respond.
"Jared's going to lose his shit," she whispered, and he offered her a throaty laugh.
"He's wanted us to get married since we were twelve," he said, and she nodded.
"Maybe his dream will come true," she said, and he laughed again.
"It's not just his dream, little one," he told her, pulling her close to him again and kissing the top of her head. She breathed in the smell of him and kissed his chest.
"I love you," she breathed, pushing her face deeper into him so she could hear his heartbeat.
"'Bout time you started telling me that for real. I love you too, sweet little Ellie," he said, and for the first time ever, she didn't hate the nickname. In fact, she wished that him murmuring that stupid little nickname into her hair was the only thing she'd ever hear again.
"Shan, please call me back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she left him the voicemail and hung up. Normally, she probably would have called again, maybe even a few more times, but she figured that with the current situation, the only thing to do might be to let him cool off for a while.
She ended up catching a cab back to the hotel to wait for him. He'd have to come back eventually. After checking in with Jared, she headed to her room. She opened the door and was very surprised to see Shannon sitting on the bed waiting for her.
"Took you long enough," he said, and she wasn't sure what the emotion in his eyes was.
"I figured... you'd be out for the night," she told him, and he rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, because I'm such an out-of-control piece of shit, right?" he asked, and now she could tell that the emotion was anger.
"That's not what I meant and you know it, Shannon," she said, trying her best not to yell at him.
"Then what the fuck did you mean, Elle? Why are you so fucking incapable of just saying what you mean?" he screamed the words at her for the second time that night, and somehow they hurt so much more when she could heard them clearly.
"Because you fucking scare me so much, Shannon, okay? Is that what you want? You wanna know how I feel? Fine! I feel like I love you! I feel like I hate myself for loving you sometimes! I feel like you're going to break my heart! I feel like we are so fucking unfit to be in love with each other!" she screamed at him and instantly became hysterical. Tears poured from her eyes and she couldn't make eye contact with him. Some of those things she'd never admitted out loud before, not even to Jared.
Shannon just stared at her, seemingly surprised that she'd actually said all those things. She was a little surprised herself. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever before he finally spoke.
"Why?" he asked simply, and she didn't quite know what he meant. "Why are we so unfit to be in love with each other?" he asked her, his eyes going soft. She was still crying, and she knew that that was the only reason Shannon wasn't still yelling.
"Because you're... you. You could have any girl in the whole world that you wanted. You're gorgeous and talented and the smartest person I've ever met. You've got problems, but you'll work through them. I, on the other hand, will probably never stop having this fucked up brain of mine. Guys don't even look at me most of the time, and if they do it's because they're drunk. I'm just the drum technician who never did anything else with her life because she was basically stalking the drummer," she told him through her sobs. It hurt to say the words. Not because she was admitting them to Shannon, but because she was admitting them to herself.
"Elle," he whispered her name, moving across the room to where she was still standing by the door. "Ellie," he whispered, taking her face in his hands and kissing her forehead gently. "You're so stupid, you know that?" he asked her, catching her off guard. She stared at him blankly. "You're so fucking stupid," he repeated it, and her sobs stopped long enough for her to get angry. She was about to say something, but he put a finger to her lips. "You're really standing here talking about how guys don't look at you? Really? You're talking about how I could have any girl I wanted? Come on, Ellie. Come the fuck on. If you really feel the way about me that you say you do, you'd think you would've noticed that this whole fucking time, I've been here. I've been looking at you. I don't want any girl. I want you. I'm not going to break your heart, I can't. You know why? Because you've owned mine for twenty years! I don't care that you can be fucking delusional sometimes. I don't care that you fall into your own brain and can't climb out on your own. I don't care that you think we're unfit to love each other. None of that matters because it's too late. I'm already there. I already love you," he said the words, and it took her a few moments to really process them and before she knew it, she was crying again. He kissed the tears away as they fell down her cheeks and then planted soft kisses all over her face, making her giggle just slightly.
"I love you," she whispered, and he smiled and wrapped his arms around her.
"Are you sure? You don't have to think it over? Don't have to make sure that's actually what you mean?" he teased, and she wriggled free from his grasp just enough so that she could punch him in the arm.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you," she repeated it over and over for him, kissing his cheeks and forehead in between each time.
"I love you too, silly girl. It's about fucking time you realized it," he said, taking her lips in a sweet kiss before she could respond.
"Jared's going to lose his shit," she whispered, and he offered her a throaty laugh.
"He's wanted us to get married since we were twelve," he said, and she nodded.
"Maybe his dream will come true," she said, and he laughed again.
"It's not just his dream, little one," he told her, pulling her close to him again and kissing the top of her head. She breathed in the smell of him and kissed his chest.
"I love you," she breathed, pushing her face deeper into him so she could hear his heartbeat.
"'Bout time you started telling me that for real. I love you too, sweet little Ellie," he said, and for the first time ever, she didn't hate the nickname. In fact, she wished that him murmuring that stupid little nickname into her hair was the only thing she'd ever hear again.