Ticking Time Bomb

Anger is a strong emotion that consumes energy, will, and sometimes power. I never had an anger problem until now.

Raiden’s confession was the tip of the iceberg. Trashing everything that was on my way was something I felt the urge to do. An hour had passed since Raiden told me what that son of a bitch made him do.

Killing Andy was an easy turn. He needed to suffer in a big way.

“That son of a bitch! I’m going to make him pay!” I shouted, throwing tables around within the clubhouse. Raiden was in my room, resting. Doc was attending to his wounds, and I was in the bar area having my recent tantrum fit. I knew Jonas, Mike and the rest of the guys were trying to stop me, but adrenaline got the best of me.

“Chris! Stop! That’s a fucking order!” Jonas demanding tone, made me realized where I was. I was still a prospect, and I didn’t have the right to disrespect my brothers by thrashing the place.

“I’m sorry man!” I lamented. We were known to be very tough, but even in our most vulnerable we showed our human side of weakness. I didn’t know what else to do, so I kneeled on the floor. As I placed my hands on my face, I heard Mike’s soothing voice approach me.

“Come on man. Let’s get you some water.”

“Mike, take him to my office after he cools off,” Jonas ordered. “I’m sorry boss, I lost control,” I told Jonas who only nodded in approval of my apology. “Go get yourself calmed down and then we’ll talk. I’m sorry too for what you’re going through. I promise, you and I will get our revenge,” he responded

Mike and I walked towards the kitchen. He gave me a bottle of water and I gladly accepted. After a few minutes of silence, Mike finally spoke.

“Everyone here is with you man, but you can’t be acting like this in front of the full-patch members. You are gonna get your ass thrown out of here,” he explained, making me nod in agreement.

“After everything that happened with Raiden, I’m not even sure staying here is the best for him. I don’t know what to do man. I love him and I want the best for him, but at the same time I want to still be a part of this brotherhood, get Andy, torture him and kill him after he suffered enough, which it’s doubtful, because nothing I do will make me think he’ll suffer enough,” I raged

A few minutes passed and I was ready to speak to Jonas. As soon as I entered the room I felt the urge to apologize again, but he stopped me with a simple nod.

“I’m not angry at you, Chris. I am more worried than anything.”

I nodded my head and sat down in the chair in front of his desk.

“I think Raiden needs help,” Jonas stated, making me look at him in confusion.

“I thought that’s what we were doing?” I asked. He shook his head and walked around his office, making me follow his direction with my vision.

“When I was in Andy’s apartment looking for him, he couldn’t distinguish reality from his state of mind. He thought Andy was there. He was acting as if he was still living in the conditions Andy put him through. He needs professional help, Chris.”

My heart sank. I felt so guilty for leaving him alone. I knew I was going to regret it, but I didn’t know it was going to hurt this much. Hearing that Raiden’s mental state is not functioning as it was supposed to made me angrier at Andy, but concern for Raiden, who needed me the most right now.

“Jonas, after we get Andy and he’s dealt with, I’m leaving the club to make sure Raiden gets the help he needs. He should be my number one priority,” I said, not wanting to leave my brotherhood.

Jonas didn’t respond right away. He took a deep breath and sat down on his chair. We were facing each other, having his desk in between. He folded his hands together and spoke, “You do what you have to do. I’m going to help you get Raiden the help he needs. Doc knows a lot of people that help with this kind of situation. You will always have a place here with us, so when you feel ready, you can always come back.”

“Thank you!” I said, standing up and extending my hand so he could shake it.

“We will always be brothers,” he said, standing up as well, but instead of accepting my handshake, he moved towards me and gave me a brotherly hug.

“Let’s give Raiden until tomorrow so he can rest. We’ll meet first thing than to speak about the codes on Andy’s journals. We will get him!” Jonas dictated.

I left the office and walked to my room. Doc slowly stood up from the chair that was located next to the bed and whispered, “I gave him something strong for the pain. He should be out for the rest of the night. You should get some sleep too.”

“Thanks, Doc.”

Doc left the room. I took my kutte off and placed it on the chair. I took off my shirt and lied on the bed next to Raiden. He was so beautiful, and looked so peaceful. Wishing that he was like this always, made my heart ache.

I brushed a string of hair that covered his eyes and kissed the top of his head. “I love you baby. I am so sorry for everything. I won’t leave again even if I am raging mad. I will stay and speak calmly until we work things out. Goodnight my sweet Raiden,” I whispered in his ear before I wrapped my arm around his fragil body. Minutes later, I drifted away.