Status: Complete!
Closer to the Edge
s i x - d e c i s i o n s
*Natalia*
We had a whole month off before the next tour, which was nice because I still had no idea what to say to the Letos or how to solve the problem that I had. I wasn't spending a lot of time with either of them, just because I couldn't really bring myself to face them. I felt bad. I knew I was kind of leading them both on, when I didn't really know what my intentions with either of them were. I also felt bad because for the life of me, I couldn't seem to figure out what I needed to do. Every time I thought about it, it just made my head hurt. I liked them both so much for so many different reasons. They were really so different, and it seemed impossible to me to choose one. I couldn't help but keep dwelling on the fact that I still didn't even know if they'd even let me pick one of them. I didn't know how they'd take it if I did try, and part of me was terrified to find out.
Two weeks went by and I hadn't talked to either of them for anything other than work reasons. I'd gone to a couple band rehearsals just because I'd felt like I had to, but other than that, I hadn't really talked to them at all. They both called and texted, and I didn't answer. I felt like an asshole and I was sure I was hurting their feelings, but I just wasn't sure what else to do.
Eventually, they had enough. There was a knock on my apartment door at two in the morning. I'd fallen asleep on the couch with my laptop and their knock startled me awake. Grabbing the baseball bat that I kept leaned in the coat closet just because of the fact that my neighborhood wasn't the best, I peeked timidly through the peephole to see both Leto brothers standing outside my door in the dim hallway light.
Putting the bat down, I unlocked the door to let them in. As soon as I did, I could tell that they'd both been drinking; they smelled like they'd poured an entire liquor store over themselves.
"We've gotta talk," Jared said, and it all felt very similar to the first time they'd been in my apartment.
"Oh yeah?" I asked, trying to act innocent.
"You know... you know what we need to talk about," Shannon said, slurring his words just slightly.
"We've got to do this, while we both have the courage to," Jared said, and it always stunned me a little bit how coherent he seemed to be when he was drunk.
"Do what?" I asked, mostly just wanting them to say it themselves.
"We both want you. You know that. It doesn't matter what kind of pact we made, or what we say to each other in private, we do. I don't know how it happened, it was so fast and it wasn't on purpose, but it did happen, and we need to figure it out. None of us like the tension it's causing on all sides here," Shannon said, suddenly sounding a lot less drunk.
"How do we figure it out?" I asked, genuinely wanting to know what they'd say.
"We've basically come up with two options. One, you stop flirting with both of us, because let's be honest, you are a part of the problem. Then you decide which one of us, if either, that you choose and the other one has to be okay with it. Or, two, you step back from the job and we all try to forget this ever happened, try to get over each other. Maybe you could come back to it in a while, maybe you couldn't," Jared told me, and it took me a moment to fully take in his words.
"You're talking... firing me?" I asked, and they both shook their heads.
"Not firing. Just asking you to step away because we'd all need a minute if that's what you chose," Jared said, and Shannon nodded beside him.
"And what if I don't know what I want to do?" I asked, and they both shrugged.
"We need to make a decision here. It's killing us all being stuck in this irreversible circle," Shannon spoke up, looking me in the eye for the first time since they'd walked in. His eyes looked sad.
"I... don't know. Give me a day?" I asked, mostly just because I wanted them to leave. I felt myself being about to cry and didn't want them to see it. They both nodded and gave me small hugs before turning to leave. I told them both to text me when they got home, just because I knew they were drunk and I wanted to make sure they were okay. We made plans to meet at a cafe the day after the next, and they left.
I was up all that night, wondering what the hell to do. I never would've imagined falling for one of them, let alone both of them. I really didn't even know how I'd let it happen. I'd always been so professional when it came to work, but for some reason when it came to the Letos, I just couldn't. It was like they both had spells that they'd cast over me.
Finally, at almost eight in the morning, I came to a decision. I didn't know what it was going to mean, and I didn't know what was going to happen because of it, but I finally knew that it was what I had to do.
We had a whole month off before the next tour, which was nice because I still had no idea what to say to the Letos or how to solve the problem that I had. I wasn't spending a lot of time with either of them, just because I couldn't really bring myself to face them. I felt bad. I knew I was kind of leading them both on, when I didn't really know what my intentions with either of them were. I also felt bad because for the life of me, I couldn't seem to figure out what I needed to do. Every time I thought about it, it just made my head hurt. I liked them both so much for so many different reasons. They were really so different, and it seemed impossible to me to choose one. I couldn't help but keep dwelling on the fact that I still didn't even know if they'd even let me pick one of them. I didn't know how they'd take it if I did try, and part of me was terrified to find out.
Two weeks went by and I hadn't talked to either of them for anything other than work reasons. I'd gone to a couple band rehearsals just because I'd felt like I had to, but other than that, I hadn't really talked to them at all. They both called and texted, and I didn't answer. I felt like an asshole and I was sure I was hurting their feelings, but I just wasn't sure what else to do.
Eventually, they had enough. There was a knock on my apartment door at two in the morning. I'd fallen asleep on the couch with my laptop and their knock startled me awake. Grabbing the baseball bat that I kept leaned in the coat closet just because of the fact that my neighborhood wasn't the best, I peeked timidly through the peephole to see both Leto brothers standing outside my door in the dim hallway light.
Putting the bat down, I unlocked the door to let them in. As soon as I did, I could tell that they'd both been drinking; they smelled like they'd poured an entire liquor store over themselves.
"We've gotta talk," Jared said, and it all felt very similar to the first time they'd been in my apartment.
"Oh yeah?" I asked, trying to act innocent.
"You know... you know what we need to talk about," Shannon said, slurring his words just slightly.
"We've got to do this, while we both have the courage to," Jared said, and it always stunned me a little bit how coherent he seemed to be when he was drunk.
"Do what?" I asked, mostly just wanting them to say it themselves.
"We both want you. You know that. It doesn't matter what kind of pact we made, or what we say to each other in private, we do. I don't know how it happened, it was so fast and it wasn't on purpose, but it did happen, and we need to figure it out. None of us like the tension it's causing on all sides here," Shannon said, suddenly sounding a lot less drunk.
"How do we figure it out?" I asked, genuinely wanting to know what they'd say.
"We've basically come up with two options. One, you stop flirting with both of us, because let's be honest, you are a part of the problem. Then you decide which one of us, if either, that you choose and the other one has to be okay with it. Or, two, you step back from the job and we all try to forget this ever happened, try to get over each other. Maybe you could come back to it in a while, maybe you couldn't," Jared told me, and it took me a moment to fully take in his words.
"You're talking... firing me?" I asked, and they both shook their heads.
"Not firing. Just asking you to step away because we'd all need a minute if that's what you chose," Jared said, and Shannon nodded beside him.
"And what if I don't know what I want to do?" I asked, and they both shrugged.
"We need to make a decision here. It's killing us all being stuck in this irreversible circle," Shannon spoke up, looking me in the eye for the first time since they'd walked in. His eyes looked sad.
"I... don't know. Give me a day?" I asked, mostly just because I wanted them to leave. I felt myself being about to cry and didn't want them to see it. They both nodded and gave me small hugs before turning to leave. I told them both to text me when they got home, just because I knew they were drunk and I wanted to make sure they were okay. We made plans to meet at a cafe the day after the next, and they left.
I was up all that night, wondering what the hell to do. I never would've imagined falling for one of them, let alone both of them. I really didn't even know how I'd let it happen. I'd always been so professional when it came to work, but for some reason when it came to the Letos, I just couldn't. It was like they both had spells that they'd cast over me.
Finally, at almost eight in the morning, I came to a decision. I didn't know what it was going to mean, and I didn't know what was going to happen because of it, but I finally knew that it was what I had to do.