Closer to the Edge

*Natalia*

I texted them both the next morning and asked them to come over. I didn't think I could manage waiting until the next day. Jared showed up first, and then Shannon a few minutes later.

I sat there for a few minutes, not saying anything to either of them as they stared at me expectantly. Truth be told, I wasn't sure where to start, and I knew what I was about to say was going to hurt.

"Spit it out, Nat," Shannon said after a few minutes, and I could tell that he was getting a little annoyed.

"I... okay. I made a decision, obviously. I don't think there's any easy way to say it, so I'm just going to. I'm... quitting my job with you guys. I can't do it anymore. I love the job, I really really do, but I can't keep doing it, can't keep coming in between you guys. I feel like shit about myself and the ways I've led you both on. I know it wasn't okay. I know I promised to help you with your pact and I didn't. I flirted and kissed and cuddled and did the exact opposite of anything even remotely helpful. I know that was my mistake; that none of this would really be happening if I hadn't egged it on, and I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry and I'll miss you both, and Tomo and the crew so fucking much, but we need to end all this. I can't be the thing that comes between you," I rambled the words out, tears pooling in my eyes and slipping down my cheeks. My eyes had been wandering around the room as I'd talked, not wanting to settle on either of them. I finally looked at them and both of them looked more sad than I'd expected them to. They stared for a moment, and it looked like both of them were trying to figure out what to say.

"If that's what you want, we'll respect it," Jared said, and I could tell there was pain behind the words. Shannon wouldn't look at me, and it broke my heart. I wished there was something I could say to him to make it sting less.

"It's not what I want. But I think it's what we need," I told them, and Jared nodded slowly. "I can't afford to lose the job or the friendships, but I think it's best for everyone. Like I said, I refuse to be the thing that comes between you guys. I can finish up everything I'm working on for the next tour today, but after that I don't think I can continue," I said, and more than anything else I just wished Shannon would look at me.

I'd forgotten I was crying. Jared took a step toward me, taking his thumb and wiping the tears as they fell down my cheeks. He kissed the top of my head and said he was sorry and that he'd call me later about finishing business stuff. He said he needed to get out of there, and as I looked up at him, I realized that there were also tears in his eyes. He wrapped an arm around Shannon and kissed the top of his head too, and then he was gone.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes. His head was down and I really had no idea what he was thinking. Then, suddenly, he raised his head and looked me right in the eye. "You're a fucking dick, you know that?" he asked, and the words came out of his mouth so fast that they almost made me dizzy.

"What?" I asked, not totally sure I'd heard him right.

"You made me think I was special. You made me think it was me. You know you did. All this fucking time, I thought you'd pick me. Or at the very least pretend to pick neither of us and then still pick me. I know that's not one-sided. You made me feel that way," he was angry and it surprised me. I'd never seen him fully angry before. The worst part of the whole thing was that when I thought about it, he was right. Hell, even I'd kind of known in the back of my mind that it was going to be him until the night before.

"Shan, I'm sorry. You're right. You are special. But I can't come between you guys. That point still stands, even if both of us know it would've been you," I said, moving beside him on the couch and taking his face in my hands. "You are special," I whispered, kissing the end of his nose lightly.

He caught my lips before I had a chance to pull away, kissing me like it was the last thing he was ever going to do. He was so full of passion that I could almost feel it seeping into me. As he kissed me, I realized even more that he was right. It was him the whole time. Every moment I'd had with Jared was nothing compared to the ones I'd had with Shannon. He wrapped his arms around me, and it made me feel safe; like I belonged within his embrace.

"Shan," I whispered into his lips, and he pulled away just enough so that he could look at me, his hazel eyes burning into mine. I could almost see the lust in them. "We can't do this," I whispered, and he gave me a low growl from the back of his throat.

"If you're about to tell me to get out of your apartment and that you never want to see me again, I think we have to do it," he whispered, and I shook my head involuntarily.

"I think you know that I'm not going to do that. I had to prepare that speech that I gave you guys all fucking night and even I didn't believe it," I whispered, and he gave me a light chuckle.

"What do we do then?" he questioned, backing up just enough to see me properly, his arms still tightly around me.

"I don't know. I think I still have to quit the job," I told him, and he shook his head firmly.

"No. Don't quit the job. Seriously. You're the best tour manager we've had maybe ever. You can't quit. You haven't even been with us for that long and already we'd fall apart without you. You need to call Jared and tell him that you have to keep the job," he said, and I really didn't know how that would be possible. I told him so, and he shrugged.

"Can you keep a secret, Natty?" he asked, a small cheeky smile on his face.

"I can, but I don't know if I want to this time," I said, and it was true.

"You're not going to come between us. If we ride this thing out and see what happens and some sort of something ends up happening between Jared and I over it, he and I will work it out. We're brothers. We're best friends. There's no way he could be too upset with me for pursuing something that I can already see would make my life so much better," he said, and each of his words really touched me. He'd never really said anything so sincere to me before. "C'mon, Nat. We can make this work. We can," he encouraged me, and I couldn't resist the look in his eyes. He was so excited. "Don't you want to give yourself a chance? To give me a chance?"

I thought about it for a good while, and he stared at me expectantly the whole time. The longer I looked at him, the more I was deciding that he was right. I desperately did want to give him a chance.

"I do want to give you a chance, Shan. I'd hate myself if I didn't," I told him, and he smiled the most genuinely happy smile I'd ever seen. "We've got to keep it down low for a while though. Obviously if things work out we'll have to tell Jared, but for now I think we should just keep it to ourselves," I said, and he nodded.

"We can make this work, Nat," he whispered, his face just inches from mine again. He kissed me, and it was the best feeling in the world.