Go Away

"Amelia!" Jack Barakat yelled to get the attention of his young daughter.

With mere minutes until he was supposed to meet Alex the man was completely stressed out; not to mention his mischievous daughter who didn't exactly aid the situation

After yelling yet again the little girl finally came bounding out of her room at Jack's apartment. Simon- her favourite teddy bear in hand as she approached her father.

"Lia I love you but you have to listen to dad okay."

The girl pouted in response. Her deep brown eyes shining like stars as she leaned in close to cuddle her father.

"I don't want to go back to daddy, I want to stay with you and make pancakes everyday," Amelia protested, sniffling slightly as her grip on the man tightened.

Although this wasn't anything new Jack's heart broke all the same. Hearing those words from his daughter never failed to bring tears to his eyes each time she said it. Jack would love nothing more to have his daughter stay with him; but unfortunately at this moment he was unable to afford the expensive court fees to fight Alex.

"You have to go back to daddy Lia you know that," Jack smiled sadly as his daughter stared back in defeat, "now, will you pack away Simon so he can have a good sleep on the way there?"  Jack knew this was an incredibly risky question to ask but nether-less attempted anyway

Almost instantly the little girl screamed, "no!" Causing quite a fuss for such a silly thing but regardless Jack breathed a deep sigh and let her have her way.

After double checking that everything was packed as a parent does; the skunk haired man carried his daughter safely to the car. Jack held her close as his chest was inflicted with the pain he always suffered whenever he had to hand back his daughter to Alex. Perhaps the pain he felt wouldn't be so bad if he were allowed to see his little girl regularly - but his ex husband was all too difficult for such a thing.

"Dad can you play your music like you did last time?" Amelia questioned as her father strapped her into her car seat.

Jack glared at his daughter in shock, surprised that she would suggest listening to his old high school band again. Although it quite clearly didn't go as far as he hoped he still had fond memories of those times and often wished to go back. Go back to the times where his marriage wasn't a complete shambles and his best friends still kept in contact with him, but that was a foolish way to think. The man had to stop living in the past but that was, of course, easier said than done.

With a sad smile etched upon his features, Jack entered the vehicle. Tearing up slightly as he aimed to fulfill his daughter's request. He began rummaging through the glove department, locating the plain CD with 'All Time Low Tunes <3' scrawled out in Alex's messy handwriting within minutes and sliding it into the player before then turning up the heating system to provide a source of warmth in the agonising winter weather.

The drive lasted no longer than 20 minutes but each second of the journey dragged on like years as Jack's anxiety arose from the ashes and battled with his lungs. Although the man felt as though his body would cave in any moment; he carried on his masculine facade for the sake of his daughter seated behind him. Amelia deserved the world and that's exactly what Alex was able to provide for her and which Jack could not with his measly paychecks.

As Jack entered the near empty Walmart car park he instantly spotted the man of his dreams and simultaneously his nightmares. Alex was resting upon the body of his car, nonchalantly awaiting the arrival of his daughter. The emotionless aura surrounding Alex infuriated Jack to the core; the fact that he could so effortlessly feel nothing for their lost life together, as if he was perfectly happy with erasing all the love and memories they once shared - the things which Jack desperately attempted to cling to for dear life.

Finally Alex showcased emotion once his daughter entered the scene, smiling as she jumped out of the car and into his arms despite her earlier wishes to stay with Jack.

"Were you good for your dad?" He asked, immediately placing the girl into his own vehicle as Jack loomed nearby.

Amelia nodded in response, falling asleep almost instantly after being strapped into her specially made car seat. This was not unexpected of course, regularly she came back exhausted from an exciting activity filled weekend at Jack's which Alex certainly didn't complain about.

Silence erupted between the two as Alex carefully closed over the car door. The sheer awkwardness of the entire encounter escalated by the second and did nothing to aid Jack's ever present anxiety. Said man used all power in his being to force his eyes to remain clear, there was no way he could allow Alex to witness him cry - not now.

"Thanks fo-"

"Alex I love you," Jack interrupted the other man but to no avail as he scoffed at Jack's remark.

Yet another emotion finally portrayed upon Alex, unfortunately not quite what Jack hoped for as his features flooded with anger, "is that why you fucked Zack?" He demanded, taking care not to raise his voice loud enough to awake his daughter.

Jack could have sworn at that moment his heart erupted into flames, disintegrating and becoming a pile of ash within himself. Tears welled up in his eyes as Alex spouted those spiteful words at him like a full blasting fire hose -  but he would still not allow himself to cry. That whole experience with Zack was a drunken mistake; a drunken mistake which inevitably cost him his trophy life with Alex that he can't ever regain no matter how hard he tried. At first, the stubbornness of the singer was the very thing Jack found appealing about the man but now, he'd give nothing more than to erase that trait altogether.

"Alex please you know it meant nothing!" Jack pleaded with his love, his desperation clouding any sense of judgement on his part.

Of course Alex was disinterested, he breathed a deep sigh shaking his head in disappointment, "I can't keep doing this Jack. I tried - I really did, but this just isn't going to work. Just- don't contact me or your daughter again I'm sorry," he spoke solemnly as he retreated back into his vehicle.

Tears cascaded down Jack's face like a waterfall, filling every crevice and spilling down his cheeks as he pleaded for Alex to stay. The man sobbed as the love of his life and his child vanished from the scene and from his life entirely within a heartbeat. Alex's words began to constantly replay in his mind like a broken record, reminding him every second of how worthless his life has now become.

An hour passed and by this point the man was staring silently into the distance from within the confines of his car. The incessant crying had stopped due to Jack no longer having the ability to produce tears as he had just about cried out the entirety of his body's water supply. The man coughed, his dehydration becoming present almost immediately. He struggled to remain alert as his eyes felt as though they were being stung by every wasp in existence, unfortunately fate had ulterior motives for Jack.

*

Jack pushed his way past various beings, feeling incredibly uncomfortable with each second passing in such a disgustingly sleazy bar. Of course this wouldn't have exactly been his first choice of sights to visit but his desperation to feel nothing instead of pain drove him here to intoxication. The man knocked back an abundant amount of shots filled with Jack Daniels, savoring the burning sensation traveling down his throat before switching to knock back any form of alcohol that entered his vision, speaking of which was becoming blurry by the second.

"Rough day?"

Said man located the origin of the voice but in his drunken state, was unsuccessful in identifying who the person - now seated beside him at the bar - actually was. He stared intently at the figure (or two figures according to his current double vision) the man although seated seemed plump in stature, sporting an impressively long grey beard with an aged cap to hide his balding.

Jack smiled, replying to the stranger in a joking manner, "why else would I be here?"

The man chuckled at Jack's humorous remark, coughing and spluttering due to his old age and presumably lifelong alcoholism, "you're not wrong there kid," the elderly man grinned and raised a glass to Jack's, "so what is it that's brought you here eh?"

Normally the younger of the two would be hesitant to speak of his personal life with strangers but in this instance all sense of morality was clouded by his intoxication, "marital issues," Jack sighed, downing the weakest shot of alcohol he'd received all night, "my partner told me not to contact them or my child again."

The elderly man shook his head in disgust as he sipped cautiously at his beer," women- can't trust 'em! Boy if you were smart you'd take my advice here, march down there and set that bitch straight!" The man exploded with rage; the nearby crowd of rowdy men agreeing with the grey haired man instantly and cheering in favor of his degrading views on women - Jack dread to think of how he would react if he were to know he was in fact not involved in a heterosexual marriage and so kept that information to himself.

Despite the sheer ignorance of the man, Jack considered the man's idea. Of course the man cared all too much about Alex to simply barge down and 'set him straight' but he was able to spot some logic behind the elderly man's request and whether it be because of the man's wise Gandalf-like appearance or his own drunkenness he embarked upon that very idea, thanking the man and exiting the bar swiftly.

Harsh winter winds nipped at Jack profusely as he stumbled through the streets before reaching the warmth and safety of his car. Despite his conscience reappearing for a short moment to tell him how awful a decision it was to drive in his current state he persisted otherwise, assuring himself that he was more than capable of reaching his 'husband' tonight. Without a second of hesitation he turned the ignition and began his journey to the house he once shared with his husband but was now solely occupied by Alex.

Yet again his own teenage music blasted through the speakers and without the distraction of his young daughter he was able to truly enrich himself within the songs. Memories appeared one by one in his intoxicated mind and he began reminiscing of the times when each song was recorded unprofessionally in the drummer's basement. The moment 'Lullabies' began to play - he instantly remembered the devastation surrounding the creation of the song. Distinctly recalling the time he spent cradling his broken boyfriend in his arms all night after finding out about his brother's death. Alex sobbed uncontrollably for a week, refusing to eat or sleep though Jack cared for him through his worst of times until he was well enough to write that very song commemorating his brother's life.

Sobbing yet again, Jack teared the CD out of its compartment. The man could no longer bear this torturous glimpse into his past. The remembrance of when he was together with his love and it was worthwhile to be breathing completely shattered his wellbeing. For a moment, the road's view disappeared from Jack's vision as he rolled down the car window, aiming to rid of the once beloved CD for eternity. Unfortunately, the man didn't receive the chance to follow through with such plans. Without warning his vehicle was smacked into oblivion. Jack took hold of the steering wheel in desperation, spinning and spinning the device to the best of his drunken ability but to no avail. This action only landed him in a greater deal of trouble. Suddenly, an oncoming truck struck the car like the destructive wave of a tsunami and caused the man's vision to turn entirely to black. Sirens blared in the background of the scene as the man drifted out of consciousness.

*

After being appointed Jack's room Alex thundered down the hospital hallways with his daughter asleep and held tightly to his chest. Everything seemed beyond surreal to him. As if he believed that recent events were far from reality. As if the call he received informing him about his husband's accident wasn't remotely accurate but rather corresponding to a different Jack Barakat.

To his misfortune Alex was proven wrong the moment he and his daughter stepped inside Jack's hospital room. Although his husband was alive for this time being his body appeared to be lifeless, the only movement being the rising of his chest every once in a while all thanks to an oxygen mask. Alex examined Jack's body in pure terror, mentally noting down the details of every single injury he endured.

"Mr Gaskarth-Barakat?" The doctor questioned Alex and offered a look of sympathy towards him whilst he clutched his clipboard.

Alex could not trust himself to speak in this instance and so only nodded in reply, his grip on his daughter tightened to correspond with the anxiety that attacked his chest in that moment.

"Your husband is currently stable but has suffered severe damage to his lungs upon impact. Although we cannot detect any signs of internal bleeding currently we're unsure how long he'll last."

Alex processed the doctor's information and translated the confusing jargon into ordinary English. Ignoring the ending of the doctor's sentence he breathed a sigh of relief at the notion of his husband being ok and thanked the doctor for his efforts. Once the doctor had left the room Alex seated himself beside his love and held Jack's ice cold hand against his.

Amelia awakened from her slumber still remaining attached to her father's chest, "why is dad sleeping?" The little girl questioned as she turned her head to stare at the ghostly figure laying in the hospital bed.

As Alex prepared himself to answer her question a hoarse laugh sounded within the confines of the room and startled the pair, "I'm not asleep princess," Jack replied, coughing slightly nearing the end of his sentence, "hello Alex".

Immediately Alex bombarded the man with a frenzy of apologies all of which Jack would have loved to hear beforehand but now meant nothing to him, "I'm so stupid, I'm sorry Jack," Alex choked out and allowed a tear to cascade down his cheek as Jack glared back with a blank expression.

"I'm the stupid one Alex I caused all of this, none of this would have happened if I hadn't have gotten with Zack that night."

Although Jack's statement was entirely factual Alex shook his head in disagreement as more tears continued to shed. He began to doubt the whole situation having no faut of his own and instead started to believe that perhaps he was in fact the catalyst for this whole situation. As if Jack wouldn't have seeked comfort from Zack if he were capable to provide enough of that for him at the time.

Alex's heart pounded like a drum to the beat of the monitor in which his husband was connected to, "I love you," Jack hummed, drifting away from reality as his eyes closed and the monitor began to race rapidly. The speed increased drastically, sounding much like an irritating smoke alarm before it eventually plateaued.

A frenzy of doctors scurried into the room and ushered out the shrieking man and his daughter. Alex witnessed everything as he remained static in shock, thankful that the little girl in his arms was too young to fully understand the situation and wouldn't have to live with the memories of her father's death. Alex sobbed every last being in him as he watched the doctors continually perform CPR but inevitably failing to resuscitate his husband.

The man felt numb, void of any feeling as he was bombarded by the apologies of doctors whilst he ventured back into the room to say his goodbyes. No matter how sincere their words seemed nothing could bring his husband back to life and so ignored every word said. Alex couldn't believe how quickly the entire fiasco had passed by. How just minutes previous his husband had been alive and breathing but sadly, that was now but a distant memory.

"I-," Alex paused as yet another son racked through his body, "I l-love you too," he spoke in reply to Jack although he never had the chance to hear those vital words from Alex one last time, "A-Amelia say goodbye to dad," he addressed his young daughter who continued to remain oblivious to the whole situation.

She shook her head in disagreement, "I can't he's sleeping again daddy," she whispered and caused Alex to cry yet again.

"I'm incredibly sorry to interrupt but we found this on your husband's body at the time of the accident and thought that you would like to have it," a young doctor spoke with great sympathy as he handed over the item with great care to Alex.

As he stared at the unprofessional CD with 'All Time Low Tunes <3' written in his own handwriting he entered the stages of a mental breakdown. His heart stammered against his chest as he imagined Jack seated alone in his vehicle, listening to the music they once produced together minutes before his life came to end.

Jack's last words 'I love you' repeated in his mind.